Prevention

[LovinLiberia 0]

Good advice girls. Sadly, we live and we learn.

The only thing I want to say is the statement about scammers always taking, taking, taking........not necessarily true. Sometimes early on, they give, give, give to reel you in. It might not be something expensive materially. Sometimes it's small gifts. Usually just lots and lots of sweet words. Later is when they start asking for things. And, those sweet words and small gifts come like prizes for what you can give them. The true scammer knows how to turn women into on of Pavlov's dogs.

That's true and that is a good point. My mind was focused on the "later on" in a relationship with a scammer.

[totes 0]

Good advice girls. Sadly, we live and we learn.

The only thing I want to say is the statement about scammers always taking, taking, taking........not necessarily true. Sometimes early on, they give, give, give to reel you in. It might not be something expensive materially. Sometimes it's small gifts. Usually just lots and lots of sweet words. Later is when they start asking for things. And, those sweet words and small gifts come like prizes for what you can give them. The true scammer knows how to turn women into on of Pavlov's dogs.

Very good point! The worst part of the material giving they do is that they generally pay for the things they send via stolen credit card. Once you accept the gift, you then become an accessory to his crime. I have seen many men and women charged with crimes for accepting flowers, candy and other sometimes larger gifts from these scammers. DO NOT ACCEPT GIFTS UNTIL YOU'RE 100% SURE HE/SHE IS NOT A SCAMMER! Send them back unopened, refuse to sign, take them to the police department, just don't keep them.

[Ta Ta 1]

That depends on what kind of gift. if it is a BMW ok I won't. If it is a simple little gesture I would accept it, that is part of the courtship and the African culture and I would not look at it as anything but that. If later he reveals himself as a taker only that is a different story.

One has to be careful not to go into this with too much paranoia and yet be sober in seeing that which needs to be looked at.

[LovinLiberia 0]

One has to be careful not to go into this with too much paranoia and yet be sober in seeing that which needs to be looked at.

Agreed...

and shooot, I'd keep the BMW if you didn't want it.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

That depends on what kind of gift. if it is a BMW ok I won't. If it is a simple little gesture I would accept it, that is part of the courtship and the African culture and I would not look at it as anything but that. If later he reveals himself as a taker only that is a different story.

One has to be careful not to go into this with too much paranoia and yet be sober in seeing that which needs to be looked at.

I agree with you. But I think you also need context. Someone who sends you a gift but asks you for money because he's broke, then how did he afford to not only get you the gift, but mail it to you. That would be fishy. But so much of this is just basic common sense.

[Ta Ta 1]

Yes, the context is the key.

Or you send him money and he buys your gift with it..........how generous !

[Ta Ta 1]

The main intent of this thread was to watch out when it really counts, in the very beginning and screening him and checking his background.

Background checks on a whole other level

[ForeverAmen 0]

When your SO's family and friends begin to ask you, "do you have someone in America for me"?

[BESANGIN 0]

This is a good thread, but in all honesty, if anybody was loving yo' man and believing him to the degree that I was, You can't see it, hear it or read it. IT DOES NOT COMPUTE! the word SCAMMING IS DELETED FROM YOUR VOCAL AND VISUAL VOCABULARY!!!!!! It will not get through the euphoria you are riding at the time. I would scrap with anybody trying to tell me that my man was out to do this, that, or the other to me. I was NOT HAVIN' THAT!!!!! HE LOVEDED ME, and that's all I needed at the time. That's why when I get on my soap box, I tell you ladies and gentleman to just be strong if you find yourself at the receiving end of a good ole fashioned can of "Scam Yo' A$$!" You should have no shame in trusting that someone is going to be a man or woman of their word. The shame is all theirs. After having gone through Hell and back there are things I see crystal clear and would never do again. Like run my A$$ overseas to marry a man who I didn't know at the heart level, and never proved himself to be a real man. Hell Men here on my turf can't get past "Do you rent or own?" No, I am not ashamed to say that I believe in asking, What's Love Got to Do With It?" There or other very real qualifications that need to go along with that. For instance can you lead our family spiritually? Like I said before, When that love is new and fresh, and he's poppin' off that tool like WHOA, nothin' he can do can mess with you, but when it starts getting old and his A$$ ain't lookin' so good, He's doin' just plain DUMB SH!T, and he bein' stingy with the DING DING, what's holding you together? If It ain't a strong deep foundation then somethin' ain't right. So again. If you can see these things and listen to your conscience and run like his A$$ got the Ebola virus then cool, but if you decide you need to see it through and it don't work out just know that you can survive it. There are people who have gone through it and survived it, I AM SHE. Just don't invest more emotionally and financially that you can afford, because when all is said and done the SH!T's in yo' name and the bill collectors are not tryin' to hear that you married an A$$HOLE with good DING DING!!!! They want their DAMN money. Ladies you are grown, strong and proud, so handle your business that way, and remember if it is from God, He is not going to let someone else have your situation, so do it His way which I failed to do. Peace out!

[Ta Ta 1]

Hey Besangin, long time no see ! How are you doing ?

[BESANGIN 0]

Hey Omoba,

I'm chillin' tough these days. Life is good. Just finishing the last HOURS of school so I can be in the master's program come fall. I'm tryin' to get some more CHA CHING in my pocket! Tired of Capitol One asking me what's in my wallet and answering........ LINT!!!!! LOL!!!!! But seriously girl, I was so sorry to hear about your situation. Trust me, I can relate on a certain level with you. Stay strong. All will be well.

[Ta Ta 1]

Always screen a friendship first BEFORE the hormones kick in for that next level, is my philosophy or yeah, the caution goes out the window.

Hey Omoba,

I'm chillin' tough these days. Life is good. Just finishing the last HOURS of school so I can be in the master's program come fall. I'm tryin' to get some more CHA CHING in my pocket! Tired of Capitol One asking me what's in my wallet and answering........ LINT!!!!! LOL!!!!! But seriously girl, I was so sorry to hear about your situation. Trust me, I can relate on a certain level with you. Stay strong. All will be well.

Lint , you are so funny !

I wish you all the best for your masters. What field ?

[LovinLiberia 0]

Hey Omoba,

I'm chillin' tough these days. Life is good. Just finishing the last HOURS of school so I can be in the master's program come fall. I'm tryin' to get some more CHA CHING in my pocket! Tired of Capitol One asking me what's in my wallet and answering........ LINT!!!!! LOL!!!!! But seriously girl, I was so sorry to hear about your situation. Trust me, I can relate on a certain level with you. Stay strong. All will be well.

Ahhhhh, I DIED at lint.

[BESANGIN 0]

I will eventually pursue 2 master's, I don't know if I want to do the health care administration first or organizational development. I guess it's gon' be which ever one the hospital's money will pay for.

Edited June 20, 2008 by BESANGIN

[Ta Ta 1]

Good for you, I admire your ambitions.

Do a drive -by through the cafe thread once in a while for chit chat..........