Just need to vent!!!!!

[totes 0]

I know that my SO and I have not waited nearly as long as some have, and my heart goes out to all of you! But..... I had been putting off a trip to Nigeria until after my baby's interview because... well, you know the expense and all and we seemed so close.......... Someone was being too obtimistic (that would be me!). Anyway, once we got put on AP we decided, I should go ahead with a trip. Since I was going, I tried to set up an appointment with the "investigator" to no avail. I involved my Congressman's office (well they've been involved for a while but asked them to help me get an appointment), they helped us get an appointment. We went.... the investigator interviewed me and I must say... she was very clearly concerned about fraud..... when I specifically said "what are the concerns?" She said "you age difference, it's just not done here in Nigeria like it is in the states." So anyway, she gave me the what for... I was shocked but was very honest, blunt and to the point with every issue she addressed. She then sent me out of the room and interviewed my SO. At the end of his interview she said "I believe you, you have been honest, I'm going to help you with the visa." She then told us both that it was impossible for him to return with my on that Friday because of a holiday and they don't do anything on Friday's (sheesh... must be nice). We said we understood that, she said "but.... I'm going to do my report and you (my SO) should return on Monday at 11 a.m. and do an inquiry. So he did, I was already gone.... when he did the inquiry they told him there were no notes in the system about our meeting and he couldn't speak with anyone because he didn't have an appointment. I immediately contacted my Congressman's office, they sent an inquiry and asked that they update their system with the investigator's notes and tell us how to proceed. Their response of course was very vague, they said that the investigator is working as expeditiously as possible on the cases and as they have said previously, they will contact my SO when he should return to the Embassy.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...... what kind of F$#@ed up system do we have???? I call the DOS often and I was told on Monday that on Sunday there was an update that an officer had meet with us and that's all it says..... I guess they did part of what my Congressman's office asked them to do. Unreal that this kind of ####### can happen in OUR Embassy!!!!!

Just needed to vent.... Thanks for reading!

hugs,

tess

[Ta Ta 1]

AP is a terrible place to be, the unknown time frame is nerve wrecking. But remain hopeful that you will be out of AP soon, it may be only a matter of a

few more days or a couple of weeks. Hang on !

[Queen Jenn 0]

Ugh!! Frustrating with a capital F. Do you mind me asking what the age difference is? I'm older than my fiance by about 3 years (hope that doesn't land us in AP, too). I'm sorry you're having to be in AP, but there IS light at the end of the tunnel.

[idocare 3]

I'm surprised that your congressman was able to get you an appointment and that those hard-working Americans there at the Embassey took time to see you.

I went to the Nigeria Embassey with my fiance for his interview, and from previous peoples post that I had read on many different sites, I thought I was big time. They turned us away the first day because they had reached the number of people they were willing to interview for the day. We stood there in line for about 6-hours total and about 2-hours without the line moving any further, by this time we were towards the front of the line with about 5-people in front of us. Finally I decided to ask my then fiance if he would go and see what the hold up was, he returned and told me that they said that weren't accepting no more people in for the day, however they didn't bother to tell us folks that were still standing in line. So I turned to my fiance and told him, we don't have to leave, we have a interview date for today, I told him this is a American ran embassey and in America if you have a appointment for today they will see you today. He assured me that they're not taking any more people in, and I assured him they would because America is ran by appointments and timelines and our appointment was for today, I then told him that I'd talk to them, me thinking I was this big time person because I was in Nigeria and was a American I approached the front and showed the Nigerian guy that was processing people in our appointment letter and pointed to the date and time and he just looked at me ( I know he probably wanted to say didn't I just tell your finace he's not getting in) and said we've taken all the people that were gonna see today, you have to come back tomorrow, then just turned away, he was really done talkin to me, I couldn't believe it.

I shared that story to say this, over seas is a whole different ball game going on at those embassies. I found out for myself that just because I'm american doesen't mean anything. LOL Rules that apply here, may not apply over there.The outter part of the American embassey is run by the locals, so you first have to go thru them before you'd see any American, and although I was only there at the embassey for 2-days it appeared that everyone that worked there (except the new Italian guy that approved us ) was in a bad mood....

