Am I now banned from the USA ?

[allserene 0]

My green card interview is on Wednesday May 17 but I won't be going. My marriage has collapsed and I am back in the UK. My wife has deleted her email address at home, put a block on it at work and unhooked her phone answering machine and uses caller ID so she screens out my calls. She refuses texts and letters. I ran off home after she threatened to shoot me, threw my new laptop on the floor, tore up my tickets, tried to destroy my passport and threw the tv controller at me with such velocity that it went straight through the dry wall at the side of my head. She raged at me 3 times per day on average on all new subjects and stormed out of restaurants swearing and throwing meals away. She got a book on anger management and almost hit me with it ! A psychiatrist has advised me that such people can keep these conditions 'in a box' so people at work never suspect and fiancées don't suspect. Only after you marry are these forces released because now you are family. Many people say that ‘they change’ after marriage but this was Jekyll and Hyde. I love her totally despite her illness but I had to get out for safety and I would have gone back.

We were planning to move to the UK eventually so not being able to live in the US and leaving my new car etc behind is no problem - but I wonder: In years to come will I be able to holiday in the US on visa waiver - or will they say I once expressed a desire to settle so I cannot enter ?

It may be years before I find a woman who passes my close scrutiny as to her mental condition, but it would be so embarrassing to be turned away say in Florida...

My question is serious but I would like to warn everyone because this immigration stuff forces you to marry quicker than you would normally after you meet a wonderful person. In my case it has resulted in a nightmare which I am fighting to survive. Being ‘shunned’ and unable to talk it through with my wife is an appalling torture – some churches use ‘shunning’ to discipline people and it is a very effective torture. I have never known any distress like this or even approaching this…

I spent almost 2 years on this and I have lost at least 100k dollars and my beautiful wonderful wife and I am under enormous despair which is deepening daily. I lived 18 years on my own and I was so grateful to be with her and I slaved for her and made all her meals and washed her car and looked after her garden and paid for everything – I have never tried so hard and given so much nor been so committed to anything – and now it is all horror and fear for the future – mine and hers.

We married on the 4th November 2005 and I was attacked on the first day back from honeymoon. Beware you lovers and don’t let the USCIS regulations push you into something that you have not totally for sure checked out…. I don’t think waiting 90 days to the end of the K1 would have helped – we had been together a lot for over a year – Pandora’s box only opens when you marry.

Alan

[Jaylen Brit 0]

Damn Al! I'm so very sorry to hear this - sending u hugs and good wishes

[aussiewench 9]

Oh my.......I am so sorry Alan What a nightmare.....I can only imagine what you are going through right now. How awful for you. Biggest hugs.

Im really not 100% on the visiting the US down the track.....but I wouldnt imagine you would be stopped from using the VWP.....perhaps someone else will know for sure.

Again.......Im sorry for your heartache

Lorelle

[MaryandMian 1]

Alan wow I was surprsied to see your post. I am very sorry and wish the best for you in life. Not sure on the coming to the USA again for a visit. Maybe someone else can help.

Mary

[djcess 0]

I am so sorry to hear bout your situation..

[Leafgal 3]

Alan I too say so sorry for what happened to you.

[TracyTN 237]

Sorry to read this Alan, but I know you must be somewhat glad to be back in the UK (as America never really suited you).

I don't think you'd have a problem visiting the US on the VWP in the future, but I'll defer to the other more seasoned posters for that.

Hang in there.

*edited for spelling*

Edited May 14, 2006 by TracyTN

[mary&tom 0]

oh my... i am so very sorry to hear this. i remember you well from when we were going thru nebraska at the same time. i remember your quick wit and good natured humor. we have had our own struggles because of this horrible process and our denial but certainly nothing as tragic as this. i have arrived back in the states after spending nearly six months in the uk and am in the process of trying to get back there as soon as possible with a fiancee visa for me for the uk. as i face those uncertainties with more than a little fear, i will keep your situation in mind. it certainly is the worst outcome possible. again, i am so sorry. i hope you can find happiness somehow.

mary

[yogib37 3]

heck I would I haved called the cops.. their is enough things that could had her taken away. one of the things that she threatend to shoot you.. throwing the remote is also battery..

you could of gone to the AoS interview by yourself and explain to him why she is in Jail. or why she has a court date pending a crimial offence..

sorry to hear about this.. Nobody should go thru that.

I think you did the right thing by leaving and not laying a finger on her..

good for you. I think you can rebuild your life again in the UK and I hope you will come back and visit us Yanks

GOOD Luck

Yogi

[Fandango 1,439]

Really sorry you had to go thru this...best of luck for a nice resolution

[munchkins 0]

So very sorry Alan, I too think you hve done the right thing and I sincerely hopethat you are able to get your life back on track. That will not be easy I know, but with family and friends I am sure you will find some sort of peace one day.

Good luck to you Alan

[desert_fox 32]

Check with the US Consulate there to see what your options are.

Dont marry whakos!!!You didnt see red flags before the wedding? sorry it happened, but you are much better off. Too late to see a lawyer, file for divorce in the states??

[ChristinaM 0]

Oh Alan! I too am surprised by this news and very saddened. I hope that you have returned to the UK with your head held high, knowing that you tried something new and that there's no shame in leaving it when it wasn't right. From what I know of you from here you are a nice man and a good man, and you deserve happiness.

As far as the VWP, my belief is that provided you have not overstayed at any point of the process you will be fine to enter visa-free, although you may wish to think carefully about taking evidence of ties to the UK just in case you get the one officer having a bad day.

Good luck picking up again in the UK.

Edited May 14, 2006 by clmarsh

[Melo 1]

I am so sorry to hear this. Look after yourself and I hope everything sorts itself out for you. (((HUGS)))

[babybunny 2]

dayum..

thats how my ex husband treated me.