Victor Obinna Ezike Jr.

[Linguere 0]

I have always been shocked at the attitudes towards keeping all information positive here on the forum. Though I am a positive person by nature, overlooking truth isn't something I value. I think this forum is the ideal place to discuss marriage scams, since statistics may suggest that some of us will be or are being victimized as we speak.

I have seen so many scams, know so many people who have scammed (it was discussed as a victimless crime and is laughed about) and though most that I know didn't want any money or anything from their spouse (just the papers), people's hearts obviously got hurt. Most of the scamming that I am familiar with is from people who are here in the states illegally. I know one girl who got scammed three times! I have also been asked by many friends to marry them for papers just to help them out. This type of discussion is not really out of the ordinary in some circles. I think that these things are more commonly discussed outside of this forum than within it and it makes me wonder why.

I liked reading Idocare's post and perhaps there is some sort of history that I don't know about...the scamming definitely goes on all over the world, but since this is an African forum I thought it was appropriate for postings of that nature to be here. New members will perhaps be able to think before they start sending money...there are many red flags that appear in these "relationships" but I have never wanted to mention them because I didn't want to offend anyone as many may fit the scenario without it being the case, such as vast age differences. I think it is a good idea to post those sorts of things just to make people aware who are not possibly so familiar with the culture of the person that they are in love with. It's just information to think about; it doesn't mean it applies to every person.

With that said, I don't think posting negative experiences should preclude us from supporting each other in our long wait periods and I don't think anyone's experiences should drift into generalizations or bashing of a particular group of people. I do think the interpretations are often too sensitive and people take the posts too personally. I would imagine that many people leave the forum after some time of being married and getting on with their lives and thus, we never know what the outcomes are. It is for that reason that I thought that Idocare's post added a much needed balance to the forum. A happy-go-lucky only post mandate is not realistic and frankly just isn't honest. I appreciate all information.

Peace to all....AL

[Ta Ta 1]

It puzzles me why those who are in constant paranoia of being scammed by Africans specifically seek them out.

Would it not be so much easier to just date the man next door in their own cultural environment, in their own hometown ?

Some seek them out over and over again, one relationship after the other while lamenting they are all scammers.

I wonder what the psychological implication is here ! What compels them to do this.

I am done with this 3 ring circus.

To each his own opinion !

[Kanyiri 0]

Red Flags on Being Scammed:

If your Significant Other spells out his name and birth date on an immigration application incorrectly and calls them typos at the same time he lost his passport.

If such a simple life of being poor in Africa without a job, has so much complication and drama of the life of a full time working single mother in America, you are being scammed.

He sends you a gift from Africa.

You met him in a cyber cafe chatting and now he needs money from you to continue chatting.

He dresses like GQ in his pictures, but doesn't have a job. (his priorities are messed up)

You have been in a dozen messed up relationships here in the US that you are relieved to have a SO without a job that you will spend thousands traveling to see, support and get here to America. If your relationships were not good in America they will not be good overseas.

Real men/women are imbedded in their community whether rich or poor. If they are dying to get out of where they at, they will be dying to get out of where you live.

If right before your SO's timely interview, medical appointment, or anything else that has your right on the edge of getting him here claims to be robbed and you need to send him money right away.

If he talks about moving back to his country after a few years. This is to take away your worry about him not wanting to just come to america. My friend met her SO here in AMerica. Married him. As soon as his papers were dry he left her. She told me that they were going to move back to africa during there relationship. Right there a red flag was flowing. My red flag was correct.

If you can answer yes to any of the above, you might be being scammed.

I just wanted to say that as a person who lived in Ghana for two and a half years, this list is #######. You just described everyday life in an African country.

In corresponding order to the list above:

1. I couldn't tell you how many times my own students misspelled their own names. Their language is not written and their education is not always the best. Therefore they constantly misspell their own names.

2. Life in a different country has no less complications than life here. You can't say that because his life has drama he is automatically making up excuses.

3. They will borrow money to use the internet one day, meet you, borrow again, talk to you again, and then run out of people to borrow from, so you are next. You are not being singled out. You are just like everyone else in their life.

4. Africans value the way they look. They will even borrow a friend's nice outfit to take a picture in so that they look better. They make outfits just for Christmas or Easter. They won't be able to eat, but will still use the small money that they have to make a nice outfit.

5. This one I have no comment on as it deals with the American and not the African.

6. A person will want to get out of poverty. A person will want the opportunity to help their family. It doesn't mean they just want to constantly move. I see what you are trying to say, but this statement is odd.

7. Yes, this seems like a red flag to me too and I cringe when I read it from people, but that being said, robbery is common. Especially in the cities where they are going to do all the visa stuff.

