How is your spouse adjusting

[esmatsgirl 1]

Another thing to think about is that alot of our husbands are new to relationships altogether. My husband had never been intimate with another woman or had a relationship with another woman. He is completely new to the whole relationship thing and what it means. I know in my first marriage I had to teach my ex husband all of this stuff and he was American...they all go through training, sort of in the beginning of being in a mature relationship. So, if certain things are important for you, you need to share this with him so that he understands all of this and can be everything you want him to be as a husband....and he needs to understand you and what you go through. I noticed a lot of women in these situations taking on a lot more than they should trying to be the super-wife, only to get frustrated and mad later on when the love bug wears off that now they have come back down to earth and they are still doing everything for everyone. Make the expectations clear from the beginning.....esp where housework and responsibilities are concerned.

I give my husband a lot of advice now....before we are actually together to set the stage for when we are. He comes from a family of 12 brothers and sisters and his slightly older sister is still living in the home and between her and his mom, they do all the work around the house. And yes, of course neither of them work. I informed him recently that when he comes he will be expected to do 50/50 on the inside housework and all of the outside (uard) work and the cars. He raised his eyebrows with a big smile on his face...and agreed. I told him that if things work out to the point where I no longer have to work I will be happy to do all the housework...and he will still take care of the outside and cars. He also agreed to that. I think it is important to get your expectations out in the open before he arrives....which is what I am attempting to do.

As far as husbands wanting you to keep it secret if they help you, I find that to be a little strange !!! My husband is proud of anything and everything he does for me because it shows that he is doing all he can to take care of me and that is what he wants everyone to know, his family and mine. Now when we were in Jordan and some of his little nieces and nephews were around and I took a little of his "power" from him in front of them he took me to the side and explained that he is so strong and powerful in front of them and yes, he is melting for me but for them he wants to keep feeling he is so powerful and strong. I understood this but also told him that it is nice to be different than other men and they may actually appreciate if you are more sweet and loving than strong and powerful. He never thought of it like that before and has been enjoying their smiles and being sweet since then. Many men...not just MENA...come from a family of macho men who dominate and teach dominance....they come from all over the world. If we want our men to be more understanding, etc., etc. we may have to teach them this...as they have not been taught yet.

I know that a lot of misunderstandings can come from the language difference...that is so true. Last week I was talking online to my husband with video and there was too much noise on the line so we both muted our mics and were typing. We were discussing something...I don't even remember what it was but my response was a sarcastic "whatever" to him. Well, a few days ago, we were discussing something online again with typing and I had made a comment and he responded "whatever". At first, I took it wrong and was sort of shocked he was getting sort of an attitude and saying "whatever" to me!!! So I asked him, why did you say "whatever"? And he told me "it means yes, right"? So, not only did he not sense my attitude to him when I used it on him the first time...he thought it was an agreeing statement, the equivalent to saying yes. Hahahahaha! This is just one tiny example of how we could possibly be teaching them the very things that will later tick us off if we take it out of the context in which it was truly meant to be. And with hormones flying all over...this is so easy to happen to any of us, pregnant or not!

I have noticed a lot of people here struggling with what their husbands will do when they come here or now that they are here, how in the world are they going to find a job that is going to suit them. My husband and I decided a long time ago that he will not work for anyone but himself. Not only is it easier because of the language barrier...it helps with the self confidence issues that can come from working for someone else, vs. being your own boss. He owned an internet cafe in Jordan and when he comes here he (we) will also own our own business, eventually. Even if we have to start small at first until we build up enough cash to do something great....we will do that together. I have a great business mind and so does he...so together I am sure we will do something amazing. Perhaps if your husband is having difficulty finding work, instead of just sitting around being frustrated he can work with you to discover something he can do to start bringing in some cash and who knows, it may lead to something fantastic. For example, when my husband first gets here we will order a shipment of clothing...some abayas and hijabs as well as some more (US style) modern clothing and he will go to a local flea market and sell them as new items twice a week. We already have our suppliers and prices worked out and are just waiting for him to come to get started. He has something to look forward to for work already. Another thing we will do as soon as he gets here is we will sell the house I currently have and we will buy one with a retail business downstairs and some apartments upstairs. This will allow us to have our business where we live and once we make enough money where we can move out of the apartment, we can then rent it out and have even more cash coming in every month. I know not everyone can do this...I am fortunate enough to have a decent job...don't make gobs of money but do ok...and good enough credit to qualify for a mortgage. I am so grateful for that. It will help me to help us get started in our future endeavors.

