Co mingling finances.. loans etc

[sandinista! 1,816]

I would think telling your husband you don't trust him enough to share your money is a little controlling isn't it? If a husband told his wife she can't be on any of his accounts and he doesn't trust her with money everyone would be screaming how bad he is.

Finances are one of the leading causes of divorce, I think the better choice would be to teach him about being financially responsible and going to a financial planner would be a great idea. Keeping everything seperate to me is just telling him that you don't trust him and your money is yours, not his.

Something to consider might be for him to be a stay at home dad if he can't make as much as you can or enough to justify him working and the cost of day care, his gas, a second car, insurance, etc. If he were to do this you need to think about if the situation were reversed how would you want to be treated as a stay at home mom?

a lot of posters on this particular forum are muslim and finances of married couples are often approached differently than what you, not being muslim, might be used to.

[♥JP♥ 5]

I would think telling your husband you don't trust him enough to share your money is a little controlling isn't it? If a husband told his wife she can't be on any of his accounts and he doesn't trust her with money everyone would be screaming how bad he is.

Finances are one of the leading causes of divorce, I think the better choice would be to teach him about being financially responsible and going to a financial planner would be a great idea. Keeping everything seperate to me is just telling him that you don't trust him and your money is yours, not his.

Something to consider might be for him to be a stay at home dad if he can't make as much as you can or enough to justify him working and the cost of day care, his gas, a second car, insurance, etc. If he were to do this you need to think about if the situation were reversed how would you want to be treated as a stay at home mom?

a lot of posters on this particular forum are muslim and finances of married couples are often approached differently than what you, not being muslim, might be used to.

Not only that, there are many people that don't care to co-mingle finances regardless of visa status. I have several co-workers that don't co-mingle. The only drawback here is that co-mingling is often used as proof when you are applying to adjust status.

[Alhamdulillah 0]

I would think telling your husband you don't trust him enough to share your money is a little controlling isn't it? If a husband told his wife she can't be on any of his accounts and he doesn't trust her with money everyone would be screaming how bad he is.

Finances are one of the leading causes of divorce, I think the better choice would be to teach him about being financially responsible and going to a financial planner would be a great idea. Keeping everything seperate to me is just telling him that you don't trust him and your money is yours, not his.

Something to consider might be for him to be a stay at home dad if he can't make as much as you can or enough to justify him working and the cost of day care, his gas, a second car, insurance, etc. If he were to do this you need to think about if the situation were reversed how would you want to be treated as a stay at home mom?

a lot of posters on this particular forum are muslim and finances of married couples are often approached differently than what you, not being muslim, might be used to.

Not only that, there are many people that don't care to co-mingle finances regardless of visa status. I have several co-workers that don't co-mingle. The only drawback here is that co-mingling is often used as proof when you are applying to adjust status.

Yep, that's why we have the joint acct we use for bills.

[sarahaziz 0]

I'm impressed with the patience and understanding most people have with SO's that want money so quickly to send back home that however would make me feel used if anything else. It's why I brought it up before marriage. People back home even have that problem with each others families. My spouse said his family is doing more than good with money from france comming in or he wouldn't come here/gotten married if they weren't alright. ..so pretty much no sending money unless it's needed is what we compromised. He knows whats up MONEY is probably the only issue I have to think about b/t our families. Real touchy subject.

Although my husband hasn't sent any money home yet, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. I think it all depends on how they go about it. If a person were to send money home without contributing anything to household that may be a red flag. But if that person contributes and only were to send money when they had it, I don't see the problem.

Even if you bring it up before marriage, I doubt that any person could stand by and watch their family suffer.