8. Those who scam will say anything, yes. It's true. However, I think anyone would say they would want to move home at some point. Who wouldn't? So how can you tell the difference between who is lying and who is telling the truth?

9. Yes, if you can answer yes, you might be scammed. If you can say no, you might also be scammed. I don't think these are such good indicators.

[Linguere 0]

It puzzles me why those who are in constant paranoia of being scammed by Africans specifically seek them out.

Would it not be so much easier to just date the man next door in their own cultural environment, in their own hometown ?

Some seek them out over and over again, one relationship after the other while lamenting they are all scammers.

I wonder what the psychological implication is here ! What compels them to do this.

I am done with this 3 ring circus.

To each his own opinion !

Who is in constant paranoia of being scammed by Africans? I've never seen that here, but maybe because I only casually visit.

I live in the African community and have been raised in African culture - it's all that I know (thanks Mom!). Living in an African immigrant community exposes one to much more of these stories, except I know them mostly from the African side. I am completely missing why people get so upset about telling real stories. We have wonderful success stories here everyday; what's wrong with telling the other side? I don't personally have any story of scamming that was done to me. Living in Africa and my life experience has, hopefully, allowed me a bit of advance warning IN GENERAL, not just in Africa. Africa is the only place where I spend a great amount of time and thus it is the topic contained herein. I love Africa and I love Africans (like me)!

[Ta Ta 1]

It puzzles me why those who are in constant paranoia of being scammed by Africans specifically seek them out.

Would it not be so much easier to just date the man next door in their own cultural environment, in their own hometown ?

Some seek them out over and over again, one relationship after the other while lamenting they are all scammers.

I wonder what the psychological implication is here ! What compels them to do this.

I am done with this 3 ring circus.

To each his own opinion !

Who is in constant paranoia of being scammed by Africans? I've never seen that here, but maybe because I only casually visit.

I live in the African community and have been raised in African culture - it's all that I know (thanks Mom!). Living in an African immigrant community exposes one to much more of these stories, except I know them mostly from the African side. I am completely missing why people get so upset about telling real stories. We have wonderful success stories here everyday; what's wrong with telling the other side? I don't personally have any story of scamming that was done to me. Living in Africa and my life experience has, hopefully, allowed me a bit of advance warning IN GENERAL, not just in Africa. Africa is the only place where I spend a great amount of time and thus it is the topic contained herein. I love Africa and I love Africans (like me)!

Those who it applies to know what I am talking about. I was obviously not talking about you. Hang around another year and you will see what I mean. You are missing the background on the drama and I am not resurrecting it. There are some who say

all of us are being scammed and still seek out Africans themselves. It is a school yard mentality and sickening.

I have no problem with someone telling THEIR story, but do it without forcing doom down my throat by telling me

personally MY relationship WILL fail and those who disagree WILL face their " approaching storm", making generalizations and THEIR story turns into a prediction for the entire forum.

Therein lies the kicker. So everyone who says I am against the stories and warnings of the flip side of immigration love, read the memo, take note and for once and for all get what my point was and is. It is bizzare that the focus keeps going on why get upset at them telling their stories.........NOT the point ! Point = personal attacks, generalizations, disrimination and bashing.

If you have not seen it then you have not seen it. I have , as a personal attack.

Of course we need the flip side stories but NOT in the approach delivered. Period.

[Ta Ta 1]

Red Flags on Being Scammed:

If your Significant Other spells out his name and birth date on an immigration application incorrectly and calls them typos at the same time he lost his passport.

If such a simple life of being poor in Africa without a job, has so much complication and drama of the life of a full time working single mother in America, you are being scammed.

He sends you a gift from Africa.

You met him in a cyber cafe chatting and now he needs money from you to continue chatting.

He dresses like GQ in his pictures, but doesn't have a job. (his priorities are messed up)

You have been in a dozen messed up relationships here in the US that you are relieved to have a SO without a job that you will spend thousands traveling to see, support and get here to America. If your relationships were not good in America they will not be good overseas.

Real men/women are imbedded in their community whether rich or poor. If they are dying to get out of where they at, they will be dying to get out of where you live.

If right before your SO's timely interview, medical appointment, or anything else that has your right on the edge of getting him here claims to be robbed and you need to send him money right away.

If he talks about moving back to his country after a few years. This is to take away your worry about him not wanting to just come to america. My friend met her SO here in AMerica. Married him. As soon as his papers were dry he left her. She told me that they were going to move back to africa during there relationship. Right there a red flag was flowing. My red flag was correct.

If you can answer yes to any of the above, you might be being scammed.

