what should i do?

[shit head 0]

Hi everyone .. This is really sad post. But i need some advice. First of all my husband came here to usa under a k1 visa in jan 14 2006. We legally married here in usa on march 17 2006 but unfortunately due to some problems and him having some problems adjusting here he moved with a friend here in usa about 2 hours from me that all happened in april and we still continued our marriage and planned on adjusting his staus . He stayed with a friend because that guy lived in the place we planned to move together. He was learning about that place and i stayed here just to clear things up with the home i own and with my daughter to get full custody so that i can start my new life with my husband.. However of course as we all know being apart for 2 years in diff countries then finally coming this far and being together then his moving out caused us to miss each other soo terrible and caused us to fight uselessly on the phone . Then suddenly i went to see him and we got into a huge fight and he eneded up traveling foolishly back to india.. My question is .. what do we do here. He didnt realise that he cannot travel back here because he didnt obtain advanced parole or anything. But we are legally married here in the usa. we both regret this so much now and due to miscommunication now we seem to be back to stage one.. I am so much upset. I dont know what should our next step be. do i need to notify the ins as to the abandonment or will they automatically ?.. also we love each other and we need to be together again so can i sponser him again under a k3 being that we are legally married or is that impossible? . If anyone can please give any advice or if u seen anything like this happen before i will really appreciate it . Thanks

[motu 6]

I feel very sorry to read all this - I remember your previous posts also. I think you can do a K3 now (K1 is used up and you have not done AOS yet.)

But more importantly - do you really want a relationship with him - First he had problems with your daughter/Tax stuff and then now recently -kind of a strange fight and temper tantrum (flying back to India - did he have a return ticket already purchased so didn't care about the relationship?) He is being too melodramatic from my perspective and may be you need to rethink this. Why salvage a bad (or terrible) relationship - look for a better one. Just my thoughts on this. Best wishes

[Kez/JWolf 6]

I am sorry that this has happened to you.... I would have a long and very hard think about what you want before you rush off and file for a K3...

I wish you well durring this dificult time...

Kezzie

[shit head 0]

Thanks Motu.. Well he left this past tues 5/9 and he emailed me on sat morning to let me know he is back in india. Now he is saying how much he loves me and he feels so sorry for all this and I too love him very much. I am so distraught right now , so much emotionally tormented and i forgot to mention i was 14 and half weekes pregnant but also going through the fact i just miscarried and had to have surgery from that on saturday due to all the stress.. Now i am going through losing my husband and my unborn child.. I dont know what to do but yes somehow your right .. He made such a dumb descion to go back there just due to miscommunication and knowing what i had to go through with losing my baby and going through this without his support is really very hard. I have no family and that makes it all the harder. I appreciate any advice. But i dont know true love just never seems to die and yes we have had so many problems til now but my heart always runs to wherever he is. Now i just feel like all hope is dead because now he is in india and i am here in usa being married and not knowing if he will ever be able to come back. Since he has returned home things feel more distant than ever and after being together for 4 and half months here in usa i just cant even go back to talking to him online cause it hurts to much to know he is not just a phone call away . I am so much hurt inside and just dont know where we go from here. Do u think i should wait while before apply for k3 and should i notify the ins of his leaving or just let it go and re apply for k 3 when we are ready..

[planeobsessed 0]

Hi Shannon,

I remember you from the K1 forums, I am very sorry to hear about all the problems.

I think you will have to "withdraw" the AOS as that's no longer a Valid option and just like motu said do K3...

but just like motu said, please think about this. You seem like a very sweet and innocent person and is all this headache worth it? is/was his behaviour appropriate? only you know that and ultimately its your call and I apologize if I offend you but as a fellow VJ'er or just as a fellow human being I'd hate to see you get hurt...

should i notify the ins of his leaving or just let it go and re apply for k 3 when we are ready...

Sannon, as it is with INS, if I were you, I'd formally withdraw the AOS application in writing... just my humble advice.

I feel very sorry for what you've gone through... I keep thinking that you've gone through so much pain (emotionally & physcially) while his way of handling things was to just take off to India? I can tell you are really in love with him and I feel bad for saying this but I think you shoudl really really think about this...

