what should i do?

[iceyspots 0]

Correct me if I'm wrong... but in the hindu culture/religion a woman can only reach happiness through her husband... I guess any one person can take this to whatever extreme they like since there's such a huge diversity among hindus... I think he may be enforcing this thought in the most extreme way.. IMHO I don't think this relationship is repairable... if someone ever said to me what he has said to you, I could never forgive nor forget that my entire life.

[shit head 0]

and yes i did talk to my daughters dad about this. since obviously he knows what all is going on now..He told me i have low self esteem and to wake up and start looking around the person who loves me , needs me is living in my same house who is my daughter.. he is really fed up with all as well because he is sick of seeing my daughter crying about all and sick of hearing my daughter tell him how my husband call her b**** and believe me when my daughter told him about that he was ready to call cops for me..but i begged and pleaded him not to even when my husband was here cause again i forgave that and was not willing to have cops involved

well even worse he is sikh. which is supposed to be most respected person due to wearing turban and so much more.. But well. I dont know i think he made me so much fool..

[iceyspots 0]

ok.. well I think you know what to do now... just gather the courage to do it.

[000OOO000 0]

Dont most Sikh's carry knives and swords?

[iceyspots 0]

LMR... I saw a couple on a plane on my way to London, I dont think they had any.

[shit head 0]

But yes im so scared now of everything. but if i go and apply for divorce wont that look bad on my part.?.But does our marriage even mean anything in india? Also will they give me divorce without his consent ? i even dont have contact info on him or any place for them to send papers.

[iceyspots 0]

someone from the regional forum may know the answer to that question.

[shit head 0]

Well ... if i do avoid him , him being my husband how can i get divorce thing resolved.. since its not just an online thing but we are legally married. its one complication after the next..

yes sikhs grant the 5 k's.he five Ks are

* Kesh (uncut hair)

* Kara (a steel bracelet)

* Kanga (a wooden comb)

* Kaccha - also spelt, Kachh, Kachera (cotton underwear)

* Kirpan (steel sword)

[TracyTN 237]

But yes im so scared now of everything. but if i go and apply for divorce wont that look bad on my part.?.But does our marriage even mean anything in india? Also will they give me divorce without his consent ? i even dont have contact info on him or any place for them to send papers.

'Look bad' to whom?

Call a lawyer and ask him/her these questions. Every state has different divorce laws.

Its time to stop being scared and start getting ANGRY. Look out for you and your daughter's best interests first, and stop being his emotional punching bag.

Edited May 17, 2006 by TracyTN

[000OOO000 0]

The best thing is consult with an immigration attorney to proceed with the divorce. You cant do anything of this nature by yourself.

[Yodrak 7]

shannon_monique,

I understand that VJ'ers avoid attornies like the plague, but that's what you need to answer these questions - a family attorney who practices in your state.

Yodrak

But yes im so scared now of everything. but if i go and apply for divorce wont that look bad on my part.?.But does our marriage even mean anything in india? Also will they give me divorce without his consent ? i even dont have contact info on him or any place for them to send papers.

[shit head 0]

well if i go for divorce that will give him and his family even more the reason to keep blaming me. I am already enough emotionally hurt and i dont want him to say that about me. well i guess eventually ill have no choice because i cant stay in fantasy land and pretend he my husband still.. i know i am holding onto something that is so far from my control and or reach.. i dont even know how to face people now or even at my work so many people will be asking me so many questions.. i dont want to look like weak person and i am a nurse and at work i can sit and cry..

oops.. I mean at i work i CANT sit and cry.. i have to be strong for my patients and families. I cant look sad and cry there. But with so many people going to be asking me alot of question i dont know how i can handle all. Thankfully i have off for 2 weeks due to my miscarriage and complications but i dont even want to think about going back to work now..

[Cassie 8]

shannon_monique,

I understand that VJ'ers avoid attornies like the plague, but that's what you need to answer these questions - a family attorney who practices in your state.

Yodrak

But yes im so scared now of everything. but if i go and apply for divorce wont that look bad on my part.?.But does our marriage even mean anything in india? Also will they give me divorce without his consent ? i even dont have contact info on him or any place for them to send papers.

If anything Shannon, think of your daughter in all of this. Who cares if seeking divorce may make you "look bad" ???? Your first job is protecting your daughter and yourself, do what you have to do to keep her safe from any more emotional abuse from this man. get to a lawyer!

[Mand 1]

well if i go for divorce that will give him and his family even more the reason to keep blaming me. I am already enough emotionally hurt and i dont want him to say that about me. well i guess eventually ill have no choice because i cant stay in fantasy land and pretend he my husband still.. i know i am holding onto something that is so far from my control and or reach.. i dont even know how to face people now or even at my work so many people will be asking me so many questions.. i dont want to look like weak person and i am a nurse and at work i can sit and cry..

Worry about you and your daughter...not other people's opinions. Anyways, I would imagine that they would only think you were right in getting a divorce from this poor excuse for a human being.

None of this is your fault. It takes a braver and stronger person to change something that is not right in their lives. A weak person is satisfied with the status quo.

[000OOO000 0]

Who care what his family thinks. You won't see them again. I'm sure someone in his family sees how twisted he really is. And the poeple at work , which are mostly women I'm sure, are already talking about you and him behind your back. They thrive on drama and gossip. Just tell them you dont want to discuss the situation ...dont give them more fuel to the fire. Eventually they will get over it and forget.