I just wanted to say that as a person who lived in Ghana for two and a half years, this list is #######. You just described everyday life in an African country.

In corresponding order to the list above:

1. I couldn't tell you how many times my own students misspelled their own names. Their language is not written and their education is not always the best. Therefore they constantly misspell their own names.

2. Life in a different country has no less complications than life here. You can't say that because his life has drama he is automatically making up excuses.

3. They will borrow money to use the internet one day, meet you, borrow again, talk to you again, and then run out of people to borrow from, so you are next. You are not being singled out. You are just like everyone else in their life.

4. Africans value the way they look. They will even borrow a friend's nice outfit to take a picture in so that they look better. They make outfits just for Christmas or Easter. They won't be able to eat, but will still use the small money that they have to make a nice outfit.

5. This one I have no comment on as it deals with the American and not the African.

6. A person will want to get out of poverty. A person will want the opportunity to help their family. It doesn't mean they just want to constantly move. I see what you are trying to say, but this statement is odd.

7. Yes, this seems like a red flag to me too and I cringe when I read it from people, but that being said, robbery is common. Especially in the cities where they are going to do all the visa stuff.

8. Those who scam will say anything, yes. It's true. However, I think anyone would say they would want to move home at some point. Who wouldn't? So how can you tell the difference between who is lying and who is telling the truth?

9. Yes, if you can answer yes, you might be scammed. If you can say no, you might also be scammed. I don't think these are such good indicators.

Lurking,

Your feeble attempt to call me out by stalking my posts and posting our misfortune as 2 of your red flags is a good way to go on another "forced hiatus." I thought you learned your lesson the last time when you blasted a private PM all over the forum.

The application issue (name was not a typo but innocently one letter change V instead of ph ) Birth year was a typo. He did show his correct birth certificate to the CO so you have no leg to stand on and just make yourself look foolish.

He did get robbed right before the medical and was hurt and almost shot, you are a prime example of personally attacking members here and that is why you were banned before. Shame on you for your assumptions ! You are way off base. Nice try but no cigar.

Your red flag attempt was nothing more than a passive agressive arrow at me, with much detail and it was cruel.

What is up with getting gifts from Africa is a red flag ? This is just ridiculous. I don't know if there is one member on here who has never received a gift from Africa with an African SO. Oh man I need some air.

You know what ? I just forgive you and go on, it is not even worth the time to type it.

[Simply_Uno 1]

this is the song that never ends, it goes on and on my friends,

some people

starting singing it not knowing what it was

and they'll continue singing it for-ev-er just because

this is the song the never ends,

it goes on and on my friend......

[Akoto 0]

Hello Everyone,

I am back from the dead. I have been lurking around and not logging on heck I forgot my password. Now that I am in, I wanted to tell my story. I too was an avid VJ viewer. Our interview was February 6, 2008. Fortunately for me we were placed in AP. I can’t say the reason why because I’ve been placed under advisement. I can say this, in my personal opinion I was “spared” from the GC scammer. Here is my story. I went to Nigeria, had a lovely time. Came back to the states filed paperwork and the journey began. Filed in June, approved November. That’s when the s*** hit the fan. Let me back that up, got back to the states that’s when I open my own “personal bank of America” at least that’s what my SO thought. I was sending money to him like I had a slot machine in my house or as I stated my own bank. It became unbearable. My personal obligation was not a factor, long as I sent the money as promised. I remember one incident where I had to put my car in the shop and I called him and told him that the money I promised to send I wouldn’t be able to because of the amount it caused to repair my car. His comment was, “but you promised”. Then I thought maybe I should break it down to him in Naira that didn’t help. So I folded and sent the money. I then stop promising. And he stop asking for money, he gave me these sad stories. And being the generous person that I am, I would say how much you need. After we were approved I stated to him that I could no longer send any more money because we needed to prepare for the physical and anything else needed. That didn’t help; he told he needed money for his children Xmas, Wow. My thought what is this? Why am I doing this? I barely know this man. Do I really love this man enough to keep sending him money sometimes twice a month? It didn’t bother him, I knew when he needed money he would call early in the morning, middle of the day, late at night etc. I stop calling back as often. I was the one calling, sending money and he was not making a contribution. Red flag. Now I am paying attention. I am embarrassed to tell this story but I feel it’s time to let it go and share. I am not trying to rain on anyone’s journey, just telling my story. He too got robbed the day before his first medical appointment. Heck I laughed. Didn’t ask for money because I nipped that in the bud before he parted his lips. The money for the medical was sent the day he went to Lagos for the medical. I didn’t give him the Western Union number until he was in Lagos. He wanted me to provide funding for the trip there and back, plus the medical. Not going to happen, by this time I am tired. I don’t care what happens at the interview now. I threw my hands up and prayed that if this is for me then let it be. The interview day approached finally. Got that call at 6:30 am US times 02/06/08. AP AP AP What is this? I cried, I cried, I cried. Just think I thought I didn’t care. I went to work finally at 10am left work at 2pm couldn’t function or concentrate. We spoke the next day. The conversation we had and what he was telling me was indication that I was being scammed. Now ladies/gentlemen that’s my personal opinion. Can’t give you the origin of the conversation but I can say his comment was, “I didn’t trust you that must”. What the F*** is that? Trust me, but my money was trustworthy. I am not bashing anyone but him. Idocare, I can identify with some of the things you are saying. Not sure what u meant by approaching storm, technically that could mean anything. If I had to relate my journey to that comment, I avoided the storm. I thank God for AP and I stopped the process shortly there after. I didn’t give it a second thought. I am happy that this journey is over and my life is back to basic. Most importantly my savings is looking pretty good AGAIN. Hahaha. Sometime when I hear the song, “The River” by Noel Gourdin, I think of my Tunde. One day I called him just to hear his voice, he was happy to hear from me. And then he asked for money and I said, you are kidding me right, he said, NO. No more international calls for me. I will close my friends, and I pray that you all will have a successful marriage. No one knows your heart but God and You. Not error free.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Hello Everyone,