Yeah I completely understand families who are suffering need that help, but why get married abroad with someone who has worked hard to make their own life? If you work hard anywhere or travel to a diff city you can make it work. God has always been there for people. It's kind of like hey I married you to get a better life and my family a better life. I'd feel like that at least. Personally my spouses family is doing good with Euro's - USD is nothing compared to those at this time. I just get cautious about that in the future b/c people over there imagine Americans and America loaded with money...even if we are loaded it means I worked hard and my dad worked hard to get loaded you know what I mean? That's not for anybody else to take advantage of not that anybody IS asking for money (yet I guess)! I'm just real cautious because my Dad's own family got money hungry when he came here long time ago. Things change, people change.

[Jenn! 918]

^^ Using that logic no one would ever marry outside of their income tax bracket, internationally or not.

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

You also have to think about if you took someone away from the family that has help them in the past. I know my wife was helping her parents out with a few things until I took her away. I feel a little responsable to help when they need it. My wife is a stay at home mom at least until our baby starts school. If her parents need something we will help in anyway we can. She says she will work if we need money but it is worth it to me for her to be home with our baby, she feels the same way and would work only if it is neccesary.

[morocco4ever 63]

why get married abroad with someone who has worked hard to make their own life?

Perhaps for love?

[Imua 0]

This is a very touchy issue. We plan on opening a joint checking account when Govi gets here but since I have had credit problems in the past and am very hesitant to incur any more debt which cannot be paid off quickly. To me long-term debt is slavery. A couple of people on this forum have blithely suggested that I cosign on student loans for Govi and to be honest the idea scares the hell out of me - it won't happen. I went to a cheap state school for my BA during which most of my tuition was paid by merit-based scholarships and part-time work, got a full fellowship for my first MA and worked my way through my MLIS(which took me 4 years to complete, part time). I may have a poorly paying job but one thing I am proud of is that I never had to take out student loans - I was able to do a lot of traveling and working overseas in my 20s and early 30s which would have been impossible if I were burdened with loans like the current post-college generation. College costs have gone up so much in the last 20 years that I doubt I could do now what I did back in the '80s and early '90s. You could argue that he will be making more money with a degree but this is not necessarily true, especially in this economy - I am not willing to take a chance that would make us indebted for 5, 10, 20 or more years. Nobody can say any field is a sure bet - even some doctors and lawyers are struggling nowadays.

Edited July 8, 2008 by Pattu Rani

[amal 4]

money ... ohhh money... the target of so many of our little spats....

He says I spend too much but also says that insurance isn't needed as well as car insurance and that we shouldn't pay hospital bills either. I can't comment more without overstepping my boundaries with el'hubby but maaaaaaaan money issues are THE

[amal 4]

money ... ohhh money... the target of so many of our little spats....

He says I spend too much but also says that insurance isn't needed as well as car insurance and that we shouldn't pay hospital bills either. I can't comment more without overstepping my boundaries with el'hubby but maaaaaaaan money issues are THE

I MEANT to end that with "the worst!" but the internet closed on me...sorry

[*JG* 2]

This subject is to each his own. Whatever works for one couple may not work for another.

My husband and I mixed all together from the very beginning. It has worked out well for us. In the process, I am teaching him about bills, budgeting, and saving. He's not completely there yet; but he's working on it.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

This is a very touchy issue. We plan on opening a joint checking account when Govi gets here but since I have had credit problems in the past and am very hesitant to incur any more debt which cannot be paid off quickly. To me long-term debt is slavery. A couple of people on this forum have blithely suggested that I cosign on student loans for Govi and to be honest the idea scares the hell out of me - it won't happen. I went to a cheap state school for my BA during which most of my tuition was paid by merit-based scholarships and part-time work, got a full fellowship for my first MA and worked my way through my MLIS(which took me 4 years to complete, part time). I may have a poorly paying job but one thing I am proud of is that I never had to take out student loans - I was able to do a lot of traveling and working overseas in my 20s and early 30s which would have been impossible if I were burdened with loans like the current post-college generation. College costs have gone up so much in the last 20 years that I doubt I could do now what I did back in the '80s and early '90s. You could argue that he will be making more money with a degree but this is not necessarily true, especially in this economy - I am not willing to take a chance that would make us indebted for 5, 10, 20 or more years. Nobody can say any field is a sure bet - even some doctors and lawyers are struggling nowadays.

