What's ur job before meeting ur husbie/wife?

[mawilson 2,133]

Moral grandstanding aside, I'd really like to know how most couples here who are both working and have careers plan to juggle those careers while raising a family. There's no right or wrong answer here, but it seems that setting aside one's career to be with their spouse is somehow less noble than doing so to raise children?

Gee, I don't know. Most people somehow manage to work and raise children, it's not rocket science.

LOL...speaking from experience, Mark?

Sure.

Did you want to say something to me?

[no name 1]

It's not hard to see it Steven....

Moral grandstanding aside, I'd really like to know how most couples here who are both working and have careers plan to juggle those careers while raising a family. There's no right or wrong answer here, but it seems that setting aside one's career to be with their spouse is somehow less noble than doing so to raise children?

As maw said, it's not rocket science. It's been happending for *GASP* decades, even centuries! Oh noes.

Forty years ago, more women stayed home to raise the children. Maybe for many woman, it wasn't much of choice compared to now, but the dilemma remains the same - the couple either puts the child in the care of someone else or one of the parents sets aside their career to stay home for the child. What I don't get is why some people perceive that as chauvinistic? Key word here is choice.

It was your use of the word noble, over & over.....

If I have a child I would choose to continue working, for many reasons, least of which is I like my lifestyle, kids aren't cheap & I need to have adult time. ANd I will use that fridge as well!!

And I'm sure my hubby will continue working as well. That's my choice, as un-noble as you perceive it to be.

[Marilyn. 340]

Everyone's situation is different, but I'd say that if the mother is nursing the baby, then yes, she should be the one staying home with the baby. I realize this is a sensitive issue in this day and age, but there are certain biological factors that come into play and to put a blind fold on, thinking that either parent would suffice is just not being realistic. That isn't to say a father can stay home, but ideally, for many reasons, a mother at home would be better for the child...at least until they are weened.

Steven, there are these miracle things called breast pumps, and also, refrigerators.

not everyone wants to use breasts pumps though.. those things make you feel like a milking machine.. ugh.....

[KarenCee 3]

Moral grandstanding aside, I'd really like to know how most couples here who are both working and have careers plan to juggle those careers while raising a family. There's no right or wrong answer here, but it seems that setting aside one's career to be with their spouse is somehow less noble than doing so to raise children?

I am fortunate that my career allows me the same schedule as my daughter. I am off when she's off, my hours are her hours, and for that I am grateful. I don't make a lot of money and could very well find a job making three times as much (my previous career was in Land Surveying) so in a sense I did sacrifice. I was able to stay home with her until she was ready for preschool. This is how I juggle a career with raising my daughter. I realise not everyone has this opportunity, but I also realise that not everyone has the option of one parent staying home either...not in this economy. Anyone...mom or dad...that can readily set aside their career to be at home with their children has my utmost admiration. I think, for some, coming back to that career is the issue that worries them.

Just my thoughts on the matter.

[VisaJourneyLady 33]

Everyone's situation is different, but I'd say that if the mother is nursing the baby, then yes, she should be the one staying home with the baby. I realize this is a sensitive issue in this day and age, but there are certain biological factors that come into play and to put a blind fold on, thinking that either parent would suffice is just not being realistic. That isn't to say a father can stay home, but ideally, for many reasons, a mother at home would be better for the child...at least until they are weened.

Steven, there are these miracle things called breast pumps, and also, refrigerators.

[no name 1]

Everyone's situation is different, but I'd say that if the mother is nursing the baby, then yes, she should be the one staying home with the baby. I realize this is a sensitive issue in this day and age, but there are certain biological factors that come into play and to put a blind fold on, thinking that either parent would suffice is just not being realistic. That isn't to say a father can stay home, but ideally, for many reasons, a mother at home would be better for the child...at least until they are weened.

Steven, there are these miracle things called breast pumps, and also, refrigerators.

not everyone wants to use breasts pumps though.. those things make you feel like a milking machine.. ugh.....

Well as a SAHM, you wouldn't have to worry about it, would you?

Edited June 25, 2008 by illumine

[natty bumppo 297]

Everyone's situation is different, but I'd say that if the mother is nursing the baby, then yes, she should be the one staying home with the baby. I realize this is a sensitive issue in this day and age, but there are certain biological factors that come into play and to put a blind fold on, thinking that either parent would suffice is just not being realistic. That isn't to say a father can stay home, but ideally, for many reasons, a mother at home would be better for the child...at least until they are weened.

Steven, there are these miracle things called breast pumps, and also, refrigerators.

and milk bags ... freezers ...

know quite a few moms that have taken a biological break at work to relieve pressure ... and store for later use

[Marilyn. 340]

Everyone's situation is different, but I'd say that if the mother is nursing the baby, then yes, she should be the one staying home with the baby. I realize this is a sensitive issue in this day and age, but there are certain biological factors that come into play and to put a blind fold on, thinking that either parent would suffice is just not being realistic. That isn't to say a father can stay home, but ideally, for many reasons, a mother at home would be better for the child...at least until they are weened.