I am back from the dead. I have been lurking around and not logging on heck I forgot my password. Now that I am in, I wanted to tell my story. I too was an avid VJ viewer. Our interview was February 6, 2008. Fortunately for me we were placed in AP. I can’t say the reason why because I’ve been placed under advisement. I can say this, in my personal opinion I was “spared†from the GC scammer. Here is my story. I went to Nigeria, had a lovely time. Came back to the states filed paperwork and the journey began. Filed in June, approved November. That’s when the s*** hit the fan. Let me back that up, got back to the states that’s when I open my own “personal bank of America†at least that’s what my SO thought. I was sending money to him like I had a slot machine in my house or as I stated my own bank. It became unbearable. My personal obligation was not a factor, long as I sent the money as promised. I remember one incident where I had to put my car in the shop and I called him and told him that the money I promised to send I wouldn’t be able to because of the amount it caused to repair my car. His comment was, “but you promisedâ€. Then I thought maybe I should break it down to him in Naira that didn’t help. So I folded and sent the money. I then stop promising. And he stop asking for money, he gave me these sad stories. And being the generous person that I am, I would say how much you need. After we were approved I stated to him that I could no longer send any more money because we needed to prepare for the physical and anything else needed. That didn’t help; he told he needed money for his children Xmas, Wow. My thought what is this? Why am I doing this? I barely know this man. Do I really love this man enough to keep sending him money sometimes twice a month? It didn’t bother him, I knew when he needed money he would call early in the morning, middle of the day, late at night etc. I stop calling back as often. I was the one calling, sending money and he was not making a contribution. Red flag. Now I am paying attention. I am embarrassed to tell this story but I feel it’s time to let it go and share. I am not trying to rain on anyone’s journey, just telling my story. He too got robbed the day before his first medical appointment. Heck I laughed. Didn’t ask for money because I nipped that in the bud before he parted his lips. The money for the medical was sent the day he went to Lagos for the medical. I didn’t give him the Western Union number until he was in Lagos. He wanted me to provide funding for the trip there and back, plus the medical. Not going to happen, by this time I am tired. I don’t care what happens at the interview now. I threw my hands up and prayed that if this is for me then let it be. The interview day approached finally. Got that call at 6:30 am US times 02/06/08. AP AP AP What is this? I cried, I cried, I cried. Just think I thought I didn’t care. I went to work finally at 10am left work at 2pm couldn’t function or concentrate. We spoke the next day. The conversation we had and what he was telling me was indication that I was being scammed. Now ladies/gentlemen that’s my personal opinion. Can’t give you the origin of the conversation but I can say his comment was, “I didn’t trust you that mustâ€. What the F*** is that? Trust me, but my money was trustworthy. I am not bashing anyone but him. Idocare, I can identify with some of the things you are saying. Not sure what u meant by approaching storm, technically that could mean anything. If I had to relate my journey to that comment, I avoided the storm. I thank God for AP and I stopped the process shortly there after. I didn’t give it a second thought. I am happy that this journey is over and my life is back to basic. Most importantly my savings is looking pretty good AGAIN. Hahaha. Sometime when I hear the song, “The River†by Noel Gourdin, I think of my Tunde. One day I called him just to hear his voice, he was happy to hear from me. And then he asked for money and I said, you are kidding me right, he said, NO. No more international calls for me. I will close my friends, and I pray that you all will have a successful marriage. No one knows your heart but God and You. Not error free.

