Friend Gets Goodbye Email from Fiance

[khengool 0]

A few questions:

If the chick loved the guy, but not the American economy, why didn't she just ask him to live in her home country?

Might that have something to do with the guy not knowing anything about the home country aside from his contact with her?

Are his ancestors from that country?

Does he speak her mother tongue?

Does he know her family?

Did he ever live in that country previously?

Did they meet in a chat room, or in person?

Did they get engaged after him visiting her for a week?

Sometimes when I read about people's visa journeys I wonder what these peeps are smokin'.

solid relationships require some things that are overlooked very often:

1. Transparency: if she doesn't tell you what you want to know when you want to know it, then RUN!
2. Trust: if you have the slightest touch of doubt about whether she still likes her ex, then RUN!
3. Communication: If you don't speak one of her languages, and she doesn't speak one of yours, RUN!
4. Rationality: If you can't get a girl that hot in the U.S., you may just be renting the one you're getting overseas, so RUN!
5. Family compatibility: If her family is uncomfortably poor, uneducated, and downtrodden and you're not, then RUN!

[groovlstk 0]

A few questions:

If the chick loved the guy, but not the American economy, why didn't she just ask him to live in her home country?

Because for a guy whose relationship is grounded in fantasy it's a lot easier to attribute her indifference to him on cultural differences or other such nonsense

[slim 1,525]

No point in judging people. Love is not always the cornerstone of marriage. That is a modern, western ideal.

I once had a buddy (who was divorced, remarried, and in the process of going through his second divorce) tell me that marriage had nothing to do with love.

I'm inclined to believe otherwise.

Happy? Maybe for a short time. Unless a guy's extraordinarily wealthy, what's to prevent his Russian wife from upgrading once she arrives in the land of plenty? Not much! If she's young and attractive she'll have plenty of suitors to choose from when she's here.

The "plenty of suitors" that my wife has run into here aren't wealthy enough either..... (I still like to claim it's my sexual prowess that keeps her locked in but I know the real reason; they're all poor too.)

So hmmmm...looks like we're due. Who likes pie?

Boy did I miss the pie while you were away, mox! Welcome back. Since I'm hungry, I'll have some shepard's pie please.

At the same time, there seems to be so many tales of Russian/Ukrainian woman marrying for money. And the funny thing is that none of them realises that life in America is just that - life. Hard working, ### busting life, where if you want to have nicer things you have to work for them.

I wish there was a big billboard on the side of all those "fiancee" sites that drove home this point. Seems most of them, even after they're here, still do their best to deny this fact. Sooner or later though, they realize what a "good deal" it is to have a guy that pays their bills, pays attention to them, doesn't beat them or screw other women and is just generally pleasant to be around. But, even still, it's a hard sell!

I didn't quote the other topic above but khengool posted, "why didn't she ask the guy to live in her home country?" This is the basis for slim's tried and true daisy (she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she loves.....) test when it comes to international romance and relationships. Think it's for real? Well, tell her you're not going to do the K-1 anymore because you're selling your house, your car, and everything else so you can come live with her. If she's for it (or at least not against it) then she may just like you. If she makes a noise like the one when people throw up a little bit in their mouth, you should probably click on a few more profiles before sending anything to the serivce centers.

And as groovlstk keeps pointing out, ignoring warning signs is not the best way to find "the one," you're only setting yourself up for failure. However, I do have to argue that there are plenty of guys out there more than willing to be a sperm bank with a checkbook. That's why a lot of these girls come here with the expecation of driving their BMW around shopping and meeting girlfriends all day while the guy fills the checkbook by working.

[Chuckles 0]

And as groovlstk keeps pointing out, ignoring warning signs is not the best way to find "the one," you're only setting yourself up for failure. However, I do have to argue that there are plenty of guys out there more than willing to be a sperm bank with a checkbook. That's why a lot of these girls come here with the expecation of driving their BMW around shopping and meeting girlfriends all day while the guy fills the checkbook by working.

Maybe you don't get out alot, or there isn't lots of Russian/American couples in your area, but I see this ALOT. And these marriages last many many years too. I can think of one couple I know that falls into this category that are going on 15 years. So, I would argue that love isn't neccesary.

[mox 298]

And as groovlstk keeps pointing out, ignoring warning signs is not the best way to find "the one," you're only setting yourself up for failure. However, I do have to argue that there are plenty of guys out there more than willing to be a sperm bank with a checkbook. That's why a lot of these girls come here with the expecation of driving their BMW around shopping and meeting girlfriends all day while the guy fills the checkbook by working.

Maybe you don't get out alot, or there isn't lots of Russian/American couples in your area, but I see this ALOT. And these marriages last many many years too. I can think of one couple I know that falls into this category that are going on 15 years. So, I would argue that love isn't neccesary.

