Am I now banned from the USA ?

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Thanks for your sympathy VJ folks - I spent many hours with you all through the process...

i would still take her back if she rang me - I must be as crazy as her although the love thing is weird ...

remember the line in 'Wall street' - 'thing about money is it makes you do things you dont want to do' well I suppose that love is the same.

When I was 19 I was in the Police and saw so many battered women take their men back and refuse to prosecute - I thought they were stupid and idiots and I have all ways wondered why they were so weak with their broken arms and black eyes. Now I have been in the same position as these women and I see how it works...

At last I understand 40 years later.

Believe me you can't tell in the early stages - it comes out and bites when you have passed the point of no return and builds quickly - ask anyone who has actually been there. It starts with a banged door, then name calling, then cursing at you and then locking you out of the bedroom or house and then throwing things and then threats to physically harm you and then ....thats when I left - I got home with a bust lip where my shoes were thrown at my face and 100k lighter but here I am missing her like hell -

She didnt miss me - she was a good shot ! - hooray I think I got out with my sense of humour unbruised !

alan

It's odd how the victim is somehow affected more than the oppressor, but that is how these emotionally controlling individuals are. I suspect she's not only wanting but hoping to "see" some Herculean feat on your part or some grovelling to return, hence the extent she's gone to try to make it so difficult. I hope this time apart will prompt her to look at herself, and for you to gain a little wider perspective.

There's no wrong in love prevailing despite some fairly obvious flaw. If that were not the case, then there'd be millions of emotionally imbalanced people exiled to some remote island like lepers once were. The only error in permitting love to take control of one's better jugment is if one blindly returns before the healing has begun.

Best of luck to you.

[Indo_mommy 0]

I'm truly sorry to hear this Alan. Hopefully you'll find the right way that will bring happiness and peace in your life. You're in our thoughts and prayers.

[allserene 0]

I Really aint trying to be mean,

But she beat you, threw stuff at you, wont answer your phone calls or anytype of communications.

I think maybe it was not anger problems, maybe, just maybe im guessing that she tried to break it off with you before and had to resort to physical attacks to get you to leave her alone.

ANd PLEASE Sir, your not in the same position as a battered woman, because the husband usually tries to get them back, practically begging for their love. Your wife is pretty much telling you, to bug off.

I might get banned for this post, but someobody has to say it.

No you won't get banned - it's a reasonable suspicion - she dropped me at the airport then sent a text asking me not to get on the plane and not to break us up......

I don't mind your suspicion as there is usually 2 sides to every story and you only have mine..

Alan

[~*Dorothy*~ 2]

Alan, sorry to hear about your misfortune...I hope that you will get thru it and find peace that you need to heal...if you seriously are considering getting back with your wife you must get counseling for both of you and professional help for her...I think that letting her be at this point is the best strategy...you need time apart from her to sort things out and do some serious soul searching as to how you want to proceed...do not rush into anything...Best of luck...

Dorothy

[meddykomp 0]

I am sorry that you are going through this.

As for the future visits, you might want to call the place where your inteview is scheduled and let them know that you will not be there and explain the circumstances. I have heard that a denial can make you ineligible for VWP. You would likely still be able to get a visitors visa in the future, but it seems much less complicated to just stop the process and not get the denial at all. Then you are still eligible for VWP.

Good luck.

Angel

[sukie175 0]

Alan,

I was so shocked and terribly sorry to read your post. You & I were dealing with London around the same time and I remember your humour well.

I think like others you should contact the interviewing office and speak to someone there, explain and cancel your AOS. Otherwise I would PM Yodrak, he may know the right answer to your question.

I wish you well in the UK, good health and a healing heart

Sarah

[kisschick1976 0]

I know exactly what you mean, except I am the USC and my Romanian husband was the one that changed once he set foot in this country. I have marks all over me from where I was thrown around, yelling at me for really weird reasons like ... "why did you use so many ingredients when you cook? Why not make it simple, one dish, one ingreedient!!!" He even broke my cell phone in 2 pieces so I couldn't call my family or the police.

I found a personals ad on craigslist that he made looking for "Just Sex" when I confronted him about it, he denied the whole thing (with his e*mail address on the ad) we had not had sex in 9 months at this point (I was too fat/ugly to have sex with) eventually he threw me out (we lived in Chicago and I am from Texas)

he had offered me money to stay married to him untill the interview, when I called ICE they said that untill the date on his visa, he is legal here. (January 31, 2007) He is now constantly harrassing me and wanting me back...5 MIN AFTER HE CALLS ME A FAT PIG/#######.

I don't know what it was that changed in him but it's scary, the day he got here, he changed. We were seperated in November and I have moved on and met someone else now... a nice Yorkshireman living in Hull hehe.

you are not the only one, there are others here that similar things have happened to them as well. Just a sudden change that makes us go

the pain is horrible right now, sometimes you will feel like you just cant stand it, but just be paitent something even better is comming to you, I prommise.

[germangel 0]

Alan, you should contact the embassy and explain your situation.

Do you know what is going on with your relationship? Divorce? What will happen, if she doesn't answer her phone?

I am so so sorry to hear about this, I don't see why you would be banned, honestly. But you should contact the embassy or USCIS to find out.

I hope that she gets help and gets herself under control but for your own good, do not go back without her being treated. She will not change even if she says so. Not without professional help anyways.

If you want her back, help her by getting help. And if she doesn't change, get out of it.

