A year into life in Tucson, AZ

[JamalNTam 1]

I haven't been on here for a while - I guess I have the excuse of being busy and things, but thats about it! It was just over a year ago I arrived in the states - excited to start a new life her with my husband. While everything is as good as the first day we met 4 years ago with him, life in the states is not all it's cracked up to be. While I'm happy that our first home is being built as I type, and I just got a brand new Toyota Yaris (I didn't drive in England), I feel something is missing from my life here. I find certain things are harder. I attended college for 9 months for Dental Assisting, which I decided wasn't for me when I went on my placement and now I'm looking for a job - just a temp job - but having no luck. Employers and staffing agencies are put off by my list of jobs that I've done over the years. In England most people I know who work in admin/customer service move around alot - are always looking for better jobs, but here, even if I just want a temp job for a couple of months, they tell me it looks undependible - they dont understand the differences between here and there. I don't know what to do - I feel lost. I'm scared to start working here anyway. I'm used to 24 days vacation a year - and now I'll be lucky if I get 6 days? I know it sounds small, but my vacations, travelling, going to see my family will be taken away and it scares me. I dont want to work everyday of my working life like a lot of people in the US seem to have accepted. When I first came here I read peoples posts about how hard it is to find good friends here. I thought 'that won't be me'. But they were all right. Especially here in Tucson, I find that people wont even smile at you when you hold the door open for them. I have made 2 very good friends - but one has moved to Waco and the other one is about to leave and move to Florida - I'll be stuck with no friends and that makes me very sad, especially because in England I made friends very easily and always had people around me. We may try for a baby soon - I'm hoping that maybe that will bring things together a little more - we'll see. Sorry for the rant/essay - I just wanted to get it off my chest and I believe that some may understand what I mean and feel x

[RyaNRiza 1]

Hi there, it's a good thing that you let your bad feelings out in the open. It should have somehow loosen your tightened chest. I am sorry to hear about the sad things you experienced there specially about the job, friends and people around. The adjusting period must not be too easy because you didn't grow up there, plus the new culture and dealing with people.

I will be going to AZ (Mesa) too soon too. I hope I'd be able to gain great friends. My fiance has a great family and circle of friends. That really eases my worry about mingling with people.

I hope that things will get better for you. I hope that you will find another set of great friends and a job that you like. It's ok to feel bad of these things sometimes, but, don't let it overwhelm you. There are still great, beautiful things around and you are one. You are beautiful!

God bless!

-Riza

[joanie 0]

My heart goes out to you... I have my own anxieties about moving to the US - I'm due to leave in less than 3 months - and reading your post, and others, shows that it isn't easy upping sticks and moving to another country. BUT keep going. Keep seeking new connections and above ALL keep in touch on the website. Let us know how you're getting on.

ps: I'll be moving to San Fernando...

[wifetobe 2]

I haven't been on here for a while - I guess I have the excuse of being busy and things, but thats about it! It was just over a year ago I arrived in the states - excited to start a new life her with my husband. While everything is as good as the first day we met 4 years ago with him, life in the states is not all it's cracked up to be. While I'm happy that our first home is being built as I type, and I just got a brand new Toyota Yaris (I didn't drive in England), I feel something is missing from my life here. I find certain things are harder. I attended college for 9 months for Dental Assisting, which I decided wasn't for me when I went on my placement and now I'm looking for a job - just a temp job - but having no luck. Employers and staffing agencies are put off by my list of jobs that I've done over the years. In England most people I know who work in admin/customer service move around alot - are always looking for better jobs, but here, even if I just want a temp job for a couple of months, they tell me it looks undependible - they dont understand the differences between here and there. I don't know what to do - I feel lost. I'm scared to start working here anyway. I'm used to 24 days vacation a year - and now I'll be lucky if I get 6 days? I know it sounds small, but my vacations, travelling, going to see my family will be taken away and it scares me. I dont want to work everyday of my working life like a lot of people in the US seem to have accepted. When I first came here I read peoples posts about how hard it is to find good friends here. I thought 'that won't be me'. But they were all right. Especially here in Tucson, I find that people wont even smile at you when you hold the door open for them. I have made 2 very good friends - but one has moved to Waco and the other one is about to leave and move to Florida - I'll be stuck with no friends and that makes me very sad, especially because in England I made friends very easily and always had people around me. We may try for a baby soon - I'm hoping that maybe that will bring things together a little more - we'll see. Sorry for the rant/essay - I just wanted to get it off my chest and I believe that some may understand what I mean and feel x

Tamsin this was a very helpful post and a reality that us Brits will endure in time to come because I know it can't be easy changing worlds overnight..in a way it is a good thing what you are experiencing. It's called 'adjusting' and you have shone through so far so don't give up the pace. In the next few years to come you would have forgotten the strange reality of close-minded employers and unfriendly people who don't say 'thanks' or give a smile when you are polite opening the door and stuff...I already know about that!