I hope some of these ideas and thoughts are helpful. I don't want anyone to take anything I said wrong...I noticed that a lot on these boards lately there have been a lot of misunderstandings and stepping on people's toes, taking sides, etc....I love this subject as it is the next step in the immigration process for us...the culture shock issues. Please keep the experiences and ideas coming to help us all when we need it and also help us to feel some comraderie as we are all basically going through the same process albeit with very different people and personalities.

Deb

Edited July 10, 2008 by esmatsgirl

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Another thing to think about is that alot of our husbands are new to relationships altogether. My husband had never been intimate with another woman or had a relationship with another woman. He is completely new to the whole relationship thing and what it means. I know in my first marriage I had to teach my ex husband all of this stuff and he was American...they all go through training, sort of in the beginning of being in a mature relationship. So, if certain things are important for you, you need to share this with him so that he understands all of this and can be everything you want him to be as a husband....and he needs to understand you and what you go through. I noticed a lot of women in these situations taking on a lot more than they should trying to be the super-wife, only to get frustrated and mad later on when the love bug wears off that now they have come back down to earth and they are still doing everything for everyone. Make the expectations clear from the beginning.....esp where housework and responsibilities are concerned.

I give my husband a lot of advice now....before we are actually together to set the stage for when we are. He comes from a family of 12 brothers and sisters and his slightly older sister is still living in the home and between her and his mom, they do all the work around the house. And yes, of course neither of them work. I informed him recently that when he comes he will be expected to do 50/50 on the inside housework and all of the outside (uard) work and the cars. He raised his eyebrows with a big smile on his face...and agreed. I told him that if things work out to the point where I no longer have to work I will be happy to do all the housework...and he will still take care of the outside and cars. He also agreed to that. I think it is important to get your expectations out in the open before he arrives....which is what I am attempting to do.

As far as husbands wanting you to keep it secret if they help you, I find that to be a little strange !!! My husband is proud of anything and everything he does for me because it shows that he is doing all he can to take care of me and that is what he wants everyone to know, his family and mine. Now when we were in Jordan and some of his little nieces and nephews were around and I took a little of his "power" from him in front of them he took me to the side and explained that he is so strong and powerful in front of them and yes, he is melting for me but for them he wants to keep feeling he is so powerful and strong. I understood this but also told him that it is nice to be different than other men and they may actually appreciate if you are more sweet and loving than strong and powerful. He never thought of it like that before and has been enjoying their smiles and being sweet since then. Many men...not just MENA...come from a family of macho men who dominate and teach dominance....they come from all over the world. If we want our men to be more understanding, etc., etc. we may have to teach them this...as they have not been taught yet.

I know that a lot of misunderstandings can come from the language difference...that is so true. Last week I was talking online to my husband with video and there was too much noise on the line so we both muted our mics and were typing. We were discussing something...I don't even remember what it was but my response was a sarcastic "whatever" to him. Well, a few days ago, we were discussing something online again with typing and I had made a comment and he responded "whatever". At first, I took it wrong and was sort of shocked he was getting sort of an attitude and saying "whatever" to me!!! So I asked him, why did you say "whatever"? And he told me "it means yes, right"? So, not only did he not sense my attitude to him when I used it on him the first time...he thought it was an agreeing statement, the equivalent to saying yes. Hahahahaha! This is just one tiny example of how we could possibly be teaching them the very things that will later tick us off if we take it out of the context in which it was truly meant to be. And with hormones flying all over...this is so easy to happen to any of us, pregnant or not!

