My Husband's Father was Deported Yesterday

[Necrotica 0]

This whole situation is so heartbreaking.

I wish you and your family all the best and dearly hope that everything turns out ok in the end.

(F) (F)

[morocco4ever 63]

I have absolutely no useful information to share on how to help you but I want you to know that I'm praying for you and your family. How is your husband taking all this? I hope he is ok. I'm here for you if you need anything or just feel like venting. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

amal

Amal, I tell you what WOULD help is that squirrel in your post pic rubbing MY shoulders. He would be free to eat all the birdseed I could buy if he would come over to my house!

lol

I am glad to see that you still have your sense of humor through this mess. I really feel for you right now. I can't imagine how I would feel if that was my father before he passed away. He was so frail as it was, to abuse him would have me steaming mad as well.

Sorry to see that this thread turned so nasty. I think we have to many different personalities that don't always know the best way to put express themselves, but the intentions were probably good to start. I think Diad is a little to blunt and to the point, and at this time a soft voice is always much needed.

You will always have support from us.

[MrsAmera 41]

Allousa,

PM if you want help moving ahead with this. I can help.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

I have absolutely no useful information to share on how to help you but I want you to know that I'm praying for you and your family. How is your husband taking all this? I hope he is ok. I'm here for you if you need anything or just feel like venting. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

amal

Amal, I tell you what WOULD help is that squirrel in your post pic rubbing MY shoulders. He would be free to eat all the birdseed I could buy if he would come over to my house!

lol

I am glad to see that you still have your sense of humor through this mess. I really feel for you right now. I can't imagine how I would feel if that was my father before he passed away. He was so frail as it was, to abuse him would have me steaming mad as well.

Sorry to see that this thread turned so nasty. I think we have to many different personalities that don't always know the best way to put express themselves, but the intentions were probably good to start. I think Diad is a little to blunt and to the point, and at this time a soft voice is always much needed.

You will always have support from us.

You know, I am just fed up with being the subject of your "MENA public hanging"! In my very first post, I asked a genuinely soft-voiced (aka kind) and courteous question of Allousa, not unlike the type of questioning that I sense perhaps her own attorney should ask, and from that point on all that has ensued is a MENA pity party and a public lynching, all at my expense. You should all wake up and stop making me your scapegoat. It's pathetic.

And to put this matter entirely to rest, I am neither rude, nor brutal nor blunt. If I offer factual information as a result of my concern for the OP's dilemma, please don't misconstrue that as being cold and detached. None of you knows what challenges I have faced in my life. I have shared nothing on this board as to the reason I came or choose to remain. I would challenge any of you to demonstrate that my participation on this board and general personal nature is anything but non-judgmental, proactive and helpful. I see that none of you have any trouble being as blunt, cruel and obnoxious as you desire when it comes to your commentary of me.

I'm not in your clique, and just because I don't practice sycophancy as I believe many of you do and am consequently shunned by many in this thread, please don't lump me into a group you believe is lacking in empathy or concern. I don't sugar-coat my words, not because I don't know how, but because it is highly unnecessary, at least, with genuine people that is. I approach all human beings with equal respect and attention. The mere fact that I ventured into a thread that belongs to a forum of topics that smack of "us versus them" should be clear enough on its face that I chose the place my own comfort at risk to help a fellow VJ member. I can't fathom how you can't see how ironic your behaviour is!

Allousa,

I am not implying that you are hiding anything...I am just asking one simple thing, which is what is the disposition of your father-in-law's passport. Now 4 days have passed, and you claim you have spoken with your FIL, and an immigration attorney, yet you don't know what was written in or where his passport is yet? Surely a question like that is reasonable, why is it that in the numerous pages of responses, it is a question that you choose not to answer?

I see now you've joined the crowd and are now criticising my delivery! I can't see anything in my words that speaks to anything insensitive. Perhaps it is your own overly sensitive nature that is at hand. And as a final comment, I think I would like to post your own quote as a message to you and any others that would like to continue to use me as their whipping post....

I ask that you walk a mile in my shoes first before you pass judgment on me and my reasons for posting here. This is a public forum and you have the right to say what you want. I'm just saying that your message of information is lost when you make subjective comments about my emotions and character.

[♥JP♥ 5]

Allousa,

I am not implying that you are hiding anything...I am just asking one simple thing, which is what is the disposition of your father-in-law's passport. Now 4 days have passed, and you claim you have spoken with your FIL, and an immigration attorney, yet you don't know what was written in or where his passport is yet? Surely a question like that is reasonable, why is it that in the numerous pages of responses, it is a question that you choose not to answer?

Maybe she doesn't care to share that information with you?

