IT'S NOT COMMON SENCE

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Common sense (or, when used attributively as an adjective, commonsense, common-sense, or commonsensical), based on a strict construction of the term, consists of what people in common would agree on: that which they "sense" (in common) as their common natural understanding. Some people^[who?] use the phrase to refer to beliefs or propositions that — in their opinion — most people would consider prudent and of sound judgment, without reliance on esoteric knowledge or study or research, but based upon what they see as knowledge held by people "in common". Thus "common sense" (in this view) equates to the knowledge and experience which most people allegedly have, or which the person using the term believes that they do or should have.

First of I want to say that I am not singling out one group in this post or bashing them. I am speaking on knowledge of specific people and situations I know of through specific people’s knowledge or experience. 2^nd we all have to own what we bring into our lives. We are a mirror of the company we keep. People from all cultures, creeds, races, religion, and any other demographics con and lie to people. I am speaking of this one specific because it is one I am familiar with, but anything I say can be related to anybody who engages in these behaviors.

Myth: They ask you to send money you are getting conned.

Truth: They will not come right out and ask you for money unless you are not picking up or falling for all the hints. First off they are still talking and chatting with us because we are kind, caring, thoughtful, generous people. There quest for money happens Weeks in advance they are sharing stories with you about family problems around illness, food, losses. We start having empathy for them. All of a sudden the extra $50 - $100 you might have spent on something unneeded seems better if we sent to help them.

Myth: Robbery is rapid there.

Robbery: Is just as common as it is in New York, if not less. What are the chances of you getting robbed in NY if you are visiting the theater? 5% Same in Nigeria. My friend from America has money on him all the time. He is not a violent man nor does he carry any weapons or walk around with body guards. He has not been robbed once. He spends at least 1/3 of his time in Nigeria rest in the US. Credit cards are not used there like here in the US. So he always has cash on him. Everyone there knows it because he lives in the US. Has several businesses in Nigeria. You have to use the same precautions as you would any place that has a high crime area. These areas are community driven. You will not get robbed in your community. Not like they can get away in a car and go where? Now they are visiting in a community that they are not familiar with. It would be like us walking in an area we are not familiar with a high crime rate. Scary, but we would use precautions. They know this. When I was dropped off at church they told me to keep a good eye on my purse. 2 visajourney members SO were robbed right before their interview so the USC had to send money over right away so they could make it to the interview on time. Both of these women now realize that their relationship was a sham.

Myth: His friends and family love you and accept you for the loving and caring American you are.

Truth: Many are in it to win it. You are their American dream. Friends and family invest in your SO’s cause, because they know that once he or she is in America they will be able to pay them back with interest. They will give him needed money to contact you via phone or the internet, because there will be repaid with interest. When you arrive they all pitched in for the clothing he got you, the wedding, and any other expenses spent while you were visiting. This is there investment to the cause. There is not to say that you did not experience friendship and fullfilling expereience.

Myth: The walk and talk the word of GOD so it must be god with in them.

Truth: Many go to church in gold that has been stolen or purchased with stolen money. They believe that their sins are repented every Sunday they attend church. It’s not like in America when you date someone that is not religious they could not fake it if they wanted to. They know religion inside and out, but also believe they are doing what they need to do for the family or to survive, which makes any type of wrong doing justified. IF they find out you are a believe of GOD they will use the scripture to their benefit.

Myth: They are interested in the same things I am, so we must be meant to be.

Truth: They are great listeners. The hang on everything you type and say. Then use this information to confirm to the man you want. They say everything you want to hear or don’t want to hear. IF you question them on something, they learn fast not to say it again. You can’t even imagine what is going on behind the scenes. You might not even be chatting or email corresponding with your actual SO. Someone might be going into or working at the cyber café. They will respond to your email for them. Oh yes working. Contacting and corresponding with American’s is considered a job there. 7 days a week. Real poor hard working people who are embedded in their community cannot afford to spend more then 30 min once a week in the café. This is a fact.

Myth: well we did not meet on the Internet. A friend fixed us up.

Truth: My friend fixed my husband and I up. We have been friends since college, 18 years now. He would never fix me up with someone he did not think would treat his God child and me great. But he expected to be rewarded for the fix up on the other end. Truth be told. I took steps to make sure this did not happen. I can’t be sure it did not. In Nigeria the thought is everyone who touches a transaction gets a piece. Our driver tried to handle the money as much as possible so he could get his cut. He hired the photographer, camera man, and arranged the making of our wedding attire. At first I allowed it, becuase he was a friend of my husband's. I caught on to the game quick and sent him home when we were in Abuja. He was paying my husband's rent through him for a room in his house he was renting. When he returned from traveling his things were gone. When he asked the landlord why, he said he didn’t pay his rent. His friend never paid his rent. This guy goes to church every week.

