Seriously Out of Control...

[TracyLuis 0]

Just curious,

Are you just naturally rude or do you have to practice?

Just curious, do none of you people ever sit down and discuss financial matters well before you said I DO or even think about money matters before getting married?

My husband sends too much money to his home country. He's done so, in fact, several times where we are not left enough to pay our own bills without overdraft from our credit card. The debt is piling up because he truly believes that his family back home will simply not survive without his monthly donations.

In the meantime, his own family here is under constant financial strain. Everytime this discussion comes up, he becomes ultra defensive and sometimes verbally insulting. He says, "It's a cultural thing...you don't understand..." Blah..blah..blah...

I think the guilt just eats him up. His family in Peru are always telling him how destitute they are. My question is: They survived just fine without his salary before, why can't they do it now?

It's getting worse and worse. We just had a baby and bought a house. Sending several hundred dollars a month to Peru just isn't an option anymore. But he simply won't hear it.

I might just lose my mind

While not worded in the best way it is a valid argument. I know I sat down with my wife prior to getting married and sorted out the finances.

In this case I think she needs to immediately separate the finances. While I do not agree with splitting finances in general, but considering the circumstances I think she needs to get the cash flow situation under control. She has a house and a baby. If #### was to hit the fan, the responsibility would ultimately fall on her shoulders. So I think she needs to protect herself and her child.

We spoke of this issue many times prior to his arrival in the States. We made an agreement then, that he promptly broke once he got a job. I have decided to separate our finances. I have set up a separate account for my husband that will have money transferred into it, by me, each month as the budget allows. He no longer has access to our joint accounts, so there will be no more surprise money transfers to Peru that leave us scrambling to pay our bills. Once the money is gone from his account, it's gone. I hope to teach him that there really isn't an endless supply, as he seems to believe. He'll have his "allowance" and I will take care of my family as I have been desperately trying to do all along.

We'll see if this works...

[one...two...tree 2,762]

We spoke of this issue many times prior to his arrival in the States. We made an agreement then, that he promptly broke once he got a job. I have decided to separate our finances. I have set up a separate account for my husband that will have money transferred into it, by me, each month as the budget allows. He no longer has access to our joint accounts, so there will be no more surprise money transfers to Peru that leave us scrambling to pay our bills. Once the money is gone from his account, it's gone. I hope to teach him that there really isn't an endless supply, as he seems to believe. He'll have his "allowance" and I will take care of my family as I have been desperately trying to do all along.

We'll see if this works...

Good for you, Tracy. Since he has the right intentions - to stick to an agreement, it's more or less a lack of financial discipline. I hope this solution works out for you and gives you peace of mind.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

good luck and remember all things new will take some getting used to...its kinda like i heard about weight loss if you didnt put it on over night dont expect to take it off over night. Our financial situations we didnt make in one day...

[no name 1]

Just curious,

Are you just naturally rude or do you have to practice?

Just curious, do none of you people ever sit down and discuss financial matters well before you said I DO or even think about money matters before getting married?

My husband sends too much money to his home country. He's done so, in fact, several times where we are not left enough to pay our own bills without overdraft from our credit card. The debt is piling up because he truly believes that his family back home will simply not survive without his monthly donations.

In the meantime, his own family here is under constant financial strain. Everytime this discussion comes up, he becomes ultra defensive and sometimes verbally insulting. He says, "It's a cultural thing...you don't understand..." Blah..blah..blah...

I think the guilt just eats him up. His family in Peru are always telling him how destitute they are. My question is: They survived just fine without his salary before, why can't they do it now?

It's getting worse and worse. We just had a baby and bought a house. Sending several hundred dollars a month to Peru just isn't an option anymore. But he simply won't hear it.

I might just lose my mind

While not worded in the best way it is a valid argument. I know I sat down with my wife prior to getting married and sorted out the finances.

In this case I think she needs to immediately separate the finances. While I do not agree with splitting finances in general, but considering the circumstances I think she needs to get the cash flow situation under control. She has a house and a baby. If #### was to hit the fan, the responsibility would ultimately fall on her shoulders. So I think she needs to protect herself and her child.

We spoke of this issue many times prior to his arrival in the States. We made an agreement then, that he promptly broke once he got a job. I have decided to separate our finances. I have set up a separate account for my husband that will have money transferred into it, by me, each month as the budget allows. He no longer has access to our joint accounts, so there will be no more surprise money transfers to Peru that leave us scrambling to pay our bills. Once the money is gone from his account, it's gone. I hope to teach him that there really isn't an endless supply, as he seems to believe. He'll have his "allowance" and I will take care of my family as I have been desperately trying to do all along.

