And so it ends...

[jimmy477 0]

I don't know why I'm posting this here. It certainly won't accomplish anything. I'm nearly 6 months into the process and I must bow out just as our papers are reaching the embassy. It is very disappointing to have come so close only to have to quit now, but I know it is for the best. Just a month after my last trip to see her on her birthday and our life together is over.

As it turns out my fiancée, with whom I have felt happier than ever before in my life, has been cheating on me. What's worse is that she was doing it for money. Yes, she was selling herself. I don't want to believe it, but there is no denying the evidence. I believe I may still be in a bit of denial myself because the grief of breaking up has not hit yet. I imagine the crying will begin within the next 24-48 hours. The vomiting has already started and I feel very numb.

I was reading travel and tourism pages last night, which led me to other pages, which led me to other pages, which led me to a message board about sex tourism, complete with detailed first hand stories and photos. I opened a thread about Cartagena, and lo and behold, I am greeted by half a dozen recent pictures of my now ex-fiancée in a seedy motel room in her lingerie and in the other man's clothing, along with a brief account of her time with the poster. She had been acting very strange the past few weeks and this certainly explains her behavior. I called her, very calmly stating that it is important she tell me the truth about what she had been doing during that time. She continued to lie even when confronted with the photos. I told her very truthfully that I will always love her, but that I did not know what to do. She said she would call me when she woke up this morning, and that was that.

She has not called yet and I don't know if she will. If I do not hear from her today, I will call her mother to say goodbye, leaving it between the two of them to discuss the specifics. I'm sure she will lie, but I don't want to directly cause a catastrophe between them. I will then send her an upbeat email thanking her for her time and wishing her a fond farewell. In a few days I'll notify the Department of State of my desire to cancel the petition.

Thank you, visajourney.com community for providing so much information to guide me through the process. I hope things work out better for the rest of you. Please excuse me while I go ball up in a corner and await my fate.

[IAMX 3,055]

You did the right thing. If I had found proof of such instances, it would be over in a second. The risk we all take in having a relationship is possible failure. It's a good thing you caught it now than down the line, right?

Don't hang your head. You found out for a reason, just use this as a positive tool, take the good experiences, bad experiences, and learning experiences into the next relationship and make it better than ever.

I won't apologize nor feel sorry for you because you finding out was a good thing.

[amerasianlove 0]

sorry to here this sad truth about ur relationship, u can cry out loud if u want to...feel the pain then MOVE ON!

but before taking any actions try to talk to her,there are always 2 sides of the story.

I wish u goodluck my friend!

God bless!

[Zee Bee 61]

Sorry about that

[Stepbrow 0]

Hang in there Buddy. Wee all support and care about you here.

[Mel and Syl 0]

Wow this is a tough one!

You have decided to cancel the petition witch is your full right but dont you think you should talk to her first? You said that she is doing it for money so why do you think that she is chaeting on you? I am not taking her side but i will surely not judge anybody for trying to make a living as long as that person is not harming anyone. What i am trying to say is that i dont believe that anybody will do such things just for fun. I dont know where she comes from and i dont know her financial situation but maybe to her thats the only way to support herself and her family. I can understand that you are disappointed because you found out by mistake and not from her but still there must be a reason why she is doing it. You will surely feel better about your decision when you know WHY she has been doing that typ of WORK, yes i call it WORK because once again, i can't imagine such thing to be fun. You also said that you had never been happier befor so i guess she felt the same way about you or she is a good actor but only you can tell. After all you decided to file the petition because you thought she loves you the way you love her so why don't you take your time and think back befor taking any action?

I wish you good luck and may God help you to make the right decision!

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

Wow this is a tough one!

You have decided to cancel the petition witch is your full right but dont you think you should talk to her first? You said that she is doing it for money so why do you think that she is chaeting on you? I am not taking her side but i will surely not judge anybody for trying to make a living as long as that person is not harming anyone. What i am trying to say is that i dont believe that anybody will do such things just for fun. I dont know where she comes from and i dont know her financial situation but maybe to her thats the only way to support herself and her family. I can understand that you are disappointed because you found out by mistake and not from her but still there must be a reason why she is doing it. You will surely feel better about your decision when you know WHY she has been doing that typ of WORK, yes i call it WORK because once again, i can't imagine such thing to be fun. You also said that you had never been happier befor so i guess she felt the same way about you or she is a good actor but only you can tell. After all you decided to file the petition because you thought she loves you the way you love her so why don't you take your time and think back befor taking any action?

I wish you good luck and may God help you to make the right decision!

I think the OP did make the right decision. Even if that type of work is a must do ( and I don't see how there isn't some other way in the short time until the interview that was left ) It is not the type of "work" you do behind your fiances back. And she lied when he questioned her. Another strike to a healthy relationship. Not to mention the OP will probably have to seek medical advice to be sure he doesn't have unwanted gifts from the woman in was in love with.

[TBoneTX 46,129]

Oh, man... EVERYONE here feels for you.

Cry, and let the grief and torment run their course. When you're ready, consider that you have RETAINED YOUR STANDARDS regarding appropriate behavior in a relationship. These standards include fidelity and truthfulness. See the Ten Commandments and every other fundamental credo of every religion. Whether you are yourself religious or not, these fundamental rules have existed for centuries for very good reason.

The philosopher Emmanuel Kant rephrased the Golden Rule in a very clear way: "Avoid any action which, if adopted by all other people, would make civilized living impossible." I repeat this to myself as needed, and it helps. Please consider this.

First, cry and let the grief and torment run their most intense course.

G-d and your VisaJourney friends are with you, Brother.

[Mina76 0]

I am so sorry to hear about your relationship too jimmy

Pray GOD to will give you peace, strength and guidance!

