How much, is too much?

[przy 0]

CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG??????

[Ta Ta 1]

CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG??????

Nur in einer perfecten Welt

[przy 0]

Naja... und das haben wir nicht. Schade.

[Asante Maroon 0]

Omoba, you are so right! But when you are dealing with irrational and unreasonable people who thrive on negativity it's a waste of breath to even try to reason with them because you will get no where.

There were a few things that I read which may not have been directed to me but I know it is definitely speaks to the stereotypical view of my race. I was very tempted to respond but I realized that the comment comes from a place of ignorance and perhaps even pschosocial/emotional issues. You can't reason with people like this.

Of course you can challenge someone statements about you. That is not against netiquette and not to mention it's your basic human right. But notice no matter how reasonable people have responded to this issue, it has been met with unwarranted and irrational responses. Just look at what has ben said! I can't believe a simple statement of experience sparked all of this anger and hate?!?!?!? I feel like I stepped into the twilight zone.

Clearing the air is good for people who can handle it, and it's obvious that some people here cannot. That's why I said to let it go.

Trust me Omoba, if I ever offend anyone unknowingly I would of course like to be told in order to have the chance to set things straight. But when trying to make a mends is met with all types of crazy accusations and insults...I aint got the time. Bump that...I got bigger fish to fry as we all do!

You know who you can be real with...and usually it's your close family and friends...(those who know that you are not trying to play them when you are trying to help them) or even perhaps other reasonable people who have a strong sense of self who can see things for what they are and not what they imagine them to be.

You are cool with me "momma bear" We have that momma bear quality in common!!!!

Just looking for a little peace among VJyers....We have some approvals we should be celebrating

The ignoring advice is of course good, except there comes a time when enough is enough and I personally stand up to untrue statements against me or my SO. Each one has to decide when that time has come and when boundaries were overstepped.

I am not confrontational but neither am I a door mat and for those that have not been on the receiving end yet ( hope you never will be)

I believe it would be very difficult for you also to ignore someone's personal attacks with sarcastic assumptions, passive aggressive instigation and downright being insulted.

So, it depends on what kind of negativity we are talking about. ........momma bear just may come out for a minute.

We are a diverse group and handle these situations differently. Rebuttals are not against online etiquette in my opinion, unless they turn into

open fire flame wars and name calling. In which case moderators can intervene.

Fight fair, clear the air and move on, just like in any other human interaction. I don't run but stand my ground and am able to forgive.

I feel clearing the air is a better solution than constant bickering and grudge holding.

[Zee Bee 61]

I the ignore feature.

And I (L) (L) that Asante is back with us

Now, if anyone needs directions to the ignore button feel free to PM me. It really does help with the blood pressure

[Asante Maroon 0]

I you too Zee!

I the ignore feature.

And I (L) (L) that Asante is back with us

Now, if anyone needs directions to the ignore button feel free to PM me. It really does help with the blood pressure

[Ta Ta 1]

OK lets party then

[Asante Maroon 0]

OK lets party then

[LovinLiberia 0]

Omoba, you are so right! But when you are dealing with irrational and unreasonable people who thrive on negativity it's a waste of breath to even try to reason with them because you will get no where.

There were a few things that I read which may not have been directed to me but I know it is definitely speaks to the stereotypical view of my race. I was very tempted to respond but I realized that the comment comes from a place of ignorance and perhaps even pschosocial/emotional issues. You can't reason with people like this.

Of course you can challenge someone statements about you. That is not against netiquette and not to mention it's your basic human right. But notice no matter how reasonable people have responded to this issue, it has been met with unwarranted and irrational responses. Just look at what has ben said! I can't believe a simple statement of experience sparked all of this anger and hate?!?!?!? I feel like I stepped into the twilight zone.

Clearing the air is good for people who can handle it, and it's obvious that some people here cannot. That's why I said to let it go.

Trust me Omoba, if I ever offend anyone unknowingly I would of course like to be told in order to have the chance to set things straight. But when trying to make a mends is met with all types of crazy accusations and insults...I aint got the time. Bump that...I got bigger fish to fry as we all do!

You know who you can be real with...and usually it's your close family and friends...(those who know that you are not trying to play them when you are trying to help them) or even perhaps other reasonable people who have a strong sense of self who can see things for what they are and not what they imagine them to be.

You are cool with me "momma bear" We have that momma bear quality in common!!!!

