I fell in love and got married to someone related to me.

[Capsule 0]

Hi,

Before people jump to conclusions, make assumptions and make fun of me for what is going on, if you have the time, please read what I’m writing and maybe you will understand this issue.

In the summer of 2006 my mother, brother and I went on a trip to Armenia so I can meet my mother’s family. In Armenia I met a girl I fell deeply in love with. In denial that I was in love with her, I would always tell myself, “No, that’s wrong, don’t think that, etc.” Because I was staying at her family’s house, I grew deeper in love with this woman. At the time she was 19 and I was 18 (I am now 20 and she is 21).

I came back home to the U.S. in denial, yet couldn’t believe that I was in love with her. I had to see her one last time though, before I went on with my life (or at least try to). One year went by in agony, and in the summer of 2007 I went back “to see my family.” In all actuality, it was to see her and only her. No one else mattered to me. While I was there she kissed me in a way “she’s not supposed to.” Then began to apologize and cry, and I asked her what’s wrong.

She told me that she has fallen in love with me and she can’t help it. She thought by saying that I would never talk to her again, but I told her not to worry, because I had fallen deeply in love with her also.

At first we talked about how we will never forget each another, and we are deeply in love, but we can’t be together because of what family would say.

Three weeks went by and I did a lot of research on the internet and found out what I was experiencing is NOT abnormal, it is actually pretty common. It is common for relatives (in our case, first cousins) to meet for the first time or reunite after years of not seeing each another and fall in love. It’s a phenomenon called ‘genetic sexual attraction.’

Contrary to what we have learned in society (I also), the offspring of cousins has a very minimal risk in increasing chances for a birth defect, it is equal to a 40 year old female to have a child.

And like that, after three weeks I thought to myself, “Forget what other people think, I don’t care, I love her and it is no one's business!” We discussed it and decided the only way to be together is to get married (not to mention the fact that both of us were crazy for each another, even after a year).

With little research about Armenian law, and after a daunting task, we got married. After coming back to the United States I consulted with a lawyer and he said I’m probably going to end up having problems. After I researched Armenian family law, I found out that this:

i) Cousin marriages are not allowed

ii) Cousin marriages will be considered invalid if they will be brought up to the courts for a consideration

iii) Cousin marriages will only be considered valid if she is pregnant or a child is already born

iv) Any marriage CAN be considered valid if deemed by the court

Now you see my problem? I we must’ve slipped through the cracks, because I am a naturalized U.S. citizen, I was born in Armenia. We did not lie on anything, no forms asked if we are related and it was not asked to us verbally either.

After reading this I was devastated, I didn’t know what to do. Someone recommended me to go to Canada, she come to Canada and we get married here. I contacted an attorney in Canada, and explained my situation and she said that is just fine, she could help me out with it and it will be a no problem job.

So like that, as a 19 year old, busting my butt working 50 hours a week AND a full time college student I came to Canada as a student for one year. After six months of being here she was denied entry because a study permit has already been issued to me.

I’ve pretty much spent my life savings on this (about 10 thousand dollars) and now I’m at a dead halt. I’m beginning to become depressed as I know I have a long road ahead of me if I am forced to go to Armenia and flee with her from there. Her brother saw a picture of us that looked a little “risky” and told me that if anything is going on between us two I am a dead man.

I am in serious need of legal help and am desperate. I only have a couple thousand dollars left of student loans and my car which I will sell if I need more funds. I have worked all throughout high school, I never receive a dime from my parents (I come from a fairly poor family). It is difficult surviving the way it is, yet all the costs. I’m 20 years old and I raised some money by selling my motorcycles (I started racing motocross at 16 after I was able to earn money).

What do I need to do? How can I prove to the embassy that this is not a sham? She is the only thing helping me cling on to life right now, if I new she wasn’t in my future my fingers would slip and I would be gone.

I am willing to do anything. I have found some contacts in Armenia that will allow me to live in their home temporarily. If need be, I can move to Armenia and flee with her until things are sorted out, if need be, I can go to Armenia, officially nullify our marriage, flee to a country such as Egypt or Jordan where cousin marriages are legal and get married over there. I will do anything!

I am desperate, and there is no way I can turn to family for help .

[Capsule 0]

If anyone knows of any good attorney, or an attorney that has experience with an issue like this, please let me know.

I am on the brink of just selling my vehicle, flying to Armenia and fleeing from there, and I know that this would NOT be a smart move on my part, at least for the long-run.

[Jack and Barbara 0]

Hi capsule,

I am srry you are oing through this ordeal. I will not say I completely understand or appreciate what you and your wife are going through beceause I do not fully understand the concept of marrriage through family. However, if you really do love this woman, all I can offer you is hope that whatever is God's wishes will happen with you and your wife. I agree that you should contact a lawyer and see what your options are.

