Just my opinion....

[totes 0]

Let me start by saying that I love my guy more than anything and I love his family as if they are my own, But having been to both Ghana and Nigeria in addition to researching everything and anything I can find about Western Africa..... I can tell you that it is a f$ #@$#D yp place. I'm not saying the people are, I'm just saying that we need to be real about how corrupt the government is over there and how it all flows down to the hard working precious people that live there. I believe and I have seen that 90% of the people that live there are hard working, family oriented, awesome people but there are the 10% that will, have, and will again screw anyone they meet. This is the population we, as American's generally hear about and see. Online, the majority of the African's ARE (I don't care what people say, the facts are the facts) scammer's. They are looking either to screw you through 419 scams or they are romance scammer's looking for a Visa. I have sat in the cafe's over there and seen how they operate... it's amazing and very sad. All I'm saying is that if you are approached by an African online, even if he tells you he's African, you need to do your research, learn what he is about because the tactics shift.... they once were heavy into posting fake pics on dating sites but have moved toward a more "honest" approach. Telling you they are from Africa and are just looking for the "love of their life:" For the MOST part, they are looking for a visa. I have many African freinds both in Africa an over here and they all admit that the biggest population of people online over there are scamming in some way, shape or form.

I'm not trying to discourage people from getting involed with African's, God knows I love my fiance' and his family more than anything.... I'm just saying that it is what it is and I have to tell you if I lived over there, in their conditions, with a family, there is no telling what I might do. Just being honest having seen it and having many friends and family that I love and respect. I don't agree with what some of them do.... it makes me personally sick but.... they will face their Maker, just as I will, and I feel pretty good about that myself. It's between them and God.

My job.... the one God drives, the most important one, is to educate people... give them the facts, not as I see them but as it really is.

I think at this point I've probably pissed off several people on this forum, not intentionally but because I am lead to do what I do. I will not post any further about this subject because I don't want to offend anymore members that I probably already have.

If you would like more information/education about this subject, please do not hesitate to PM me.

God bless

tess

[totes 0]

Let me start by saying that I love my guy more than anything and I love his family as if they are my own, But having been to both Ghana and Nigeria in addition to researching everything and anything I can find about Western Africa..... I can tell you that it is a f$ #@$#D yp place. I'm not saying the people are, I'm just saying that we need to be real about how corrupt the government is over there and how it all flows down to the hard working precious people that live there. I believe and I have seen that 90% of the people that live there are hard working, family oriented, awesome people but there are the 10% that will, have, and will again screw anyone they meet. This is the population we, as American's generally hear about and see. Online, the majority of the African's ARE (I don't care what people say, the facts are the facts) scammer's. They are looking either to screw you through 419 scams or they are romance scammer's looking for a Visa. I have sat in the cafe's over there and seen how they operate... it's amazing and very sad. All I'm saying is that if you are approached by an African online, even if he tells you he's African, you need to do your research, learn what he is about because the tactics shift.... they once were heavy into posting fake pics on dating sites but have moved toward a more "honest" approach. Telling you they are from Africa and are just looking for the "love of their life:" For the MOST part, they are looking for a visa. I have many African freinds both in Africa an over here and they all admit that the biggest population of people online over there are scamming in some way, shape or form.

I'm not trying to discourage people from getting involed with African's, God knows I love my fiance' and his family more than anything.... I'm just saying that it is what it is and I have to tell you if I lived over there, in their conditions, with a family, there is no telling what I might do. Just being honest having seen it and having many friends and family that I love and respect. I don't agree with what some of them do.... it makes me personally sick but.... they will face their Maker, just as I will, and I feel pretty good about that myself. It's between them and God.

My job.... the one God drives, the most important one, is to educate people... give them the facts, not as I see them but as it really is.

I think at this point I've probably pissed off several people on this forum, not intentionally but because I am lead to do what I do. I will not post any further about this subject because I don't want to offend anymore members that I probably already have.

If you would like more information/education about this subject, please do not hesitate to PM me.

