Pre nuptial

[Flames9_RN 358]

We have a mini one,lol Her family has a summer home in Newport RI and i signed paperwork stating I have no claim to it if we divorced! Her mom actually made her father sign a similar one to the house prior to their marriage. I had no problems with that.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

I signed one. It will be four years married next month...

[Jeraly 4]

I feel that you enter into a marriage in good faith and maybe I am naive but I would hope that if ever our marriage were to come to an end, then we could discuss things as adults. Now I know this doesn't always happen (my mum and dad had a viscious divorce for example) so can see the point of a pre-nup there. I can also understand if there is someone who has a lot of money (famous people etc) and are trying to protect themselves by ensuring that the marriage isn't about financial gain. But personally I don't feel the need to sign one and I would feel marginally offended if I was asked to sign one.

[sweetpink 1]

GET A JOB AND MAKE YOURSELF RICH!!!

[cwaf 1]

I have an old-fashioned look at many things about marriage (I am 48). I have seen too many marriages fail when the couple went into it keeping "their own money" separate--a 'what's mine is mine' approach. A marriage is not about two people living together as individuals. That is what roommates are like. A marriage is a union of two people, merging into a couple that share everything--both good and bad. When the couple keep their money separate, that makes it too easy to end the relationship and take off with 'their money'. A couple should be able to have a joint account that both have access to and share--unless one has a terrible problem with spending, and then their access should be restricted for the good of the family. I have had someone suggest a prenup to me, but I am one of those that think that leads to negative thinking. I know I would be offended if I were asked to sign one because that says to me that I am not trusted. I know many do not agree, but some will agree with my view.

I am not a wealthy man and have worked hard over my lifetime to earn what I do have. When I split from my first marriage after 23 years, it was very amicable. We did not squabble over money and we both believed we were mature enough to share the household 'wealth' fairly. I went into the marriage, like I will for this next one, believing it will last forever, but if something should happen, God forbid, and it would fail, I trust my judgement in my choice of my wife that she is a good person--like my first wife--and that we will be able to settle things peacefully.

In the state of Indiana there is no alimony, but that does not mean I will not have to support my SO if we were to divorce. If you have not read the fine print on your affidavit of support, you are accepting financial support for your SO--and his/her children that you are sponsoring-- for 40 qualified working quarters--the equivalent of about 10 years, according to Social security--or until he/she becomes an American citizen (read I-864 instructions, section on "How long does my obligation as a sponsor continue) "The obligation also ends if you or the sponsored immigrant dies or if the sponsored immigrant ceases to be a lawfulpermanent resident and departs the United States. Divorce does not end the sponsorship obligation." I do not think a prenup will override this signed affidavit, but I am not a lawyer.

can you tell it is a slow day at the office for me? :-)

[Mrs.J06 4]

I have an old-fashioned look at many things about marriage (I am 48). I have seen too many marriages fail when the couple went into it keeping "their own money" separate--a 'what's mine is mine' approach. A marriage is not about two people living together as individuals. That is what roommates are like. A marriage is a union of two people, merging into a couple that share everything--both good and bad. When the couple keep their money separate, that makes it too easy to end the relationship and take off with 'their money'. A couple should be able to have a joint account that both have access to and share--unless one has a terrible problem with spending, and then their access should be restricted for the good of the family. I have had someone suggest a prenup to me, but I am one of those that think that leads to negative thinking. I know I would be offended if I were asked to sign one because that says to me that I am not trusted. I know many do not agree, but some will agree with my view.

I am not a wealthy man and have worked hard over my lifetime to earn what I do have. When I split from my first marriage after 23 years, it was very amicable. We did not squabble over money and we both believed we were mature enough to share the household 'wealth' fairly. I went into the marriage, like I will for this next one, believing it will last forever, but if something should happen, God forbid, and it would fail, I trust my judgement in my choice of my wife that she is a good person--like my first wife--and that we will be able to settle things peacefully.

In the state of Indiana there is no alimony, but that does not mean I will not have to support my SO if we were to divorce. If you have not read the fine print on your affidavit of support, you are accepting financial support for your SO--and his/her children that you are sponsoring-- for 40 qualified working quarters--the equivalent of about 10 years, according to Social security--or until he/she becomes an American citizen (read I-864 instructions, section on "How long does my obligation as a sponsor continue) "The obligation also ends if you or the sponsored immigrant dies or if the sponsored immigrant ceases to be a lawfulpermanent resident and departs the United States. Divorce does not end the sponsorship obligation." I do not think a prenup will override this signed affidavit, but I am not a lawyer.

can you tell it is a slow day at the office for me? :-)

I liked your post, but I wanted to comment on the highlighted parts:

1. I wouldn't want my spouse to stay with me only for financial reasons anyway. If he would stay because he can't afford to leave, what is the relationship worth?