Since your congressman is involved maybe he can push them a little more to provide a full report, however, your dealing with folks overseas, so who knows. One thing I do know tho, they don't take no stuff and they do seem to treat nigerians a little rough, but it's nigerians that running the whole outside operation.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Tess, I hear your pain! It's really hard. I do have an opinion though. (big surprise right?) I really think that they are testing you and your relationship. I think that, especially in high fraud posts, they make you jump through hoops to see if you will withstand. We have seen people on VJ give up, their fiances give up and I really think the embassy will try to make people give up when they have doubts even niggling doubts about the relationship. Stand up to the test. Renew your love and committment with your man. Turn your focus away from this trial and back on your man to help you regain the strength to keep going. You can do it girl! You know this is the right man sent for you from God. So make it work and know that it's sooooo worth it in the end!!

[totes 0]

I'm surprised that your congressman was able to get you an appointment and that those hard-working Americans there at the Embassey took time to see you.

I went to the Nigeria Embassey with my fiance for his interview, and from previous peoples post that I had read on many different sites, I thought I was big time. They turned us away the first day because they had reached the number of people they were willing to interview for the day. We stood there in line for about 6-hours total and about 2-hours without the line moving any further, by this time we were towards the front of the line with about 5-people in front of us. Finally I decided to ask my then fiance if he would go and see what the hold up was, he returned and told me that they said that weren't accepting no more people in for the day, however they didn't bother to tell us folks that were still standing in line. So I turned to my fiance and told him, we don't have to leave, we have a interview date for today, I told him this is a American ran embassey and in America if you have a appointment for today they will see you today. He assured me that they're not taking any more people in, and I assured him they would because America is ran by appointments and timelines and our appointment was for today, I then told him that I'd talk to them, me thinking I was this big time person because I was in Nigeria and was a American I approached the front and showed the Nigerian guy that was processing people in our appointment letter and pointed to the date and time and he just looked at me ( I know he probably wanted to say didn't I just tell your finace he's not getting in) and said we've taken all the people that were gonna see today, you have to come back tomorrow, then just turned away, he was really done talkin to me, I couldn't believe it.

I shared that story to say this, over seas is a whole different ball game going on at those embassies. I found out for myself that just because I'm american doesen't mean anything. LOL Rules that apply here, may not apply over there.The outter part of the American embassey is run by the locals, so you first have to go thru them before you'd see any American, and although I was only there at the embassey for 2-days it appeared that everyone that worked there (except the new Italian guy that approved us ) was in a bad mood....

Since your congressman is involved maybe he can push them a little more to provide a full report, however, your dealing with folks overseas, so who knows. One thing I do know tho, they don't take no stuff and they do seem to treat nigerians a little rough, but it's nigerians that running the whole outside operation.

Thanks for sharing your experience. We did have to deal with the local gatekeeper's, oh I mean security, lol. Most of them were ok and were very nice to me, not so much to my fiance' which totally pissed me off! Surprisingly enough we met with a Nigerian lady. She was very nice but grilled the hell out of me, she was less uptight with my fiance'. Much to my surprise, the entire fraud investigation department is Nigerian. She took us to her department and to her office and I did not see one American in that department. I was very clear it was her intent to try and convince me that my fiance' was scamming me for a GC. I was very polite but very determined and straight forward with my responses. I specifically asked what concerns the Officer had during the interview with my fiance' and she said the age difference. She said that if I was a Nigerian woman he would not have chased me and if he brought me to meet his family as his fiance' his mom would immediately start looking for another wife for him, lol. She asked me how his family treated me, I said "wonderfully", she said "why do you think they treated you wonderfully?" I said because they are good people and I am their son's fiance', I wouldn't expect anything less from them". She said "they treated you wonderfully because they think you are going to send them money." I said "So you're telling me that there are no Nigerian's living in this country that are good, wholesome people that treat their family and future family with love and kindness, all Nigerian's have motives for everything they do?" She said "well, I didn't say that." Hmmmmmmp! At the end she told me that it was her job to make sure that I have my eyes wide open. She said "you are a vulnerable woman". Deep breath on my end.... I said "How am I vulnerable? I am an intelligent woman who has a successful career, a wonderful family and alot of awesome friends, I have never had a problem getting dates/having boyfriends, how am I vulnerable?" She just said "it's my job to make sure you know what you're getting into." Ughhhhhhhhhhhh

[totes 0]

Ugh!! Frustrating with a capital F. Do you mind me asking what the age difference is? I'm older than my fiance by about 3 years (hope that doesn't land us in AP, too). I'm sorry you're having to be in AP, but there IS light at the end of the tunnel.