I have noticed a lot of people here struggling with what their husbands will do when they come here or now that they are here, how in the world are they going to find a job that is going to suit them. My husband and I decided a long time ago that he will not work for anyone but himself. Not only is it easier because of the language barrier...it helps with the self confidence issues that can come from working for someone else, vs. being your own boss. He owned an internet cafe in Jordan and when he comes here he (we) will also own our own business, eventually. Even if we have to start small at first until we build up enough cash to do something great....we will do that together. I have a great business mind and so does he...so together I am sure we will do something amazing. Perhaps if your husband is having difficulty finding work, instead of just sitting around being frustrated he can work with you to discover something he can do to start bringing in some cash and who knows, it may lead to something fantastic. For example, when my husband first gets here we will order a shipment of clothing...some abayas and hijabs as well as some more (US style) modern clothing and he will go to a local flea market and sell them as new items twice a week. We already have our suppliers and prices worked out and are just waiting for him to come to get started. He has something to look forward to for work already. Another thing we will do as soon as he gets here is we will sell the house I currently have and we will buy one with a retail business downstairs and some apartments upstairs. This will allow us to have our business where we live and once we make enough money where we can move out of the apartment, we can then rent it out and have even more cash coming in every month. I know not everyone can do this...I am fortunate enough to have a decent job...don't make gobs of money but do ok...and good enough credit to qualify for a mortgage. I am so grateful for that. It will help me to help us get started in our future endeavors.

I hope some of these ideas and thoughts are helpful. I don't want anyone to take anything I said wrong...I noticed that a lot on these boards lately there have been a lot of misunderstandings and stepping on people's toes, taking sides, etc....I love this subject as it is the next step in the immigration process for us...the culture shock issues. Please keep the experiences and ideas coming to help us all when we need it and also help us to feel some comraderie as we are all basically going through the same process albeit with very different people and personalities.

Deb

I completely disagree that this is all personality based. Morocco has never been completely occupied by an invading force, did not lose over a million people to genocide and then did not experience a muslim on muslim civil war resulting in the murders rape and kidnapping of over 100,000 people with a civil war still raging. There is absolutely no country in MENA with the history of genocide or war torn situation other than Iraq and even Palestine differs in that they were occupied and remain occupied. I completely disagree that you could even begin to compare some of the countries in MENA with the way that they will react to things. For example, in Morocco, Jews can freely enter and exit, homosexuality while not accepted is tolerated in some places like Marrakesh even encouraging Gay tourist groups to visit. You dont have to wait 2 to 3 months for a visa and Americans can freely travel and enter and exit. Same for Jordan , same for Egypt.

This has nothing to do with arabs or anything else. Its moving from abject poverty from a society that doesnt even have a working ATM system ( like less than 20 working ATMS in the whole country) and no movie theatres, constant terrorism and someone wants to tell me that this does not have any affect on how someone would adjust to the USA? Hogwash. Try EVERYTHING is different. Everything from the smallest thing to the largest thing. I had a medical emergency and my daughter had surgery there and it was literally a war zone in the hospital and my daughter received care like I have never seen and has a frankstein like scar across her head. Morocco is PROGRESSIVE compared to the poverty I saw.

My husband HUMDULLILAH is finally adjusting ,making friends and fitting in. Everything has been a struggle and I could literally sense fear in every bone in his body when he came. He thought the dishwasher was a place to store dishes... he didnt realise it turned on. He didnt understand most of anything when he came here.. stores were overwhelming

I think where you are coming from ABSOLUTELY has tons to do with how you adjust. I think being in a metropolitan area helps because there are lot of arabs close by and public transportation is simple and easy to get on and off on. Thats got to help loads

As far as moving, I own a house and I have 7 months pregnant. I cant do much of anything other than work and support my family. I have perhaps had a harder than normal adjustment due to the fact my husband really had never seen all of the tech advances and had very clear ideas about what men and women do. He is now adjusting and helping and things are much better..

Its not personality ,... Its background. I think how you are treated has EVERYTHING to do with what they are coming out of. Of course someone with exposure to foreigners and tourists, even English is going to be more open minded. My husband DID NOT MEET ME TROLLING THE NET. He met me there. Big difference. He did not have English skills either. He is in English school here. But he did experience a high level of daily stress and spent his childhood watching people blown up with their heads cut off and served in a anti terrorist unit. This is bound to affect your take on life, the USA, foreign people and your ability to adjust. Just sleeping on a matress or drinking water is a new thing. He used to have to haul water up 4 flights just to have safe water to drink. Of course this place is a culture shock

[doodlebugg 10]

But your husband isn't here yet right? I'm sure a lot of women had splendid conversations and lots of plans but when they get here is the issue....how are they adjusting once they're here.

I do hope all goes as planned for you both though but I have heard many times how things were talked out ad infinitum and then *whammo* they got here and it's a whole nuther story.

