What's ur job before meeting ur husbie/wife?

[natty bumppo 297]

... it seems that setting aside one's career to be with their spouse is somehow less noble than doing so to raise children?

Doing it doesn't make it noble. Why one does it is the source of nobility.

When you 'sacrifice' your career in exchange for the predetermined sum of 2x salary, that's not very noble.

So if you're wife, before she married you, was making a lot of money back in her home country (for the sake of the argument), and she would have to walk away from that job and possible career just to be with a schmuck like you, you wouldn't think that were noble?

Not if it meant negotiating a specific price for her to do so.

the option is available for re-entering the market and continuing/changing career paths on arrival.

there again ... could it be it's only a matter of price

[no name 1]

... it seems that setting aside one's career to be with their spouse is somehow less noble than doing so to raise children?

Doing it doesn't make it noble. Why one does it is the source of nobility.

When you 'sacrifice' your career in exchange for the predetermined sum of 2x salary, that's not very noble.

So if you're wife, before she married you, was making a lot of money back in her home country (for the sake of the argument), and she would have to walk away from that job and possible career just to be with a schmuck like you, you wouldn't think that were noble?

Not if it meant negotiating a specific price for her to do so.

the option is available for re-entering the market and continuing/changing career paths on arrival.

there again ... could it be it's only a matter of price

or if my masterhusband lets me keep a career AND raise kids...

[SMOKE 1,426]

... it seems that setting aside one's career to be with their spouse is somehow less noble than doing so to raise children?

Doing it doesn't make it noble. Why one does it is the source of nobility.

When you 'sacrifice' your career in exchange for the predetermined sum of 2x salary, that's not very noble.

So if you're wife, before she married you, was making a lot of money back in her home country (for the sake of the argument), and she would have to walk away from that job and possible career just to be with a schmuck like you, you wouldn't think that were noble?

Not if it meant negotiating a specific price for her to do so.

nobody (but you) said she negotiated the sum of support her husband sends her. it just happened to be 2x the salary she was earning at the time her & her husband decided putting her career on hold would make communication easier during the seperation while waiting on the visa. there is a 13 hour time difference between here & the PI. myself & my SO also decided together for her not to work while going thru this process to make a communication schedule easier. this way we only have to work around my time responsibilities & not both of ours. i do send her $300 a month...if you're counting 2 1/2- 3x what she could be earning working in the PI. & i will continue to send the money for her family after she gets here. i am not buying her. i am not paying her for obediance. i love her, she loves me & we will do what ever we need to do to make things easier on each other.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

nobody (but you) said she negotiated the sum of support her husband sends her. it just happened to be 2x the salary...

My husband asked me to quit my job and promised to support me financially & double my salary instead.

It just happened to be 2x?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

... it seems that setting aside one's career to be with their spouse is somehow less noble than doing so to raise children?

Doing it doesn't make it noble. Why one does it is the source of nobility.

When you 'sacrifice' your career in exchange for the predetermined sum of 2x salary, that's not very noble.

So if you're wife, before she married you, was making a lot of money back in her home country (for the sake of the argument), and she would have to walk away from that job and possible career just to be with a schmuck like you, you wouldn't think that were noble?

Not if it meant negotiating a specific price for her to do so.

the option is available for re-entering the market and continuing/changing career paths on arrival.

there again ... could it be it's only a matter of price

or if my masterhusband lets me keep a career AND raise kids...

Figures you'd read it as some form of male chauvinism. I'll give you a concrete example. We have 3 month old baby at home. If Jinky were working as a full fledged dentist, she'd be bringing in more than me. Right now, she's staying home with the baby, but if the opportunity arises where she can practice here in the states, I would willingly set aside my career and be a mister mom with the baby until he's at an age where we feel comfortable about leaving him under someone else's care. The dilemma for parents with toddlers is deciding whether its in the best interest of the child to have someone else care for them while both parents work. IMO, if it is financially possible for one parent to stay home, that would be the best option for the child. That's not chauvinism, that's just common sense.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

... if it is financially possible for one parent to stay home, that would be the best option for the child. That's not chauvinism, that's just common sense.

Agreed.

In our case, my wife probably won't make more than me for a while, but I'd definitely be happier at home than she would. She likes to work and I don't much care for it

But for financial reasons, I don't think we'd be able to do that.

[SMOKE 1,426]

nobody (but you) said she negotiated the sum of support her husband sends her. it just happened to be 2x the salary...

My husband asked me to quit my job and promised to support me financially & double my salary instead.

It just happened to be 2x?

plz point out the negotiation part.

[no name 1]

It's not hard to see it Steven....

Moral grandstanding aside, I'd really like to know how most couples here who are both working and have careers plan to juggle those careers while raising a family. There's no right or wrong answer here, but it seems that setting aside one's career to be with their spouse is somehow less noble than doing so to raise children?

