How is your spouse adjusting

[morocco4ever 63]

perfect wife

What is that excatly? Not being a smart ### comment, but really interested to know what a perfect wife is?

Nobody is perfect but nanging and complaining and expecting you to change eveything about yourself is not the right thing to do.

And I would like to say selflessness is the cure for selfishness

Selfless in what sense? To allow a husband to chat on the internet with single women, to allow them to break expensive gifts,to allow them to walk on us and disrespect us? Is that what would "fix" this marriage?

[SaadBell 0]

Selfless in what sense? To allow a husband to chat on the internet with single women, to allow them to break expensive gifts,to allow them to walk on us and disrespect us? Is that what would "fix" this marriage?

I am there with you on that one, also living off a women is pretty low

[HannahP 119]

Selfless in what sense? To allow a husband to chat on the internet with single women, to allow them to break expensive gifts,to allow them to walk on us and disrespect us? Is that what would "fix" this marriage?

I am there with you on that one, also living off a women is pretty low

I'm sorry. Maybe it's because I'm not a MENA woman. Or whatever.

BUT SMASHING HER LAPTOP? When she confronted him over something that *he* may have done wrong? And then not talking to her, as if it's /her/ fault that he's chatting up women on the internet and, uh, smashing her laptop?

From the perspective of a total outsider...something just isn't right here. And I think it goes way beyond adjustment issues or self-fulfilling prophecies. Seriously. I wonder where the outrage is, but I've never been in an abusive relationship before, so..

[morocco4ever 63]

Selfless in what sense? To allow a husband to chat on the internet with single women, to allow them to break expensive gifts,to allow them to walk on us and disrespect us? Is that what would "fix" this marriage?

I am there with you on that one, also living off a women is pretty low

I'm sorry. Maybe it's because I'm not a MENA woman. Or whatever.

BUT SMASHING HER LAPTOP? When she confronted him over something that *he* may have done wrong? And then not talking to her, as if it's /her/ fault that he's chatting up women on the internet and, uh, smashing her laptop?

From the perspective of a total outsider...something just isn't right here. And I think it goes way beyond adjustment issues or self-fulfilling prophecies. Seriously. I wonder where the outrage is, but I've never been in an abusive relationship before, so..

I think you missed the sarcasm.

[bhajishah 4]

Muslim men are sinners too, and need thier azz kicked back into shape. Its easier to straighten them up though because you can remind them who they are and where thier morals are...

[Alhamdulillah 0]

Selfless in what sense? To allow a husband to chat on the internet with single women, to allow them to break expensive gifts,to allow them to walk on us and disrespect us? Is that what would "fix" this marriage?

I am there with you on that one, also living off a women is pretty low

I'm sorry. Maybe it's because I'm not a MENA woman. Or whatever.

BUT SMASHING HER LAPTOP? When she confronted him over something that *he* may have done wrong? And then not talking to her, as if it's /her/ fault that he's chatting up women on the internet and, uh, smashing her laptop?

From the perspective of a total outsider...something just isn't right here. And I think it goes way beyond adjustment issues or self-fulfilling prophecies. Seriously. I wonder where the outrage is, but I've never been in an abusive relationship before, so..

Can I just say???.................. I don't believe a word of it. Maybe it's just me?

[nunyab 0]

Selfless in what sense? To allow a husband to chat on the internet with single women, to allow them to break expensive gifts,to allow them to walk on us and disrespect us? Is that what would "fix" this marriage?

I am there with you on that one, also living off a women is pretty low

I'm sorry. Maybe it's because I'm not a MENA woman. Or whatever.

BUT SMASHING HER LAPTOP? When she confronted him over something that *he* may have done wrong? And then not talking to her, as if it's /her/ fault that he's chatting up women on the internet and, uh, smashing her laptop?

From the perspective of a total outsider...something just isn't right here. And I think it goes way beyond adjustment issues or self-fulfilling prophecies. Seriously. I wonder where the outrage is, but I've never been in an abusive relationship before, so..

Can I just say???.................. I don't believe a word of it. Maybe it's just me?

[HannahP 119]

Selfless in what sense? To allow a husband to chat on the internet with single women, to allow them to break expensive gifts,to allow them to walk on us and disrespect us? Is that what would "fix" this marriage?

I am there with you on that one, also living off a women is pretty low

I'm sorry. Maybe it's because I'm not a MENA woman. Or whatever.

BUT SMASHING HER LAPTOP? When she confronted him over something that *he* may have done wrong? And then not talking to her, as if it's /her/ fault that he's chatting up women on the internet and, uh, smashing her laptop?

From the perspective of a total outsider...something just isn't right here. And I think it goes way beyond adjustment issues or self-fulfilling prophecies. Seriously. I wonder where the outrage is, but I've never been in an abusive relationship before, so..

I think you missed the sarcasm.

lol - yes, I did.

Also, I don't totally believe it myself. To me, the reactions of some posters on here bother me more...than whether wahrenia is a really person or not.