God bless

tess

I want to add that I love this site and I love all of you even when I don't agree with your opinions.... that's the beauty of America.... we can do that, thank God!

[*JG* 2]

Interesting, Tess. I find the exact same things true about Jamaica. The scams are relatively the same. The rumors are the same. The intentions seem to be the same.

If you are lucky enough to find a good man, proceed with caution; but do not let this kind of thing completely discourage you.

[totes 0]

Interesting, Tess. I find the exact same things true about Jamaica. The scams are relatively the same. The rumors are the same. The intentions seem to be the same.

If you are lucky enough to find a good man, proceed with caution; but do not let this kind of thing completely discourage you.

Agreed. Please don't be discouraged, there are good people in every country just like here. Just have your eyes open, be educated so you can make a good decision for you, which is what is most important.

[Dakine 26]

Scammers all over the world now and increasing rapidly.

Computer sales WAY up in the Philippines. Reason! People upgrading from computer cafes to their homes.

[Kanyiri 0]

I just wanted to add something to this. I agree that there is a huge population of scammers out there, but I think in many instances Americans are misinterpreting what Nigerians (etc.) are doing because they are putting it into the context of American culture. In America we marry for love. When a person gets married everyone asks, "Do you really love him?" and the person thinks about the way their fiance makes them feel. It's all about emotion. The love of an African - when it comes to marriage - is only starting to mold to our way of doing things. Their marriages are for a purpose. Yes, they love their spouse, but it is because of their qualities and their heritage and their ability to produce the next generation. They marry based on family acceptance, ability to have children, educational standing, financial standing, and social standing. Some places still rely on their parents or head of the family to choose their spouse for them. Here we get pissed if a man divorces his wife because she can't have children. We think he must not have loved her in the first place. But in Africa it happens all the time - or else they just marry a second wife. It doesn't mean they didn't love their first wife - it just didn't work out.

Basically, in America marriage has become an emotional decision. In Africa it is a logical decision. So his decision to marry an American logically makes sense. He may say he loves you, and according to his culture he is completely telling you the truth, but according to ours he is not.

[Truth be Told 0]

I just wanted to add something to this. I agree that there is a huge population of scammers out there, but I think in many instances Americans are misinterpreting what Nigerians (etc.) are doing because they are putting it into the context of American culture. In America we marry for love. When a person gets married everyone asks, "Do you really love him?" and the person thinks about the way their fiance makes them feel. It's all about emotion. The love of an African - when it comes to marriage - is only starting to mold to our way of doing things. Their marriages are for a purpose. Yes, they love their spouse, but it is because of their qualities and their heritage and their ability to produce the next generation. They marry based on family acceptance, ability to have children, educational standing, financial standing, and social standing. Some places still rely on their parents or head of the family to choose their spouse for them. Here we get pissed if a man divorces his wife because she can't have children. We think he must not have loved her in the first place. But in Africa it happens all the time - or else they just marry a second wife. It doesn't mean they didn't love their first wife - it just didn't work out.

Basically, in America marriage has become an emotional decision. In Africa it is a logical decision. So his decision to marry an American logically makes sense. He may say he loves you, and according to his culture he is completely telling you the truth, but according to ours he is not.

Man I love this POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ta Ta 1]

I just wanted to add something to this. I agree that there is a huge population of scammers out there, but I think in many instances Americans are misinterpreting what Nigerians (etc.) are doing because they are putting it into the context of American culture. In America we marry for love. When a person gets married everyone asks, "Do you really love him?" and the person thinks about the way their fiance makes them feel. It's all about emotion. The love of an African - when it comes to marriage - is only starting to mold to our way of doing things. Their marriages are for a purpose. Yes, they love their spouse, but it is because of their qualities and their heritage and their ability to produce the next generation. They marry based on family acceptance, ability to have children, educational standing, financial standing, and social standing. Some places still rely on their parents or head of the family to choose their spouse for them. Here we get pissed if a man divorces his wife because she can't have children. We think he must not have loved her in the first place. But in Africa it happens all the time - or else they just marry a second wife. It doesn't mean they didn't love their first wife - it just didn't work out.

