Prevention

[Simply_Uno 1]

This is a good thread, but in all honesty, if anybody was loving yo' man and believing him to the degree that I was, You can't see it, hear it or read it. IT DOES NOT COMPUTE! the word SCAMMING IS DELETED FROM YOUR VOCAL AND VISUAL VOCABULARY!!!!!! It will not get through the euphoria you are riding at the time. I would scrap with anybody trying to tell me that my man was out to do this, that, or the other to me. I was NOT HAVIN' THAT!!!!! HE LOVEDED ME, and that's all I needed at the time. That's why when I get on my soap box, I tell you ladies and gentleman to just be strong if you find yourself at the receiving end of a good ole fashioned can of "Scam Yo' A$$! You should have no shame in trusting that someone is going to be a man or woman of their word. The shame is all theirs. After having gone through Hell and back there are things I see crystal clear and would never do again. Like run my A$ overseas to marry a man who I didn't know at the heart level , and never proved himself to be a real man. Hell Men here on my turf can't get past "Do you rent or own ?" No, I am not ashamed to say that I believe in asking, What's Love Got to Do With It?" There or other very real qualifications that need to go along with that. For instance can you lead our family spiritually? Like I said before, When that love is new and fresh, and he's poppin' off that tool like WHOA, nothin' he can do can mess with you, but when it starts getting old and his A$ ain't lookin' so good, He's doin' just plain DUMB SH!T, and he bein' stingy with the DING DING, what's holding you together? If It ain't a strong deep foundation then somethin' ain't right. So again. If you can see these things and listen to your conscience and run like his A$ got the Ebola virus then cool, but if you decide you need to see it through and it don't work out just know that you can survive it. There are people who have gone through it and survived it, I AM SHE . Just don't invest more emotionally and financially that you can afford, because when all is said and done the SH!T's in yo' name and the bill collectors are not tryin' to hear that you married an A$HOLE with good DING DING!!!! They want their DAMN money. Ladies you are grown, strong and proud, so handle your business that way, and remember if it is from God , He is not going to let someone else have your situation, so do it His way which I failed to do. Peace out!

She's Baaaacccckkkkkkk!!!!!

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

This is a good thread, but in all honesty, if anybody was loving yo' man and believing him to the degree that I was, You can't see it, hear it or read it. IT DOES NOT COMPUTE! the word SCAMMING IS DELETED FROM YOUR VOCAL AND VISUAL VOCABULARY!!!!!! It will not get through the euphoria you are riding at the time. I would scrap with anybody trying to tell me that my man was out to do this, that, or the other to me. I was NOT HAVIN' THAT!!!!! HE LOVEDED ME, and that's all I needed at the time. That's why when I get on my soap box, I tell you ladies and gentleman to just be strong if you find yourself at the receiving end of a good ole fashioned can of "Scam Yo' A$$!" You should have no shame in trusting that someone is going to be a man or woman of their word. The shame is all theirs. After having gone through Hell and back there are things I see crystal clear and would never do again. Like run my A$$ overseas to marry a man who I didn't know at the heart level, and never proved himself to be a real man. Hell Men here on my turf can't get past "Do you rent or own?" No, I am not ashamed to say that I believe in asking, What's Love Got to Do With It?" There or other very real qualifications that need to go along with that. For instance can you lead our family spiritually? Like I said before, When that love is new and fresh, and he's poppin' off that tool like WHOA, nothin' he can do can mess with you, but when it starts getting old and his A$$ ain't lookin' so good, He's doin' just plain DUMB SH!T, and he bein' stingy with the DING DING, what's holding you together? If It ain't a strong deep foundation then somethin' ain't right. So again. If you can see these things and listen to your conscience and run like his A$$ got the Ebola virus then cool, but if you decide you need to see it through and it don't work out just know that you can survive it. There are people who have gone through it and survived it, I AM SHE. Just don't invest more emotionally and financially that you can afford, because when all is said and done the SH!T's in yo' name and the bill collectors are not tryin' to hear that you married an A$$HOLE with good DING DING!!!! They want their DAMN money. Ladies you are grown, strong and proud, so handle your business that way, and remember if it is from God, He is not going to let someone else have your situation, so do it His way which I failed to do. Peace out!

Hey girl! Welcome back.

I hear what you're saying. I almost feel like either it's no way my man would never do that or paranoia about everything that happens in your relationship. I think a healthy relationship probably falls somewhere in the middle. I know Bassi does things that drive me crazy, but I've been in enough relationships to know it's the male hormone, not some hidden agenda, scam or something like that. Some international cross-cultural relationships may end and have nothing to do with a scam for a green card or money. It may just be a failed relationship. It's easy to blame it on that because we need to blame it on something, but we have to realize that everything doesn't fit neatly into the box as we might like it to.