Another thing to think about is that alot of our husbands are new to relationships altogether. My husband had never been intimate with another woman or had a relationship with another woman. He is completely new to the whole relationship thing and what it means. I know in my first marriage I had to teach my ex husband all of this stuff and he was American...they all go through training, sort of in the beginning of being in a mature relationship. So, if certain things are important for you, you need to share this with him so that he understands all of this and can be everything you want him to be as a husband....and he needs to understand you and what you go through. I noticed a lot of women in these situations taking on a lot more than they should trying to be the super-wife, only to get frustrated and mad later on when the love bug wears off that now they have come back down to earth and they are still doing everything for everyone. Make the expectations clear from the beginning.....esp where housework and responsibilities are concerned.

I give my husband a lot of advice now....before we are actually together to set the stage for when we are. He comes from a family of 12 brothers and sisters and his slightly older sister is still living in the home and between her and his mom, they do all the work around the house. And yes, of course neither of them work. I informed him recently that when he comes he will be expected to do 50/50 on the inside housework and all of the outside (uard) work and the cars. He raised his eyebrows with a big smile on his face...and agreed. I told him that if things work out to the point where I no longer have to work I will be happy to do all the housework...and he will still take care of the outside and cars. He also agreed to that. I think it is important to get your expectations out in the open before he arrives....which is what I am attempting to do.

As far as husbands wanting you to keep it secret if they help you, I find that to be a little strange !!! My husband is proud of anything and everything he does for me because it shows that he is doing all he can to take care of me and that is what he wants everyone to know, his family and mine. Now when we were in Jordan and some of his little nieces and nephews were around and I took a little of his "power" from him in front of them he took me to the side and explained that he is so strong and powerful in front of them and yes, he is melting for me but for them he wants to keep feeling he is so powerful and strong. I understood this but also told him that it is nice to be different than other men and they may actually appreciate if you are more sweet and loving than strong and powerful. He never thought of it like that before and has been enjoying their smiles and being sweet since then. Many men...not just MENA...come from a family of macho men who dominate and teach dominance....they come from all over the world. If we want our men to be more understanding, etc., etc. we may have to teach them this...as they have not been taught yet.

I know that a lot of misunderstandings can come from the language difference...that is so true. Last week I was talking online to my husband with video and there was too much noise on the line so we both muted our mics and were typing. We were discussing something...I don't even remember what it was but my response was a sarcastic "whatever" to him. Well, a few days ago, we were discussing something online again with typing and I had made a comment and he responded "whatever". At first, I took it wrong and was sort of shocked he was getting sort of an attitude and saying "whatever" to me!!! So I asked him, why did you say "whatever"? And he told me "it means yes, right"? So, not only did he not sense my attitude to him when I used it on him the first time...he thought it was an agreeing statement, the equivalent to saying yes. Hahahahaha! This is just one tiny example of how we could possibly be teaching them the very things that will later tick us off if we take it out of the context in which it was truly meant to be. And with hormones flying all over...this is so easy to happen to any of us, pregnant or not!

I have noticed a lot of people here struggling with what their husbands will do when they come here or now that they are here, how in the world are they going to find a job that is going to suit them. My husband and I decided a long time ago that he will not work for anyone but himself. Not only is it easier because of the language barrier...it helps with the self confidence issues that can come from working for someone else, vs. being your own boss. He owned an internet cafe in Jordan and when he comes here he (we) will also own our own business, eventually. Even if we have to start small at first until we build up enough cash to do something great....we will do that together. I have a great business mind and so does he...so together I am sure we will do something amazing. Perhaps if your husband is having difficulty finding work, instead of just sitting around being frustrated he can work with you to discover something he can do to start bringing in some cash and who knows, it may lead to something fantastic. For example, when my husband first gets here we will order a shipment of clothing...some abayas and hijabs as well as some more (US style) modern clothing and he will go to a local flea market and sell them as new items twice a week. We already have our suppliers and prices worked out and are just waiting for him to come to get started. He has something to look forward to for work already. Another thing we will do as soon as he gets here is we will sell the house I currently have and we will buy one with a retail business downstairs and some apartments upstairs. This will allow us to have our business where we live and once we make enough money where we can move out of the apartment, we can then rent it out and have even more cash coming in every month. I know not everyone can do this...I am fortunate enough to have a decent job...don't make gobs of money but do ok...and good enough credit to qualify for a mortgage. I am so grateful for that. It will help me to help us get started in our future endeavors.