[Alhamdulillah 0]

Selfless in what sense? To allow a husband to chat on the internet with single women, to allow them to break expensive gifts,to allow them to walk on us and disrespect us? Is that what would "fix" this marriage?

I am there with you on that one, also living off a women is pretty low

I'm sorry. Maybe it's because I'm not a MENA woman. Or whatever.

BUT SMASHING HER LAPTOP? When she confronted him over something that *he* may have done wrong? And then not talking to her, as if it's /her/ fault that he's chatting up women on the internet and, uh, smashing her laptop?

From the perspective of a total outsider...something just isn't right here. And I think it goes way beyond adjustment issues or self-fulfilling prophecies. Seriously. I wonder where the outrage is, but I've never been in an abusive relationship before, so..

I think you missed the sarcasm.

lol - yes, I did.

Also, I don't totally believe it myself. To me, the reactions of some posters on here bother me more...than whether wahrenia is a really person or not.

I think, if ppl weren't skeptical about whether wahrnia and all the nonsense she (or he) posts is real or not, their reactions would be different.....

[morocco4ever 63]

Wahrania is very real, that is not in question. The problem I see is that we have a select few that think that what has happened to her is because she hasn't been a good enough wife. For God's sake what more can she do? Anyone who believes that it is a wifes fault because the man is acting like an A$$ is really sick. Wahrania is well known for being drama, I give you that, but to blame her for his ####### is going too far. I would have shipped his A$$ back a long time ago. A wife is a man's treasure, not his doormat.

Sorry, I will get back off my soap box now...lol

[HannahP 119]

^ Maybe I'm not on the "in" with how most people perceive wahrenia. Actually, I'm probably not. But some of the reactions...yeah. They seem both naive and earnest. *shrugs*

[HannahP 119]

Wahrania is very real, that is not in question. The problem I see is that we have a select few that think that what has happened to her is because she hasn't been a good enough wife. For God's sake what more can she do? Anyone who believes that it is a wifes fault because the man is acting like an A$$ is really sick. Wahrania is well known for being drama, I give you that, but to blame her for his ####### is going too far. I would have shipped his A$$ back a long time ago. A wife is a man's treasure, not his doormat.

Sorry, I will get back off my soap box now...lol

I guess what I think:

gary probably has a few points, but he keeps messing up with his chauvinism.

1) People with a history of abusive relationships tend to get into abusive relationships.

2a) wahrenia's stereotypes or not, her /description/ of him & his culture leads me to believe that she's chosen a very, very conservative man to marry

2b) so it's of no particular surprise (to me) that it happened...the way it's happened

2c) but wahrenia's naive-ness of her current situation - "gee, how did I get here?!" - totally turns me off

[Sofiyya 1,687]

What she said.

[morocco4ever 63]

It reminds me of my first marriage. We went to a counselor, but I absolutely refused to participate because I didn't want the marriage to work, I had had enough. My ex, after being told everything he had done wrong, finally asked "What about her, didn't she do anything wrong?". The counselors response was yes.....she put up with it for 15 years. I was floored.

That is my point, if we put up with ####### that is what we will get. Personally I think I deserve better. That is what I want Wahrania to see.

[Nasturtium 500]

I never said that all Christians just go to church on Sundays. I guess I didn't get my point across properly. Islam is a way of life and influences soooo much of day to day activities, much moreso than Christianity does imho. My husband follows sunnah to the best of his ability and it's down to the minute details like what foot he enters the bathroom with, what he says when he walks into the house and when he leaves the house, saying bismillah before eating, saying so many many duas throughout the day depending on what he is doing, what he eats and does not eat, how he dresses, and so much more. Honestly to live with someone who's religion affects his actions every minute of every day it seems impossible that one would not want to dive deep into studying the whys, you know?

And if you lived in Boston I would most certainly meet you for tea/coffee and introduce you to some mosques around the area, give you a copy of the Quran and go with you to whatever classes I could get to. Many of the women who are muslim in my area would do the same as well.

I think that you see Islam being practiced as it truly should be practiced. There are many Christians whose religion influences every word and step they take during the day. The problem with living in a majority Christian country is that you have a wider array of practice of religion by many different types of people. Not all muslims practice the religion like your husband does ( I mean this as a complement, as I reread this it sounded snotty and that is not how I intended it to sound).

Exactly. I fail to see how Christianity isn't a way of like and Islam is. Is Islam a way of like when a Muslim man is out in a bar, picking up girls any mroe than Christianity is a way of like for someone doing the same thing? Christians are suppsoed to pray without ceasing, not jsut 5 times a day.. and it is to influence your entire being from the core out, to listen to G-d and follow what He speaks to you, etc. It's a far more intimate relaitonship.. if one is truly Christian. If not, then it's not really a valid comparison to take someone who is either agnostic in reality or backslidden and compare them to a "pious" Muslim. It's not true, either, that a larger percentage of Muslims are more religious... there are cultural issues to contend with. ME and other Muslim-majority cultures are generally more strict in their public behaviors-- a lot like we used to be here. Just because our culture and society has come to a level where people can openly do what they once had to hide, doesn't mean it's not going on in "Muslim" countries as well.