Basically, in America marriage has become an emotional decision. In Africa it is a logical decision. So his decision to marry an American logically makes sense. He may say he loves you, and according to his culture he is completely telling you the truth, but according to ours he is not.

You hit the nail on the head.

Your insight into the African culture reflects truth and respect. You truly have an understanding that greatly surpasses the usual

headline style opinion someone read somewhere.

I had to check your profile because I was wondering if you are African yourself. You delivered your perspective with class.

You are an asset to this forum and I want to thank you for sharing this.

[ebonyqueen 0]

I would have to agree with this reality. I too have seen and met members of the "scam squad" I would like to take this scenerio further by sharing some additional reality. There are people in this country (USA) who are knowingly and willingly helping these scammers to commit this fraud. They are sending and receiving merchandise (clothing, electronics, jewelery etc.) that is purchased with stolen credit cards, which the scammers have bought in their own country. (a stolen number may be sold to a dozen people for a very cheap price!) In most cases they (the usc) are rewarded by getting to keep some of the items for themselves. Many of these items are the gifts that these guys send when they are wooing their victim. They also use these stolen card numbers to send flowers, book flights, and otherwise "seem" like they have money. They "groom" their victims...sometimes for years!...and they have many women they are scamming at once. They keep "logs" of information on each so that they can remember who and what they talk about! . Sometimes they are seeking just a constant money flow from these unususpecting women...and other times they are looking for a permanent ticket to the "land of dreams" and the first one they can "hook"..sometimes both! In many cases the family is "unaware" of the complexity of the scamming. They may know of one woman, and are very supportive of the relationship because they know it means the life of the entire family will be changing for the better if a family member gets to America. But realistically...most (not all) African families are rooted in religion and family values, and would not participate in an elaborate scheme such as marriage fraud. (or they would never speak about their doubts) I have found that most of these guys are lying (or withholding the truth) to their family about the nature of their feelings/relationship.

I was appalled to have met a lady online who told me of a "group" of women (most with kids, and on welfare) who are being paid to file papers for these scammers who are paying them with stolen goods. she said they sometimes get a "lump sum of cash" and/or they get their rent paid for the entire time the visa is pending...and even up until the AOS. They live in separate places, and have a detailed list of what they need to do to prove the relationship...including pages and pages of possible questions etc. that they study and memorize. I was so pissed when she began telling me this shyt because it is those people who are clogging up the system and making it more difficult for the rest of us with legitimate relationships. I had to go off on her azz, and tell her its a good thing I didnt know her last name!!!

Now...with all this said...I am by no means implying that every African met online is doing this. And even those who may participate in the credit card fraud...are still human and may be genuine in their love for someone, and/or their pursuit of true love. Every person, anywhere...dreams of a better life, especially if they come from poverty...so u can't blame someone for wanting better for themselves. There are wonderful, honest, loving, African men of integrity..(which I'm sure many of us can atest too!) that are truly searching for their soulmate, just like the rest of us.

Bottom line....just be smart, educated, and WATCH FOR THE RED FLAGS!!!!! Most time the signs are there...in plain sight! And I can't stress enough to DO YOUR HOMEWORK! Ask questions, remember the answers...and most importantly...go there, hang with the family, visit the church, meet the pastor, LIVE HIS LIFE for as long as u can. Be very careful with sending money. Like someone said in a previous post. Most African men are proud, and believe in providing for the family...they would not even consider asking for or taking money from their woman.

(This post is my opinion based on what I know....it is not meant to be a generalization. Its the ugly exception, not the rule!)

I am proud to say I am married to a wonderful african brotha who I adore and love deeply. We have been successful in uncovering and exposing some of these stupid azzholes...maybe we will start a private investigation service in Naija!!!! ROFL

Peace, Love and Happiness

[Ta Ta 1]

http://www.wymoo.com/ This is a global investigative agency for over 100 countries, also for internet dating.

[bhajishah 4]

So you all have arranged marriages?? Dont tell me met online after all that jazz!!