[totes 0]

This is a good thread, but in all honesty, if anybody was loving yo' man and believing him to the degree that I was, You can't see it, hear it or read it. IT DOES NOT COMPUTE! the word SCAMMING IS DELETED FROM YOUR VOCAL AND VISUAL VOCABULARY!!!!!! It will not get through the euphoria you are riding at the time. I would scrap with anybody trying to tell me that my man was out to do this, that, or the other to me. I was NOT HAVIN' THAT!!!!! HE LOVEDED ME, and that's all I needed at the time. That's why when I get on my soap box, I tell you ladies and gentleman to just be strong if you find yourself at the receiving end of a good ole fashioned can of "Scam Yo' A$$!" You should have no shame in trusting that someone is going to be a man or woman of their word. The shame is all theirs. After having gone through Hell and back there are things I see crystal clear and would never do again. Like run my A$$ overseas to marry a man who I didn't know at the heart level, and never proved himself to be a real man. Hell Men here on my turf can't get past "Do you rent or own?" No, I am not ashamed to say that I believe in asking, What's Love Got to Do With It?" There or other very real qualifications that need to go along with that. For instance can you lead our family spiritually? Like I said before, When that love is new and fresh, and he's poppin' off that tool like WHOA, nothin' he can do can mess with you, but when it starts getting old and his A$$ ain't lookin' so good, He's doin' just plain DUMB SH!T, and he bein' stingy with the DING DING, what's holding you together? If It ain't a strong deep foundation then somethin' ain't right. So again. If you can see these things and listen to your conscience and run like his A$$ got the Ebola virus then cool, but if you decide you need to see it through and it don't work out just know that you can survive it. There are people who have gone through it and survived it, I AM SHE. Just don't invest more emotionally and financially that you can afford, because when all is said and done the SH!T's in yo' name and the bill collectors are not tryin' to hear that you married an A$$HOLE with good DING DING!!!! They want their DAMN money. Ladies you are grown, strong and proud, so handle your business that way, and remember if it is from God, He is not going to let someone else have your situation, so do it His way which I failed to do. Peace out!

Hey girl! Welcome back.

I hear what you're saying. I almost feel like either it's no way my man would never do that or paranoia about everything that happens in your relationship. I think a healthy relationship probably falls somewhere in the middle. I know Bassi does things that drive me crazy, but I've been in enough relationships to know it's the male hormone, not some hidden agenda, scam or something like that. Some international cross-cultural relationships may end and have nothing to do with a scam for a green card or money. It may just be a failed relationship. It's easy to blame it on that because we need to blame it on something, but we have to realize that everything doesn't fit neatly into the box as we might like it to.

I'm just sick.... I typed up a really good response on this thread but.... I had to move to my work PC wich is really small and lost everything I tyoed. Damn.... I had it when that happens... I'll have to type it up again tomorrow I guess... But... an opinion I do have on this ongoing topic. I think it's a great thread but I think we have to be "real". More tomorrow.

[Truth be Told 0]

Did someone say prevention?? CONDOMS prevent LOTS of things.....

Use a full body jobber to prevent scams....

[LovinLiberia 0]

Did someone say prevention?? CONDOMS prevent LOTS of things.....

Use a full body jobber to prevent scams....

[BESANGIN 0]

Well all I know is real. There is no refuting what I went through. My A$$ was reduced to singing Old Negro spirituals to get me out that bed, and slowly handling my business again. Wrote a song about it, want to hear it, here it go... Massa gonna sell me in 'da mo' nin. Massa say my cotton pickin' lo'. He ain't got money to go to 'da stow, so Massa gonna sell me in da mo' nin'!' Course I had to change my tune and I started singing, Independent Woman, I Just Want it to Be Over, and Shoulda Let You Go! Now I know that my situation had a lot of elements rolled into one that made mine a ticking time bomb, but one thing you will always get from me, is me taking responsibility for MY actions. I plain and simply never should have married him. I couldn't see that when I was smokin' crack, but I see it so clearly now. Even if the green card was not an issue we were an issue. We were totally incompatable, and I didn't learn that til afer the fact, DUH!! I had a full body possession by my heart and my kitty kat (meow)! Speak the truth Omoba. We like to think that men corner the market on that, but Our kats can make a ruckus too! ( Did I say that?), The things that I did for him, there is no way in hell I would have done for a man who was already here, legal, and with a job. So I don't know what the HELL I was thinking. I guess crack ain't got nothin' on love when it got it's foot up your A$$! My own personal opinion is that it takes some extroardinary people to pull off long distance relationships, and double that if it relates to a foreign national. I wish mine was one of those. But if you have someone with the same ethic as you ( Not just telling you that 'cause they know what you want to hear) and you know 'cause you observed that behavior over time, then you will be fine. Will you want to knock each other the HELL out sometimes, yes, but make up sex is FANTASTICAL if may quote Flavor Flav!!!! Again just be careful, and smart in ANY relationship.