We'll see if this works...

I sure hope you talked to him before cutting him off....and that you address the reasons why you are having issues (off of VJ).

[Fandango 1,439]

Seems to me that you both could benefit from some marital counseling. I don't say that to be nasty, but I think this goes beyond the financial aspect, and lends itself more towards a communication breakdown of some sort.

I hope your new attempt works, but I'd be afraid of treating my husband like a child. I understand your reasons, but to emasculate your husband like that prolly will have a ripple effect.

Good luck.

[panamania79 2]

My husband sends too much money to his home country. He's done so, in fact, several times where we are not left enough to pay our own bills without overdraft from our credit card. The debt is piling up because he truly believes that his family back home will simply not survive without his monthly donations.

In the meantime, his own family here is under constant financial strain. Everytime this discussion comes up, he becomes ultra defensive and sometimes verbally insulting. He says, "It's a cultural thing...you don't understand..." Blah..blah..blah...

I think the guilt just eats him up. His family in Peru are always telling him how destitute they are. My question is: They survived just fine without his salary before, why can't they do it now?

It's getting worse and worse. We just had a baby and bought a house. Sending several hundred dollars a month to Peru just isn't an option anymore. But he simply won't hear it.

I might just lose my mind

I am very sorry to hear this.I can identify with you even though my fiance is not here in the USA.It reminds me of the time his aunt called me crying because she didn't have any shampoo or toilet paper.I felt bad and sent her the $200 she asked me for.When I went to her house,everything was just fine.That "emergency" jazz is usually an exaggeration.Since some people think just because we live in the USA,we're rich,they really do what they can to get what they can.It's okay to send money home to help out as long as it doesn't interfere with your own expenses.One of my friends who has a large family in Colombia,started collecting cans and bottles,and the proceeds go to his family for groceries.This way,he doesn't have to touch his earnings which he needs to pay his rent and bills.As for myself,I stopped speaking to my fiance's family because they are "unos aprovechados.........."

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Why does a married man need emasculating?

That should have been taken care of a long time ago!

[amiquechu 0]

Just curious,

Are you just naturally rude or do you have to practice?

Just curious, do none of you people ever sit down and discuss financial matters well before you said I DO or even think about money matters before getting married?

My husband sends too much money to his home country. He's done so, in fact, several times where we are not left enough to pay our own bills without overdraft from our credit card. The debt is piling up because he truly believes that his family back home will simply not survive without his monthly donations.

In the meantime, his own family here is under constant financial strain. Everytime this discussion comes up, he becomes ultra defensive and sometimes verbally insulting. He says, "It's a cultural thing...you don't understand..." Blah..blah..blah...

I think the guilt just eats him up. His family in Peru are always telling him how destitute they are. My question is: They survived just fine without his salary before, why can't they do it now?

It's getting worse and worse. We just had a baby and bought a house. Sending several hundred dollars a month to Peru just isn't an option anymore. But he simply won't hear it.

I might just lose my mind

While not worded in the best way it is a valid argument. I know I sat down with my wife prior to getting married and sorted out the finances.

In this case I think she needs to immediately separate the finances. While I do not agree with splitting finances in general, but considering the circumstances I think she needs to get the cash flow situation under control. She has a house and a baby. If #### was to hit the fan, the responsibility would ultimately fall on her shoulders. So I think she needs to protect herself and her child.

We spoke of this issue many times prior to his arrival in the States. We made an agreement then, that he promptly broke once he got a job. I have decided to separate our finances. I have set up a separate account for my husband that will have money transferred into it, by me, each month as the budget allows. He no longer has access to our joint accounts, so there will be no more surprise money transfers to Peru that leave us scrambling to pay our bills. Once the money is gone from his account, it's gone. I hope to teach him that there really isn't an endless supply, as he seems to believe. He'll have his "allowance" and I will take care of my family as I have been desperately trying to do all along.

We'll see if this works...

Good job, Tracy. He probably won't be too happy at first, but he'll get used to it and you guys will be a lot better off in the long run. And your baby will be a lot better off

[MrsCat 6]

Just curious,

Are you just naturally rude or do you have to practice?

Just curious, do none of you people ever sit down and discuss financial matters well before you said I DO or even think about money matters before getting married?

My husband sends too much money to his home country. He's done so, in fact, several times where we are not left enough to pay our own bills without overdraft from our credit card. The debt is piling up because he truly believes that his family back home will simply not survive without his monthly donations.