I don't mind at all.... I'm 11 years older than my fiance. I told the investigator that my being involved with a younger man is not specific to my fiance', that I have always with the exception of my ex-husband, dated younger guys. I consider myself young at heart and very active, I don't find that I have much in common with men my age.

[totes 0]

Tess, I hear your pain! It's really hard. I do have an opinion though. (big surprise right?) I really think that they are testing you and your relationship. I think that, especially in high fraud posts, they make you jump through hoops to see if you will withstand. We have seen people on VJ give up, their fiances give up and I really think the embassy will try to make people give up when they have doubts even niggling doubts about the relationship. Stand up to the test. Renew your love and committment with your man. Turn your focus away from this trial and back on your man to help you regain the strength to keep going. You can do it girl! You know this is the right man sent for you from God. So make it work and know that it's sooooo worth it in the end!!

You're right girl! Thanks for sharing your opinion. I can see them testing us at this Embassy. I can't imagine giving up... that has never occured to us. Usually Tony and I are feeling down about the process at different times so we can generally console and encourage one another, this time we're both at the same place at the same time which is making it tough for both of us. But you're right we will renew our love and our committment and get thru this ugly, ugly process and by the grace of God that much more solid for it.

Thanks again!

hugs,

tess

[totes 0]

Ugh!! Frustrating with a capital F. Do you mind me asking what the age difference is? I'm older than my fiance by about 3 years (hope that doesn't land us in AP, too). I'm sorry you're having to be in AP, but there IS light at the end of the tunnel.

......... Scrambles for flashlight

Thanks!

[LovinLiberia 0]

Thanks for sharing your experience. We did have to deal with the local gatekeeper's, oh I mean security, lol. Most of them were ok and were very nice to me, not so much to my fiance' which totally pissed me off! Surprisingly enough we met with a Nigerian lady. She was very nice but grilled the hell out of me, she was less uptight with my fiance'. Much to my surprise, the entire fraud investigation department is Nigerian. She took us to her department and to her office and I did not see one American in that department. I was very clear it was her intent to try and convince me that my fiance' was scamming me for a GC. I was very polite but very determined and straight forward with my responses. I specifically asked what concerns the Officer had during the interview with my fiance' and she said the age difference. She said that if I was a Nigerian woman he would not have chased me and if he brought me to meet his family as his fiance' his mom would immediately start looking for another wife for him, lol. She asked me how his family treated me, I said "wonderfully", she said "why do you think they treated you wonderfully?" I said because they are good people and I am their son's fiance', I wouldn't expect anything less from them". She said "they treated you wonderfully because they think you are going to send them money." I said "So you're telling me that there are no Nigerian's living in this country that are good, wholesome people that treat their family and future family with love and kindness, all Nigerian's have motives for everything they do?" She said "well, I didn't say that." Hmmmmmmp! At the end she told me that it was her job to make sure that I have my eyes wide open. She said "you are a vulnerable woman". Deep breath on my end.... I said "How am I vulnerable? I am an intelligent woman who has a successful career, a wonderful family and alot of awesome friends, I have never had a problem getting dates/having boyfriends, how am I vulnerable?" She just said "it's my job to make sure you know what you're getting into." Ughhhhhhhhhhhh

@ that conversation. I guess she was being honest and upfront on what they are investigating. Most times they leave you sitting in a black, empty clueless hole until they approve or deny. I'm really sorry to see that this is going on, but if you are sure that he is genuine then there will be nothing for them to find or deny (unless they just "feel" like doing it). We went through a one month investigation and the fact that we knew we were genuine is what kept us (barely) going. I'm wishing you the best in the outcome.

