Can crimes prevent removing of conditions?

[venusfire503 54]

My husband has been accused of a crime that I believe he did not commit. I've never encountered anything like this before, but I do know that sometimes innocent people are convicted. There are so many things on my mind right now. My divorce lawyer said I need to make him leave the house until the matter is resolved or I could lose custody of my kids from my first marriage. I'm trying to reach a lawyer for him, and one for me (for custody). I hope this is resolved quickly, and that he is found innocent.

The quick summary is that my daughter accused my husband of touching her inappropriately while she was completely clothed. I don't have proof, but I'm sure that her father put her up to it (he's been trying to take full custody).

On top of everything else, I happened to wonder today if he is convicted could he be turned down next year when he applies to remove conditions (get his 10 year card)? Will it look bad if I have to tell USCIS that we lived apart for a time, and why? My lawyer said he thinks it will be difficult for a case to be made against him if we go to court, but if so, he could get probation and possibly a few months in jail. It would be a misdemeanor, but I'm not sure if he'd have to register as a sex offender. This whole thing is just turning my stomach. I can't eat or sleep, and my husband is devastated.

[przy 0]

Have you talked to your daughter about the issue? That's a pretty bold thing to be making up. I would definitely get professional help involved and talk to your daughter, if you haven't already. And yes, if this is indeed true, your husband would have to register as a sex offender for touching a minor. It's all the same category once a minor is voilated. It doesn't matter the severity of the situation.... once committed, it's all in the same bag (at least in California). Short answer, this particular crime, if found guilty could definitely have an impact on the AOS situation.

Edited July 5, 2008 by przy

[venusfire503 54]

I have talked with both of them. There are several reasons I find it hard to believe her which I'd rather not post. Anyway, it's all up to the authorities and God at this point. I just want to know what to expect. I have other sources for my other questions, but just wanted to know if anyone else had any experience or knowledge with this particular part of the problem.

If he's found guilty, would he definitely or just possibly be deported? Now, or when we would file to remove conditions? Are we required to report it right away, and if so, on what form?

If he's found innocent, would I have to mention this to USCIS on any forms? Could our living apart temporarily cause any problems? My lawyer said I should declare that we are separated unless/until he's cleared.

I'm just in shock right now, and gathering as much information about all possible outcomes is my way of dealing with the situation.

[venusfire503 54]

I'm still reeling from all of this. I wonder, if it turns out that he did do something, what can I do? Would he still be able to stay in the country, and would I still be financially responsible for him?

I pray that I'm right about all of this, and that he's innocent. For so many reasons.

My daughter was mad (about not getting her way) at us (and especially him) when she made the accusation. I had asked her several times in the past (even years before I met my husband) if anyone had ever touched her, and she always said no. It's part of my job as a mother - I bring up health and safety topics with all of my children. I never had any suspicions, and saw nothing to suggest that anything inappropriate was going on. She didn't try to avoid him or act afraid or uncomfortable around him.

Things happened to me when I was young, so I know these things happen, and am very sensitive about this. I also know people (one was very close to me) who have been falsely accused (they were cleared). I know how devastating it is in both situations.

I'm trying not to take sides, and I'm trying to wait to see how things turn out. I hope that the truth is discovered.

[crazyinEgypt 0]

I'm still reeling from all of this. I wonder, if it turns out that he did do something, what can I do? Would he still be able to stay in the country, and would I still be financially responsible for him?

I pray that I'm right about all of this, and that he's innocent. For so many reasons.

My daughter was mad (about not getting her way) at us (and especially him) when she made the accusation. I had asked her several times in the past (even years before I met my husband) if anyone had ever touched her, and she always said no. It's part of my job as a mother - I bring up health and safety topics with all of my children. I never had any suspicions, and saw nothing to suggest that anything inappropriate was going on. She didn't try to avoid him or act afraid or uncomfortable around him.

Things happened to me when I was young, so I know these things happen, and am very sensitive about this. I also know people (one was very close to me) who have been falsely accused (they were cleared). I know how devastating it is in both situations.

I'm trying not to take sides, and I'm trying to wait to see how things turn out. I hope that the truth is discovered.