I hope some of these ideas and thoughts are helpful. I don't want anyone to take anything I said wrong...I noticed that a lot on these boards lately there have been a lot of misunderstandings and stepping on people's toes, taking sides, etc....I love this subject as it is the next step in the immigration process for us...the culture shock issues. Please keep the experiences and ideas coming to help us all when we need it and also help us to feel some comraderie as we are all basically going through the same process albeit with very different people and personalities.

Deb

[sara535 15]

Wahrania.

before your husband was here you used to go off on anyone and everyone who discussed how difficult the adjustment was. You told us all that we had no right to complain because at least our husbands are here.

now you see that the adjustment IS difficult but you are going off on anyone and everyone who tries to tell you it will pass or give you any kind of support/suggestions on how to make it easier.

I think you have some kind of thing going on that no matter what it is, its harder for YOU and no one can understand or compare to your situation. Quit being a victim! yes, you have a lot on your plate but so do many many others on here. People are trying to help and be a friend to you but damn girl you make it hard!

Keep hanging in there and take care of yourself, between being pregnant in the hot summer and having to still work I am sure you are exhausted, but accept some suggestions and pep talks. Its gonna be ok and work itself out!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

But your husband isn't here yet right? I'm sure a lot of women had splendid conversations and lots of plans but when they get here is the issue....how are they adjusting once they're here.

I do hope all goes as planned for you both though but I have heard many times how things were talked out ad infinitum and then *whammo* they got here and it's a whole nuther story.

Another thing to think about is that alot of our husbands are new to relationships altogether. My husband had never been intimate with another woman or had a relationship with another woman. He is completely new to the whole relationship thing and what it means. I know in my first marriage I had to teach my ex husband all of this stuff and he was American...they all go through training, sort of in the beginning of being in a mature relationship. So, if certain things are important for you, you need to share this with him so that he understands all of this and can be everything you want him to be as a husband....and he needs to understand you and what you go through. I noticed a lot of women in these situations taking on a lot more than they should trying to be the super-wife, only to get frustrated and mad later on when the love bug wears off that now they have come back down to earth and they are still doing everything for everyone. Make the expectations clear from the beginning.....esp where housework and responsibilities are concerned.

I give my husband a lot of advice now....before we are actually together to set the stage for when we are. He comes from a family of 12 brothers and sisters and his slightly older sister is still living in the home and between her and his mom, they do all the work around the house. And yes, of course neither of them work. I informed him recently that when he comes he will be expected to do 50/50 on the inside housework and all of the outside (uard) work and the cars. He raised his eyebrows with a big smile on his face...and agreed. I told him that if things work out to the point where I no longer have to work I will be happy to do all the housework...and he will still take care of the outside and cars. He also agreed to that. I think it is important to get your expectations out in the open before he arrives....which is what I am attempting to do.

As far as husbands wanting you to keep it secret if they help you, I find that to be a little strange !!! My husband is proud of anything and everything he does for me because it shows that he is doing all he can to take care of me and that is what he wants everyone to know, his family and mine. Now when we were in Jordan and some of his little nieces and nephews were around and I took a little of his "power" from him in front of them he took me to the side and explained that he is so strong and powerful in front of them and yes, he is melting for me but for them he wants to keep feeling he is so powerful and strong. I understood this but also told him that it is nice to be different than other men and they may actually appreciate if you are more sweet and loving than strong and powerful. He never thought of it like that before and has been enjoying their smiles and being sweet since then. Many men...not just MENA...come from a family of macho men who dominate and teach dominance....they come from all over the world. If we want our men to be more understanding, etc., etc. we may have to teach them this...as they have not been taught yet.

I know that a lot of misunderstandings can come from the language difference...that is so true. Last week I was talking online to my husband with video and there was too much noise on the line so we both muted our mics and were typing. We were discussing something...I don't even remember what it was but my response was a sarcastic "whatever" to him. Well, a few days ago, we were discussing something online again with typing and I had made a comment and he responded "whatever". At first, I took it wrong and was sort of shocked he was getting sort of an attitude and saying "whatever" to me!!! So I asked him, why did you say "whatever"? And he told me "it means yes, right"? So, not only did he not sense my attitude to him when I used it on him the first time...he thought it was an agreeing statement, the equivalent to saying yes. Hahahahaha! This is just one tiny example of how we could possibly be teaching them the very things that will later tick us off if we take it out of the context in which it was truly meant to be. And with hormones flying all over...this is so easy to happen to any of us, pregnant or not!