Wow! I'm so sorry you went through all of that. Thank you for sharing your story. You have made a valuable contribution and helped others see some of the signs if they happen in their own relationship. I appreciate you sharing your horror story with us and I pray healing for your heart and mind. Be blessed sis'!

I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds, but I can't help but wonder, is his name Edmund R?

Edited June 17, 2008 by Bassi and Zainab

[Simply_Uno 1]

Hello Everyone,

I am back from the dead. I have been lurking around and not logging on heck I forgot my password. Now that I am in, I wanted to tell my story. I too was an avid VJ viewer. Our interview was February 6, 2008. Fortunately for me we were placed in AP. I can't say the reason why because I've been placed under advisement. I can say this, in my personal opinion I was "spared" from the GC scammer. Here is my story. I went to Nigeria, had a lovely time. Came back to the states filed paperwork and the journey began. Filed in June, approved November. That's when the s*** hit the fan. Let me back that up, got back to the states that's when I open my own "personal bank of America" at least that's what my SO thought. I was sending money to him like I had a slot machine in my house or as I stated my own bank. It became unbearable. My personal obligation was not a factor, long as I sent the money as promised. I remember one incident where I had to put my car in the shop and I called him and told him that the money I promised to send I wouldn't be able to because of the amount it caused to repair my car. His comment was, "but you promised". Then I thought maybe I should break it down to him in Naira that didn't help. So I folded and sent the money. I then stop promising. And he stop asking for money, he gave me these sad stories. And being the generous person that I am, I would say how much you need. After we were approved I stated to him that I could no longer send any more money because we needed to prepare for the physical and anything else needed. That didn't help; he told he needed money for his children Xmas, Wow. My thought what is this? Why am I doing this? I barely know this man. Do I really love this man enough to keep sending him money sometimes twice a month? It didn't bother him, I knew when he needed money he would call early in the morning, middle of the day, late at night etc. I stop calling back as often. I was the one calling, sending money and he was not making a contribution. Red flag. Now I am paying attention. I am embarrassed to tell this story but I feel it's time to let it go and share. I am not trying to rain on anyone's journey, just telling my story. He too got robbed the day before his first medical appointment. Heck I laughed. Didn't ask for money because I nipped that in the bud before he parted his lips. The money for the medical was sent the day he went to Lagos for the medical. I didn't give him the Western Union number until he was in Lagos. He wanted me to provide funding for the trip there and back, plus the medical. Not going to happen, by this time I am tired. I don't care what happens at the interview now. I threw my hands up and prayed that if this is for me then let it be. The interview day approached finally. Got that call at 6:30 am US times 02/06/08. AP AP AP What is this? I cried, I cried, I cried. Just think I thought I didn't care. I went to work finally at 10am left work at 2pm couldn't function or concentrate. We spoke the next day. The conversation we had and what he was telling me was indication that I was being scammed. Now ladies/gentlemen that's my personal opinion. Can't give you the origin of the conversation but I can say his comment was, "I didn't trust you that must". What the F*** is that? Trust me, but my money was trustworthy. I am not bashing anyone but him. Idocare, I can identify with some of the things you are saying. Not sure what u meant by approaching storm, technically that could mean anything. If I had to relate my journey to that comment, I avoided the storm. I thank God for AP and I stopped the process shortly there after. I didn't give it a second thought. I am happy that this journey is over and my life is back to basic. Most importantly my savings is looking pretty good AGAIN. Hahaha. Sometime when I hear the song, "The River" by Noel Gourdin, I think of my Tunde. One day I called him just to hear his voice, he was happy to hear from me. And then he asked for money and I said, you are kidding me right, he said, NO. No more international calls for me. I will close my friends, and I pray that you all will have a successful marriage. No one knows your heart but God and You. Not error free.

Beautiful story,::bravisimo::

Tell your story, dont be ashamed of your story, and let others gleam wisdom from your story .

UNO

[Akoto 0]

Bassi,

Thanks for your support. I am healed, my savings is growing. :dance: :dance: No his name is Tunde O

[Akoto 0]

Thank you Uno. My story is simply that, "My Story". :whistle: :whistle: :dance: :dance:

[Akoto 0]

Ooops!! Quiet Idocare is here.

[forchika 4]

Akoto,

Thank you for sharing your story also!!!!! I wish you well in the future!!!!

[Akoto 0]

Thank you Forchika.