How is your spouse adjusting

[Jenn! 918]

I can't imagine any of you guys converting to Islam if you weren't married to someone from MENA so to say that you are doing it for 'yourselves' is probably not entirely honest. Had someone converted to Islam and then found a MENA husband then that's a diff kettle of fish entirely.

Not that it matters one way or another of course, but I would bear that in mind if I was trying to be really honest with myself about the reasons I changed my religious beliefs.

As for that poor girl Wahriania, bless her (non religiously because I am not) pregnant and in conflict with her SO? That's just very sad.

Sorry, but not entirely true. I only know from my own experience, but my SO didn't ever talk about his religion with me, push it on me, or even pray around me until we were married. And at that point it was because I had converted. He answered any questions I had about it, but often told me to find an Imam or someone who had officially studied the religion bc he was afraid of giving me the wrong answer. I also converted after I came back to the US and didn't think I would ever see him again - wasn't even talking to him at that point Long complicated history there and I've posted it before. He actually didn't even know until Ramadan last year. Of course he was happy, but mearly said that it reconfirmed his belief that I was the one he was meant to marry.

Sorry for the mini rant, but I find it kinda offensive when people assume I would change my religion and way of life for a man. He would have married me either way.

I think what she was getting at was whether you would have any interest in Islam at all had you never met your husband, not that he is necessarily forcing, persuading, or even mentioning conversion to you.

[Alhamdulillah 0]

I can't imagine any of you guys converting to Islam if you weren't married to someone from MENA so to say that you are doing it for 'yourselves' is probably not entirely honest. Had someone converted to Islam and then found a MENA husband then that's a diff kettle of fish entirely.

Not that it matters one way or another of course, but I would bear that in mind if I was trying to be really honest with myself about the reasons I changed my religious beliefs.

Not all of us were married/engaged to MENA men when we converted..... I've known both men and women who've converted to Islam while being married to a christian

As for those who converted to Islam after marrying a muslim man, maybe she saw that he has a good character and high morals because of his religion (something that's hard to find in anyone in the west) and that turned her on to the religion

[Peikko 1,575]

That's not what I meant. Can you honstly say you would have looked at the idea of becoming a muslim if you hadn't found love with someone of that faith? Your personal story is of course unusual because you went through with it even while you weren't sure you would ever meet him again but that doesn't change the fact that it was through a love affair that you found Islam.

I am not suggesting that anyone's SO's held them at gunpoint or even mentally manipulated them (although I am sure that does happen sometimes) but to say you did it simply for yourself is surprising.

[doodlebugg 10]

Can you honstly say you would have looked at the idea of becoming a muslim if you hadn't found love with someone of that faith?

No but then I can't honestly say that I would not have looked at the idea of becoming a muslimah either. If I had met someone else, girlfriend, boss, what have you, who was muslim and we had more than a "hi"/"bye" relationship my curiousity would have gotten the better of me and I would have researched the religion the same as I did due to my husband.

I see what you're saying but the point some of us are trying to make is that we didn't convert because we had to or to please them. Is it because of him that I looked into it? For sure! Is it because of him that I converted? Absolutely not.

does that make sense?

Edited July 17, 2008 by bridget

[Ban Hammer 13,283]

[polarbear 0]

That's not what I meant. Can you honstly say you would have looked at the idea of becoming a muslim if you hadn't found love with someone of that faith? Your personal story is of course unusual because you went through with it even while you weren't sure you would ever meet him again but that doesn't change the fact that it was through a love affair that you found Islam.

I am not suggesting that anyone's SO's held them at gunpoint or even mentally manipulated them (although I am sure that does happen sometimes) but to say you did it simply for yourself is surprising.

In a way my love for him did influence me bc I wanted to know more about the religion that influenced just about every part of his life. So yes, I don't know if I would have found this faith otherwise.

But at the same time yes, I can honestly and without reservations say that I converted simply for myself and would continue following my beliefs with or without my husband in my life and did.

[AlHayatZween 2]

That's not what I meant. Can you honstly say you would have looked at the idea of becoming a muslim if you hadn't found love with someone of that faith?

Of course it's possible... people change religion all the time, i believe. Look at the growing numbers of people who identify themselves as Buddhists in the US. It happens when people are searching for something, be they influenced by someone close to them, an experience they've had, or because they do a lot of reading and research and find what appeals to them on different levels. Islam isn't so far off the center page. We hear about Islam all the time in the media and on tv, so it's not like it is a religion with limited exposure or exclusivity. And it is also a very welcoming religion, so it is not surprising that it is the fastest-growing religion in the world...

People change for all sorts of reasons...