I hope you would know what to do if he did do this. As a perosn that was molested by my uncle as a child I find it difficult to take sides. I do not want to come across as harsh though. First of all, how old is your daughter? Does her story continue to be the same each time she tells it or do the details change? If your ex truly put her up to this, then there should be holes in the "story." Where is your husband now? Still with you and your daughter? Not knowing the truth, I wouldn't have your daughter anywhere near him. Even though you beleive he's innocent, and he very well may be, I wouldn't take chances. If something really did happen to your daughter, this will scar her forever, I know. It took years for anyone in my family would finally beleive me when I told them my uncle was touching me. I begged and cried to so many people! Now I'm not close to anyone in my family, although they all want a relationship now. I cannot bring myself to forgive. I was a child dammit and no one was protecting me when I asked for help! Be there for your daughter and find out the facts.

[crazyinEgypt 0]

My husband has been accused of a crime that I believe he did not commit. I've never encountered anything like this before, but I do know that sometimes innocent people are convicted. There are so many things on my mind right now. My divorce lawyer said I need to make him leave the house until the matter is resolved or I could lose custody of my kids from my first marriage. I'm trying to reach a lawyer for him, and one for me (for custody). I hope this is resolved quickly, and that he is found innocent.

The quick summary is that my daughter accused my husband of touching her inappropriately while she was completely clothed. I don't have proof, but I'm sure that her father put her up to it (he's been trying to take full custody).

On top of everything else, I happened to wonder today if he is convicted could he be turned down next year when he applies to remove conditions (get his 10 year card)? Will it look bad if I have to tell USCIS that we lived apart for a time, and why? My lawyer said he thinks it will be difficult for a case to be made against him if we go to court, but if so, he could get probation and possibly a few months in jail. It would be a misdemeanor, but I'm not sure if he'd have to register as a sex offender. This whole thing is just turning my stomach. I can't eat or sleep, and my husband is devastated.

I'm confused, are you and your husband getting a divorce?

Doesn't matter if a person is clothed or naked. Inappropriated touching is inappropriated touching.

I think regardless if he's not convicted, he has to register as an offender. At least around here they do.

[venusfire503 54]

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you. It sounds like you had a very rough time - worse than I did, although getting over it... well, do we ever?

My children are at their father's house. I need to go to talk to child services tomorrow, and I hope to get them back. They were originally supposed to come back on Friday. My husband agreed to leave, even though he maintains his innocence. So I'm alone, and the kids are nowhere near my husband.

The divorce lawyer I mentioned was for my divorce from my first husband. I work for him (the lawyer, of course) part time now. He also does criminal law, but we agreed I would seek other counsel for this.

Oh, I mentioned the clothing thing because I didn't know if there were different answers depending on the severity of the allegations (for example, rape vs. indecent exposure, neither of which apply here). I just googled it, and it seems there are different 'levels'. My lawyer/boss said, based on what my daughter told me, that if convicted, my husband would only be charged with a misdemeanor. I don't remember the 'name' of the offense he gave me, but I'm sure I'll be learning more than I ever cared to about this soon enough.

I really don't want to get into details about the case. Even though people don't know my name, I don't want to violate our privacy any more than necessary (I'm already saying more than I'd like). It's all in the hands of others now - child services, the police, and the lawyers. Let me just clarify that I did not neglect my daughter - I was supportive before she left, and the one time I got to talk with her on the phone. I just listened to what she said, and told her I would help her. Like I said before, things happened to me in the past too. One of the reasons I hope he's innocent is that I hope my daughter wasn't actually molested!

I don't have any control over this. All I can do is talk to the people I have to talk to, be there for my kids if and when I can see or talk with them again, and pray for the best. The only way I can get any sense of ... I don't know what ... is to find out as much as I can so there are no more surprises.

My point of posting was to find out the facts about what will possibly happen. If he's found innocent, will there be any repercussions anyway as far as the law (like registering) and immigration? Will USCIS have issue with the temporary separation? If he's guilty, what happens then? I don't know if he'd be deported or not, or when. If he's not, am I still responsible for him? Do I have any say about it? In either case, what are my requirements about notifying immigration?

I hope, now that I had a few more days to get over the initial shock of this, that I'm making a little more sense. If not, it could be the lack of sleep, lack of appetite, and constant crying.

[AussieDude 0]

I suggest you deal with these issues one at a time. Don't worry too much about the residency issues just yet, they sound like they are some time away at the moment.

Deal with the alleged molestation issue first. I'm sorry that I can't offer any advice about that. However, as far as I know, until there is a court conviction, there won't be a charge recorded against your husband's name, ie he doesn't automatically go on the offender's register until there is a conviction, an allegation is not grounds for conviction in the US justice system.