Just looking for a little peace among VJyers....We have some approvals we should be celebrating

This whole post was on point. *ahem* I noticed it, too (the part that is bolded). This is the second time this month that I need surgery from biting my tongue too hard as a result of not responding to the offending comment. Honestly, it made my blood boil when I read it, but then I convinced myself that I must have read it wrong. Besides, I just don't have time to go back and forth beating a dead horse...especially when the emotions were running high. Anyway, these words were a direct reflection of my feelings on the whole thing.

[Simply_Uno 1]

You are right You have no idea of my relationship. We have known each other for years and I have known the family for over a decade. I have never implied that Joseph is lazy or going to live off me when he gets here. My comment about him not making as much as I do is a reference to my income level. I am not some welfare mom or some little old lady living on disability, so lonely for company and praying someone will drop a paycheck in my lap. Those are the types that will frustrate a hard working man as a burden and will find their home empty once again.

I am not sure why you singled me out, maybe you have something against interracial marriages but whatever you trip is that is fine. Joseph has long admired white features and that is part of what makes us tick as a couple. He has never

[b]really cared for the type of woman that spends hard earned money on hair and nails. [/b]His education there is as a construction costing manager. He made a decent wage by Nigerian standards. He was never one of those Nigerians I have had contact with that have money for things and could never quite explain how they got it. ( To me magic money spells scammer ) Right now there isn't much call for construction here in southern California so he will probably work out of his specialty. Maybe do a switch to something else. Either way he is looking working in a new country and will not be paid as a highly experienced , highly educated employee straight off.

I am not heading for a free fall by any means. Joseph is not well off in Nigeria but he was doing the best he could. He owns a couple of pieces of property that as of right now don't have dwellings on them. He is older and unmarried because when he was younger, he paid bride price for a woman, educated her and lost her to an automotive accident while she was doing her youth corp service. I have been to where she is buried on the family property. We have talked about plans for both properties as well as caring for his parents ( he is the oldest son so that falls on him ) We have talked traditions such as head shaving if he predeceases me. His father has broken a kola nut in my honor. His youngest brother and I hit off well because we are both electrical engineers. Another is a doctor. Joseph has given a lot to make sure they didn't have to leave school due to lack of money and never asked me for anything. Why would I at this point develop a sense of cheapness and tell him to reschedule an interview over a few hundred dollars. We want to be together so if for a bit more money comes out of my pocket I am fine with it.

What is meant by the statement in red? Please explain

It simply means that he doesn't want a woman that spends money looking like a harlot with fake nails and excessive makeup and hair nor that wears clothing showing off their body to everyone.

Hmmmm, ummmm, I am starving what I want to die .

Starving...what... I...want...to...die!!

Starve, so you can die already; Dammit!!

Ummmm, whoooo, lawdy, lawdy, lawdy.....mmmmm, bless the lamb, bless the lamb.

wrong...BLESS THE LAMB OF GOD!!

okay, now its dead.....

see, that was easy, now.... WASN'T IT?!?!?!?

[Asante Maroon 0]

Hmmmm, ummmm, I am starving what I want to die .

Starving...what... I...want...to...die!!

Starve, so you can die already; Dammit!!

Ummmm, whoooo, lawdy, lawdy, lawdy.....mmmmm, bless the lamb, bless the lamb.

wrong...BLESS THE LAMB OF GOD!!

okay, now its dead.....

see, that was easy, now.... WASN'T IT?!?!?!?

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

I said what I meant and being miserly and not paying to looking like a painted street ####### are too different things. Once again I don't need you or anyone else distorting what I said. Ignorant people should just keep their mouths shut and not distort what someone else has to say.

You are right You have no idea of my relationship. We have known each other for years and I have known the family for over a decade. I have never implied that Joseph is lazy or going to live off me when he gets here. My comment about him not making as much as I do is a reference to my income level. I am not some welfare mom or some little old lady living on disability, so lonely for company and praying someone will drop a paycheck in my lap. Those are the types that will frustrate a hard working man as a burden and will find their home empty once again.

I am not sure why you singled me out, maybe you have something against interracial marriages but whatever you trip is that is fine. Joseph has long admired white features and that is part of what makes us tick as a couple. He has never really cared for the type of woman that spends hard earned money on hair and nails.His education there is as a construction costing manager. He made a decent wage by Nigerian standards. He was never one of those Nigerians I have had contact with that have money for things and could never quite explain how they got it. ( To me magic money spells scammer ) Right now there isn't much call for construction here in southern California so he will probably work out of his specialty. Maybe do a switch to something else. Either way he is looking working in a new country and will not be paid as a highly experienced , highly educated employee straight off.

