what should i do?

[000OOO000 0]

Ok now Shannon you really believed this story about his first wife? Come on I don't and I never met Jaswinder. He got you pregnant twice.. but he is adamant about having kids with you(oh the feeling of warmth that must bring) but he conceives them anyhow. He destroys your phone there is violence and it WILL escalate. He broke into your internet accounts and deleted your info. and plays mind games with you. The government probably won't give him a chance in coming back here and that IMO is a good thing.

[shit head 0]

yes and someone is right.. if u seen our pics at all.. u would see i am the one smiling and so much love and he looks so much just plain and so much sneaky.. well i dont know if i even know my husband anymore.. when we were online he was so diff then in real i seen so diff and now he is back in india he changed so much... he seems so distant and not same person who i love and thought was my lifetime partner..

[Mand 1]

He is a bully Shannon, all cowards are. He likes being in control which is why he blames you and you only hear from him when HE wants you to. Open your eyes girl, people like this don't change...they get worse with time. Physical abuse is bad, but mental abuse takes a LONG time to recover from. Think long and hard about your decision.

If you decide to go down this road, be prepared for a VERY hard life. I'm sorry if what I'm going to say may seem harsh, but he doesn't care about you and the sooner you realise that, the sooner you can get back to some form of a healthy life.

Again, please talk to a friend or family member.

[JenT 0]

Are you LISTENING to yourself Shannon? I am now in agreement with Purple Hibiscus who said:

"However good intentioned the posts are re your situation (and I do believe they are good intentioned), to try to untangle the web of your marriage via a message board is perhaps not your best strategy.

I believe you would be better served by consulting a trained marriage guidance councilor for any emotional problems you may be encountering and using this message board for purely immigration related issues.

I realise that it is easy to get drawn into these discussions by the well meaning posts of those who feel for you and would like to help you. However, I can't help but feel this is not in your best interests.

I know there are situations where the support of a message board community are helpful, but it would appear as though this is way beyond that kind of situation.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it all turns out for the best."

These last posts about how he has treated you with regard to your daughter have put me over the edge. Do you really want to be with someone who only wants half of you? Who doesn't respect who you are as a mother? Who could potentially endanger your welfare, and the welfare of your child/children? What sort of vision do you have for a home environment in which to raise your daughter? Why are you not willing to put the needs and emotional safety of your children first??? I realize this is a bit of a stretch here, but does anyone else think that these 'vague' details about his marriage/death of this first wife are a bit strange????

Shannon, you have some serious work to do in terms of your own self-esteem before you attempt to either repair this relationship or seek a new one... only a professoinal can help you with that. Please don't delay in seeking that kind of help.

Jen

[shit head 0]

Yes i agree.. believe me i neevr shared much with anyone because i thought privacy in my marriage was imp and being in online relation was already hard enough to deal with others comments and fact our culture diff so i never really shared with many people what he done to me emotionally. But still now he is making me feel like its all my fault and that i forced him away ect ect.. I tried to tell him i dont know what we should do and instead to listen he says well of course u r american and americans r known for making new lifes with others day after day ect.. But he is not understanding my point.. I tried to tell him I do love him but the way he feels about my daughter things will not work for healthy family life for us.. but then his reply is f*** ur daughter and who daughter i dont know any daughter.. i just know i love one wife shannon .. ect .. and he says but sorry for my bad lucks she dont love me and she is american and can move on easier... this is his way of emotionally abusing me making me feel wrong and bad... i really dont know what the heck to do..

[iceyspots 0]

as VJ turns....

[JenT 0]

i really dont know what the heck to do..

You know exactly what you have to do. You just have to gather the courage to do it.

[shit head 0]

and i wish i could talk to his mother about all.. but she dont speak english and he says he dont have phone anymore in india. when i called the number i used to call its disconnected. I just wanted to explain to his mother i didnt marry him just to get divorced and that i realise how much divorce means in india also but i wanted to make her aware of her sons actions and even if she didnt believe me at least i can explain things to her..but well he has complete control once again.. i have no numbers to contact him , dont even know anything about what he up to.. but i am the one here in usa that is legally married and stuck in this horrible mess.. He is one who in india i doubt this marriage really exists according to his government and he is free to do what he pleases. yes i am going to seek some professional guidance but right now after losing my baby i am really just trying to get through one day at a time.

[Mand 1]

i really dont know what the heck to do..

Ok, this is just making me mad. Here is what YOU SHOULD DO:

a) Change your phone number...if this is not an option, hang up when he calls. DO NOT listen to his garbage

b: File for a divorce

c) Talk to a friend, family member or your daughter's father

d) Take a long hard look at yourself and ask is this how you expected to live your life.

After that Shannon, open your eyes and wise up to how much of a ####### this guy is.

Edited May 17, 2006 by Mand

[iceyspots 0]

i'll do it for you.

[JenT 0]

i'll do it for you.

I'll help you, Icey. I was content to coast along with this drama until I heard how he was treating her daughter... that's where I draw the line. It's always the innocent ones who get the most hurt. We grown ups can take just about anything... Well, some of us can.

[000OOO000 0]

Ignore him ...calls, letters and emails. Thats what to do!

[shit head 0]

oh and today he emailed me telling me i lost my baby due to not loving him completely like one punjabi man expects from his wife..He is so cold to me..and he told me i soon will suffer cause he talked to a so called astrologer in india and they told him my life will be nothing but bad lucks and suffer.. its terrible.. same day he tells me he loves me so much , misses me and feel sorry for all.. this is emotional..

[Mand 1]

oh and today he emailed me telling me i lost my baby due to not loving him completely like one punjabi man expects from his wife..He is so cold to me..and he told me i soon will suffer cause he talked to a so called astrologer in india and they told him my life will be nothing but bad lucks and suffer.. its terrible.. same day he tells me he loves me so much , misses me and feel sorry for all.. this is emotional..

Why are you reading his nonsense? Hit DELETE.

You seem to be beaten down (emotionally) so low, that you have no faith in yourself. I urge you to get some counselling, talk to someone.

[000OOO000 0]

He don't love you Shannon quit believing it. Hes a liar!