In jobs years ago I was a receptionist/switchboard operator, secretary, administrator and now I work in the banking sector working loans and bonds etc and only now permanently. I'm feeling you big time, you'll get through it. Perhaps having a baby will change your prospective on things and enhance your learning in time. Your hubby will get you through this I just found it real scary that you're only given 6 days holiday a year at work #######?? That's time off work not a holiday/vacation?? Would you and your hubby ever consider moving back to the UK? I know a few minority of Americans would leave their country to live elsewhere.. my fiance and I won't now but will in say 8 or 9 years from now..I can't wait to start my life with him and even though it will be so diverse and hard living in a strange place unknown to home, the love and support you receive from eachother makes a new world much easier to deal with. Stay in touch and be safe, things will get better I know I will miss Heinz baked beans and Walls sausages and pickled onion monster munch

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

I lived in Tucson for 2 years and that was about all I could handle. There isn't a lot to do after you vist old Tucson and Tombstone and the caverns. Where does your husband work? Maybe he can get a transfer to a different location ?

[raphael7546 0]

I know how ya feel, I've lived here in Utah for 3 yrs. and still no real close friends. I have aquaintences but not someone I can call up out of the blue and go shopping with etc..,

As for work. I was working at a firm but everyone there was Mormom and were very tight knit. They all grew up together etc.. I felt like such an outsider and I hated it so much that one day I just up & quit. Big mistake! Its been 3 months now and I can't find a job anywhere! It's so depressing!

Money is too tight to even think about visiting my family & friends back home.

My hubby is working double shifts just to make up for the money was bringing in. I feel so bad. He said it doesn't bother him but still... I know it does. Everyday he comes home and asks if I have found anything yet!? I lose out on so many jobs becasue I don't speak Spanish! Ummm it's not even a bilingual country here like Canada is, and they expect you to be fluent in it!

Right now my little girl is here visiting for the summer and I can't even enjoy that because I am too busy trying to find a job.

People here are so unfriendly! unless of course you're Mormon, then they'll accept you with open arms.

I hate it here but I'm stuck here. My hubby has no intentions of ever moving. So as my mum would say " you made your bed, now you lie in it!"

[Kathryn41 3,205]

If it helps any, Tamsin, the first year is the hardest. The second year is a bit better but there is still a lot of adaptation going on. Year 3 gets better and by the 4th year you will feel much more comfortable. I know it took me over 2 years before I started to make any real friends - and I have always been able to meet people easily. I found volunteering was a useful way to become more involved in the community as well as meeting like-minded people with whom I shared an interest. These are the people who are now my friends - and they have introduced me to others so I have acquaintances now, as well as friends (VBG). Hang in there and just keep taking it one day at a time. It will never 'replace' what you had at home, but eventually you will find the way to make it a 'different' home that will work just as well. Good luck.

Edited July 11, 2008 by Kathryn41

[samantha_lou 0]

I definitely agree with the first year being the toughest, I had no friends, no job and I would literally burst into tears the second my husband came through the door at night after work because I was just so frustrated. Its hard, I always made friends and got jobs easily in the UK - but here, it was a whole other game to start with. It does get better though, and things really do get easier as you get used to just being in America. Three and a half years later, I have an amazing husband, a great job and some good friends - its not the same as having my gals that I grew up with back in England, but I can finally say that I have friends here. Its an adjustment, hang in there - you've got your man and things will all come right!

[Darren&Laura 3]

I can sympathize too, it's tough getting adjusted and trying to build a life from scratch again after spending you life prior to the move moving forward in life and then starting from the bottom again. My situation is a little easier I guess as I have twin babies to look after and they take most of my time as my wife works. As we needed her health insurance she couldn't give up work, not that she wanted to anyway as she's in a senior position and earns a good wage she possibly couldn't match in the future if she left, (our twins were preemies and the hospital bills were $110,000 for their birth and aftercare, without her insurance that would have been a nightmare.) I sold my house and business in the UK, I came here with enough money to live on for a few years so decided that I'd look after the babies and be Mr. Mum while I went through the AOS, etc. and I love it. Still, it concerns me that I'm not meeting new friends and that most of the friends I have here are basically Laura's friends rather than both of us originally. As I live in Wyoming, it's tough to meet new people as there's few people here to meet and very little going on! There was more people in my city in the UK than there is in the entire State here and Wyoming is twice the size of England! (If any fellow Wyomingites are reading, please drop me a line to say hi!) That said, I love Wyoming, it's a great place to raise my kids and is a beautiful place.

I can't advise at all on the employment situation as I've no experience at all of that, although I'm pretty terrified of trying to work for someone again after running my own companies for so long in the UK, I don't think I would take well to being put in a box and told what to do. However with regard to fitting in and meeting people, I'd advise you to subscribe to your local newspaper and look out for local meetings and groups that interest you and go along. I'm sure you'd meet some nice people at some local events and get a quickly increased sense of belonging and community and possibly some good friends.

[JamalNTam 1]

Thanks for everyones kind replies I'm sure I'll find someone who wants to employment at some point!!! My husband is pretty much stuck here for the time being as he's in the air force. You would think that it'd be easy for me to meet other military spouses, but they dont seem to want to know me once they realize I dont drink alot of alcohol and that annoys me! I dont need to drink to have a good time! Anyway, thanks again everyone - I'm sure things will pick up xxx