2. I don't agree with this statement. Especially in an international relationship there is always the "risk" that the spouse that moves to the other spouses country just can not stand it there. Not always does the USC have the option to just pack up and leave and move to the another country. Family ties or plain and simple money issues might prevent them from doing so. It's not necessary always a way of saying "I don't trust you".

And, let's face it, a lot of people here have met their spouses once or twice for very short periods of time before they got married, I think there is quite a risk involved for somebody who would lose 50% of their home, retirement money and savings in case of a divorce. Especially if that person is not 20 anymore and has a lot to lose.

[cwaf 1]

I have an old-fashioned look at many things about marriage (I am 48). I have seen too many marriages fail when the couple went into it keeping "their own money" separate--a 'what's mine is mine' approach. A marriage is not about two people living together as individuals. That is what roommates are like. A marriage is a union of two people, merging into a couple that share everything--both good and bad. When the couple keep their money separate, that makes it too easy to end the relationship and take off with 'their money'. A couple should be able to have a joint account that both have access to and share--unless one has a terrible problem with spending, and then their access should be restricted for the good of the family. I have had someone suggest a prenup to me, but I am one of those that think that leads to negative thinking. I know I would be offended if I were asked to sign one because that says to me that I am not trusted. I know many do not agree, but some will agree with my view.

I am not a wealthy man and have worked hard over my lifetime to earn what I do have. When I split from my first marriage after 23 years, it was very amicable. We did not squabble over money and we both believed we were mature enough to share the household 'wealth' fairly. I went into the marriage, like I will for this next one, believing it will last forever, but if something should happen, God forbid, and it would fail, I trust my judgement in my choice of my wife that she is a good person--like my first wife--and that we will be able to settle things peacefully.

In the state of Indiana there is no alimony, but that does not mean I will not have to support my SO if we were to divorce. If you have not read the fine print on your affidavit of support, you are accepting financial support for your SO--and his/her children that you are sponsoring-- for 40 qualified working quarters--the equivalent of about 10 years, according to Social security--or until he/she becomes an American citizen (read I-864 instructions, section on "How long does my obligation as a sponsor continue) "The obligation also ends if you or the sponsored immigrant dies or if the sponsored immigrant ceases to be a lawfulpermanent resident and departs the United States. Divorce does not end the sponsorship obligation." I do not think a prenup will override this signed affidavit, but I am not a lawyer.

can you tell it is a slow day at the office for me? :-)

I liked your post, but I wanted to comment on the highlighted parts:

1. I wouldn't want my spouse to stay with me only for financial reasons anyway. If he would stay because he can't afford to leave, what is the relationship worth?

2. I don't agree with this statement. Especially in an international relationship there is always the "risk" that the spouse that moves to the other spouses country just can not stand it there. Not always does the USC have the option to just pack up and leave and move to the another country. Family ties or plain and simple money issues might prevent them from doing so. It's not necessary always a way of saying "I don't trust you".

And, let's face it, a lot of people here have met their spouses once or twice for very short periods of time before they got married, I think there is quite a risk involved for somebody who would lose 50% of their home, retirement money and savings in case of a divorce. Especially if that person is not 20 anymore and has a lot to lose.

I appreciate your comments and repsecting my thoughts.

As far as #1, there is no need to stay together in a miseerable relationship even if the bank accounts are joint ones. It is a simple matter of splitting the money and providing for the other person enough to start over. After all, with separate or joint accounts, the money total is the same, right? It just requires two rational adults. If they are not rational, than that could be a problem.

#2 I know there are the unknowns that can occur in our lives that change things. However, just because a couple can no longer be husband and wife, it does not mean they have to fight and argue over everything. In the example you used about someone coming to the US and hating it here, and wanting to return home, that sounds like it owuld be a very short time in the marriage. A divorce does not have to end in a 50/50 split of assets. The assets are divided the way the couple agrees is fair to each, and the courts will sign off on it. The only time the courts feel the must enforce a 50/50 split is wen the couple cannot agree. The courts love when the couples do the work and keep from tying up the judges' time! In this scenario, would the spouse who feels they must leave think they fairly deserve half of everything? I think not unless the person was focused on the money before the marriage. here is no way I could be married to someone for even 5 or 10 years, and think I deserve half of everything they had before we met. That was never my money or belongings, so why should I have any of it when I leave? I know not everyone thinks like I do, but I try to associate myself with persons who do, and I think my fiance is a woman just like that. I feel completely confident that if, after we marry, she feels she must go back to her home country, she will not try to take anything that I owned before she arrived because she is a fair and loving woman. But, I also know myself, and I will give her more than she wants, anyway! ;-)

I know it is a risk, and yes, there are failures in many marriages, and that does not depend on country of birth. I have heard, though, that foreign marriages tend to last longer than US domestic ones, but I cannot prove that. :-)

[Mrs.J06 4]

CWAF, I get your points and agree with most of them. However, in the state we live in, anything else but the 50/50 split depends on both partner's agreement, which is not always a given, like you said. I also had a very amiable divorce from my ex-husband and now a lasting friendship with him for which I am extremely grateful, but not everybody is that lucky.