Steven, there are these miracle things called breast pumps, and also, refrigerators.

not everyone wants to use breasts pumps though.. those things make you feel like a milking machine.. ugh.....

Well as a SAHM, you wouldn't have to worry about it, would you?

I was just saying that maybe the mother wouldn't want to breast pump but prefer to breastfeed her child and go back to work when the baby was weaned... and I don't really see anything wrong with that...

I have no prejudice or whatever against working moms....

just for me personally I would rather be stay home and raise my kids.. I have been a nanny for years and I see how the parents working has affected the kids.... not saying in every case because a lot of family's do try to make time for their families....

[natty bumppo 297]

Everyone's situation is different, but I'd say that if the mother is nursing the baby, then yes, she should be the one staying home with the baby. I realize this is a sensitive issue in this day and age, but there are certain biological factors that come into play and to put a blind fold on, thinking that either parent would suffice is just not being realistic. That isn't to say a father can stay home, but ideally, for many reasons, a mother at home would be better for the child...at least until they are weened.

Steven, there are these miracle things called breast pumps, and also, refrigerators.

not everyone wants to use breasts pumps though.. those things make you feel like a milking machine.. ugh.....

Well as a SAHM, you wouldn't have to worry about it, would you?

sometimes the pump can get a fuller release and help with the milk production ... also helps if there is an infant that just doesn't want to do their part for whatever reason

Edited June 25, 2008 by Natty Bumppo

[VisaJourneyLady 33]

my mum stayed home, and minded other people's children in our house. Some of those children did great, others didn't. It depended. In short, being a good parent still mattered, working parents or no.

[sweetpink 1]

I was working as a Pre-school teacher for 4 years..I love being around with children

Edited June 25, 2008 by sweetpink

[DanielParul 50]

I was working as a Training Manager for a General Insurance Company (Cars/Motorcycles and Home Appliances). Plan to stick to my field and hopefully get a good start here too.

As for when we have kids, it will depend on the situation then - the best possible solution so it doesn't hurt us too much financially and none of us ends up giving up too much to rais kids.

To be able to strike that balance - Have a good, fulfilling life and be able to raise kids well too will be a noble thing... Also a lot of hard work!

[no name 1]

sometimes the pump can get a fuller release and help with the milk production ... also helps if there is an infant that just doesn't want to do their part for whatever reason

Those pesky infants! I bet they are acting up cuz their Mom is working!

my mum stayed home, and minded other people's children in our house. Some of those children did great, others didn't. It depended. In short, being a good parent still mattered, working parents or no.

Edited June 25, 2008 by illumine

[Fandango 1,439]

I don't see any "forcing" going on ...you are just reading that into it..

my hubby asked me to quit and said he would said me money and I said sure sounds good....

No, I'm not. She CHOSE to quit because if she didn't, her relationship would suffer 'consequences'. Her words, not mine.

And if she were truly happy with her choice, it wouldn't be an issue....but if you read her earlier posts, she says how she's finding not working to be hard, and does not want to be a 'plain housewife' and how her husband reminds her how she 'can not and must not' etc...read the thread Marilyn. You seem to be coming to this thread from a different perspective, and that's fine...but that reads to me that if left to her own devices, the OP would not have 'chosen' the compromise of her quitting her job, and her husband's compromise of 'letting her' work when she gets here.

this isn't a discussion about child rearing. This is a discussion about professional, accomplished women essentially being forced to choose between their careers and their husbands....when their husbands aren't even physically there. Work could serve as a huge diversion thru the wait, but no....somehow the relationships that were built DURING these time conflicts of the women working, all of a sudden will crumble if the woman continues to work. These men are opportunists at their worst and the whole thing makes me sick. If you LOVE someone, and you see they enjoy working, why on earth someone would try to take that away from the 'ONE THEY LOVE' just boggles the fricken mind. So don't try to muddy the waters because this is not some 'couple living together figuring child care issues' discussion.

I haven't read through every post. All I saw was the OP getting flak for saying that she set aside her job and career for her husband. She didn't give all the detail and I have no idea how close they are to getting her visa, but I don't understand all the hoopla. As for the choice of words being used ....keep in mind this is someone from another country and culture. I think a lot of people are interpreting what she has said to mean what they want to hear and not necessarily what is really going on. I think it's a bit rash to judge here and think that her husband has made unreasonable demands on her. She sounds happy in her decision so why beat it with a stick?

it is VJ's way...

and to point it out Steven asked a question why it seemed people might think it more noble for a spouse to quit their job to raise a child then for a spouse to quit their job for the other spouse... that is how the subject of stay at home moms etc came up....

Steven - then perhaps you SHOULD read the thread before passing comment on things you clearly haven't seen.

Marilyn - this discussion is not just 'vj's way' imo....but I'm not getting into the 'noble' discussion...I'm addressing the whole 'choice under duress' which is what it looks like to me. I've explained in fuller detail #265.

[Marilyn. 340]

I have read the thread...

and I didn't see that at all...