In the meantime, his own family here is under constant financial strain. Everytime this discussion comes up, he becomes ultra defensive and sometimes verbally insulting. He says, "It's a cultural thing...you don't understand..." Blah..blah..blah...

I think the guilt just eats him up. His family in Peru are always telling him how destitute they are. My question is: They survived just fine without his salary before, why can't they do it now?

It's getting worse and worse. We just had a baby and bought a house. Sending several hundred dollars a month to Peru just isn't an option anymore. But he simply won't hear it.

I might just lose my mind

While not worded in the best way it is a valid argument. I know I sat down with my wife prior to getting married and sorted out the finances.

In this case I think she needs to immediately separate the finances. While I do not agree with splitting finances in general, but considering the circumstances I think she needs to get the cash flow situation under control. She has a house and a baby. If #### was to hit the fan, the responsibility would ultimately fall on her shoulders. So I think she needs to protect herself and her child.

We spoke of this issue many times prior to his arrival in the States. We made an agreement then, that he promptly broke once he got a job. I have decided to separate our finances. I have set up a separate account for my husband that will have money transferred into it, by me, each month as the budget allows. He no longer has access to our joint accounts, so there will be no more surprise money transfers to Peru that leave us scrambling to pay our bills. Once the money is gone from his account, it's gone. I hope to teach him that there really isn't an endless supply, as he seems to believe. He'll have his "allowance" and I will take care of my family as I have been desperately trying to do all along.

We'll see if this works...

Good job, Tracy. He probably won't be too happy at first, but he'll get used to it and you guys will be a lot better off in the long run. And your baby will be a lot better off

Yup - I think that's what Suze Orman would have recommended.

[Steve Y Jessica 1]

And sometimes, people have to be treated like a child.

[no name 1]

Just curious,

Are you just naturally rude or do you have to practice?

Just curious, do none of you people ever sit down and discuss financial matters well before you said I DO or even think about money matters before getting married?

My husband sends too much money to his home country. He's done so, in fact, several times where we are not left enough to pay our own bills without overdraft from our credit card. The debt is piling up because he truly believes that his family back home will simply not survive without his monthly donations.

In the meantime, his own family here is under constant financial strain. Everytime this discussion comes up, he becomes ultra defensive and sometimes verbally insulting. He says, "It's a cultural thing...you don't understand..." Blah..blah..blah...

I think the guilt just eats him up. His family in Peru are always telling him how destitute they are. My question is: They survived just fine without his salary before, why can't they do it now?

It's getting worse and worse. We just had a baby and bought a house. Sending several hundred dollars a month to Peru just isn't an option anymore. But he simply won't hear it.

I might just lose my mind

While not worded in the best way it is a valid argument. I know I sat down with my wife prior to getting married and sorted out the finances.

In this case I think she needs to immediately separate the finances. While I do not agree with splitting finances in general, but considering the circumstances I think she needs to get the cash flow situation under control. She has a house and a baby. If #### was to hit the fan, the responsibility would ultimately fall on her shoulders. So I think she needs to protect herself and her child.

We spoke of this issue many times prior to his arrival in the States. We made an agreement then, that he promptly broke once he got a job. I have decided to separate our finances. I have set up a separate account for my husband that will have money transferred into it, by me, each month as the budget allows. He no longer has access to our joint accounts, so there will be no more surprise money transfers to Peru that leave us scrambling to pay our bills. Once the money is gone from his account, it's gone. I hope to teach him that there really isn't an endless supply, as he seems to believe. He'll have his "allowance" and I will take care of my family as I have been desperately trying to do all along.

We'll see if this works...

Good job, Tracy. He probably won't be too happy at first, but he'll get used to it and you guys will be a lot better off in the long run. And your baby will be a lot better off

Yup - I think that's what Suze Orman would have recommended.

Wonder if Suze advocates financial counselling too? Or marital?

[amiquechu 0]

And sometimes, people have to be treated like a child.

Is that you in that picture?

[panamania79 2]

And sometimes, people have to be treated like a child.

Is that you in that picture?

He's hot and you know it.

[Steve Y Jessica 1]

And sometimes, people have to be treated like a child.

Is that you in that picture?

Ya, I figured it was time to post my picture! Sexy!!!

[amiquechu 0]

And sometimes, people have to be treated like a child.

Is that you in that picture?

Ya, I figured it was time to post my picture! Sexy!!!

Dead seeeexy!

My wife just saw your picture. She says you're very sexy

Edited July 15, 2008 by SKTEAMO