Beginning to feel homesick and just basically fed up not been able to work

[Donal78 0]

Hi,

I just want to know how do people cope been on their own while your partner works and your waiting for the EAD to come.

I have been here since march 7th due to pre wedding commitments. We got married april 21st and had such a wonderfull day. My family were here for a week and my parents two weeks.

My wife works long hours in her job. Im basically alone for 8 hours every day. We struggle because i cant work and its frustrating as the money is way better in MA in computer support than what i earned back home in ireland. Im about to send in the greencard forms as we had problems getting tax clearance forms from the accountant. So thats another 3 months before i can legally work.

I miss ireland, i miss my family. I miss living in a city. I miss just meeting up with friends and having a few beers in a good old irish pub. There are lots of things i miss which makes it even harder. I havent met one irish person here since we moved over. We have friends but we only see them at the weekend as their lives are just as busy. To top it all off we are living with my wifes parents until i can work and then buy our own house. We live in the middle of nowhere in NH.

But you know what i love my wife and this struggle is only short term. We made the decision to move from ireland to the US.

[mandolinv 0]

My thoughts are with you. It was a difficult transition for my husband. We also live in the middle of nowhere and he was from the city. He would have started working the 2nd day he was here if he could have. Basically, we came up with things for him to do around the house, had friends and family drive him places, had him do research about jobs and such on the internet. He was still somewhat depressed. I know it was very hard for him. He is doing much better now that he is working and has a driver's licence (and car). Just remember that it is only a short part of your life and you will soon be at a better place. Hope things get better for you soon. My thoughts are with you.

[Mand 1]

The 1st few months can be frustrating, but the best thing to remember is that everything will come to you, it just takes patience. After all, it takes time to set up a new life anywhere. We'removing back to Ireland and know it'll be awhile before we're on our feet and that's just the day to day things...stocking up on groceries, getting utilities sorted, new electronics etc. But isn't it some adventure!!!

With my new found spare time, I studied for the PRAXIS exams (teaching licensure required in some states) and Art History I hadn't covered in Ireland. I found this made my days go faster and it was interesting too. You said you work in IT, my husband does too, so I know that certain qualifications are looked upon favorably...Cisco, Microsoft. How about studying for something like that...you may never have the free time to devote to it again

It must be hard living with you in-laws, but imagine the day when that's a distant memory...happy days! The culture here is very different and that's hard to become accustomed to, but you'll surprise yourself by how much you become used to it and become fond of it. You'll wake up one day and find that you love hazlenut creamer in your coffee, Peeps, how the ads are often better than the tv shows, biting your nails in the last second of a basketball game...even if that last second can last over 2 minutes with time-outs!! It will happen to you and you won't even realsie it.

How about a trip to Boston for a weekend? There are LOADS of Irish bars and Irish people there...try Southie, Downtown, Brighton...(I've 2 uncles living there, but they're not into the Irish bar scene there, they say it's too many drunkards). I love the American bars with pool tables now...sometimes a change is as good as a rest! But the Downtown Boston Irish bars are suppossed to be pretty cool.

The best advice I can give, is that it does get easier...I found driving here helped enormously!! and it does get better and, as you said, it is only short term.

I wish you and your wife all the best in the coming years and hope everything works out great!

Amanda

[Donal78 0]

Thank you amanda,

We are actually heading into boston early saturday morning to catch the FA cup final in mcganns pubs.I have support liverpool since i was 7 so i wouldnt miss this game for the world.

Everything you say is so true. Im actually going to start the microsoft MCSA course on monday. I just need to get back into the whole studying routine again but financially its well worth it. I just need to let it all out really as sometimes it gets frustrating but as they say time is a virture.

Patience is the key. As i keep telling myself and my wife the short term future will be a struggle but long term things will be great. Thank you again for the advice mandy.

The 1st few months can be frustrating, but the best thing to remember is that everything will come to you, it just takes patience. After all, it takes time to set up a new life anywhere. We'removing back to Ireland and know it'll be awhile before we're on our feet and that's just the day to day things...stocking up on groceries, getting utilities sorted, new electronics etc. But isn't it some adventure!!!