[doodlebugg 10]

That's not what I meant. Can you honstly say you would have looked at the idea of becoming a muslim if you hadn't found love with someone of that faith? Your personal story is of course unusual because you went through with it even while you weren't sure you would ever meet him again but that doesn't change the fact that it was through a love affair that you found Islam.

I am not suggesting that anyone's SO's held them at gunpoint or even mentally manipulated them (although I am sure that does happen sometimes) but to say you did it simply for yourself is surprising.

In a way my love for him did influence me bc I wanted to know more about the religion that influenced just about every part of his life. So yes, I don't know if I would have found this faith otherwise.

But at the same time yes, I can honestly and without reservations say that I converted simply for myself and would continue following my beliefs with or without my husband in my life and did.

that's a good point too. I dated a man who was Lutheran once. I don't think he even went to church come to think of it. His religion really wasn't a big part of his life so I never had the urge to look into it. With Islam, especially if the man is praying salat 5 times a day and is following it to the best of his ability, it's very hard NOT to be curious about what it's all about because it's not just a place you go to each Sunday it's a way of life.

[Peikko 1,575]

Yes, it makes sense, no one would say you definitely would not but I would be surprised if many looked at Islam without this incentive.

Are you saying personally that you were attracted to the muslim culture anyway and that this is probably why you ended up with a muslim husband in your particular case?

I am just curious about this, feel free to not answer if it bothers you.

I don't think people change religion all the time at all, in fact I believe it is quite rare to change. It is not rare to lapse however, not rare at all.

[doodlebugg 10]

Yes, it makes sense, no one would say you definitely would not but I would be surprised if many looked at Islam without this incentive.

Are you saying personally that you were attracted to the muslim culture anyway and that this is probably why you ended up with a muslim husband in your particular case?

I am just curious about this, feel free to not answer if it bothers you.

I'm saying that after researching the religion I found it to be the answer for me personally and no matter how I became interested I would always have converted. If my coworker were muslim and I looked into it I would have converted because that same light bulb would have gone off in my head.

I was not attracted to muslim culture at all btw. What led me to Islam was the feeling of submission that I had and the overwhelming feeling of one God having all of the power.

[AlHayatZween 2]

Yes, it makes sense, no one would say you definitely would not but I would be surprised if many looked at Islam without this incentive.

Are you saying personally that you were attracted to the muslim culture anyway and that this is probably why you ended up with a muslim husband in your particular case?

I am just curious about this, feel free to not answer if it bothers you.

I don't think people change religion all the time at all, in fact I believe it is quite rare to change. It is not rare to lapse however, not rare at all.

Ooops, sorry... were you addressing me?

i first became interested in Islam several years ago while living in Senegal. no boyfriends, no men, no husbands, just being around the culture and practice got me interested in the religion and how the culture was influenced by it and vice-versa... that and the beauty of it.

Maybe people don't officially "convert" all the time, but i know a lot of people who define themselves as "spirtitual"... and kind of abandon the faith they were raised with and incorporate aspects of new faiths... of course, you are right... that's different from "converting".

[Peikko 1,575]

Ah, context is everything. Interesting, thank you for responding.

Now, the big question is, are you the exceptions or the rules?

[AlHayatZween 2]

Are you saying personally that you were attracted to the muslim culture anyway and that this is probably why you ended up with a muslim husband in your particular case?

Sorry, PH i misread your question again... my head is scattered.

No, i think i married my husband because he looked at me with those eyes and i melted....

i was delilghtfully doomed from the beginning!

[Peikko 1,575]

That's ok, in this case I think I should have used quotes because the first part of the question was directed at Bridgit and the 'conversion' part at you really. However, it's all good.

[RAKASA 0]

That's not what I meant. Can you honstly say you would have looked at the idea of becoming a muslim if you hadn't found love with someone of that faith? Your personal story is of course unusual because you went through with it even while you weren't sure you would ever meet him again but that doesn't change the fact that it was through a love affair that you found Islam.

I am not suggesting that anyone's SO's held them at gunpoint or even mentally manipulated them (although I am sure that does happen sometimes) but to say you did it simply for yourself is surprising.

Yes, I can... and did. I had many Muslim friends long before I ever even met my husband. I had 2 copies of the Qu'ran and a cd of Qu'ran recitation that were given to me by a friend b/c I had inquired and was asking questions of her. I have always had an interest in world religions and have studied many (some much more deeply than others). I decided last year during Ramadan that I was ready to say shahada. My husband only spoke to me about it when I would ask him questions. So, let's see, I had an interest in Islam for about 4 years before I even knew my husband, then we had been married for almost a year (w/o him even knowing much about me studying Islam) before I decided it was what my heart yearned for.