I have noticed a lot of people here struggling with what their husbands will do when they come here or now that they are here, how in the world are they going to find a job that is going to suit them. My husband and I decided a long time ago that he will not work for anyone but himself. Not only is it easier because of the language barrier...it helps with the self confidence issues that can come from working for someone else, vs. being your own boss. He owned an internet cafe in Jordan and when he comes here he (we) will also own our own business, eventually. Even if we have to start small at first until we build up enough cash to do something great....we will do that together. I have a great business mind and so does he...so together I am sure we will do something amazing. Perhaps if your husband is having difficulty finding work, instead of just sitting around being frustrated he can work with you to discover something he can do to start bringing in some cash and who knows, it may lead to something fantastic. For example, when my husband first gets here we will order a shipment of clothing...some abayas and hijabs as well as some more (US style) modern clothing and he will go to a local flea market and sell them as new items twice a week. We already have our suppliers and prices worked out and are just waiting for him to come to get started. He has something to look forward to for work already. Another thing we will do as soon as he gets here is we will sell the house I currently have and we will buy one with a retail business downstairs and some apartments upstairs. This will allow us to have our business where we live and once we make enough money where we can move out of the apartment, we can then rent it out and have even more cash coming in every month. I know not everyone can do this...I am fortunate enough to have a decent job...don't make gobs of money but do ok...and good enough credit to qualify for a mortgage. I am so grateful for that. It will help me to help us get started in our future endeavors.

I hope some of these ideas and thoughts are helpful. I don't want anyone to take anything I said wrong...I noticed that a lot on these boards lately there have been a lot of misunderstandings and stepping on people's toes, taking sides, etc....I love this subject as it is the next step in the immigration process for us...the culture shock issues. Please keep the experiences and ideas coming to help us all when we need it and also help us to feel some comraderie as we are all basically going through the same process albeit with very different people and personalities.

Deb

Bridget, I COMPLETELY agree. What you think will happen and what actually happen are 2 completely different things. I AM JUST NOW STARTING TO SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. He understands how the dryer works. He is ok with making the bed. He is attending English classes. I am able to go to work and go back and forth out without him panicking. He is finally watching American tv and talking to people and going into stores alone and trying to talk. He is FINALLY adjusting. When I was waiting I thought all these people with their spouses here had NO CLUE as to what I was dealing with HHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAAHHAHHAHHh When they get here is when all the fun starts,,, not when you are waiting. Its fights over falling asleep on the sofa,,,, oh and visitiation with exes with the kids.. oh thats a fun one.

And deciding that if you as the American are put through one more lait night Egyptian movie on art that you will go postal

No ,all the fun starts when they get here. Yes the experiences of the people on the boards are EXTREMELY VALUABLE.

No I wasnt ready. Yes things are getting better. No I dont think its completely personality as far as adjusting. Its also where the person has come from.. And I dont think being 7 months pregnant is making this #### any easier

Thanks BRIDGE

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Wahrania.

before your husband was here you used to go off on anyone and everyone who discussed how difficult the adjustment was. You told us all that we had no right to complain because at least our husbands are here.

now you see that the adjustment IS difficult but you are going off on anyone and everyone who tries to tell you it will pass or give you any kind of support/suggestions on how to make it easier.

I think you have some kind of thing going on that no matter what it is, its harder for YOU and no one can understand or compare to your situation. Quit being a victim! yes, you have a lot on your plate but so do many many others on here. People are trying to help and be a friend to you but damn girl you make it hard!

Keep hanging in there and take care of yourself, between being pregnant in the hot summer and having to still work I am sure you are exhausted, but accept some suggestions and pep talks. Its gonna be ok and work itself out!

I think my husband and I have alot more in common than I ever realised. I DO THINK HOWEVER that his background ( Dad dying at 13,him working at 12 selling water and dropping out of school) coupled with my traumatic past drew us together. We are kind of a stabilising force in each others life. I do not think someone else could have dealt with the #### that he has pulled this year. Sometimes I feel like a truant officer ( he is the truant)

We are doing much better everyday. Its still 2 steps foward one step back every single day. I think his background has EVERYTHING to do with how he originally adjusted. He is doing much better but not without me pulling my hair out in the meanwhile

[♥JP♥ 5]

Wahrania.

before your husband was here you used to go off on anyone and everyone who discussed how difficult the adjustment was. You told us all that we had no right to complain because at least our husbands are here.

now you see that the adjustment IS difficult but you are going off on anyone and everyone who tries to tell you it will pass or give you any kind of support/suggestions on how to make it easier.