Excellant on target point Knariyinia

[Simply_Uno 1]

do all the freakin trolls come out @ night

[idocare 3]

Having been to Africa two times, If I were an out sider looking in and hadn't been scammed myself, I would say I see why they do what they do. Actually I often think of my situation, and I know that if this man didn't scam me he would of scammed somebody else. His goal wasen't getting money out of me it was getting out of Nigeria.

It's posted on the internet somewhere that Nigerian professionals are trying to leave Nigeria in large amounts.( Found that out after my divorce ) It's not that they don't love their country, it's just that they want what other nigerians that are currently abroad have, financial freedon. Even tho the American dollar has been declining, it's still very strong compared to the different types of money in Nigeria.

Many( not all ) of the Nigerians I know here where I live have built really big nice house's back in Nigeria, some have plans to go back home once they retire. They too face a delema, which is that while here in America, they produced offspring here that live like and think like Americans; ( actually they are Americans by birth right ) American tradition is their foundation. Here where I live some Igbo children don't know their parents language infact they speak excellent english. The delema comes in when retired parents has the decision of leaving their children behind, too live in their comfortable palace that they have built back in their country.

In my ( very little ) experience with dealing with a person from another country they seem to marry whomever is a citizen of the country of their choice, only too divorce them once they achieve their papers to be there legitamently. ( ofcourse not all do that ) Some then marry someone from their own country, or bring over their patient wife or girlfriend that knew about the scam from the beginning.

Just as there is a thin line between love and hate, there is also a thin line between true love and false love, being scammed and being truly loved, because they appear to be the same until that person is ready to make their move to get away from you. My intention and constant periodically post isn't to ( and shouldn't ) discourage anyone from connecting with their tru love, my intentions is to enlighten people of the possibilities as I have experienced them. It's not easy for me to have a scammer relationship (where a child is involved, especially a first born son and his father named him Jr. ) and then sit quietly and not alert others to the knowledge that I have pertaining to what could ( not will ) happen. I choose to tell my story every now and then because I know others have/will experience what I have. ( It wouldn't be a scam otherwise )

When our child was born my ex. was adament about naming him after him. When he left us our son was 3-weeks old, I have since learned that some men from my sons country do that, I just didn't expect a educated man that's trained in saving lifes to be a scammer, and the kicker was for me, that he was telling me before marriage that children are important to him and his culture and that nobody from his village believes in divorce......LOL

My guess now is that even tho God blessed us with this beautiful (very busy ) perfect child, his commitment back home and reason for coming to America was worth him leaving.

So, as I know some ( not all ) here in the Sub- Saharan ( the place I started posting before my ex. arrived ) have experienced similiar situations, I will continue to tell my story from time to time. If I can help anyone person I'm satisfied. Only those that have experienced being scammed can feel the tru devastaion.

I post to let others know that they are not alone, to be a voice for those currently married and have found themselve in a similiar situation, my hopes is that if someone is being scammed that they can realize it early on and protect their assets, family and themselve from total ( you will experience some ) destruction, and humiliation .

[Kanyiri 0]

For those wondering where my perspective comes from, I was in the Peace Corps and lived in Ghana for about 2 1/2 years. I didn't live in Accra where a person can easily blend into the ex-pat community, I lived in a tiny village in the Upper West. I was forced to learn the culture day in and day out.

I highly recommend that anyone contemplating marrying someone from a different culture take some time to live in that culture. I don't mean two weeks or even two months. Perspective doesn't seem to come until about a year. My opinions changed drastically every month for about the first six months. As you learn something new everything seems to change. Initially getting there it was almost the honeymoon phase where I loved the people and the culture and everything was great. A few months after that I hated everyone there and their African time and lack of amenities. But then things even out and I saw their culture for what it is - both bad and good.

I realize many don't have the time or money to do this and thus must rely on a huge leap of faith. That's when it is hard and from my perspective you will have a hard time finding a good guy. They are there, but they are hard to find. I personally would not marry an African I met on the internet, but that is me. I do not discredit those who do. I only wish you the best.