And now for something completely different . . .

[Kathryn41 3,205]

For those who love the idiosyncrasies of English

1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.....

2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

3. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE

MONKEYS AND APES?

4. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS

WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

5. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE

SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE

PURPOSE.

6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

7. IF A DEAF PERSON SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS

HANDS WITH SOAP?

8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL

HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

10. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL"?

11. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN

ENDANGERED PLANT?

12. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

13. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

14. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID

SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

15. IF A TURTLE DOESN\'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

16. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

17. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE

RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

18. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

19. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON\'T TALK ABOUT OTHER

PEOPLE.

20. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

21. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

22. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE

HUNGRY?

23. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

24. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD "LISP" TO HAVE "S"

IN IT?

25. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED HEMORRHOIDS INSTEAD OF

ASSTEROIDS?

26. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

27. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

28. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DO

THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?

29. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

[LuzyC 0]

25. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED HEMORRHOIDS INSTEAD OF ASSTEROIDS?

[MrsCat 6]

For those who love the idiosyncrasies of English

26. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

Certainly #26 derived from Southeast Alaska during cruise ship season.

[Dakine 26]

Yeah George Carlin may have died but as you can see he didn't!!!