I'm so lost.....

[ohiobuck 0]

Hi, I'm really sorry that you're going through such an emotional roller coaster right now...especially being pregnant, going to school and with the stresses of your husband. You're an amazing woman! My fiance always tells me "Ca va venir! (It's going to come!). Simple words that instill a lot of faith and patience every time I hear it.

May I ask why he's not able to work? Is it because of immigration documents, etc or is it just that he's adjusting or can't find a job or what?

Sorry for being new to this...I'm just trying to understand what you and your husband have been going through.

When you file K1 this is the problem you get. Your spouse arrives in the USA and he is only allowed to work for 90 days, and most seem to not be able to work at this time because they are busy getting married and getting used to living in the USA. But after they are married they have to file for the I130 and wait and wait and wait to get the greencard allowing the foreign spouse to work. This is why I made the sacrifice and married my husband Karim in Morocco. That way I could file for the I130 and the K3 together after we married. The K3 takes up to a couple more months for the spouse to enter the US but the biggest advantage is when they arrive on the K3 they are here waiting for the I130 (greencard) that will finish up hopefully in a few months. Also as soon as your husband arrives you can apply for a work permit off of the greencard and once that is filed your spouse will be be able to work within less than 3 months. You still have to wait a little to be able to work if you get a K3 or if your spouse waits in his or her country for the I130 (greencard) they can work right away. But during this time my husband is working to study for his drivers license and get his feet wet to figure out what it is really like to live in the USA. Plus he can work to set up his contacts and hopefully when he can work that will allow him to get a job fast.

I knew a guy from Britain that had to wait a year while he lived in the US until he had his greencard and he could work legally. That put a lot of stress on his marriage and it made his wife even recent him because she felt like she supported him for a year when he couldn't work.

For anyone considering which path to go K1 or K3, please don't always consider the time they take originally for your love to come to the US. Please consider how long it takes for your spouse to work after you are married with each path. Please do yourself and your love a favor and do what will make each of you happier and less depressed. Also don't forget most people that come from other countries have no clue how it really works in the USA, they will have false dreams and more than likely think as soon as they come to the USA things will be great. Well unless you are filthy rich and you can give your love a positive impression of living in the USA you are not doing them a favor when you through a bucket of cold water in their face and they finally start to see how it works to live in the USA. And at the same time if they come on a K1 Visa and they cant' even try to start working away slowly to make life better for themselves to prove they didn't make a mistake moving to the USA just to wait with this lession, I hope you will consider going the K3 path for your loves own good in the long run.

Of course I wanted a big US marriage and no I will not get it.

Of course I wanted my love to arrive sooner like the K1 Visa holders get to move.

Of course I wouldve had no many less headaches at first if I had gone through with the K1 Visa, but in the end my husband and I would've paid the price and it would've been so much better.

I wish I could've had everything like I wanted, but in the end I couldn't and I made the best decision for my husband. He has gone through depression since being here just waiting 3 months to get his worker permit for a K3 visa but that quickly ends when he gets a letter proving to him he will be able to work soon. And then he gets motivated to take advantage of all his time off to learn how the USA works, learn how to drive and other projects. Plus this has given him a great chance to get to know my parents, that I value so much because I realize now that is another blessing out of this K3 & I130 path we choose.

----------------------------

For the person who wrote the original message I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation and I pray for you that you will make it through and he will come around. Please realize the above was in response to someone else's post to help them consider all aspects of this immigration process so maybe they can avoid your pain and make the best decision not only for now but later. Please keep trying to support your husband and hopefully he realizes that he has to be patient and how the US really works. Now you are in for the hard part. Being apart was hard but from what I have learned from my own love not being able to work and the stress you are experiencing now. You are facing a harder situation than the seperation from your love all those long months waiting for his visa. I pray that you make it through and it gets better. Please stop asking him if he wants to go back, that will only make for more negitive thoughts. Try and stay positive and when you find you are fighting pull yourself away and let both of you calm down. Then talk to him when you can. Tell him you love him, and continue to support him and to tell him what he can do. But in the end he has to realize what he can't do now in the US and how the USA really works and it's not the dream world he imagined. He needs to be patient and get over this and learn from this very hard long lession until he can get his work permit and can slowly gain his US dream. I know you will have to have so much strength. You have shared with him ways he can make life better as he waits, also see if he will go and and talk to someone or find another Arab man at the local mosque that can advice him to get him back on the right path. It might be better for another male to do the pushing than for you, since he probably doesn't feel like the strong male leader expected from the arab culture. Please keep plugging away, stay away from negitives and shut up about sending him home it will all work out, it's just a matter of time.

God Bless you,

Paula

[Together4ever 1]

I thought the EAD and AOS were separate forms filed separately for K1s?

[Bosco 1]

I thought the EAD and AOS were separate forms filed separately for K1s?

You are correct Jean.

K1-'ers don't file the I-130, they file the I-485, and if they like, the I-765 (EAD) - or - they can choose to wait for the greencard.