Edited July 6, 2008 by Jack and Barbara

[Capsule 0]

That's okay, I'm not expecting many people to understand anything. It's something that I quite possibly would not have understood had this not happened to me. It took me a year to be out of denial with myself because I "thought" it was so wrong. And unless one is put in that situation, I don't think they will ever completely understand.

This is someone that to me, did not even exist several years ago. I have cousins from my father's side of the family that I grew up with and never in my mind would something go through.

There's a message board for people who ended up in situations like me, if you go through the forum on the site and read how people fell in love with their cousins, RARELY if ever would you see a couple saying that they grew up together. Almost all met each another the first time when they were adults or were reunited since they were little kids.

And I bet if you go up just a couple generations in all of our family histories that we will see how much more common this phenomenon is.

[Jack and Barbara 0]

That's okay, I'm not expecting many people to understand anything. It's something that I quite possibly would not have understood had this not happened to me. It took me a year to be out of denial with myself because I "thought" it was so wrong. And unless one is put in that situation, I don't think they will ever completely understand.

This is someone that to me, did not even exist several years ago. I have cousins from my father's side of the family that I grew up with and never in my mind would something go through.

There's a message board for people who ended up in situations like me, if you go through the forum on the site and read how people fell in love with their cousins, RARELY if ever would you see a couple saying that they grew up together. Almost all met each another the first time when they were adults or were reunited since they were little kids.

Believe me, I am not one for judgement, I have no room or place. I am only trying to understand more of your situation and I would understand if you do not want to share more because it is a sensitive issue.

Best of luck to you and yours and I apologize for any pre-judgement.

And I bet if you go up just a couple generations in all of our family histories that we will see how much more common this phenomenon is.

[Jack and Barbara 0]

Believe me, I am not one for judgement, I have no room or place. I am only trying to understand more of your situation and I would understand if you do not want to share more because it is a sensitive issue.

Best of luck to you and yours and I apologize for any pre-judgement.

[Sassy1natl 0]

Hi,

Before people jump to conclusions, make assumptions and make fun of me for what is going on, if you have the time, please read what I’m writing and maybe you will understand this issue.

In the summer of 2006 my mother, brother and I went on a trip to Armenia so I can meet my mother’s family. In Armenia I met a girl I fell deeply in love with. In denial that I was in love with her, I would always tell myself, “No, that’s wrong, don’t think that, etc.” Because I was staying at her family’s house, I grew deeper in love with this woman. At the time she was 19 and I was 18 (I am now 20 and she is 21).

I came back home to the U.S. in denial, yet couldn’t believe that I was in love with her. I had to see her one last time though, before I went on with my life (or at least try to). One year went by in agony, and in the summer of 2007 I went back “to see my family.” In all actuality, it was to see her and only her. No one else mattered to me. While I was there she kissed me in a way “she’s not supposed to.” Then began to apologize and cry, and I asked her what’s wrong.

She told me that she has fallen in love with me and she can’t help it. She thought by saying that I would never talk to her again, but I told her not to worry, because I had fallen deeply in love with her also.

At first we talked about how we will never forget each another, and we are deeply in love, but we can’t be together because of what family would say.

Three weeks went by and I did a lot of research on the internet and found out what I was experiencing is NOT abnormal, it is actually pretty common. It is common for relatives (in our case, first cousins) to meet for the first time or reunite after years of not seeing each another and fall in love. It’s a phenomenon called ‘genetic sexual attraction.’

Contrary to what we have learned in society (I also), the offspring of cousins has a very minimal risk in increasing chances for a birth defect, it is equal to a 40 year old female to have a child.

And like that, after three weeks I thought to myself, “Forget what other people think, I don’t care, I love her and it is no one's business!” We discussed it and decided the only way to be together is to get married (not to mention the fact that both of us were crazy for each another, even after a year).

With little research about Armenian law, and after a daunting task, we got married. After coming back to the United States I consulted with a lawyer and he said I’m probably going to end up having problems. After I researched Armenian family law, I found out that this:

i) Cousin marriages are not allowed

ii) Cousin marriages will be considered invalid if they will be brought up to the courts for a consideration

iii) Cousin marriages will only be considered valid if she is pregnant or a child is already born

iv) Any marriage CAN be considered valid if deemed by the court

Now you see my problem? I we must’ve slipped through the cracks, because I am a naturalized U.S. citizen, I was born in Armenia. We did not lie on anything, no forms asked if we are related and it was not asked to us verbally either.

After reading this I was devastated, I didn’t know what to do. Someone recommended me to go to Canada, she come to Canada and we get married here. I contacted an attorney in Canada, and explained my situation and she said that is just fine, she could help me out with it and it will be a no problem job.