[totes 0]

Thanks for sharing your experience. We did have to deal with the local gatekeeper's, oh I mean security, lol. Most of them were ok and were very nice to me, not so much to my fiance' which totally pissed me off! Surprisingly enough we met with a Nigerian lady. She was very nice but grilled the hell out of me, she was less uptight with my fiance'. Much to my surprise, the entire fraud investigation department is Nigerian. She took us to her department and to her office and I did not see one American in that department. I was very clear it was her intent to try and convince me that my fiance' was scamming me for a GC. I was very polite but very determined and straight forward with my responses. I specifically asked what concerns the Officer had during the interview with my fiance' and she said the age difference. She said that if I was a Nigerian woman he would not have chased me and if he brought me to meet his family as his fiance' his mom would immediately start looking for another wife for him, lol. She asked me how his family treated me, I said "wonderfully", she said "why do you think they treated you wonderfully?" I said because they are good people and I am their son's fiance', I wouldn't expect anything less from them". She said "they treated you wonderfully because they think you are going to send them money." I said "So you're telling me that there are no Nigerian's living in this country that are good, wholesome people that treat their family and future family with love and kindness, all Nigerian's have motives for everything they do?" She said "well, I didn't say that." Hmmmmmmp! At the end she told me that it was her job to make sure that I have my eyes wide open. She said "you are a vulnerable woman". Deep breath on my end.... I said "How am I vulnerable? I am an intelligent woman who has a successful career, a wonderful family and alot of awesome friends, I have never had a problem getting dates/having boyfriends, how am I vulnerable?" She just said "it's my job to make sure you know what you're getting into." Ughhhhhhhhhhhh

@ that conversation. I guess she was being honest and upfront on what they are investigating. Most times they leave you sitting in a black, empty clueless hole until they approve or deny. I'm really sorry to see that this is going on, but if you are sure that he is genuine then there will be nothing for them to find or deny (unless they just "feel" like doing it). We went through a one month investigation and the fact that we knew we were genuine is what kept us (barely) going. I'm wishing you the best in the outcome.

That's what we hang on to.... we know our relationship is "real" and there's no doubt they'll find NOTHING in their investigation.... just get on with it for goodness sake! Thanks for your well wishes!

Edited June 19, 2008 by tony and tess

[Queen Jenn 0]

Ugh!! Frustrating with a capital F. Do you mind me asking what the age difference is? I'm older than my fiance by about 3 years (hope that doesn't land us in AP, too). I'm sorry you're having to be in AP, but there IS light at the end of the tunnel.

......... Scrambles for flashlight

Thanks!

I'm hoping you'll only need a SMALL flashlight because you're so close to the end of the tunnel.

[idocare 3]

Are you currently there in Nigeria ? I'm older then my ex-nigerian husband by nine years, it wasen't a issue for us, but then that was back in 2004.

While I was reading your post of your interview with the women investigator and what she was saying to you, I had a flash of her sitting there just staring at you. Her words seemed quite bold.

I know she was pissing you off, but glad to see that you didn't break under her pressure and totally ( in my oppinion) stood up for you and your man......LOL I can remember one girl that went to her husbands interview (nigerian embassey ) about 2-month before I flew in for ours, she came back and posted how that they asked her husband to go outside and bring her inside so they can meet her. Once inside they excorted them into a room and first interogated them together, then sent the husband to another room and started asking her questions like; what did you husband wear to bed last nite. Where did you all eat at yesterday, and she said they asked even more indept personal questions then once finished with her they went to the room her fiance was in and did the same thing. Trying to see if the stories matched.

He was approved that same day. She too was older then her husband. She had gotten married there in Nigeria the year before, and no there not together anymore.

When it came to our interview time I was expecting the same because I too was older then my fiance, they questioned him then gave him a pass to come outside and bring me in, once in there I had a list of complaints for the officer interviewing us, ( since he was new ) he wasen't yet aware that they were selling seats outside and that they were turning people away that had appointments dates, that if you didn't pay you couldn't sit down, at least not right across from the embassey; how I actually had to call the embassey from right outside to get past the nigerian gatekeepers, opps security on the American side of the embassey just so that I could sit for free inside the gates. I believe after hearing my laundry list of complaints he just decided we gonna let this one go.....lol, I was surprised that they didn't grill me, I was expecting them too,but they didn't.