With my new found spare time, I studied for the PRAXIS exams (teaching licensure required in some states) and Art History I hadn't covered in Ireland. I found this made my days go faster and it was interesting too. You said you work in IT, my husband does too, so I know that certain qualifications are looked upon favorably...Cisco, Microsoft. How about studying for something like that...you may never have the free time to devote to it again

It must be hard living with you in-laws, but imagine the day when that's a distant memory...happy days! The culture here is very different and that's hard to become accustomed to, but you'll surprise yourself by how much you become used to it and become fond of it. You'll wake up one day and find that you love hazlenut creamer in your coffee, Peeps, how the ads are often better than the tv shows, biting your nails in the last second of a basketball game...even if that last second can last over 2 minutes with time-outs!! It will happen to you and you won't even realsie it.

How about a trip to Boston for a weekend? There are LOADS of Irish bars and Irish people there...try Southie, Downtown, Brighton...(I've 2 uncles living there, but they're not into the Irish bar scene there, they say it's too many drunkards). I love the American bars with pool tables now...sometimes a change is as good as a rest! But the Downtown Boston Irish bars are suppossed to be pretty cool.

The best advice I can give, is that it does get easier...I found driving here helped enormously!! and it does get better and, as you said, it is only short term.

I wish you and your wife all the best in the coming years and hope everything works out great!

Amanda

[rejane 1]

Yeap been there... I know it frustrating staying home, not be able to earn ay money for the couple... And be alone..

Also I was in Galway for 5 years where i had a lot of friends, where you just wlak into the street knowing someone and going for a good old Irish pint... Without planning anything in my day i was sure to meet someone i knew...

Have yo utried to join an Irish group the irish population is big in the US ... And usally do have a lot of expats Irish clubs...

Soon the wait for your EAD will be over and then getting out there is fun.

try to get some projects for the day,

I know that meeting people in the US is a little difficult.

Good luck to oyu hope things will be better sure and i m sure it will.

Sending some good mojo your way

Rejane

[irishgirl73 0]

Definetly head to Boston, my cousin has lived here for 10 years(she is from Dublin) and she said she actually wants to move there. The city is filled with Irish-you would love it there. We had a great time-it reminded me so much of Ireland

Once you are able to work I am sure you will be soooo much happier-I am not looking forward to Gavin's first few months here(don't mean that in a bad way) I just think it will be hard with him sitting around-wait a minut he is an actor & pretty much does that now I worry about him missing his mates, his family, like you said just going to the pub for a pint. This whole process is so frustrating for everyone.

chin up-you'll be able to work soon

[sukie175 0]

I hear ya too....I unloaded in Off Topic (Huge Row), you are not alone there are many of us feeling this way

Sarah

[kc456 0]

If you live in the middle of nowhere, maybe yardwork or gardening? It could be very therapeutic to see the results of your labor, plus all the herbs / veggies you can grow. Just a thought.

[Kez/JWolf 6]

Galwayman... come to Boston... I am a scottish girl but I fit in so well with the irish people here they are the best... I still have days when the call of home is so strong and I feel sad and lonely... It does get better with time... if you are in boston at anytime and need someone to chat with over a drink give me a shout...

Kezzie

[nayalamb 0]

hi galwayman,

i'm going through the same thing... alone for about 12 hours a day.

i'm really glad to see you are looking for positive alternatives and not moping or sulking.

there is no limit to what you can do to pass the time. studing for the MCSA is great, but make you sure add in some fun things as well:

* learn another language

* take up arts &/or crafts (photography, painting, woodworking, gardening, baking)

* volunteer at a library, church, charitable organization, etc.

* pick up a useful or cool skill (first aid/cpr, massage therapy, bartending)

* pick up a sport (golf, soccer, swimming, tennis) or join a gym

* get a pet

you will get your EAD before you know it! stay positive and i'm sure things will work out just fine. best of luck!

[Collie 122]

Hi there,

the first lot of months are indeed the hardest. i went through a period where I was so pissed off i didn't know what to do, but I always knew that I had made the right decision.

its still early days and I guess you need to be as positive as possible as negativity will drag you down. I guess what i am trying to say is that if you are at this stage and have only been here 2 months, its going to be a long road ahead if you have a negative attitude.