Living seperately at any point during the conditional residency is not an automatic grounds for refusal of removing conditions, however I can not say that at the least it will complicate your petition somewhat. You do have to mention any arrests/convictions on the removal of conditions petition. Once again, these aren't automatically grounds for refusing removal of conditions, but this depends very much on the reason for arrest/conviction. Looking at two extremes, if someone was arrested for wrong identity for example, they may not care about that. However, if someone was convicted of smuggling drugs/violent crime/sex offenses etc, that will probably make it next to impossible to remove conditions.

I don't want to pass judgment on your case, I don't think its our place to get involved in the specifics. However, my opinion is that you should deal with the matter at hand first, and worry about your husband's immigration issues later.

[venusfire503 54]

I guess I'm going to have to give a little more of the details. I think people are imagining much more happened than what she said happened. My daughter did NOT say that my husband touched her between the legs or anything like that - it was just a general "rubbed with his hands while hugging" kind of thing she described. To me, yes that could mean something sexual, or it could just mean innocent affection. That is what I've seen him do (rubbing someone's shoulders, for example), and also have done myself - my kids generally like being innocently caressed. That was what my lawyer said will make this case so hard to resolve - it comes down to his intent/thoughts. It also means (IMHO) that it's possible neither of them are lying - he wasn't thinking anything sexual, but she was uncomfortable.

Thank you so much for the information, AussieDude. I know immigration is something I can deal with later, but it's somehow helpful to just get the facts. I'm also gathering information on custody, etc. It makes it feel a little less that my whole life is spiralling out of control.

[venusfire503 54]

You do have to mention any arrests/convictions on the removal of conditions petition. Once again, these aren't automatically grounds for refusing removal of conditions, but this depends very much on the reason for arrest/conviction. Looking at two extremes, if someone was arrested for wrong identity for example, they may not care about that. However, if someone was convicted of smuggling drugs/violent crime/sex offenses etc, that will probably make it next to impossible to remove conditions.

I don't want to pass judgment on your case, I don't think its our place to get involved in the specifics. However, my opinion is that you should deal with the matter at hand first, and worry about your husband's immigration issues later.

Thank you again for the information. My husband was not arrested - he just was asked to go in for questioning. The detective was gone for the weekend by the time we returned his call, so that will be happening today, I imagine.

I'm glad you said that - I didn't want to get into the specifics of the case, but it seems that it's human nature to want to know details before giving advice. I'm sure I do the same thing, at least sometimes.

[NickD 203]

My husband has been accused of a crime that I believe he did not commit.

By what authority? And exactly whom is the accuser? It sounds like you already put your husband in jail, being charged as a pedophile is a very serious crime when you state no charges have been filed yet and there was no conviction in a court of law.

There are cases where the accuser has ended up locked up for making false charges creating all kinds of havoc by accusing innocent people of being a pedophile that I am presently as a third possibility as the investigations for charges of this type are very long, extensive, and expensive to the tax payer. So in cases like yours, could be your husband is a pedophile, your daughter wants to get rid of him, or maybe you do.

What I find disturbing about your post, you are not following the steps by talking to your attorney and ready talking about hiring an attorney for your husband. The proper steps are to inform social workers first that are trained to make a full investigation followed by a complete psychiatric evaluation of all the parties involved, and this includes not only the suspected culprit, but the suspected victim, and the accuser as well.

I agree with AussieDude, immigration is not even in the picture at this stage of the game until your husband is found guilty in a court of law with plenty of evidence to prove he is guilty. This a felony charge and you don't even have to be concerned about immigration, that will be taken care of for you. On the other hand, if your accusations are found to be false, you may find yourself in jail and your own daughter will disown you for what you put her through.

By any chance were you the victim of a pedophile at an early age? Course you don't have to answer any of these question, it's none of our business, but since you brought your concerns to this board, immigration at this point is not your key issue.

[Carlawarla 1]

I can sympathize with your dilemma, however I'm very surprised, given your own history that you're questioning your husband's intentions. You said "It's part of my job as a mother - I bring up health and safety topics with all of my children." It's your job as a mother to believe your children as well when they tell you something. Interesting at how this played out, your children had to leave? Until this is all straightened out, it's your husband that needed to leave. The first two damaging emotional abuses after an allegation is made is #1, the Mother makes 101 excuses why the daughter might be lying, or rationalizes the behaviour of her husband. #2, the children are removed from the home. (ie. many sexual abusers tell their vicitims that if they ever say anything about the abuse, they (the victim) will be sent away, maybe to a foster home, and that their Mother's will not believe them). So, I'd say at present, you need support for you and your children, not support for your husband. If it all comes out that it didn't happen, I would suggest a good family counsellor that can talk about boundaries, and appropriate touching. Your children need to be empowered to tell anyone to stop touching them when they're uncomfortable, whether it's sexual or not.