[Linguere 0]

Everone has given really good tips!! LovinLiberia, I think you really hit it on the head!! If you know African men, they are not beggars in their relationships. They could not have a relationship with an African woman that they could do nothing for. The more you know about the language and culture of the person you are dating, the more you will understand them.

In terms of red flags with dating men abroad, I can only talk about myself and the observations that I would make. I am not the type of woman who can be with a man who needs me financially so he must be nowhere near needy. I would consider dating a man abroad only if the man had perhaps a large business, had an advanced degree or a major way to take care of himself so that he had no reason to want to leave. Everyone from clothing sellers to taximen have professed their love for me. I'm not saying that a guy who is illiterate is not a good guy, just not a guy for me. I guess what I am saying is that my motto is that one should not date someone abroad that they wouldn't date in their own country. If he is a certain age but has nothing going on, why not?

As far as knowing one's SOs family, it is definitely helpful, but entire families can also be in on scams for the future benefit. I guess one can never really know how the family is until they continue to return to their SOs country with nothing in their hands...no gifts, nothing. Simply tell them, I had to work two jobs just to buy the ticket. I was unable to repair my car or do things for my own family to make it here. Once they see over time (at first they will not believe you) that you have nothing to give, they will show themselves to be the wonderful people that you thought they were or they will reveal their true intentions. I am disapointed by people that I think are my friends all the time. They eventually ask for my bag, my shoes, my phone or ask me to sponsor them or write a letter of invitation. Time reveals many things. Take your time. Know as many people around your SO as possible. Know as many people from the country as possible. Visit as often as possible. Talk about wanting to live in their country. Study the language. Pray often.

[4theloveofhenry 8]

Ok now you know your wrong for that!!! Massa needs to

Well all I know is real. There is no refuting what I went through. My A$$ was reduced to singing Old Negro spirituals to get me out that bed, and slowly handling my business again. Wrote a song about it, want to hear it, here it go... [b]Massa gonna sell me in 'da mo' nin. Massa say my cotton pickin' lo'. He ain't got money to go to 'da stow, so Massa gonna sell me in da mo' nin'![/b]' Course I had to change my tune and I started singing, Independent Woman, I Just Want it to Be Over, and Shoulda Let You Go! Now I know that my situation had a lot of elements rolled into one that made mine a ticking time bomb, but one thing you will always get from me, is me taking responsibility for MY actions. I plain and simply never should have married him. I couldn't see that when I was smokin' crack, but I see it so clearly now. Even if the green card was not an issue we were an issue. We were totally incompatable, and I didn't learn that til afer the fact, DUH!! I had a full body possession by my heart and my kitty kat (meow)! Speak the truth Omoba. We like to think that men corner the market on that, but Our kats can make a ruckus too! ( Did I say that?), The things that I did for him, there is no way in hell I would have done for a man who was already here, legal, and with a job. So I don't know what the HELL I was thinking. I guess crack ain't got nothin' on love when it got it's foot up your A$$! My own personal opinion is that it takes some extroardinary people to pull off long distance relationships, and double that if it relates to a foreign national. I wish mine was one of those. But if you have someone with the same ethic as you ( Not just telling you that 'cause they know what you want to hear) and you know 'cause you observed that behavior over time, then you will be fine. Will you want to knock each other the HELL out sometimes, yes, but make up sex is FANTASTICAL if may quote Flavor Flav!!!! Again just be careful, and smart in ANY relationship.

True True

Everone has given really good tips!! LovinLiberia, I think you really hit it on the head!! If you know African men, they are not beggars in their relationships. They could not have a relationship with an African woman that they could do nothing for. The more you know about the language and culture of the person you are dating, the more you will understand them.

In terms of red flags with dating men abroad, I can only talk about myself and the observations that I would make. I am not the type of woman who can be with a man who needs me financially so he must be nowhere near needy. I would consider dating a man abroad only if the man had perhaps a large business, had an advanced degree or a major way to take care of himself so that he had no reason to want to leave. Everyone from clothing sellers to taximen have professed their love for me. I'm not saying that a guy who is illiterate is not a good guy, just not a guy for me. I guess what I am saying is that my motto is that one should not date someone abroad that they wouldn't date in their own country. If he is a certain age but has nothing going on, why not?

As far as knowing one's SOs family, it is definitely helpful, but entire families can also be in on scams for the future benefit. I guess one can never really know how the family is until they continue to return to their SOs country with nothing in their hands...no gifts, nothing. Simply tell them, I had to work two jobs just to buy the ticket. I was unable to repair my car or do things for my own family to make it here. Once they see over time (at first they will not believe you) that you have nothing to give, they will show themselves to be the wonderful people that you thought they were or they will reveal their true intentions. I am disapointed by people that I think are my friends all the time. They eventually ask for my bag, my shoes, my phone or ask me to sponsor them or write a letter of invitation. Time reveals many things. Take your time. Know as many people around your SO as possible. Know as many people from the country as possible. Visit as often as possible. Talk about wanting to live in their country. Study the language. Pray often.