I think you have some kind of thing going on that no matter what it is, its harder for YOU and no one can understand or compare to your situation. Quit being a victim! yes, you have a lot on your plate but so do many many others on here. People are trying to help and be a friend to you but damn girl you make it hard!

Keep hanging in there and take care of yourself, between being pregnant in the hot summer and having to still work I am sure you are exhausted, but accept some suggestions and pep talks. Its gonna be ok and work itself out!

OMG....THANK YOU SARA Not to mention she used to call us all "nasty old hags" that had nothing better to do than to torment those still waiting for their spouses.

[deadbird 2]

Bridget--LOL I can totally relate to the comment where he didn't want you to tell anyone he did domestic chores. Ramy's the same way!

Ramy's really laid back. I'd say his adjustment wasn't easy while he wasn't working and even then we had some ups and downs until he crashed the car. After that, things got a lot better because it just made us both take a step back and chill out and stop bickering about stupid things. He was really supportive when I got laid off and even more supportive as I went through the hiring process to get into the post office. (I drive one of those cool little mail trucks! lol).

As for the things we're working on...he doesn't trust anyone who's not related to him. A girl talking to a bunch of guys in a parking lot must be a prostitute. American food is tasteless. Dinner means like a 12 course meal and I should slave in the kitchen for 3 hours over it.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Wahrania.

before your husband was here you used to go off on anyone and everyone who discussed how difficult the adjustment was. You told us all that we had no right to complain because at least our husbands are here.

now you see that the adjustment IS difficult but you are going off on anyone and everyone who tries to tell you it will pass or give you any kind of support/suggestions on how to make it easier.

I think you have some kind of thing going on that no matter what it is, its harder for YOU and no one can understand or compare to your situation. Quit being a victim! yes, you have a lot on your plate but so do many many others on here. People are trying to help and be a friend to you but damn girl you make it hard!

Keep hanging in there and take care of yourself, between being pregnant in the hot summer and having to still work I am sure you are exhausted, but accept some suggestions and pep talks. Its gonna be ok and work itself out!

OMG....THANK YOU SARA Not to mention she used to call us all "nasty old hags" that had nothing better to do than to torment those still waiting for their spouses.

You gotta admit... this joint is alot friendlier and nicer than it used to be. People arent run off the boards in droves like they were a year ago. Most of the stalkers and harassers are either not posting or banned. Its ALOT MORE PLEASANT here than it used to be that for sure.

I never called Sara a nasty hag. Um. But if the broomstick fits, I am sure there are some that can ride on it LOL

[♥JP♥ 5]

Wahrania.

before your husband was here you used to go off on anyone and everyone who discussed how difficult the adjustment was. You told us all that we had no right to complain because at least our husbands are here.

now you see that the adjustment IS difficult but you are going off on anyone and everyone who tries to tell you it will pass or give you any kind of support/suggestions on how to make it easier.

I think you have some kind of thing going on that no matter what it is, its harder for YOU and no one can understand or compare to your situation. Quit being a victim! yes, you have a lot on your plate but so do many many others on here. People are trying to help and be a friend to you but damn girl you make it hard!

Keep hanging in there and take care of yourself, between being pregnant in the hot summer and having to still work I am sure you are exhausted, but accept some suggestions and pep talks. Its gonna be ok and work itself out!

OMG....THANK YOU SARA Not to mention she used to call us all "nasty old hags" that had nothing better to do than to torment those still waiting for their spouses.

You gotta admit... this joint is alot friendlier and nicer than it used to be. People arent run off the boards in droves like they were a year ago. Most of the stalkers and harassers are either not posting or banned. Its ALOT MORE PLEASANT here than it used to be that for sure.

I never called Sara a nasty hag. Um. But if the broomstick fits, I am sure there are some that can ride on it LOL

Nothing has changed on this board at all. Everyone fights and that will continue to happen. It's the nature of this forum and it wasn't that long ago that you were in a long drawn out war with SarahAziz about who is more Algerian. As I recall, it wasn't very friendly either.

You called several people nasty old hags, I never singled out that you called Sara that. You referred to the women who had their mates here that way.