It also does not matter whether she was clothed or not, it doesn't matter whether it was between her legs, or on her breasts. Stop rationalizing. I don't believe you ever said how old your daughter is, as well as the other children. Peodeophilia can only be diagnosed by a professional, and it only implies men who prefer and are sexually aroused and interested in children.

Edited July 7, 2008 by Carlawarla

[venusfire503 54]

My husband has been accused of a crime that I believe he did not commit.

By what authority? And exactly whom is the accuser? It sounds like you already put your husband in jail, being charged as a pedophile is a very serious crime when you state no charges have been filed yet and there was no conviction in a court of law.

There are cases where the accuser has ended up locked up for making false charges creating all kinds of havoc by accusing innocent people of being a pedophile that I am presently as a third possibility as the investigations for charges of this type are very long, extensive, and expensive to the tax payer. So in cases like yours, could be your husband is a pedophile, your daughter wants to get rid of him, or maybe you do.

What I find disturbing about your post, you are not following the steps by talking to your attorney and ready talking about hiring an attorney for your husband. The proper steps are to inform social workers first that are trained to make a full investigation followed by a complete psychiatric evaluation of all the parties involved, and this includes not only the suspected culprit, but the suspected victim, and the accuser as well.

I agree with AussieDude, immigration is not even in the picture at this stage of the game until your husband is found guilty in a court of law with plenty of evidence to prove he is guilty. This a felony charge and you don't even have to be concerned about immigration, that will be taken care of for you. On the other hand, if your accusations are found to be false, you may find yourself in jail and your own daughter will disown you for what you put her through.

By any chance were you the victim of a pedophile at an early age? Course you don't have to answer any of these question, it's none of our business, but since you brought your concerns to this board, immigration at this point is not your key issue.

Whoa - did you read what I wrote? I didn't accuse him of anything. In my original post I stated that my daughter accused him. I also mentioned that it's being dealt with by social workers, etc. He will be going to the police to be interviewed. I don't know if any charges have been filed by child services or not. I said I talked to my attorney already. He suggested I get an attorney for my husband. He also suggested I ask my husband to leave unless/until he's cleared.

Where do you get off accusing me of putting my daughter through anything? I didn't accuse anyone of anything. If she's lying, I suspect my ex of putting her up to this, if anything (he's been trying to gain full custody and just happened to get married recently to his live in girlfriend). I've listened to both my daughter and my husband, and have been supportive of both. She HAS talked with social services, he is getting a lawyer, and MY objective is ONLY to get to the truth.

Please actually READ what I've already posted. I also mentioned that people did things to me when I was younger (nothing extreme), and I also know people (one very close to me) who have been falsely charged and saw how it affected them (one lost his job, even though he was cleared, and almost lost his house). I think that makes me as sympathetic as possible to both of them. Also keep in mind that, no matter the outcome of this, my life is being pulled apart right now. My kids have been taken from me (I hope to get them back today). Even if my husband is cleared, things will never be the same.

The way you rambled on (much of it not making sense) makes me wonder if YOU are a pedophile.

In any case, I think it's highly insensitive for you to write such rude comments to me when I'm in such a situation, and just asking for some information to help me cope.

[venusfire503 54]

I can sympathize with your dilemma, however I'm very surprised, given your own history that you're questioning your husband's intentions. You said "It's part of my job as a mother - I bring up health and safety topics with all of my children." It's your job as a mother to believe your children as well when they tell you something. Interesting at how this played out, your children had to leave? Until this is all straightened out, it's your husband that needed to leave. The first two damaging emotional abuses after an allegation is made is #1, the Mother makes 101 excuses why the daughter might be lying, or rationalizes the behaviour of her husband. #2, the children are removed from the home. (ie. many sexual abusers tell their vicitims that if they ever say anything about the abuse, they (the victim) will be sent away, maybe to a foster home, and that their Mother's will not believe them). So, I'd say at present, you need support for you and your children, not support for your husband. If it all comes out that it didn't happen, I would suggest a good family counsellor that can talk about boundaries, and appropriate touching. Your children need to be empowered to tell anyone to stop touching them when they're uncomfortable, whether it's sexual or not.