K-1'ers can apply for a work permit as soon as they are married. It isn't very different from the K-3 with the exception that the work permit can only be applied for AFTER the marriage is complete and the K-3 can do it right away since they are already married and there is no I-130 following behind.

Rebecca

[amal 4]

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Someone mentioned that we feel guilty when our SO's are not happy with the life we are trying ever so hard to provide for them. It's true. I feel the exact same way when my husband says he hates staying at home always.

I will say that after he finally got a job (even though he hates it) he has been so much less "gripy" and a lot happier. Now he just grumbles about how he doesn't like his job. (this i'm used to coz we all gripe about our jobs at one time or another) We are also planning to move to a larger town in the future so he has more business opportunities.

The best advice I can give you is that PATIENCE IS A MUST! Not only from you but from your SO as well. They have to realize that they are not the only ones adjusting to life here coz we're adjusting to their ways as well. KNOW THIS.. It's 100% NORMAL for him to feel this way and it WILL get better. It will just take time.

Best of luck to you.. You'll both be in my prayers.

amal

[Together4ever 1]

Keep ahold of the reason you love each other, and all the rest will work itself out.

[dawnnhatem 0]

feel better chica, your gonna have a hot baby!

yup! Laura, I was thinkin that too.

Its hard now, but like everyone else said, this won't last forever and soon he will be too busy for all this bellyaching. This does suck for you to have to find caring responses to all his whining about not working and not being sucessful or whatever yet. He knew what visa he was coming on and its not fair to make you miserable for having to deal with that choice....but I'm sure pointing that out to him won't make things better so just keep venting here. Wish I had more advice than that. And definitely don't forget what a beautiful baby you have coming.

[ohiobuck 0]

I thought the EAD and AOS were separate forms filed separately for K1s?

You are correct Jean.

K1-'ers don't file the I-130, they file the I-485, and if they like, the I-765 (EAD) - or - they can choose to wait for the greencard.

K-1'ers can apply for a work permit as soon as they are married. It isn't very different from the K-3 with the exception that the work permit can only be applied for AFTER the marriage is complete and the K-3 can do it right away since they are already married and there is no I-130 following behind.

Rebecca

Sorry, I didn't do the K1 so I didn't know what you have to file once you are married. Thank you for correcting this. When my husband and I heard of the problems from the K1 from others we decided we needed to pick the K3 so we could avoid those problems. I was willing to sacrifice my American Dream wedding and a longer seperation from my love to insure it would be better for my husband and he'd not get depressed and upset not being able to be a man and work in the USA. In his culture being a man is very important to him. But either path you choose you have to have patience and suffer through it until the conclusion. But please all of us keep plugging away and work everything out and realize the immigration process only makes things harder, but we cant' give up. When we are successfuly done with the immigration process we will then understand these lessions and either have a stronger marriage or failed and please don't let yourself fail.

Paula

[Bosco 1]

Sorry, I didn't do the K1 so I didn't know what you have to file once you are married. Thank you for correcting this. When my husband and I heard of the problems from the K1 from others we decided we needed to pick the K3 so we could avoid those problems. I was willing to sacrifice my American Dream wedding and a longer seperation from my love to insure it would be better for my husband and he'd not get depressed and upset not being able to be a man and work in the USA. In his culture being a man is very important to him. But either path you choose you have to have patience and suffer through it until the conclusion. But please all of us keep plugging away and work everything out and realize the immigration process only makes things harder, but we cant' give up. When we are successfuly done with the immigration process we will then understand these lessions and either have a stronger marriage or failed and please don't let yourself fail.

Paula

Paula,

You still made a valid point. There are definitely things to consider other than speed when deciding what visa is right for you.

Even with a valid work document, it can be hard for some of these men to find work. They face racism, often take a big step down from the careers they held in their home countries, language challenges, and other issues. It is rarely an easy road.

Rebecca

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Paula,

You still made a valid point. There are definitely things to consider other than speed when deciding what visa is right for you.

Even with a valid work document, it can be hard for some of these men to find work. They face racism, often take a big step down from the careers they held in their home countries, language challenges, and other issues. It is rarely an easy road.

Rebecca

Ohhhhhh, don't I know it. It looks entirely possible now that my husband will have his green card before he gets a job, making the $180 we paid for the EAD worthless.

[Jenn! 918]

Paula,

You still made a valid point. There are definitely things to consider other than speed when deciding what visa is right for you.

Even with a valid work document, it can be hard for some of these men to find work. They face racism, often take a big step down from the careers they held in their home countries, language challenges, and other issues. It is rarely an easy road.

Rebecca

Ohhhhhh, don't I know it. It looks entirely possible now that my husband will have his green card before he gets a job, making the $180 we paid for the EAD worthless.

But, Rahma, you know that if you HADN'T gotten the EAD, your AOS interview wouldn't even have been scheduled yet.

The grocery line phenomenon as I like to call it.