When I met my husband through phone and email he was everything I needed and should want in a man, but I did not have that warm fuzzy feeling inside like I had with all those American men who filled my head with what I wanted to hear. I was worried about feeling awkward at our meeting not to mention if I did not feel the love I had as a friend already to being a lover. After seeing the love, sincerity, and compassion in my husband’s eyes I fell right in love. He was so devoted and attentive to my son. It wasn’t until I was with him that I fell in love. I love him as a person and a friend, but it took seeing and being with him to fall in love.

If your last relationship was not a healthy relationship, your online relationship is not a healthy one. I can say this through experience. Unless you had a chance to evaluate and change what lead you to the unhealthy relationship you will attract the same. It is universal law. After I took 2 years out to grow spiritually, emotionally I ventured out on the dating seen. Boy what attracted me before could not get over on me again.

Myth: We that is what it said on the passport, birth certificate and school transcript.

Truth: Any document can be purchased in Nigeria. No documentation is safe. They can even say they work places. When USCIS calls to verify there will be false documents for them to look up to verify the information placed by someone there who made some money.

Myth: My SO can’t find a job there.

Truth: God has given us all gifts, talents, and knowledge for us to sustain a living to provide necessities to live. It could be herding, planting, building, art, music, farming, cooking, sewing and thousands more. If you believe in GOD you believe this to be true no matter what part of country you live in. Yes there is defiantly strife going on in many parts of Africa right now. If this is true for your SO they should not have time to chat with you online, but be protecting, providing by all means necessary for their family and community.

[WestmorelandLove 0]

Dear Lurking,

I thank you for this post today. My husband is from Jamaica and I truly understand what you are talking about. Sometimes I feel like I'm a day late and a dollar short when I find out about him and his stand/views on women. Our biggest problems right now is that I am a very independent woman. I don't toot my own horn - I had strict parents that raised me to be a go-getter. My husband is intimidated by my independence.

I continue to pray for us - my husband tells me that women have their place and they should know that place. I explained to him that here in the states where divorce is rapid - women know their place and they surely have to find it once the rug is snatched from underneath them like in my case (divorced twice).

Thanks again for shedding light on the myths and truths - doesn't matter where they come from there is always some myths and truths. I just hate that I'm leading the truths late.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

My pleasure. I never married because I knew what I wanted and wouldnt settle for the disfunction I allowed into my life. Then I had my son at 30 and didn't want to put disfuntion into his life. He was my savior. I raised him on my own form day one.

This seems to be common problem amongst VJ memebers who have SO's from a improvished country. This makes it difficult because this is the reason why they are not who the claim they would be if they had the luxury of America. Then we take the gamble to get them here to this opportuneity to find out they are not going to share this part of the dream with us.

If you continue to pray, GOD will show you the way.

Dear Lurking,

I thank you for this post today. My husband is from Jamaica and I truly understand what you are talking about. Sometimes I feel like I'm a day late and a dollar short when I find out about him and his stand/views on women. Our biggest problems right now is that I am a very independent woman. I don't toot my own horn - I had strict parents that raised me to be a go-getter. My husband is intimidated by my independence.

I continue to pray for us - my husband tells me that women have their place and they should know that place. I explained to him that here in the states where divorce is rapid - women know their place and they surely have to find it once the rug is snatched from underneath them like in my case (divorced twice).

Thanks again for shedding light on the myths and truths - doesn't matter where they come from there is always some myths and truths. I just hate that I'm leading the truths late.

[Ta Ta 1]

QUOTE ) 2 visajourney members SO were robbed right before their interview so the USC had to send money over right away so they could make it to the interview on time. Both of these women now realize that their relationship was a sham. QUOTE)

Excuse me, but it is well known that I posted a thread about my fiance being robbed. You feed off of that.

Your assumption that "both of these woman now realize that their relationship was a sham " is incorrect. I don't know about the other one and that may be true for her but that does NOT pertain to me. Still, you referred to it in your other post along with my personal typo visa issues and again you are referring to it here about the robbery.

Unless you were there and have talked to the police yourself please DO REFRAIN from making erroneous judgments. I want to clarify to everyone that this false information does not pertain to me. Do not make generalizations about it being a definite scam when your SO gets robbed.

Robberies in the US and Africa are NOT comparable and your own observations are just that, your own observations.

Though he was robbed, our relationship is real and genuine . I don't feel I have to defend myself in front of you but this is to clarify the slander and accusation ( in your subtle ways for the second time) against my SO for those who have read my thread and know what happened. Enough is enough.

Exercise your right to have common sense.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Nothing to do with you. My life revolves around god not you. Sorry I created that need to defend your self. I apologized in my last post you think I am going to continue on with the error of my ways? One of these women is friends with you whose story has remained anonymous. Maybe she will share it with you. They other one is someone who has not even divulged that she has been scammed. I have also read from someone else who was also robbed right next to the interview process another lost the passport they needed.

QUOTE ) 2 visajourney members SO were robbed right before their interview so the USC had to send money over right away so they could make it to the interview on time. Both of these women now realize that their relationship was a sham. QUOTE)

Excuse me, but it is well known that I posted a thread about my fiance being robbed. You feed off of that.