It also does not matter whether she was clothed or not, it doesn't matter whether it was between her legs, or on her breasts. Stop rationalizing. I don't believe you ever said how old your daughter is, as well as the other children. Peodeophilia can only be diagnosed by a professional, and it only implies men who prefer and are sexually aroused and interested in children.

I mentioned that I often bring up safety issues with my kids. Part of that has always been to tell people when they cross boundaries. I even told my daughter she has the right to tell people if they stand too close for her comfort. I did it because I always do, not because of any suspicions. The conversation I had with my kids was weeks before any accusations were made. I really don't know what to believe. I told my daughter I would help her, and didn't accuse her of lying. I did not make them leave. They went to their father's house as part of the normal custody schedule. He got social services to call me to tell me they couldn't come back until I went to talk with the agency. It wouldn't have mattered what I did - I have to talk with them first, which is scheduled this morning. I never would send my kids away. I don't have any proof that my husband did anything, but he left anyway. I'm not rationalizing it if he did do anything. If he did, he's gone for good.

I believe we all need help right now. I'm crushed. My kids are probably confused. My daughter was either molested, or has a serious problem that led her to falsely accuse my husband. My husband is devastated if he's innocent, and needs some kind of help if he's guilty.

I am really getting sick of trying to defend myself. This is a forum about removing conditions, and that's all I really wanted to discuss here.

[Carlawarla 1]

I can sympathize with your dilemma, however I'm very surprised, given your own history that you're questioning your husband's intentions. You said "It's part of my job as a mother - I bring up health and safety topics with all of my children." It's your job as a mother to believe your children as well when they tell you something. Interesting at how this played out, your children had to leave? Until this is all straightened out, it's your husband that needed to leave. The first two damaging emotional abuses after an allegation is made is #1, the Mother makes 101 excuses why the daughter might be lying, or rationalizes the behaviour of her husband. #2, the children are removed from the home. (ie. many sexual abusers tell their vicitims that if they ever say anything about the abuse, they (the victim) will be sent away, maybe to a foster home, and that their Mother's will not believe them). So, I'd say at present, you need support for you and your children, not support for your husband. If it all comes out that it didn't happen, I would suggest a good family counsellor that can talk about boundaries, and appropriate touching. Your children need to be empowered to tell anyone to stop touching them when they're uncomfortable, whether it's sexual or not.

It also does not matter whether she was clothed or not, it doesn't matter whether it was between her legs, or on her breasts. Stop rationalizing. I don't believe you ever said how old your daughter is, as well as the other children. Peodeophilia can only be diagnosed by a professional, and it only implies men who prefer and are sexually aroused and interested in children.

I mentioned that I often bring up safety issues with my kids. Part of that has always been to tell people when they cross boundaries. I even told my daughter she has the right to tell people if they stand too close for her comfort. I did it because I always do, not because of any suspicions. The conversation I had with my kids was weeks before any accusations were made. I really don't know what to believe. I told my daughter I would help her, and didn't accuse her of lying. I did not make them leave. They went to their father's house as part of the normal custody schedule. He got social services to call me to tell me they couldn't come back until I went to talk with the agency. It wouldn't have mattered what I did - I have to talk with them first, which is scheduled this morning. I never would send my kids away. I don't have any proof that my husband did anything, but he left anyway. I'm not rationalizing it if he did do anything. If he did, he's gone for good.

I believe we all need help right now. I'm crushed. My kids are probably confused. My daughter was either molested, or has a serious problem that led her to falsely accuse my husband. My husband is devastated if he's innocent, and needs some kind of help if he's guilty.

I am really getting sick of trying to defend myself. This is a forum about removing conditions, and that's all I really wanted to discuss here.

Hugs for you. It's a really big topic, tragic. I know you were asking for information about removing conditions. It's a bit early for that perhaps. I know you're concerned about that, but wait until this huge mess has been straightened out. Take time for you, and your kids right now. Don't worry about blaming anyone. Let the professionals find out what happened. They're trained to do so. The best thing you can do right now, is to take care of you and your family. I hope you have a girlfriend that can lend support. You need a lot of support right now, and I'm sorry if you feel I was beating you down. It was not my intention. Slow down...take it a day at a time...be kind to yourself...talk about removing conditions later.