Question....

[munchkins 0]

spot on there Lorelle, maybe that is just what happened , nice to think so being the romantic that I am

guess you are a romantic too

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Ha - funny you should ask!

You know, you wouldn't think of this as a first off, but when you and your husband got close for the first time, you would have been attracted or repelled by the pheremones being excreted by some of the glands on his body. Conversely, the same would have happened with him regarding you.

Two people have been shown to feel compatible when their scents are attractive to one another. On the other hand, there are relationships in which the scents absolutely do NOT mix, and these have been shown to fall apart pretty much instantaneously! I'm not talking about aftershave, deodorant or stale sweat though, mind - I'm talking about that subtle smell of "him" or "her" that will instantly draw you together when you're close to one another.

Know what I mean? That animalistic qualities of a relationship cannot be undermined!

Also consider this: microexpressions on one's face, body languages - some obvious, others so subtle that they can't be seen as a deliberate gesture - can also bring two people together. How did people fall in love before language existed....they certainly mated somehow!

Perhaps the love came when one of the couple was teaching the other to speak his or her language. Who knows. Just don't devalue the subtle, but powerful little human interactions - they're stonger than you might think...

*makes Batman mystery noise and continues drinking coffee*

Hmmm. Certainly, pheromones are at play, but I rather think that this relates to sexual attraction to the opposite sex and not to compatibility or love.

Edited February 7, 2006 by diadromous mermaid

[JayJay 4]

Actually it really does relate to compatibility! Not just sexual compatibility, but actual, long term compatibility! Strange....but true! One reason for this is that it prevents inbreeding. You will not be sexually attracted to the pheromones of close members of family, for example.

Some pheromones are detected by the olfactory system, although in many vertebrates pheromones are also detected by the vomeronasal organ, located in the vomer, between the nose and the mouth. Snakes use it to smell prey, sticking their tongue out and touching it to the organ. Some mammals make a face called flehmen to direct air to this organ. In humans, the detection of pheromones is subliminal. These subliminal odor messages may transmit opposite immunological sexual compatibility. Finding a partner of dissimilar immunological background may be evolutionarily advantageous because children born with a mixture of immunological systems are more likely to survive. It has been suggested that human females unconsciously use this process to recognize whom they find attractive.

So as you can see, when we all choose a mate to bear our children, "smelliness" really does come into play in an interesting way. And that, on top of physical attraction (a visual indicator of how good a mate's genes are) would certainly make the case for "love at first sight" quite a bit stronger than first taken into account, in my opinion. Some links are below - the bottom one is particularly good, but very long, and explains this phenomenon not only in vertibrates and other humans, but first of all in Fungi! It's a good read, but very in-depth and needs to be read all the way through, as some parts lead to others later on.

Links:

Very interesting breakdown of different pheromones and what they initiate

Discovery and function of phermones in Humans

Pheromones and compatibility in all species - read only if you ahve a spare half hour, but this is the science

[Chuckles 0]

Hmmm. Certainly, pheromones are at play, but I rather think that this relates to sexual attraction to the opposite sex and not to compatibility or love.

I think its just part of the equation. Its a sense that is often not thought of when we think of love. But it exists... There has been much research on the subject. I believe it does coorelate to compatility and love. Sure, it is not the ONE THING that will make us love or not, but it is a part of it.

[Cristy 4]

I have often wondered the same thing. If you do not share a common language how can you be in love? Sure body language is big but to really fall in love, heart and soul...to have that person understand you inside out and to be your best friend you have to be able to talk right?

[Chuckles 0]

I have often wondered the same thing. If you do not share a common language how can you be in love? Sure body language is big but to really fall in love, heart and soul...to have that person understand you inside out and to be your best friend you have to be able to talk right?

Apparantly not I think perhaps this is one thing people need to understand, and just move on.

[JayJay 4]

Deep, REALLY knowledgeable love of another person I think can only come after years of knowing each other, being together, being married. I say this because human biengs are complicated! You are, and so am I! To think that one can "Know each other inside out" within months can surely not be true.

I think the falling in love part comes first, like a slow-drying glue, which then hardens and forms a more and more solid bond when a good relationship is established, and maintained lovingly by two loving people over a long period of time.

And yep, clearly people do fall "in love" at first sight. They also fall in love over the internet - pick your poison, as it were! And then, if you're calm and wise enough to maintain it, you've got the seeds to plant and grow something truly beautiful.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Actually it really does relate to compatibility! Not just sexual compatibility, but actual, long term compatibility! Strange....but true! One reason for this is that it prevents inbreeding. You will not be sexually attracted to the pheromones of close members of family, for example.

Some pheromones are detected by the olfactory system, although in many vertebrates pheromones are also detected by the vomeronasal organ, located in the vomer, between the nose and the mouth. Snakes use it to smell prey, sticking their tongue out and touching it to the organ. Some mammals make a face called flehmen to direct air to this organ. In humans, the detection of pheromones is subliminal. These subliminal odor messages may transmit opposite immunological sexual compatibility. Finding a partner of dissimilar immunological background may be evolutionarily advantageous because children born with a mixture of immunological systems are more likely to survive. It has been suggested that human females unconsciously use this process to recognize whom they find attractive.

