Disheartened

[4theloveofhenry 8]

It is sad and shameful that we as humans do not realize that we are ALL Gods children and offspring from one human couple Adam and Eve. But to be quite honest that is the way the world is and will continue to be until God steps in and changes things. The bible says that the whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one and that is soooo evident by the spirit of the world. In the bible it talks of people in these times as having no natural affection,not being open to agreement,without self control,fierce, and without love of goodness. These are the kind of people the Bible fortold we would encounter and we should not be suprised to be disliked, hated, and ridiculed for every and any thing we can think of. I would tell you to get used to it but to be honest no one ever gets used to being mistreated. It hurts. But God has foretold of a time that this kind of thing will no longer be. The world is like it is but it will not be this way for much longer. The bible speaks of a time when there will be no more pain nor outcry and things like this will be a thing of the past, a distant memory!

[totes 0]

Hey Efia,

Glad you and hubby are doing fine. Sorry about the "mean muggz". There was a similar thread months ago that addressed some of the similar things you mentioned. The thread was started by "divine mercy". If you can muddle through the "mess" in the thread, there is some good insight given. But anyway, keep your head up and something that my cousin brought to my attention is this; when you notice a person having a questionable look about them, address it".

Say something like;

"Hello, do I know you? I noticed you were looking at me and I was thinking maybe we knew eachother from church or did we go to school together and I forgot to speak!" or she'll say; "Hey girl, how you doing? I aint seen you in a long time, how is your family? girl, tell your momma I said hello and take care or yourself, okay bye!"

and then my cousin keeps walking like nothing ever happened.

I have seen my cousin do this and it is hilarious as hell, not to mention, the naysayers get embarrassed and move on. Its just a way to claim your victory, break the ice, and have some fun.

Much love

I like your cousin's sense of humor! I actually take that approach if I accidently cut someone off on the interstate and they flip me off as they pass me, I wave at them like a mad woman as if to say "OMG, I haven't seen you in forever". I usally get a laugh out of their expressions after that.

Keep your head up girl, like everyone has said... it's purely ignorance.

[Simply_Uno 1]

It is sad and shameful that we as humans do not realize that we are ALL Gods children and offspring from one human couple Adam and Eve. But to be quite honest that is the way the world is and will continue to be until God steps in and changes things. The bible says that the whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one and that is soooo evident by the spirit of the world. In the bible it talks of people in these times as having no natural affection,not being open to agreement,without self control,fierce, and without love of goodness. These are the kind of people the Bible fortold we would encounter and we should not be suprised to be disliked, hated, and ridiculed for every and any thing we can think of. I would tell you to get used to it but to be honest no one ever gets used to being mistreated. It hurts. But God has foretold of a time that this kind of thing will no longer be. The world is like it is but it will not be this way for much longer. The bible speaks of a time when there will be no more pain nor outcry and things like this will be a thing of the past, a distant memory!

girl, your words speak to more than Efia's situation.

I was just looking for words of hope, just something to keep ME going and "bamm!!" there are your words.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

UNO

[His Glory 25]

It is sad and shameful that we as humans do not realize that we are ALL Gods children and offspring from one human couple Adam and Eve. But to be quite honest that is the way the world is and will continue to be until God steps in and changes things. The bible says that the whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one and that is soooo evident by the spirit of the world. In the bible it talks of people in these times as having no natural affection,not being open to agreement,without self control,fierce, and without love of goodness. These are the kind of people the Bible fortold we would encounter and we should not be suprised to be disliked, hated, and ridiculed for every and any thing we can think of. I would tell you to get used to it but to be honest no one ever gets used to being mistreated. It hurts. But God has foretold of a time that this kind of thing will no longer be. The world is like it is but it will not be this way for much longer. The bible speaks of a time when there will be no more pain nor outcry and things like this will be a thing of the past, a distant memory!

I, like many, am waiting for the promised paradise. Its the only thing that keeps me going sometimes, especially when I lost my brother. Im sure many can relate. However, the scripture that is really close to my heart is Isaiah 65:17 "...the former things will not be called to mind neither will they come up into the heart" I'm waiting for that day with great anticipation. I know alot of what we go through today still affects us tomorrow but imagine not even it coming to mind!

Uno Im doing to try that thing your cousin does, that is hilarious! My husband will probably be so puzzled when I do but I cant wait to try it, but ill say "hey girl! how are you? I havent seen you in church lately, been busy, huh? Anyways I cant talk now but call me, bye!

Yup, got it all planned out. Thanks for all the encouragement folks.

