Funny Marriage Quotes

[Mina76 0]

Hello fellow VJ'ers

Maybe some of you have read some of these funny marriage quotes before, but I thought to post them anyway cause I love to laugh and I love humor!

Funny Marriage Quotes

"Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts"

-Jeff Foxworthy

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."

-Groucho Marx

"The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once." -H.V. Prochnow

"I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it." -Lyndon B. Johnson

"A man's wife has more power over him than the state has."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't." -Unknown

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."

-Rodney Dangerfield

"Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot." -Minnie Pearl

"Behind every great man there is a surprised woman."

-Maryon Pearson

"They say love is blind...and marriage is an institution. Well, I'm not ready for an institution for the blind just yet." -Mae West

"Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too." -H.L. Mencken

"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished."

-Zsa Zsa Gabor

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." -Rodney Dangerfield

"No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single." -H.L. Mencken

"A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers." -Grace Hansen

"If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family."

-Lawrence Housman

"Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women." -Marion Smith

"Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?" -Barbra Streisand

"My mother once told me that if a married couple puts a penny in a pot for every time they make love in the first year, and takes a penny out every time after that, they'll never get all the pennies out of the pot." -Armistead Maupin

"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery." -Erma Bombeck

"I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married." -Lewis Grizzard

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." -James Holt McGavran

Edited June 13, 2008 by mina76

[Nagishkaw 510]

"They say love is blind...and marriage is an institution. Well, I'm not ready for an institution for the blind just yet." -Mae West

I love that one!

[o0pink0o 3]

thanks for sharing this mina

[pj1959us 0]

I love these; I'd seen some of them before but they still crack me up. Here's another one:

"Marriage isn't a word, it's a sentence".

I don't know who said it, but I saw it on a bumper sticker.

PJ

[Cecile and Bryan 0]

thanks for sharing!

I was going to send this to my fiance, but maybe I'll wait until we're married

[Ban Hammer 13,335]

"I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married." -Lewis Grizzard

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." -James Holt McGavran

[almaty 19]

i enjoyed those....................of course..there is always ...

life's a #######..and then your marry one...........

[Gator's Bike 0]

too funny

ok here is mine :

its ok to marry an old fart for as long as his machine is active :dance:

[Saddle Bronc 124]

[Mina76 0]

Funny right? I love marriage humor and wanted to share with you guys!

[Mina76 0]

"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished."

-Zsa Zsa Gabor

This one is my favorite in the first post of funny marriage quotes

[Sassy1natl 0]

[boo boo 1]

I met a man today that was working at "Sam's Club" and he was trying to get me to apply for a credit card...or upgrade my membership...and I told him that I would have to talk to my husband first....after I said that, he replied "Trust me, I understand. I have been married to the same woman for 29 years and one day I decided to do something w/o talking to her about it first....and it was a HUGE mistake...I will NEVER do that I again"

I wish I could of you tubed the whole thing...his facial expressions were funny

[Sassy1natl 0]

The tradition at weddings

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"

His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"

[David-and-Mae 15]

The bottom of my siggy is one funny marriage quote... couldn't remember where I got it. Husband was not amused when I showed it to him.