Pun-ishment

[rin and john 71]

1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me

2. Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

4. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

5. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

6. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

7. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

8. The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it!

9. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

10. The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

11. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

12. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is just two-tired.

13. A will is a dead giveaway.

14. A backward poet writes inverse.

15. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

16. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

17. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in linoleum blownapart.

18. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

19. A calendar's days are numbered.

20. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

21. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

22. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

23. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

24. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

and a few from Richard Lederer's Get Thee to a Punnery

1. Old monarchs never die; they are just throne away.

2. Old logicians never die, they just vacate their premises.

3. A match up between two particularly inept foot ball teams was called the

Game of the Weak.

4. Bathing beauty: a girl worth wading for.

5. On a plumber's truck: a flush is better than a full house.

6. How do you make an elephant float?

Use a scoop of ice cream, some root beer, and an elephant

7. One frog to another: Time's fun when you're having flies.

Edited July 9, 2008 by rin and john

[Saddle Bronc 124]

:lol:

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I love puns!

[Nessa 23]

[Savanphil 3]

Very Punny