I really liked your statement to her," Are you saying that there are no good Nigerians in the country that are no good and wholesome people that treat their family and future family with love and kindness etc. " When you have the time, and if you don't mind, could you please tell me your interview story? either thru here or e-mail, thanks.

All the best to you!!!

[totes 0]

Are you currently there in Nigeria ? I'm older then my ex-nigerian husband by nine years, it wasen't a issue for us, but then that was back in 2004.

While I was reading your post of your interview with the women investigator and what she was saying to you, I had a flash of her sitting there just staring at you. Her words seemed quite bold.

I know she was pissing you off, but glad to see that you didn't break under her pressure and totally ( in my oppinion) stood up for you and your man......LOL I can remember one girl that went to her husbands interview (nigerian embassey ) about 2-month before I flew in for ours, she came back and posted how that they asked her husband to go outside and bring her inside so they can meet her. Once inside they excorted them into a room and first interogated them together, then sent the husband to another room and started asking her questions like; what did you husband wear to bed last nite. Where did you all eat at yesterday, and she said they asked even more indept personal questions then once finished with her they went to the room her fiance was in and did the same thing. Trying to see if the stories matched.

He was approved that same day. She too was older then her husband. She had gotten married there in Nigeria the year before, and no there not together anymore.

When it came to our interview time I was expecting the same because I too was older then my fiance, they questioned him then gave him a pass to come outside and bring me in, once in there I had a list of complaints for the officer interviewing us, ( since he was new ) he wasen't yet aware that they were selling seats outside and that they were turning people away that had appointments dates, that if you didn't pay you couldn't sit down, at least not right across from the embassey; how I actually had to call the embassey from right outside to get past the nigerian gatekeepers, opps security on the American side of the embassey just so that I could sit for free inside the gates. I believe after hearing my laundry list of complaints he just decided we gonna let this one go.....lol, I was surprised that they didn't grill me, I was expecting them too,but they didn't.

I really liked your statement to her," Are you saying that there are no good Nigerians in the country that are no good and wholesome people that treat their family and future family with love and kindness etc. " When you have the time, and if you don't mind, could you please tell me your interview story? either thru here or e-mail, thanks.

All the best to you!!!

No girl, I'm back in the states, if I were still there I'd probably be trying to beat down the Embassy door, lol. Not that that would get me in, lol. What she explained to me is that they are starting to take a much closer look at petitions where there is a large gap in age. She said that there has been such a shift from 419 scams (they're making less money on them than they use to) and now they've moved to GC scams. She had our 6 pounds of documentation sitting in front of her, I tried to give her more but she said she didn't need it. She was kinda just sitting there staring at me watching my reactions and listening to my responses to her statements. She really was nice but very, very blunt and to the point, she asked some good questions and also asked some extremely personal questions of both of us, separately of course.

I'll be happy to tell you the details, I'll try and do that when I get home this evening.

hugs,

tess

[Perseverance 1]

I am working so I dont have time to post the entire ordeal but very quickly

We also were hasseled pretty bad in Lagos at the interview, although many said that I was wasting my time to go to Nigeria for the Interview I am glad that I went. they met with my husband 2 times on different days and then sent us to the FIU on yet another day and questioned us both (more like and interrogation) me for an hour and him for 45 min. Seperately not together.

I stayed calm and did not let them see how nervous I was. I even charmed them by speaking some Igbo!!

They asked us TONS of Questions, example "if we loved each other so much why a K1 not a K3"

Answer "we were advised by our lawyer to use a K1"

Q to my husband, " why dont you find yourself a good Nigerian woman instead of this white woman with 3 kids?"

A "I love her and I will spend my life with her."

Anyway you can get the gist of the ####### they were asking\insinuating. Mind you we have been together since 2004 and I had several visits. We did not rush thsi process at all.(interview was 12/06)

Since our interview was close to xmas they would not issue the visa that day. The interviewer from the FUI told us not to worry, in the end he did not understand why we were sent there. Justice was not able to pick up the visa till Feb.

MOst of the delay in issuing the visa was due to the Holidays!!! In Nigeria they celebrate around xmas time for jsut about a month!! Ugh!! Caused me some anxiousness for sure!!!!