[stevi1123 0]

Efia06 I am so sorry that you have been encountering such ugliness. I have no tolerance for the mistreatment of others, and still find it puzzling how some people can behave, but this is the way it is right now. We have come a LONG way, but we still have a long way to go.

If I may ask, and I ask this with humility, but did you and your husband not discuss this as being something that might occur just by the simple fact that you are of different races, let alone different cultures? I ask this not only to you but to any others in our forum or elsewhere, who are either still going through the visa process or who are already joined together. I know that love is color blind, etc, etc, etc, but to be utterly surprised that is happening? I completely understand about being disheartened about this, I would be be too. But knowing your home town, knowing the people who reside in it, knowing the dynamics of the area as a whole, was there no indication that this might be a problem once you brought your African husband home?

I hope that things get better for the both of you. As people get to know him and grow accustomed to seeing you two around town, eventually, the shock-factor of seeing you together will hopefully turn into smiles, waves hello, and high-fives. Seeing you toghether will hopefully become like second nature.

I also hope that you are able to gain more support from others in this forum and within the visa journey community as a whole. In this forum alone, there appears to be more interracial couples than not. In fact, I would not have even known that the majority of couples here are interracial if I had not seen pictures. This is the real world, and those who cannot accept it will just have to learn to live with it.

I pray that things get better very soon. Don't forget that a lot of those stares might just be the Big Green Monster of jealousy too. Haters, as they say!

Live life to the fullest and enjoy your tall, dark and handsome African Prince. God Bless

[knl 0]

Sorry to hear this is happening to you and your husband. I like all the words of advice that has been given. Uno, I love what you said.

Though, I'm not sure if we have got bad looks given to us, because frankly I don't give a damn! LOL. If someone wants to be stupid, I let them be stupid on their own. I try not to let things like that bother me, because if the person knows it's bothering me, it'll continue. I am real good at ignoring others. I have ran accross very ignorant people in my life. Let them be foolish on their own. Smile and keep walking.

[Ta Ta 1]

I think some of the looks you are receiving is about the fact that he looks African and people are not sure what to do with that. The wheels are probably turning in their heads wondering where he is from.

My advice is to not turn in the opposite direction but walk confidently and with your head held high towards or through a group and just ignore them.

You have no reason to deliberately try to go out of your way to avoid them. .......walk tall and smile !

I live in a small mid western town and have only once experienced prejudice in my own office from a former client of mine who grabbed her purse

when she saw my ex b/f and I lost her as a client. I thought to myself good riddance, I don't want your money.

Other than that the looks were looks of curiosity, sometimes followed by friendly smiles when I looked back at them.

Edited June 25, 2008 by Omoba

[Truth be Told 0]

I usually make light of conflict here on VJ but this is a serious subject and wil remain that way since the US seems to have its own special brand of racism.

[stevi1123 0]

If no conflict is started - there wont be any conflict!

[Simply_Uno 1]

It is sad and shameful that we as humans do not realize that we are ALL Gods children and offspring from one human couple Adam and Eve. But to be quite honest that is the way the world is and will continue to be until God steps in and changes things. The bible says that the whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one and that is soooo evident by the spirit of the world. In the bible it talks of people in these times as having no natural affection,not being open to agreement,without self control,fierce, and without love of goodness. These are the kind of people the Bible fortold we would encounter and we should not be suprised to be disliked, hated, and ridiculed for every and any thing we can think of. I would tell you to get used to it but to be honest no one ever gets used to being mistreated. It hurts. But God has foretold of a time that this kind of thing will no longer be. The world is like it is but it will not be this way for much longer. The bible speaks of a time when there will be no more pain nor outcry and things like this will be a thing of the past, a distant memory!

I, like many, am waiting for the promised paradise. Its the only thing that keeps me going sometimes, especially when I lost my brother. Im sure many can relate. However, the scripture that is really close to my heart is Isaiah 65:17 "...the former things will not be called to mind neither will they come up into the heart" I'm waiting for that day with great anticipation. I know alot of what we go through today still affects us tomorrow but imagine not even it coming to mind!

Uno Im doing to try that thing your cousin does, that is hilarious! My husband will probably be so puzzled when I do but I cant wait to try it, but ill say "hey girl! how are you? I havent seen you in church lately, been busy, huh? Anyways I cant talk now but call me, bye!

Yup, got it all planned out. Thanks for all the encouragement folks.