I am not heading for a free fall by any means. Joseph is not well off in Nigeria but he was doing the best he could. He owns a couple of pieces of property that as of right now don't have dwellings on them. He is older and unmarried because when he was younger, he paid bride price for a woman, educated her and lost her to an automotive accident while she was doing her youth corp service. I have been to where she is buried on the family property. We have talked about plans for both properties as well as caring for his parents ( he is the oldest son so that falls on him ) We have talked traditions such as head shaving if he predeceases me. His father has broken a kola nut in my honor. His youngest brother and I hit off well because we are both electrical engineers. Another is a doctor. Joseph has given a lot to make sure they didn't have to leave school due to lack of money and never asked me for anything. Why would I at this point develop a sense of cheapness and tell him to reschedule an interview over a few hundred dollars. We want to be together so if for a bit more money comes out of my pocket I am fine with it.

What is meant by the statement in red? Please explain

he doesn't want a woman that spends money looking like a harlot with fake nails and excessive makeup and hair nor that wears clothing showing off their body to everyone.

Hmmmm, ummmm, I am starving what I want to die .

Starving...what... I...want...to...die!!

Starve, so you can die already; Dammit!!

Ummmm, whoooo, lawdy, lawdy, lawdy.....mmmmm, bless the lamb, bless the lamb.

wrong...BLESS THE LAMB OF GOD!!

okay, now its dead.....

see, that was easy, now.... WASN'T IT?!?!?!?

[Simply_Uno 1]

exactly, so be quiet.

I distorted nothing , that is YOUR perception/interpretation of what I wrote, your problem not mine .

but anyway, my point was not to you, I was merely demonstrating how easy it is to overlook a generalization/statement .

so you should practice what you preach.

and to your next comment {I know you have one}..... WHAT EVER

lifes too short to worry about someone else's story but your own.

peace and comfort to all

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

You altered my original statements and changed their meaning. But I except as much for the people on this forum that delight in tormenting others for their own pleasure. At first I was amazed at the sick behavior but I see it is sub Saharan standard after someone suggesting that I review a prior harpy attack directed at them from basically the same shrews.

exactly, so be quiet.

I distorted nothing , that is YOUR perception/interpretation of what I wrote, your problem not mine .

but anyway, my point was not to you, I was merely demonstrating how easy it is to overlook a generalization/statement .

so you should practice what you preach.

and to your next comment {I know you have one}..... WHAT EVER

lifes too short to worry about someone else's story but your own.

peace and comfort to all

[ebonyqueen 0]

There were a few things that I read which may not have been directed to me but I know it is definitely speaks to the stereotypical view of my race.

You have just done what you have been expressing to others NOT to do! Read something into someone else's words. ( I assume u meant the "hair and nails" comment...didn't u?) If so...when did us sistas have the market on wantin to look like divas! I saw no inference or suggestion that she meant it as a racial remark...Why ya'll gotta go there? This kind of "it's cuz I'm black" shyt always gotta rear it's ugly head! Get over yourselves ma sistas!!! If you want the ignorance to end...stop feeding into it! It's not always about race. And even when it is....it goes both ways! Being subtle about it doesnt make it any less of a reality! The war of the words will go on forever, just like each person's interpretation of them.

No one likes to see the drama that unfolds here...but each one of us who posts a response, no matter if its to calm the air, or defend ourself...is contributing to keeping the drama alive...so don't none of ya'll get righteous and pretend u aint doing nothin! Myself included...I will always interject when I feel so compelled....and will be as "real" as ya'll claim to be....and I will definitely speak my mind. It goes back to the ole saying..."if u don't wanna get into it...don't reply to the post" Simple as that. VJ is a small section of real life....and if ya'll can't take the good with the bad....then get out the dang kitchen! Life is not all roses and rainbows! There are plenty of wonderfully supportive and positive threads on this site...If ur not looking to stir the pot...then don't go to stove! Anyone who reads these drama-fied threads...and thinks that this is what VJ is about is really the ignorant one! Someone else's drama helps us to forget our own sometimes...kinda like therapy!

Happy posting everyone!

Peace, Love and Happiness