Your assumption that "both of these woman now realize that their relationship was a sham " is incorrect. I don't know about the other one and that may be true for her but that does NOT pertain to me. Still, you referred to it in your other post along with my personal typo visa issues and again you are referring to it here about the robbery.

Unless you were there and have talked to the police yourself please DO REFRAIN from making erroneous judgments. I want to clarify to everyone that this false information does not pertain to me. Do not make generalizations about it being a definite scam when your SO gets robbed.

Robberies in the US and Africa are NOT comparable and your own observations are just that, your own observations.

Though he was robbed, our relationship is real and genuine . I don't feel I have to defend myself in front of you but this is to clarify the slander and accusation ( in your subtle ways for the second time) against my SO for those who have read my thread and know what happened. Enough is enough.

Exercise your right to have common sense.

[Ta Ta 1]

May God protect your husband that he never gets robbed because then , you would have the need to feel you were duped !

You did never openly apologize to me nor in a pm. I don't know who you directed the apology to in your other thread. I am not a mind reader.

You said there were TWO woman who said they were scammed due to a robbery , now you say there is only one ?

Don't underestimate what my close VJ friends have or have not confided in me, I would never brake the confidentiality that we share by hinting at their issues in an open forum and you have no knowledge of what I know and don't know or who my friends all are.

I said what I had to say and am not interested in discussing this further with you.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

I said that there were two woman whos husband was scammed that were robbed. I did not say that there robbery was fake. I also have read of two woman on here that have posted about being robbed and loosing a passport. I do not know them or what there situation is.

My huband cell phone was taken when I was there visiting him. A boy was sitting next to him on mass transit. next thing my husband new he fell out the puss window. a little while later he realized his phone was gone.

These are just things to be aware of. I will never have to send my husband money if he is robbed. I am very fortunate of that; this i know.

I owed that appology to everyone and especially you. I felt so awful after I posted. Embarrassed. I am never ashamed to admit my faults.

Sorry to use the term "friend loosely" someone who corresponds with everyone in the random forums. I have posted her story already. She gave me permission to. The other person did not.

May God protect your husband that he never gets robbed because then , you would have the need to feel you were duped !

You did never openly apologize to me nor in a pm. I don't know who you directed the apology to in your other thread. I am not a mind reader.

You said there were TWO woman who said they were scammed due to a robbery , now you say there is only one ?

Don't underestimate what my close VJ friends have or have not confided in me, I would never brake the confidentiality that we share by hinting at their issues in an open forum and you have no knowledge of what I know and don't know or who my friends all are.

I said what I had to say and am not interested in discussing this further with you.

[Ta Ta 1]

Apology accepted, thank you.

[His Glory 25]

I posted that my husband lost his passport but then he found it soon after. He had already filed a police report though. But no harm done, even better because he didnt have to file for a new one. I saw the police report among the papers he brought from Ghana but I trusted him when he told me. It was you lurking that made a remark about but it was someone else.

[Truth be Told 0]

fell out the puss .

KEGELS!!!!! *runs and hides*

[totes 0]

fell out the puss .

KEGELS!!!!! *runs and hides*

Now I have to say that that's some funny #### right there, lol!

[idocare 3]

I believe that most of us here on VJ know of Americans or permanent residence sponsors , that were once active members of VJ that have fallen victims of a marriage scam. Tony and Tess mentioned that the fraud unit in NIgeria ( that interviewed her told her) commented thats the latest thing ( as far as they know ) since the 419 scam isn't working as much.

My heart truly goes out to each and every person that has been scammed, because I know what it feels like for them, I know the devastation on the family unit here in America amongst family and friends. I know how it affected my family, job, kids and health.

Thanks Lurkin for being for real !! I remember not too long ago you were bashing me for posting my story, now you see what I'm saying thru friends you have met here on VJ. Sometimes you have to walk against the wind for sake of being honest.

This Omoba poster has never met me nor knows the people I associate with, yet everytime I post my story she tries to generalize it and make it seem as tho I hate Nigerians and singleing out just one country. That's why I don't respond to her bashing post directed towards me. ( Nor the weak click that follows her ) Why should I, everyone that read the content of my post and have a memory can see thru her, it's only those that choose not to face the negative possibilty of this journey that are quick to bow down to her. Truth be told,( Omoba ) Not all people will be scammed. I have spent a little time in a 3rd world country, I truly believe that there are decent, honest hard working people within , but I will continue to post my story because I also know that some will fall victim to scams.

Thanks Lurkin for speaking up !!!!!

[Ta Ta 1]

Got up on the wrong side of the bed again Idocare ?

[Truth be Told 0]

And so it begins...

Omoba I think she means your people need to work out.

Edited June 21, 2008 by Truth be Told

[idocare 3]

LOL......... I need to work out more then what I do. I can't direct that one to nobody but myself.