[His Glory 25]

Thanks again for the encouragment. Most days we just laugh that people can be so stupid. But other days it gets to us. My husband and I discussed racism in general, but not specifically about interracial couples. Although we both can handle it when it comes seperate but when it comes from those that are themselves sometimes discriminated against, and for just being together, it was an eye opener. What kills me is these are people that would be really cool with me had it not been I was married to a black man. Go figure! Again, its not everyone. My best friend who was also my maid of honor says she knows how others feel but that she doesnt feel the same way and never has. She is very confident in herself and is not desperately looking for a man. My other friend is. And I have had so many wonderful people just smile pleasantly at us when they were caught looking at us with curious looks.

[His Glory 25]

Looking back me and hubby should have talked about interracial problems but honestly it never truly crossed my mind because I have never experienced it. Like I said before my family is mixed and it was never and issue. It still would not have deterred me from marrying my husband. Its just something you face but I got some good tips here that I will try next time. When my husband walks by these women who mad dog us he makes this disapproving clicking sound in the back of his throat and shakes his head.

[Simply_Uno 1]

Looking back me and hubby should have talked about interracial problems but honestly it never truly crossed my mind because I have never experienced it. Like I said before my family is mixed and it was never and issue. It still would not have deterred me from marrying my husband. Its just something you face but I got some good tips here that I will try next time. When my husband walks by these women who mad dog us he makes this disapproving clicking sound in the back of his throat and shakes his head.

just know that people are going to look at you if you are fat, skinny, ugly, cute, short, tall, big butt, hell, no butt, little tits, tig ol' bitties or what have you.

you can't please everyone, don't try. and besides, your reward is in heaven....

::singin negro spiritual::

lawwwwd, don chu knowwu, daat IIIII'mmmmm jus passin by, alll my hopes, my dreams ahn luv ones, don allllll gone on be fo......cuz I can't, {I cant feel}

feeel at home, down herrre...any mo'oh

[Asante Maroon 0]

How many black Americans are willing to go to an African country and marry an African man? Yes there are some but not many at all.

There is still a stigma in the US about Africans and Africa in general from a good majority of the black community. Most black Americans won't even acknowledge that their roots are in Africa, but now when they see you with your husband, they want to hate. I remember so many ignorant statements made by black Americans about foreign black men.

This situation is deeper than you know and it is a sticky subject.

Let the haters hate and if they have a problem with you and your husband, tell them to visit the lands from which thier ancestors sprung and they too can find plenty of good black men. You have not taken the last good black man in the world. Don't let anyone steel your joy. How may of those haters would have gone through the process you have and deal with the cultural differences and financial strain???

Yes, I am slightly pissed by their ignorance. You went through a lot in your life and you should be happy. When they give you dirty looks, you give them the sweetest smile because they don't know what you know!

P.S. My statement comes from personal experiences and not made to offend anyone. God knows its the truth.

[His Glory 25]

How many black Americans are willing to go to an African country and marry an African man? Yes there are some but not many at all.

There is still a stigma in the US about Africans and Africa in general from a good majority of the black community. Most black Americans won't even acknowledge that their roots are in Africa, but now when they see you with your husband, they want to hate. I remember so many ignorant statements made by black Americans about foreign black men.

This situation is deeper than you know and it is a sticky subject.

Let the haters hate and if they have a problem with you and your husband, tell them to visit the lands from which thier ancestors sprung and they too can find plenty of good black men. You have not taken the last good black man in the world. Don't let anyone steel your joy. How may of those haters would have gone through the process you have and deal with the cultural differences and financial strain???

Yes, I am slightly pissed by their ignorance. You went through a lot in your life and you should be happy. When they give you dirty looks, you give them the sweetest smile because they don't know what you know!

P.S. My statement comes from personal experiences and not made to offend anyone. God knows its the truth.

Amen, and thank you.

Looking back me and hubby should have talked about interracial problems but honestly it never truly crossed my mind because I have never experienced it. Like I said before my family is mixed and it was never and issue. It still would not have deterred me from marrying my husband. Its just something you face but I got some good tips here that I will try next time. When my husband walks by these women who mad dog us he makes this disapproving clicking sound in the back of his throat and shakes his head.

just know that people are going to look at you if you are fat, skinny, ugly, cute, short, tall, big butt, hell, no butt, little tits, tig ol' bitties or what have you.

you can't please everyone, don't try. and besides, your reward is in heaven....

::singin negro spiritual::

lawwwwd, don chu knowwu, daat IIIII'mmmmm jus passin by, alll my hopes, my dreams ahn luv ones, don allllll gone on be fo......cuz I can't, {I cant feel}

feeel at home, down herrre...any mo'oh

Girl, your crazy!