[Cygnet 0]

I am sorry that this has happened to you.... I would have a long and very hard think about what you want before you rush off and file for a K3...

I wish you well durring this dificult time...

Kezzie

I agree with Kezzie. I'm sorry to hear this has happened.

Take care.

[noemij 0]

I feel very sorry for what you've gone through... I keep thinking that you've gone through so much pain (emotionally & physcially) while his way of handling things was to just take off to India? I can tell you are really in love with him and I feel bad for saying this but I think you shoudl really really think about this...

I agree...give yourself a little time to think about what would be the best thing for you, be open to the possibility that this may mean letting go of this marriage...

[Collie 122]

Oh goodness your post made me tear up for you I am so sorry for all you have gone through. i honestly would sit down and ask yourself if deep down you can see yourself with this man 10 years down the line? sometimes it just isn't meant to be. I'm sorry for all you are going through *hugs*

Kat

[dmartmar 1]

How do you know he's really back in India, by him just sending you an e-mail?

[babybunny 2]

I feel very sorry to read all this - I remember your previous posts also. I think you can do a K3 now (K1 is used up and you have not done AOS yet.)

But more importantly - do you really want a relationship with him - First he had problems with your daughter/Tax stuff and then now recently -kind of a strange fight and temper tantrum (flying back to India - did he have a return ticket already purchased so didn't care about the relationship?) He is being too melodramatic from my perspective and may be you need to rethink this. Why salvage a bad (or terrible) relationship - look for a better one. Just my thoughts on this. Best wishes

I agree with Motu.

here is my 2 cents. I feel for you as most on here do. my husband was just like YOURs.

he was indian too. let me tell you. he got here on Cr1 visa. we filed DCf.

when he got here he beat the he11 out of me for 3 weeks. one day he got really pissed because

I would not talk to him. I think maybe he had enough of my silence. while at work he he packed up

his things and abandoned me. I was like you thinking oh maybe i can make this marriage work.

oh maybe i can ignore the beating. oh god maybe I really do love him. oh maybe i can live wiht how he

is.

one person knew i was getting beat. that was my bestfriend he did it in front of her in the kitchen.

I was afraid to tell anyone because, after all i made a big deal my internatonal husband was the best of all men in the world. I could not live with the shame of saying hey I made a mistake - a bad one.

then one day I realized HEY I like my freedom from this animal . I deserve not be be hit.

I deserve to come home and have peace. not come home to an azz beating. you never know what he11 you come home too . I could not live like that no more..

the good news is my ex got deported - I really found someone that loves me for me.

[Badgerbabe 0]

I agree too with all that has been said already.

You really need some space to think things through and although it hurts so badly now you will get over it and every day will get easier.

How could a man knowing that you had a miscarriage and had to undergo surgery leave you like this. If he has done this now at the start of your relationship what would happen in the future if something again and maybe more serious happened to you healthwise - would he be there to support you ?

Give it at least a month before you make any kind of decision and you will better know your own mind and whether you want him back.

Someone better always comes along and we can learn by all these experiences good and bad.

Chin up - you'll get through this !

[Oomer 0]

your AOS is invalid. Inform INS and proceed with K3 if you are reallly serious.

i believe in LOVE but it should be bilateral. It is symbiontic relationship and not parasite and host relationship .

best wishes

Ans

I feel very sorry to read all this - I remember your previous posts also. I think you can do a K3 now (K1 is used up and you have not done AOS yet.)

But more importantly - do you really want a relationship with him - First he had problems with your daughter/Tax stuff and then now recently -kind of a strange fight and temper tantrum (flying back to India - did he have a return ticket already purchased so didn't care about the relationship?) He is being too melodramatic from my perspective and may be you need to rethink this. Why salvage a bad (or terrible) relationship - look for a better one. Just my thoughts on this. Best wishes

I agree with Motu.

here is my 2 cents. I feel for you as most on here do. my husband was just like YOURs.

he was indian too. let me tell you. he got here on Cr1 visa. we filed DCf.

when he got here he beat the he11 out of me for 3 weeks. one day he got really pissed because

I would not talk to him. I think maybe he had enough of my silence. while at work he he packed up

his things and abandoned me. I was like you thinking oh maybe i can make this marriage work.

oh maybe i can ignore the beating. oh god maybe I really do love him. oh maybe i can live wiht how he

is.

one person knew i was getting beat. that was my bestfriend he did it in front of her in the kitchen.