[sara535 15]

and anyway, depending on the day, I probably AM a nasty old hag sometimes. Ask my husband

just a little something he's had to adjust to........

Edited July 10, 2008 by sara535

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Wahrania.

before your husband was here you used to go off on anyone and everyone who discussed how difficult the adjustment was. You told us all that we had no right to complain because at least our husbands are here.

now you see that the adjustment IS difficult but you are going off on anyone and everyone who tries to tell you it will pass or give you any kind of support/suggestions on how to make it easier.

I think you have some kind of thing going on that no matter what it is, its harder for YOU and no one can understand or compare to your situation. Quit being a victim! yes, you have a lot on your plate but so do many many others on here. People are trying to help and be a friend to you but damn girl you make it hard!

Keep hanging in there and take care of yourself, between being pregnant in the hot summer and having to still work I am sure you are exhausted, but accept some suggestions and pep talks. Its gonna be ok and work itself out!

OMG....THANK YOU SARA Not to mention she used to call us all "nasty old hags" that had nothing better to do than to torment those still waiting for their spouses.

You gotta admit... this joint is alot friendlier and nicer than it used to be. People arent run off the boards in droves like they were a year ago. Most of the stalkers and harassers are either not posting or banned. Its ALOT MORE PLEASANT here than it used to be that for sure.

I never called Sara a nasty hag. Um. But if the broomstick fits, I am sure there are some that can ride on it LOL

Nothing has changed on this board at all. Everyone fights and that will continue to happen. It's the nature of this forum and it wasn't that long ago that you were in a long drawn out war with SarahAziz about who is more Algerian. As I recall, it wasn't very friendly either.

You called several people nasty old hags, I never singled out that you called Sara that. You referred to the women who had their mates here that way.

Um actually I think the person I called a nasty old hag didnt have her husband here and the whole thing happened because she was telling people they werent really married etc

And yes ,there ARE people here or were here who were horribly unkind to some of the posters. Most of my problems were things I said or opinions that I have held but there HAVE been people on here stalked OFF The boards who literally have either left completely because of it or caused alot of mental anguish because of it. There ARE people who post here under several different names as well as people who have been banned who have come back to bother other people. That is an inevitable truth.

I do believe that EVERYONE here has a unique experience to offer the other people here. I think we all have VERY DIFFERENT experiences both good and bad that can help other people either albeit post relationship ( Jackie) or in the relationship, immigration processes etc.

[amal 4]

the nice police is stepping in here and flipping her badge out right now. girls girls girls.. no mud flinging ...we've all been very careful to not fight so BE NICE lol

the meal thing still makes me mad sometimes. mine says that if all u do is cut it up, put spices in it, and put it in the oven, then its not really cooking. I beg to differ coz its all on what spices u put in it, the temp of the oven, etc etc etc that makes it a good meal. He thinks u have to spend at least an hour for it to be considered cooking...

[♥JP♥ 5]

Maybe I should pull out the pregnant hormal ticket so I can say whatever I want.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Bridget--LOL I can totally relate to the comment where he didn't want you to tell anyone he did domestic chores. Ramy's the same way!

Ramy's really laid back. I'd say his adjustment wasn't easy while he wasn't working and even then we had some ups and downs until he crashed the car. After that, things got a lot better because it just made us both take a step back and chill out and stop bickering about stupid things. He was really supportive when I got laid off and even more supportive as I went through the hiring process to get into the post office. (I drive one of those cool little mail trucks! lol).

As for the things we're working on...he doesn't trust anyone who's not related to him. A girl talking to a bunch of guys in a parking lot must be a prostitute. American food is tasteless. Dinner means like a 12 course meal and I should slave in the kitchen for 3 hours over it.

Well... that is a conversation he and my husband have got to have. Ill be real blunt. I saw more hookers over 3 trips to Tunisia, Algeria and UAE in quantity and in action than I have EVER SEEN STATESIDE. Throngs and throngs walking around Abu Dhabi of every arabic nationality but especially Moroccan, Lebanese, Iraqi and Egyptian. So to throw the whole Americans are whores label is hog wash. Ask him about DUBAI and UAE and what exactly is going on over there. Not even VEGAS can compare to that joint. I literally was bumping into mini skirts and hooker platforms for 5 days straight. It was hard to find any "normal " women walking in the streets the lobby was so full of arab prostitutes. And people wanna trash Americans. Bumpkiss