So as you can see, when we all choose a mate to bear our children, "smelliness" really does come into play in an interesting way. And that, on top of physical attraction (a visual indicator of how good a mate's genes are) would certainly make the case for "love at first sight" quite a bit stronger than first taken into account, in my opinion. Some links are below - the bottom one is particularly good, but very long, and explains this phenomenon not only in vertibrates and other humans, but first of all in Fungi! It's a good read, but very in-depth and needs to be read all the way through, as some parts lead to others later on.

Links:

Very interesting breakdown of different pheromones and what they initiate

Discovery and function of phermones in Humans

Pheromones and compatibility in all species - read only if you ahve a spare half hour, but this is the science

Yes, but what I meant to suggest is that pheromones are related to procreation (biologically successful and taxon recognition factors) and not to the other emotional compatibility issues involved in love.

[Cristy 4]

To think that one can "Know each other inside out" within months can surely not be true.

Maybe not for all, but for some.

I am not discounting or saying it can't happen. I am more curious as to how does it happen? If you can't even speak to each other how do you learn about each other? Favorite color, middle name, pets name, kind of movies the other likes, fears, aspirations etc....

Or is all of that secondary to the feeling of love?

[diadromous mermaid 36]

To think that one can "Know each other inside out" within months can surely not be true.

Maybe not for all, but for some.

I am not discounting or saying it can't happen. I am more curious as to how does it happen? If you can't even speak to each other how do you learn about each other? Favorite color, middle name, pets name, kind of movies the other likes, fears, aspirations etc....

Or is all of that secondary to the feeling of love?

My opinion is that factual data, such as the someone's favourite colour, movies, fears etc is not all that important in love. What I believe is the governing influence is the manner in which a person processes information, reactions, behavioural attitudes, compassion, gentleness, attention. All these can transcend language.

[Chuckles 0]

To think that one can "Know each other inside out" within months can surely not be true.

Maybe not for all, but for some.

I am not discounting or saying it can't happen. I am more curious as to how does it happen? If you can't even speak to each other how do you learn about each other? Favorite color, middle name, pets name, kind of movies the other likes, fears, aspirations etc....

Or is all of that secondary to the feeling of love?

Christy, I believe that the people who fall in love without knowing the others language at minimum use interepters or langauge dictionaries. The major questions can be asked easily. Still, I think there is more to love then verbal communication for sure. Some people need that communication, but perhaps not all people do.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

But seriously. My wife is Thai and speaks decent (not great) English. I always have understood her English. Other people sometimes have trouble but I always have understood her even when I met her and her English would have been considered poor.

I know exactly what you mean. Nani's English would have been considered poor by many when we first met. I never had a problem understanding her or vice versa.

[Cristy 4]

The same thing could be said about meeting someone online and falling in love before seeing them. Like I said it is not that I don't believe it, I just want to understand it.

[munchkins 0]

Deep, REALLY knowledgeable love of another person I think can only come after years of knowing each other, being together, being married. I say this because human biengs are complicated! You are, and so am I! To think that one can "Know each other inside out" within months can surely not be true.

I think the falling in love part comes first, like a slow-drying glue, which then hardens and forms a more and more solid bond when a good relationship is established, and maintained lovingly by two loving people over a long period of time.

And yep, clearly people do fall "in love" at first sight. They also fall in love over the internet - pick your poison, as it were! And then, if you're calm and wise enough to maintain it, you've got the seeds to plant and grow something truly beautiful.

Well said JayJay

As in most relationships I the "heady" part of love is first, but as you grow together and learn together and nuture the precious gift you have been given, it does turn into something truly wonderful over the years.

When I think back to how Alan and I were in the, shall we say" first flush" of our love for each other it is so different in so many ways to what it is now. And even though it was a wonderful time of our relationship, our "now time" is even better because of the knowledge we have of each other, the ability to "think what the other one is thinking" the way our minds are tuned to each other, so many different things.

I will always say that there is such a thing as love s first site and be it what Aussiewench has shown in the heart, or JayJay in the "smellies" it is still the greatest feeling in the world - along with having your children of course!!!

[CarolineM 0]

Please understand - i am NOT judging anyone. The internet thing I understand...BECAUSE...you ARE talking and really that's ALL you are doing. You get to know someone REALLY well before you even are in his or her physical presence. I understand it because I believe if you can't TALK to a person, you can't KNOW them....

JUST my personal opinion...NOT judging. I dated a guy who really knew about 20 English words. Communication was DIFFICULT to say the least. I dated him for 3 months and I can't tell you much about him except where he was from....his name....what music he liked....and that the sex was really good...BUT that was not enough for me to fall in love with him.

I need conversation, intellectual stimulation (believe it or not for those who think me shallow), and things like that. that was my only point...

I think if you're with someone and happy than good on you...I was merely trying to find out WHAT made you fall in lvoe with you SO if you couldn't talk to them...I really didn't mean to judge or offend anyone.