Hell, I see this a lot with American couples. Older man with his "trophy" wife, and it's pretty obvious that it's nothing but a marriage of convenience. Sometimes it's hard to tell if it's a rich guy out with his wife, or out with his daughter. I live in a wealthier part of the state though (I don't fall in that demographic, but I don't do too bad for myself either) so maybe that's why it seems so prevalent here.

I agree with Slim: if you're marrying for a trophy, more power to you, and I just personally want to thank you for allowing some of your wealth to be redistributed back into our troubled economy. There are some *amazing* trophy wives to be had from the FSU, and if it doesn't bother (generic) you that probably the only thing she doesn't find repulsive about you is your money, then go for it.

[slim 1,525]

Maybe you don't get out alot, or there isn't lots of Russian/American couples in your area, but I see this ALOT. And these marriages last many many years too. I can think of one couple I know that falls into this category that are going on 15 years. So, I would argue that love isn't neccesary.

There is love in a relationship like that. She loves his money and he loves depositing his sperm. Everybody wins!

[Chuckles 0]

And as groovlstk keeps pointing out, ignoring warning signs is not the best way to find "the one," you're only setting yourself up for failure. However, I do have to argue that there are plenty of guys out there more than willing to be a sperm bank with a checkbook. That's why a lot of these girls come here with the expecation of driving their BMW around shopping and meeting girlfriends all day while the guy fills the checkbook by working.

Maybe you don't get out alot, or there isn't lots of Russian/American couples in your area, but I see this ALOT. And these marriages last many many years too. I can think of one couple I know that falls into this category that are going on 15 years. So, I would argue that love isn't neccesary.

Hell, I see this a lot with American couples. Older man with his "trophy" wife, and it's pretty obvious that it's nothing but a marriage of convenience. Sometimes it's hard to tell if it's a rich guy out with his wife, or out with his daughter. I live in a wealthier part of the state though (I don't fall in that demographic, but I don't do too bad for myself either) so maybe that's why it seems so prevalent here.

I agree with Slim: if you're marrying for a trophy, more power to you, and I just personally want to thank you for allowing some of your wealth to be redistributed back into our troubled economy. There are some *amazing* trophy wives to be had from the FSU, and if it doesn't bother (generic) you that probably the only thing she doesn't find repulsive about you is your money, then go for it.

Yes, this kind of relationship can work. It all depends on how you qualify a sucessful marriage. We can say the same about all cultures, as you have pointed out here, but I was thinking specifically about Russian/American. I personally have seen this type of marriage more in that area, but I'm not claiming that to be scientific, or the norm. It is just my experience.

So, back to the guy who this thread was about, he needs to be down with the fact that she doesn't love him, AND ALSO be willing to support a 'trophy wife' (IMO), or move on. If he is, c'est la vie, more power to him.

And I like Dutch apple pie.

[Ban Hammer 13,342]

Maybe you don't get out alot, or there isn't lots of Russian/American couples in your area, but I see this ALOT. And these marriages last many many years too. I can think of one couple I know that falls into this category that are going on 15 years. So, I would argue that love isn't neccesary.

There is love in a relationship like that. She loves his money and he loves depositing his sperm. Everybody wins!

[frali 2]

I do wonder if 'desperation' plays a role in these situations?

[slim 1,525]

I do wonder if 'desperation' plays a role in these situations?

Desperation plays a role in all relationships. It's just overcome with time in most.....

[mox 298]

I do wonder if 'desperation' plays a role in these situations?

Do you mean the situation of the man with money entering a marriage of convenience with a trophy wife? I would say in the general case...no. If you have money, then you're not going to be desperate for a trophy wife because you won't be able to swing a cat without hitting them as they fall out of the woodwork. And if you're looking for a Russian (or other international) trophy wife, you pays your website fees and you clicks on your new wife. No desperation necessary.

On the other hand, if you're talking about just some random dude who goes looking for an international wife because he supposedly can't get a "real" wife...well...search the archive. That particular discussion has been re-hashed over and over and over. Short answer: people do many things for many different reasons. One of those reasons is desperation. There are many others.

Or if you're talking about the pie conversation, then yes. Desperation for pie has ruined many a man.

[Brad and Vika 129]

Okay OKAY!!! I also like cherry and key lime. But I only jones for blueberry. Is there a desparate-for-pie twelve step program?

[slim 1,525]

Jenny Craig, NutriSystem, even that Richard Simmons deal-a-meal stuff is a good way to curb the pie craving although I don't think there's a 12-step program.

The only effective way I've ever known to get over it is............

EAT MORE PIE!!!!

[Bobalouie 0]

Jenny Craig, NutriSystem, even that Richard Simmons deal-a-meal stuff is a good way to curb the pie craving although I don't think there's a 12-step program.

The only effective way I've ever known to get over it is............

EAT MORE PIE!!!!

I agree with Slim. If you eat enough pie to make yourself sick, it can sometimes give you a pie respite for a couple of days.

[slim 1,525]

Yes, but only for a couple of days!