So like that, as a 19 year old, busting my butt working 50 hours a week AND a full time college student I came to Canada as a student for one year. After six months of being here she was denied entry because a study permit has already been issued to me.

I’ve pretty much spent my life savings on this (about 10 thousand dollars) and now I’m at a dead halt. I’m beginning to become depressed as I know I have a long road ahead of me if I am forced to go to Armenia and flee with her from there. Her brother saw a picture of us that looked a little “risky” and told me that if anything is going on between us two I am a dead man.

I am in serious need of legal help and am desperate. I only have a couple thousand dollars left of student loans and my car which I will sell if I need more funds. I have worked all throughout high school, I never receive a dime from my parents (I come from a fairly poor family). It is difficult surviving the way it is, yet all the costs. I’m 20 years old and I raised some money by selling my motorcycles (I started racing motocross at 16 after I was able to earn money).

What do I need to do? How can I prove to the embassy that this is not a sham? She is the only thing helping me cling on to life right now, if I new she wasn’t in my future my fingers would slip and I would be gone.

I am willing to do anything. I have found some contacts in Armenia that will allow me to live in their home temporarily. If need be, I can move to Armenia and flee with her until things are sorted out, if need be, I can go to Armenia, officially nullify our marriage, flee to a country such as Egypt or Jordan where cousin marriages are legal and get married over there. I will do anything!

I am desperate, and there is no way I can turn to family for help .

Contrary to what you will probably hear, relationships with first cousins is fairly common in some South Asia countries. There are some extensions in my hubbys family that are cousins. I wish I could offer some advice in the legalities of it for you. Good luck. And you have to live your life for you. No one else.

[William33 110]

You have a difficult case ahead of you. Consult an immigration attorney at once.

For those that choose to pass judgement, Don't. This person is seeking immigration advice only.

The Mods are on top of this thread.

[Jack and Barbara 0]

Best of luck. I only wish I could understand more of the background, after all, I am watching "Rat Race"

[Capsule 0]

I'm beginning to lose hope day by day.

Her parents are trying to force her to marry some rich dirt bag in Armenia, it is killing me to hear that. Imagine someone who comes around to the person you love and wants to marry them and their parents are forcing them to marry them.

It kills me every time this happens.

I swear, if it wasn't for her I would be dead right now. I can't believe that a couple imaginary lines on a map and some laws are keeping me from being with the person I love!

I'm sure you've all been in a stressful situation of wondering if you will be approved or not, you've all gone through some of the feelings I'm going through right now. I cry as I write this, the first year I came back while I was still in denial that I was in love with her, I couldn't handle it anymore, I purposely ran in front of a car, and thought to myself that it would be wrong of me to emotionally hurt another person for my selfishness, and after that one time I never did that again. I can't turn to ANY Armenians in Armenia or even here for help, they all have their prejudices, biases and assumptions like none other.

I could care less about my parents "disowning" me, and I know it's going to happen soon, same on her side.

Every time I've consulted a lawyer, I've just spent hundreds of dollars for an hour of "discussion" leaving more hopeless than I got there, does anyone know any good lawyers that will be willing to help? I am willing to leave my life here and give up my citizenship and move over there to be with her, but I know if that was to happen I would put her life in danger and I know I will surely be killed.

Edited July 6, 2008 by Capsule

[Jack and Barbara 0]

I am so sorry you have gone through this. Be advised even of those who have not been in your exact situation have not had the the easy life. YOU have to do with what is best for YOU and if that means finding the best lawyer who is best for both of you, so be it. You have not been the first through it, nor the last. My prayers go out to both of you,

[Brad and Vika 129]

I can't really help with immigration or family law at all, sorry. I just wanted to say that I hope you won't put yourself in harms way. Be safe while you work things out.

[hunnyko 0]

I am so sorry you have gone through this. Be advised even of those who have not been in your exact situation have not had the the easy life. YOU have to do with what is best for YOU and if that means finding the best lawyer who is best for both of you, so be it. You have not been the first through it, nor the last. My prayers go out to both of you,

[/quote

Does she have any work experience, maybe she and you could get working visas to a different country like Australia, then get married there? Or get student visas to the same city college? There has to be some coutries that you can marry a cousin in?

Good luck and maybe try a Immigration lawyer who knows the Armenia laws.

[Jack and Barbara 0]

May God Bless you with you the right advice Take some time to read through all of the posts. It might seem impossible at first, but even though the rest had to go through much hardship, it must be worth it in the end, right?

[Todd-Leah 0]

Marriages among cousins are actually quite common in some countries.

In the past, a lot of Asian families arranged marriages among cousins, though it's generally discouraged this days, the laws in most Asian countries don't prohibit it.

In fact, there are a few older relatives in my family who are married to cousins! My aunt who is in her 60s is one of them.

Leah