I understand everyone telling you to stay out of it right now but I also see that you want this to work out somehow. Just please don't get yourself hurt any more. Make sure she gets help and I hope she will let you contact her soon so you can figure out what will be going on.

All the best wishes for you! Hang in there!

Angel

[gimygirl 0]

these stories are really unfortunate but they should serve as a reminder to all of us that these things can happen ... to any of us.

although not the most relevant ... but that thread about 'is your wife the same' ... people DO change once they get to america. the more you discuss expectations and reality the more you decrease your chances of major problems upon your reunion.

true love does not conquer all ...

[Fandango 1,439]

I know exactly what you mean, except I am the USC and my Romanian husband was the one that changed once he set foot in this country. I have marks all over me from where I was thrown around, yelling at me for really weird reasons like ... "why did you use so many ingredients when you cook? Why not make it simple, one dish, one ingreedient!!!" He even broke my cell phone in 2 pieces so I couldn't call my family or the police.

I found a personals ad on craigslist that he made looking for "Just Sex" when I confronted him about it, he denied the whole thing (with his e*mail address on the ad) we had not had sex in 9 months at this point (I was too fat/ugly to have sex with) eventually he threw me out (we lived in Chicago and I am from Texas)

he had offered me money to stay married to him untill the interview, when I called ICE they said that untill the date on his visa, he is legal here. (January 31, 2007) He is now constantly harrassing me and wanting me back...5 MIN AFTER HE CALLS ME A FAT PIG/#######.

I don't know what it was that changed in him but it's scary, the day he got here, he changed. We were seperated in November and I have moved on and met someone else now... a nice Yorkshireman living in Hull hehe.

you are not the only one, there are others here that similar things have happened to them as well. Just a sudden change that makes us go

the pain is horrible right now, sometimes you will feel like you just cant stand it, but just be paitent something even better is comming to you, I prommise.

I'm sorry you had to go thru this, yet I am shocked you gave the internet another go.

(Well I'm assuming here Romania/ICE and Yorkshirman living in Hull)

BEST OF LUCK TO YOU

[GaryC 7]

Wow! So sorry to hear about your missfortune. As long as your marriage was in good faith I can't see them stopping you from coming back.

Your ex sounds a lot like my ex. I suffered with her for 21 years before I finally had enough. But that is a whole other story.

[kisschick1976 0]

I know exactly what you mean, except I am the USC and my Romanian husband was the one that changed once he set foot in this country. I have marks all over me from where I was thrown around, yelling at me for really weird reasons like ... "why did you use so many ingredients when you cook? Why not make it simple, one dish, one ingreedient!!!" He even broke my cell phone in 2 pieces so I couldn't call my family or the police.

I found a personals ad on craigslist that he made looking for "Just Sex" when I confronted him about it, he denied the whole thing (with his e*mail address on the ad) we had not had sex in 9 months at this point (I was too fat/ugly to have sex with) eventually he threw me out (we lived in Chicago and I am from Texas)

he had offered me money to stay married to him untill the interview, when I called ICE they said that untill the date on his visa, he is legal here. (January 31, 2007) He is now constantly harrassing me and wanting me back...5 MIN AFTER HE CALLS ME A FAT PIG/#######.

I don't know what it was that changed in him but it's scary, the day he got here, he changed. We were seperated in November and I have moved on and met someone else now... a nice Yorkshireman living in Hull hehe.

you are not the only one, there are others here that similar things have happened to them as well. Just a sudden change that makes us go

the pain is horrible right now, sometimes you will feel like you just cant stand it, but just be paitent something even better is comming to you, I prommise.

I'm sorry you had to go thru this, yet I am shocked you gave the internet another go.

(Well I'm assuming here Romania/ICE and Yorkshirman living in Hull)

BEST OF LUCK TO YOU

lol ICE was Imigration and Customs Enforcement. As far as the Yorkshireman, I wasn't planning on meeting anyone anywhere, but it happened and I couldn't be any happier! He knows all about what happened to me and he understands that I want to take things real slow.

[CarolineM 0]

Wow...these stories are so sad... I hope you can all get your lives together and pull through this!! My thoughts are with you.

[pax 0]

Alan, I know we haven't always seen eye-to-eye in the past, but I'm so sorry for everything you've been through.

I don't have any easy answers about your situation immigration-wise, but I do hope that you can rebuild your life and that you can find happiness again. My best wishes are with you.

[ivona 0]

Alan,

I do not think you are mad for missing her and your willingness to come back if she showed an interest.... you are right, that is what love does.

But just because you still love her and miss her, doesn`t mean you should follow through on your desire and go back. You deserve to be respected, you deserve to be accepted with both your faults and your virtues, you deserve to be cherished and love by your SO.

Love is FREEDOM and relationships are about EQUALITY. You deserve nothing less than that.

Do not settle for less than you deserve.

If there is a chance of your wife getting treatement, and actively working on herself to make the realtionship better, then by all means- don`t give up.

But, and this is just my perspective that might not be worth squat, it seems to me like your wife has a lot of issues steming from her own disatisfaction with herself, and she needs to start loving and respecting herself before she can truly love and respect anyone else.

And, despite what most victims of domestic abuse think, this is not something YOU can help her with. I know it might hurt to hear that but most victims go back with the "I will help him/her change" thought, that is not how it works. Only she can help herself, until she is willing to do it for herself - she will not change.

Above all else, this is NOT your failure.

You are in my thoughts.