what should i do?

[shit head 0]

Well .. so true.. I am not planning to tell anyone at work this situation. But u know the worst part is.. Im so much worried about my husband and because of the emotional abuse im worried something will happen to him there or he wont be loved there ect.. I guess its the nurse in me as well.. Im nurturing and soft hearted person.. Because he tells me he dont eat now ect ect..

i know i must seem so stupid and gullable ...

and I wonder if there is any way i can make 100% sure he is really in india.. i mean when he called me at 2 am it sounded like he was but does anyone know a search i can do find out ?

[000OOO000 0]

What do you mean he wont be loved there? Didnt you just say earlier you witnessed his family affection toward him on your visit? And trust me the boy will eat. Maybe call the airlines to see if they had anyone by that name fly out on or near that date.

Edited May 17, 2006 by LMR

[Mand 1]

Well .. so true.. I am not planning to tell anyone at work this situation. But u know the worst part is.. Im so much worried about my husband and because of the emotional abuse im worried something will happen to him there or he wont be loved there ect.. I guess its the nurse in me as well.. Im nurturing and soft hearted person.. Because he tells me he dont eat now ect ect..

i know i must seem so stupid and gullable ...

So he's also playing on your weaknesses? Open your eyes to how manipulative this man really is...he is poison through and through.

[Yodrak 7]

LMR,

An immigration attorney for a divorce?

Yodrak

The best thing is consult with an immigration attorney to proceed with the divorce. You cant do anything of this nature by yourself.

[shit head 0]

I mean i am worried he will always regret this and never find love again.. thats what i meant. but one thing i know even we must be apart now my love was true and he always has that even he dont deserve it..

[Cassie 8]

Well .. so true.. I am not planning to tell anyone at work this situation. But u know the worst part is.. Im so much worried about my husband and because of the emotional abuse im worried something will happen to him there or he wont be loved there ect.. I guess its the nurse in me as well.. Im nurturing and soft hearted person.. Because he tells me he dont eat now ect ect..

i know i must seem so stupid and gullable ...

to be frank with you Shannon, it frightens me a little to see how worried you are about him, and how little you seem to worry about your daughter (or at least it is my impression that you haven't talked much about her on VJ). Your husband is the one who has left repeatedly, it is his bed that he has now made, and now he must lie in it. I am afraid that if you aren't careful and take him back after all of this, your ex-husband will keep your daughter away from you. Is that a risk you are willing to take?

[000OOO000 0]

Well Yodrak the boy isnt in US anymore. It will give her a start.

Edited May 17, 2006 by LMR

[shit head 0]

Some one told me i may be able to get it annulled since he abandoned me here and left the country.

[iceyspots 0]

well if i go for divorce that will give him and his family even more the reason to keep blaming me. I am already enough emotionally hurt and i dont want him to say that about me. well i guess eventually ill have no choice because i cant stay in fantasy land and pretend he my husband still.. i know i am holding onto something that is so far from my control and or reach.. i dont even know how to face people now or even at my work so many people will be asking me so many questions.. i dont want to look like weak person and i am a nurse and at work i can sit and cry..

oops.. I mean at i work i CANT sit and cry.. i have to be strong for my patients and families. I cant look sad and cry there. But with so many people going to be asking me alot of question i dont know how i can handle all. Thankfully i have off for 2 weeks due to my miscarriage and complications but i dont even want to think about going back to work now..

If you're going to be divorced and he treated you bad, why would you give a flying about what his family thinks?

[Mand 1]

Some one told me i may be able to get it annulled since he abandoned me here and left the country.

You need to consult a family lawyer and not "some one".

[shit head 0]

well.. my daughter is very important to me and most important. I love her and that is reason i stood by my grounds and my husband left. But it doesnt change the fact i somehow fell victim for my husbands words and the way he told me how and what kind wife an indian man expects. i tried to split myself for his sake , even when i went to meet him blindly in india i left my daughter for one month and the writing was on the wall then when i was there he didnt bother to let me call her only once time..so Yes seeking a therapist now would be best because i know somehow all the emotional abuse made me lose direction of alot of things. and I bended to much for him , i did what i could , i allowed him to control my feelings and my life. still i dont know how to ignore him..Its so hard..

my mind keeps telling me i am chasing after a rainbow that has no color left but my heart says so much more. maybe im just still in shock of the fact he left and i need to just give it time to get normal and eventually with therapy and alot of support i can look back on this as a sure chapter closed..

[MaryandMian 1]

Shannon I have been on VJ a long time waiting on my husband to get approved and I have seen the misery you have endured with Jaswinder. I know that right now your heart is in control and your mind is not listening as much. First off I would divorce him and move on and heal. Your daughter needs you now and you need her as well as time to heal emotionally and physically from the second miscarriage so close in proximity. As Cassie mentioned if you take Jaswinder back your ex may take your daughter and would you want that to happen? The living conditions you described are not beneficial to you or your daughter. Kids are always going to need you until they are older and yes you have a husband and he must respect the motherly part of you. He should know that he has a place in your heart and it is much different than your child's place. Both are special and yet both are different.

To me Jaswinder is spoiled and needs to grow up. He is not mature enough to handle a family and he wants to be the center of attention. That will not work and you will never be able to satisfy everyone if you continue this route. I was widowed with small kids and I know that life is too short and too precious to not find happiness for yourself. Whether you believe it or not love will find you when you least expect it. Give yourself time to heal and in time you can find happiness. I will pray for your health and your healing.

Mary

[Mand 1]

well.. my daughter is very important to me and most important. I love her and that is reason i stood by my grounds and my husband left. But it doesnt change the fact i somehow fell victim for my husbands words and the way he told me how and what kind wife an indian man expects. i tried to split myself for his sake , even when i went to meet him blindly in india i left my daughter for one month and the writing was on the wall then when i was there he didnt bother to let me call her only once time..so Yes seeking a therapist now would be best because i know somehow all the emotional abuse made me lose direction of alot of things. and I bended to much for him , i did what i could , i allowed him to control my feelings and my life. still i dont know how to ignore him..Its so hard..

Do you like drama in a relationship? I have a younger sister who was so warped and twisted by mental abuse from a boyfriend that she will never be the person she was. She kept going back because she began to thrive on the drama of it all...and now she is a far cry from the happy go lucky girl she once was.

For the love of God and all that is good...Stop all contact with this man. Pls seek help so you can build a healthy home life for your daughter.

[shit head 0]

No i dont like drama in my relationship. But i think its so hard to let go of something i worked so long and hard to make and i lost all contact with real life since being with him from oct 03 til present i guess im just holding onto hope which doesnt exist as far as me and him.

[Mand 1]

No i dont like drama in my relationship. But i think its so hard to let go of something i worked so long and hard to make and i lost all contact with real life since being with him from oct 03 til present i guess im just holding onto hope which doesnt exist as far as me and him.

I had my sister in front of me, and neither me nor my family could talk any sense into her. Unfortunately she had to figure it out herself the hard way...and believe me, it was a hard lesson that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Shannon, I hate to think of anyone going through the same thing, but I think you have a long hard road ahead of you and my heart goes out to you.