As maw said, it's not rocket science. It's been happending for *GASP* decades, even centuries! Oh noes.

So if you're wife, before she married you, was making a lot of money back in her home country (for the sake of the argument), and she would have to walk away from that job and possible career just to be with a schmuck like you, you wouldn't think that were noble?

No. Why is it noble? Could be desperation, could be a scam, could be love, etc.

I'm not arguing any other point other than ...a spouse setting aside their job and possibly their career to be with their spouse is no less noble than when one parent does so to raise the children. This is where progress and tradition collide. The family and the marriage, IMO, should take priority over career. Just how that gets worked out though must be a mutually agree upon decision.

And yet, somehow a spouse who choses career AND family is not noble?

[natty bumppo 297]

nobody (but you) said she negotiated the sum of support her husband sends her. it just happened to be 2x the salary...

My husband asked me to quit my job and promised to support me financially & double my salary instead.

It just happened to be 2x?

plz point out the negotiation part.

agreed terms ...

[natty bumppo 297]

It's not hard to see it Steven....

Moral grandstanding aside, I'd really like to know how most couples here who are both working and have careers plan to juggle those careers while raising a family. There's no right or wrong answer here, but it seems that setting aside one's career to be with their spouse is somehow less noble than doing so to raise children?

As maw said, it's not rocket science. It's been happending for *GASP* decades, even centuries! Oh noes.

So if you're wife, before she married you, was making a lot of money back in her home country (for the sake of the argument), and she would have to walk away from that job and possible career just to be with a schmuck like you, you wouldn't think that were noble?

No. Why is it noble? Could be desperation, could be a scam, could be love, etc.

I'm not arguing any other point other than ...a spouse setting aside their job and possibly their career to be with their spouse is no less noble than when one parent does so to raise the children. This is where progress and tradition collide. The family and the marriage, IMO, should take priority over career. Just how that gets worked out though must be a mutually agree upon decision.

And yet, somehow a spouse who choses career AND family is not noble?

what about couples where both must work just to survive ... are they considered "not noble"?

[SMOKE 1,426]

nobody (but you) said she negotiated the sum of support her husband sends her. it just happened to be 2x the salary...

My husband asked me to quit my job and promised to support me financially & double my salary instead.

It just happened to be 2x?

plz point out the negotiation part.

agreed terms ...

you lost me there.

[no name 1]

It's not hard to see it Steven....

Moral grandstanding aside, I'd really like to know how most couples here who are both working and have careers plan to juggle those careers while raising a family. There's no right or wrong answer here, but it seems that setting aside one's career to be with their spouse is somehow less noble than doing so to raise children?

As maw said, it's not rocket science. It's been happending for *GASP* decades, even centuries! Oh noes.

So if you're wife, before she married you, was making a lot of money back in her home country (for the sake of the argument), and she would have to walk away from that job and possible career just to be with a schmuck like you, you wouldn't think that were noble?

No. Why is it noble? Could be desperation, could be a scam, could be love, etc.

I'm not arguing any other point other than ...a spouse setting aside their job and possibly their career to be with their spouse is no less noble than when one parent does so to raise the children. This is where progress and tradition collide. The family and the marriage, IMO, should take priority over career. Just how that gets worked out though must be a mutually agree upon decision.

And yet, somehow a spouse who choses career AND family is not noble?

what about couples where both must work just to survive ... are they considered "not noble"?

I think you only achieve nobility if you leave a career/job behind or become a stay at home parent. Nothing else counts, unfortunately.

[VisaJourneyLady 33]

setting aside ones career to raise a family, no problem with that. but most of the comments here have seemed to indicate that the husbands have assumed that the wife be the one to give up the career to raise the family, rather than it being up for discussion.

The few fillapina ladies I have met, have been the workers, and the men have stayed at home and raised children, along with the grandparents. I very much admired those women. I don't feel sorry or morally superior to any woman that stays home and raises children. However, I do think that there should have been a conversation, that the man staying home should have been realistically considered.

[no name 1]

setting aside ones career to raise a family, no problem with that. but most of the comments here have seemed to indicate that the husbands have assumed that the wife be the one to give up the career to raise the family, rather than it being up for discussion.

The few fillapina ladies I have met, have been the workers, and the men have stayed at home and raised children, along with the grandparents. I very much admired those women. I don't feel sorry or morally superior to any woman that stays home and raises children. However, I do think that there should have been a conversation, that the man staying home should have been realistically considered.

but why does one have to give up *anything* to have a family?

[Marilyn. 340]

i would gladly give up my job (if I had one) to stay home and raise my kids.... but not everyone is like that... and everyone doesn't have to be...

to each their own ..