My husband is a paramedic. he works very long hours and is up at 5.45 in the morning and away to work and I won't see him again until the next morning around 12.30 or 1am depending on if he gets a late critical call. Yes the days are lonely at times but I realised that if i moped then they would be even worse. i would advise you to study for a course, study for your state driving licence if you don't have it, do voluntary work, get a dog if your in-laws permit.

i live with my in-laws as well and there are times where I wish they wuld drop off the face of the planet, but we are saving by staying here for now s we can get a decent house when we look next winter. Theres always a positive side

i too live out in the boonies of texas and have roadrunners and coyotes as neighbours but i also have a dog here that i brought with me from Northern Ireland and I've regained my fitness by running with her. ogs are great company and if your in-laws permit, perhaps you can look into getting one. That is if you are a doggy person.

it gets better and each day is a step closer to that all eleusive interview

Best Regards,

Kat

[Anyta Holland 1]

I agree... the first few months are the hardest! And the fact that you are staying at home will not help... I hope you get your EAD soon so you can get in the market and distract yourself a bit more...

Maybe you could find some irish people in your area with whom you could meet up?

Hope it gets better!

[ChristinaM 0]

I don't know how far you are from Portsmouth, but there's a great English-style pub called The Coat of Arms. I'd be more than happy to meet you and your wife down there for a drink and a natter. Or if you can make it up to Maine, we have RiRa here in Portland which purports to be an Irish pub, and they have a lot of live music.

The first phase of adjustment sucks, I know that. I think I gave you my phone number - let me know

(You'd get on well with my husband; he's studying for the MCSA & MCSE right now too.)

Edited May 12, 2006 by clmarsh

[Oulupair 0]

Galwayman we're in Nashua NH- we should meet up! I proposed a New England meetup a little while ago..maybe summer would be a perfect time for it. I plan on leaving my current job by the end of June, so after that hubby and I should have more leisure time.

Hi,

I just want to know how do people cope been on their own while your partner works and your waiting for the EAD to come.

I have been here since march 7th due to pre wedding commitments. We got married april 21st and had such a wonderfull day. My family were here for a week and my parents two weeks.

My wife works long hours in her job. Im basically alone for 8 hours every day. We struggle because i cant work and its frustrating as the money is way better in MA in computer support than what i earned back home in ireland. Im about to send in the greencard forms as we had problems getting tax clearance forms from the accountant. So thats another 3 months before i can legally work.

I miss ireland, i miss my family. I miss living in a city. I miss just meeting up with friends and having a few beers in a good old irish pub. There are lots of things i miss which makes it even harder. I havent met one irish person here since we moved over. We have friends but we only see them at the weekend as their lives are just as busy. To top it all off we are living with my wifes parents until i can work and then buy our own house. We live in the middle of nowhere in NH.

But you know what i love my wife and this struggle is only short term. We made the decision to move from ireland to the US.

[Uxorious 0]

Hi,

I just want to know how do people cope been on their own while your partner works and your waiting for the EAD to come.

I have been here since march 7th due to pre wedding commitments. We got married april 21st and had such a wonderfull day. My family were here for a week and my parents two weeks.

My wife works long hours in her job. Im basically alone for 8 hours every day. We struggle because i cant work and its frustrating as the money is way better in MA in computer support than what i earned back home in ireland. Im about to send in the greencard forms as we had problems getting tax clearance forms from the accountant. So thats another 3 months before i can legally work.

I miss ireland, i miss my family. I miss living in a city. I miss just meeting up with friends and having a few beers in a good old irish pub. There are lots of things i miss which makes it even harder. I havent met one irish person here since we moved over. We have friends but we only see them at the weekend as their lives are just as busy. To top it all off we are living with my wifes parents until i can work and then buy our own house. We live in the middle of nowhere in NH.

But you know what i love my wife and this struggle is only short term. We made the decision to move from ireland to the US.

Galwayman,

I hear you! In my experience it will take some time (one year or more) to get adjusted to both a new country and a new relationship. My wife and I are still going through it after over ayear but a lot better than during the iniytial months.

Some tips...

1. Need both tolerance and patience on both sides.

2. It is ok to show anger and frustration from time to time but do try to refrain from undermining SO's confidence and self concept with in-the- moment- of- anger lashing-out and recriminations and put downs.

3. It is also a test of love for both parties.

4. After a fight always, make-up and do not sulk.

5. Communicate openly, your emotional ups and downs.

These are just a few that I can think of.

Hang in there.