I was afraid to tell anyone because, after all i made a big deal my internatonal husband was the best of all men in the world. I could not live with the shame of saying hey I made a mistake - a bad one.

then one day I realized HEY I like my freedom from this animal . I deserve not be be hit.

I deserve to come home and have peace. not come home to an azz beating. you never know what he11 you come home too . I could not live like that no more..

the good news is my ex got deported - I really found someone that loves me for me.

Good news that ex husband deported back to india . what about new love is he from india too?

[babybunny 2]

your AOS is invalid. Inform INS and proceed with K3 if you are reallly serious.

i believe in LOVE but it should be bilateral. It is symbiontic relationship and not parasite and host relationship .

best wishes

Ans

I feel very sorry to read all this - I remember your previous posts also. I think you can do a K3 now (K1 is used up and you have not done AOS yet.)

But more importantly - do you really want a relationship with him - First he had problems with your daughter/Tax stuff and then now recently -kind of a strange fight and temper tantrum (flying back to India - did he have a return ticket already purchased so didn't care about the relationship?) He is being too melodramatic from my perspective and may be you need to rethink this. Why salvage a bad (or terrible) relationship - look for a better one. Just my thoughts on this. Best wishes

I agree with Motu.

here is my 2 cents. I feel for you as most on here do. my husband was just like YOURs.

he was indian too. let me tell you. he got here on Cr1 visa. we filed DCf.

when he got here he beat the he11 out of me for 3 weeks. one day he got really pissed because

I would not talk to him. I think maybe he had enough of my silence. while at work he he packed up

his things and abandoned me. I was like you thinking oh maybe i can make this marriage work.

oh maybe i can ignore the beating. oh god maybe I really do love him. oh maybe i can live wiht how he

is.

one person knew i was getting beat. that was my bestfriend he did it in front of her in the kitchen.

I was afraid to tell anyone because, after all i made a big deal my internatonal husband was the best of all men in the world. I could not live with the shame of saying hey I made a mistake - a bad one.

then one day I realized HEY I like my freedom from this animal . I deserve not be be hit.

I deserve to come home and have peace. not come home to an azz beating. you never know what he11 you come home too . I could not live like that no more..

the good news is my ex got deported - I really found someone that loves me for me.

Good news that ex husband deported back to india . what about new love is he from india too?

my sweet husband is from Pakistan. btw, just because I said my ex is indian dont mean he is from India

he is actully from Suriname.

[shit head 0]

Thank you all for responding to my post.. I am really giving all things second thoughts now because i think if he really loved me no matter what he would realise the ramifications of departing himself back to india and abandoning me and his unborn child. I thought marriage was a union not a one way street. But he just left and now he is sending me emails and continues emotionally making me feel like i pushed him away. I also found posts online by doing a search and when i was at work and he was here in usa with me every diagreement we had he posted on there and made it appear as if i am a terrible person. I always thought u talk to your spouse during diffucult times and not run to online chat. Well about re sponsering him under k3 i dont know if i will do that because he lost my trust now and if i again bring him here again he will waste my time and feelings on his impulse anger and i will be responsible for him again. He also has so many unknown friends in usa which called him when he was here and i felt so distant then also. He only knows how to write me poems and never writes me a true email with normal conversation. Even now he is back in india he has yet to even call me just keeps sending me emails and expects me to again be his yahoo chat partner. Well i chatted with him for over 2.5 years and i told him when he got here i can never go back to chat with him after traveling this far together. Well... I am really upset , heartbroken and so much confused by all of this. i dont know what to do..

[000OOO000 0]

Shannon all you've had is drama with him from way back. He's playing you like a violin. How dare he behave like this and you tolerate it? Was this your first or second pregnancy by him?

Edited May 16, 2006 by LMR