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Allousa,

I am not implying that you are hiding anything...I am just asking one simple thing, which is what is the disposition of your father-in-law's passport. Now 4 days have passed, and you claim you have spoken with your FIL, and an immigration attorney, yet you don't know what was written in or where his passport is yet? Surely a question like that is reasonable, why is it that in the numerous pages of responses, it is a question that you choose not to answer?

Maybe she doesn't care to share that information with you?

Perhaps, but if that were the case, then don't you think that simply adds to and perpetuates the drama?

Why even start the topic? Why not simply state that she is not willing to share? I am getting the feeling that you don't have much problem offending strangers, but are all afraid to speak the truth to each other!

[♥JP♥ 5]

Allousa,

I am not implying that you are hiding anything...I am just asking one simple thing, which is what is the disposition of your father-in-law's passport. Now 4 days have passed, and you claim you have spoken with your FIL, and an immigration attorney, yet you don't know what was written in or where his passport is yet? Surely a question like that is reasonable, why is it that in the numerous pages of responses, it is a question that you choose not to answer?

Maybe she doesn't care to share that information with you?

Perhaps, but if that were the case, then don't you think that simply adds to and perpetuates the drama?

Why even start the topic? Why not simply state that she is not willing to share? I am getting the feeling that you don't have much problem offending strangers, but are all afraid to speak the truth to each other!

I can't answer for her but at this point I can say she is still very emotional about this subject. She already stated her reason for starting the topic and it wasn't to receive any legal advice or advice on what to do for that matter. It was more so to update a group of people that have been following her story for sometime now.

Look...maybe you feel offended by what has happened here but I think it's safe to say that many also feel offended by you. Maybe you dont think you come across as harsh but there have already been several that have said that. No one here is afraid to speak the truth in anyway. In reality this forum is the one that has the least bit of sugar coating.

Since she has already shared that she has an attorney is receiving legal advice, the only thing left for us to do is offer her moral support.

[desert_fox 32]

An attorney....will not be able to help her..only with general stuff about proceedures. Believe it or not, even though it was her FIL, she has no legal standing in this matter. They have no obligation to tell her anything. Only the FIL, or his authorized attorney can find out what happened. Maybe the US Consulate can tell him, maybe not. But the FIL has to initiate the action.

Bash DM all you want, she is only asking questions which the OP, and the FIL, should have been asking the night that it happened. He should have known a specific reason befoire he was returned, or demanded an answer, or even asked for an attorney at that time.

[♥JP♥ 5]

An attorney....will not be able to help her..only with general stuff about proceedures. Believe it or not, even though it was her FIL, she has no legal standing in this matter. They have no obligation to tell her anything. Only the FIL, or his authorized attorney can find out what happened. Maybe the US Consulate can tell him, maybe not. But the FIL has to initiate the action.

Bash DM all you want, she is only asking questions which the OP, and the FIL, should have been asking the night that it happened. He should have known a specific reason befoire he was returned, or demanded an answer, or even asked for an attorney at that time.

First off...if the attorney will help or not is not a discussion you and I need to have. I'm pretty sure the OP can deal with that on her own.

Secondly...I did NOT bash anyone. DM and any member can ask all the questions they want...it doesn't mean the OP is obligated to answer them.

Also...I don't think many people know they can demand an answer or an attorney. I could easily say that if this happened to my FIL (god forbid) he wouldn't know his rights either. What he should have done and what happened is nothing to argue about now.

[desert_fox 32]

First off...if the attorney will help or not is not a discussion you and I need to have. I'm pretty sure the OP can deal with that on her own.

You and I???

I have no intentions of discussing this with you. Im just posting general information.

[♥JP♥ 5]

First off...if the attorney will help or not is not a discussion you and I need to have. I'm pretty sure the OP can deal with that on her own.

You and I???

I have no intentions of discussing this with you. Im just posting general information.

Well you have already made it clear that an attorney can't help...from my understanding...she already *has* an attorney that is helping. Seems your general information may be incorrect.

[desert_fox 32]

First off...if the attorney will help or not is not a discussion you and I need to have. I'm pretty sure the OP can deal with that on her own.

You and I???

I have no intentions of discussing this with you. Im just posting general information.

Well you have already made it clear that an attorney can't help...from my understanding...she already *has* an attorney that is helping. Seems your general information may be incorrect.

Really???

She doesnt know anything about what happened. But she has had enough problems recently, so I will shut up.

[morocco4ever 63]

You know, you try to defend someone as having good intentions and you get bashed.

Some people could certainly use some training in PR. There are more than one personality type, and the wise person has the ability to decipher what those types are and how to best handle situations. It takes very little effort, just a recognition of the importance on it if your intent is to have a civilized converstation. This has nothing to do with Cliques, it has to do with humanity.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

You know, you try to defend someone as having good intentions and you get bashed.