I guess I'm just opposed to the people who insinuate that everybody who even considers a prenup rules out a lasting relationship and plans for the inevitable divorce. I don't think this is true and I know for sure it wasn't the case for us.

Also, like I said before, in my opinion a prenup should not be the infamous "I get all, you get nothing" contract some people like to tag it as. There are so many ways to make it fair to both partners, but now I'm repeating myself again...

Whishing you all the best!

[Creel 0]

I had a pre-nuptial agreement with my husband. He thought it a little weird when I asked, but since he wasn't marrying me for my money he agreed no problem. A marriage is a legal contract (Although we enter into it for love), so I don't see anything strange about setting the stage for that contract. I live in a no fault state and the parties each get half no matter how long the marriage lasts.

We had a simple pre-nup. What is mine before is mine and what is yours before is yours and we split everything we make together in half. This sounds like common sense and although past boyfriend break-ups have always been good, they never involved assts that we brought into the relationship. I've heard of to many horror storries of bad divorces to enter into a contract that at least 50% end without a little upfront work.

[Cdn_Ali 11]

I think of a pre-nup as an insurance policy - you hope you never need it, but it's there if you do. We all like to think we'll be married for ever & ever, but that's not always the case. Does it mean I am any less committed to my marriage? No.

I was married before and have a young child. Any assets I accumulated before I married my new husband will be passed down to my child; the same as my husband will provide for his child. The assets we build together as a married couple are ours to share. Just because I've considered this issue does not mean I think our marriage will end in divorce.

Just as a marriage licence doesn't mean we'll stay married, a pre-nup doesn't mean we will get a divorce. At the end of the day, they are pieces of paper - it's up to the individual couples to decide on their level of committment.

[cwaf 1]

I think this forum is an interesting one, and it is nice to hear the different view points. I actually asked my fiance about a prenuptial today when I was writing my posts and she honestly did not even understand what it was for. She did, however, state that she would not be marrying me and moving to the USA if she ever had an intention of relocating back to Ukraine. She said she would pick a European country which would be so much closer and so much easier to go back home. :-)

I think the prenups that will split assets as 'what is mine will be mine again and what is yours will be yours again' is a very common sense approach. Hopefully, that would also be the sensible thing that would happen without a prenup---but some people are not reasonable. I hope I did not offend anyone by implying that anyone with a prenup is planning for failure because that is not what I really meant. I understand the concept of it like an insurance policy that you hope you never have to use.

I hope everyone has a successful marriage for the rest of their lives--with or without a prenup!! :-)

[clairern 0]

I think of a pre-nup as an insurance policy - you hope you never need it, but it's there if you do. We all like to think we'll be married for ever & ever, but that's not always the case. Does it mean I am any less committed to my marriage? No.

I was married before and have a young child. Any assets I accumulated before I married my new husband will be passed down to my child; the same as my husband will provide for his child. The assets we build together as a married couple are ours to share. Just because I've considered this issue does not mean I think our marriage will end in divorce.

Just as a marriage licence doesn't mean we'll stay married, a pre-nup doesn't mean we will get a divorce. At the end of the day, they are pieces of paper - it's up to the individual couples to decide on their level of committment.

Totally agree with you.

[bora bora 1]

I think of a pre-nup as an insurance policy - you hope you never need it, but it's there if you do. We all like to think we'll be married for ever & ever, but that's not always the case. Does it mean I am any less committed to my marriage? No.

I was married before and have a young child. Any assets I accumulated before I married my new husband will be passed down to my child; the same as my husband will provide for his child. The assets we build together as a married couple are ours to share. Just because I've considered this issue does not mean I think our marriage will end in divorce.

Just as a marriage licence doesn't mean we'll stay married, a pre-nup doesn't mean we will get a divorce. At the end of the day, they are pieces of paper - it's up to the individual couples to decide on their level of committment.

Totally agree with you.

Sounds good...

[lovelylady 0]

Thank you so much VJ family for your views.

[ding 1]

I have never heard of a nasty divorce that had a prenupt. I'm sure there are exceptions, there always are.

And I've seen many nasty divorces that had no prenupt.

People are not like Mr Spok when they catch the spouse grinding the nasty bits with another.

But with a written road map it seems we find our way just fine. My ex thinks of me as her best friend. We had a prenupt.

Just an observation.

Edited July 16, 2008 by ding