[SterlingGirl 1]

It's indeed a tough situation, because while maybe she felt like she had no other way to support herself, it's certainly not a good idea to lie. There's the possibility that she really DID love you, but just didn't know any other way to make money. Then again - who takes pictures of that stuff? Was it like an advertisement of her "services", or was it some kind of glorifying "look how fun my job is!" deal?

I guess there really is no other way to see this other than the betrayal I know it feels like. Bottom line is that, if exclusivity was a condition of your relationship, she violated that and then lied on top of it. And if she doesn't have the decency to call you and attempt to sort it out . . . that's probably your answer.

I'm so sorry you had to find out this way, but as others have said, it IS a good thing you did. However you need to grieve, do it. Holding it in and stretching the recovery out over years and years after you've gotten into other relationships will only turn out to your detriment. Get it all out now and try to move on.

Best of luck to you.

[Teacher Mark 53]

Wow this is a tough one!

You have decided to cancel the petition witch is your full right but dont you think you should talk to her first? You said that she is doing it for money so why do you think that she is chaeting on you? I am not taking her side but i will surely not judge anybody for trying to make a living as long as that person is not harming anyone. What i am trying to say is that i dont believe that anybody will do such things just for fun. I dont know where she comes from and i dont know her financial situation but maybe to her thats the only way to support herself and her family. I can understand that you are disappointed because you found out by mistake and not from her but still there must be a reason why she is doing it. You will surely feel better about your decision when you know WHY she has been doing that typ of WORK, yes i call it WORK because once again, i can't imagine such thing to be fun. You also said that you had never been happier befor so i guess she felt the same way about you or she is a good actor but only you can tell. After all you decided to file the petition because you thought she loves you the way you love her so why don't you take your time and think back befor taking any action?

I wish you good luck and may God help you to make the right decision!

She has put the O/P's life in danger (AIDS).

You're doing the right thing, as long as you are sure it is her. IMHO

Edited July 6, 2008 by WideAwakeInTheUSA

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I am so sorry for your loss - because I know that is just what it is - a loss, not just of a woman you love but of plans for a future and life together. There is no judgment for the choices your fiancee made, but even if you had wished to pursue a visa for her you would have come up against this:

http://www.uscis.gov/propub/ProPubVAP.jsp?...5d903c5d492d0a4

INA: ACT 212 - GENERAL CLASSES OF ALIENS INELIGIBLE TO RECEIVE VISAS AND INELIGIBLE FOR ADMISSION; WAIVERS OF INADMISSIBILLITY

Sec. 212. [8 U.S.C. 1182]

(a) Classes of Aliens Ineligible for Visas or Admission.-Except as otherwise provided in this Act, aliens who are inadmissible under the following paragraphs are ineligible to receive visas and ineligible to be admitted to the United States:

.....

D) Prostitution and commercialized vice.-Any alien who-

(i) is coming to the United States solely, principally, or incidentally to engage in prostitution, or has engaged in prostitution within 10 years of the date of application for a visa, admission, or adjustment of status,

Truly, I am sorry. Good luck to you.

[Mel and Syl 0]

Wow this is a tough one!

You have decided to cancel the petition witch is your full right but dont you think you should talk to her first? You said that she is doing it for money so why do you think that she is chaeting on you? I am not taking her side but i will surely not judge anybody for trying to make a living as long as that person is not harming anyone. What i am trying to say is that i dont believe that anybody will do such things just for fun. I dont know where she comes from and i dont know her financial situation but maybe to her thats the only way to support herself and her family. I can understand that you are disappointed because you found out by mistake and not from her but still there must be a reason why she is doing it. You will surely feel better about your decision when you know WHY she has been doing that typ of WORK, yes i call it WORK because once again, i can't imagine such thing to be fun. You also said that you had never been happier befor so i guess she felt the same way about you or she is a good actor but only you can tell. After all you decided to file the petition because you thought she loves you the way you love her so why don't you take your time and think back befor taking any action?

I wish you good luck and may God help you to make the right decision!

She has put the O/P's life in danger (AIDS).

You're doing the right thing, as long as you are sure it is her. IMHO

Come on now, how many people put their partner's life in danger (AIDS) everyday without doing what she is doing?

[Teacher Mark 53]

Wow this is a tough one!

You have decided to cancel the petition witch is your full right but dont you think you should talk to her first? You said that she is doing it for money so why do you think that she is chaeting on you? I am not taking her side but i will surely not judge anybody for trying to make a living as long as that person is not harming anyone. What i am trying to say is that i dont believe that anybody will do such things just for fun. I dont know where she comes from and i dont know her financial situation but maybe to her thats the only way to support herself and her family. I can understand that you are disappointed because you found out by mistake and not from her but still there must be a reason why she is doing it. You will surely feel better about your decision when you know WHY she has been doing that typ of WORK, yes i call it WORK because once again, i can't imagine such thing to be fun. You also said that you had never been happier befor so i guess she felt the same way about you or she is a good actor but only you can tell. After all you decided to file the petition because you thought she loves you the way you love her so why don't you take your time and think back befor taking any action?

I wish you good luck and may God help you to make the right decision!

She has put the O/P's life in danger (AIDS).

You're doing the right thing, as long as you are sure it is her. IMHO

Come on now, how many people put their partner's life in danger (AIDS) everyday without doing what she is doing?

You can't be serious.

[kalapino 0]

trust is the most important part of any relationship.

if you do not trust each other, you have nothing to build upon. If she is lying to you, she is not worth your time and energy. do not invest any more emotion into her.

say goodbye, and start your recovery.

I am sorry for your discovery, brother. But better now then in a few years after you have gotten married.

It's her loss.

hang in there