Some people could certainly use some training in PR. There are more than one personality type, and the wise person has the ability to decipher what those types are and how to best handle situations. It takes very little effort, just a recognition of the importance on it if your intent is to have a civilized converstation. This has nothing to do with Cliques, it has to do with humanity.

Amen.

[rebeccajo 14]

I'm definitely perplexed as to how this thread took the turn that it did. If it weren't for the fact that there is valuable information within this thread for someone to refer back to should they ever find themselves in this unforntuate situation, I would request this thread to be closed.

I'm not sure why I've been brow beaten for not properly thanking people for information. Because I have gotten an overwhelming response from all but one person, I used a couple of my posts to thank everyone for all that they are doing as I simply don't have time to respond to each individual person. It's as if I'm required to bow and back out of the room and lay prostate on the floor or something.

I DID NOT start this thread with the intention of getting names for a petition or the "woe is me" factor. Many of these people know what I've experienced the last year and have been a lifeline in keeping me afloat at times.

As far as me being "over-reactive"...hmmmm...let's see...

I am still dealing with the sudden death of my father who was 58 in late 2006. My two year old son was involved in an accident at his daycare in January that amputated his finger, for which I am still dealing with the daycare's insurance company that has not paid the medical bills. My uncle died from complications from surgery three days before I was to get on a plane to bring my husband home, the funeral actually the day before the flight. Oh, and a week before HE passed away, I had to make the decision to put my two beloved dogs to sleep as they had succumbed to complications from old age. NOT TO MENTION, the sheer stress of my husband and I re-adjusting to each other after having been apart for 4 years is more stress than all of this put together. And then add into the mix, that my son were involved in a serious car accident at the end of May. An immigrant driving with a revoked license that provided fradulent insurance information at the scene that was allowed to walk away. I am still dealing with the insurance company over uninsured motorist coverage, the $11k damage done to my brand new car that I've only had for 3 months and the payment for treatment of our injuries. SO.....if I seem emotional...I sure as hell am not going to ask for forgiveness for being human. The sheer willpower it takes to keep myself from balling up into a fetal position and saying I can't handle this anymore is taking all the energy that I have. It IS helpful when some people know what your going through and just offer kind words of support.

Diad, NO ONE is disputing the fact that you have infinite knowledge of this subject but I must say your delivery needs some work. I am quite aware of the fight that we are up against but I'm not sure why you need to "put me on trial" so to speak. You've made comments alluding to I'm hiding something or withholding information that somehow would give reason as to my FIL's ER. I still don't have all of the information myself. My husband and I have been questioned many times through interviews with Homeland Security and Consulates over the 7 years we have gone through the legal process. I have been through dealt with CBP the numerous times that I have traveled outside of the country. Even my in-laws have dealt with Israeli soldiers during their travels to Gaza and NONE of us has ever experienced the level of mistreatment that those CBP officers in Charlotte handed out the evening we were all detained.

Not once have I EVER stated that we had anger at having to answer questions and while we are understandably upset at the ER, what we are most angry at is the complete cloak of information and the CLEAR abuse of authority throughout the whole incident. Even our own attorney has expressed outrage at what has happened. I am understandly upset at my in-laws being treated this way because I know that they are the most kind and generous people and have NOTHING in there background to give cause for the treatment they received.

I appreciate any information that I'm given as I am printing out, writing down and keeping copies of EVERYTHING in a binder file so that when we have an opportunity to address someone that does have the authority to assess the situation and make judgment about it, we will have a full arsenal to support us.

I ask that you walk a mile in my shoes first before you pass judgment on me and my reasons for posting here. This is a public forum and you have the right to say what you want. I'm just saying that your message of information is lost when you make subjective comments about my emotions and character.

allousa -

Let me just say this about any presumptions that I may have been 'brow-beating' you for not thanking me - which you have since done, btw.

I wasn't 'upset' that I wasn't 'thanked'. I posted the links (as I recall) in the late morning or early afternoon of Saturday. I'm not on VJ much lately, and wasn't able to check the thread till much later Saturday. I will admit that I was disappointed to see you had been on, but hadn't acknowleded the links. But I wasn't upset - just kind of wondering why.

What I did become, on Sunday, was confused. I was disappointed that you reacted in the manner you did to Mermaid (who was carrying a message you found less than to your liking) but you had NO REACTION at all to my post. That was what perplexed me.

I don't know - perhaps none of that makes sense. For me I try to handle a problem by gathering facts, and I believe Mermaid does the same. Perhaps that isn't your way. It just seems to me (hindsight being 20/20) that you were probably needing to let off some steam from the incident, and Mermaid just happened to be there.

At any rate, I hope you are able to get to the bottom of this. I know Mermaid is trying to help you get there. Perhaps that's not what you 'need' right now, but IMO it is. You have enough drama in your life without adding more - facts trump drama every time.