He can get a PELL grant as a permanent resident . He DOES NOT HAVE TO GO TO A STATE UNIVERSITY. He can go to a cheap state tech school and get some kind of inexpensive training. No way in hell would I ever recommend co signing for ANYTHING. He can go to a tech school and get a careet for not a whole heck of alot

[Imua 0]

This is a very touchy issue. We plan on opening a joint checking account when Govi gets here but since I have had credit problems in the past and am very hesitant to incur any more debt which cannot be paid off quickly. To me long-term debt is slavery. A couple of people on this forum have blithely suggested that I cosign on student loans for Govi and to be honest the idea scares the hell out of me - it won't happen. I went to a cheap state school for my BA during which most of my tuition was paid by merit-based scholarships and part-time work, got a full fellowship for my first MA and worked my way through my MLIS(which took me 4 years to complete, part time). I may have a poorly paying job but one thing I am proud of is that I never had to take out student loans - I was able to do a lot of traveling and working overseas in my 20s and early 30s which would have been impossible if I were burdened with loans like the current post-college generation. College costs have gone up so much in the last 20 years that I doubt I could do now what I did back in the '80s and early '90s. You could argue that he will be making more money with a degree but this is not necessarily true, especially in this economy - I am not willing to take a chance that would make us indebted for 5, 10, 20 or more years. Nobody can say any field is a sure bet - even some doctors and lawyers are struggling nowadays.

He can get a PELL grant as a permanent resident . He DOES NOT HAVE TO GO TO A STATE UNIVERSITY. He can go to a cheap state tech school and get some kind of inexpensive training. No way in hell would I ever recommend co signing for ANYTHING. He can go to a tech school and get a careet for not a whole heck of alot

I agree with you - he wants to do some computer related work(repair, networking) and I am thinking there must be some way he can do this without a BS - the guy that hooked up my cable modem was from Bangladesh and he said he did some kind of 2-year course here in the US. Queens College has some night/weekend tech certification courses and this might be an option - I haven't really looked that heavily into it to be honest since the $%^& visa process is our focus right now. I just want to GET HIM HERE......

[Staashi 371]

Co-mingling funds, bank accounts, credit cards, etc, etc...it HAS to be done. I actually am very passionate about this issue - as this is what USCIS wants to see. If you want to pass not only the AOS stage and removing of conditions stages, you will have to bring your lives together. They want to see how well you all have done at combining your lives. How well you have undertaken that vow of marriage - for better or worse, for richer or poorer.

On the Removing Conditions thread, you will see people with children who are getting RFEs, because their evidence was not convincing enough. Many people believed that if they had children through the course of their marriage that they would not get an RFE, but oh no! they've been receiving them with children's birth certificates attached in the package. Lately, it seems like children as proof of a relationship just isn't good enough evidence anymore. One couple was denied because they didn't respond fast enough to the RFE - they have a son together but not too much info as to their financial situation. I was in shock. I wouldn't be surprised if CIS begins to demand DNA testing on children to submit them as proof.

I can't emphasize this to you all enough...many of you might have been married for a year or so, and waiting for your K-3s to come through, you might even have children now with your husband, but of this I know, your desire to keep finances separate will do harm to your success with CIS. For all of the applications you will be filing with CIS you have got to comingle everything - and you will have to continue to show this right down to the bitter end when you go to apply for citizenship.

You can take what I've said and toss it out the window, but in the four years of our lives with CIS, starting with the embassy until last Friday when my DH became a citizen, we have never received one RFE. We don't have any children to try to prove a relationship exists in that manner, but I believe it had to do with the fact that we've always submitted tons of financial info showing our names on EVERYTHING right down to the tax bill on our home, and we always submitted joint tax returns. I suggest that if you are concerned about how he will adapt to finances here in America, do yourselves a favor and thoroughly instruct him in interest rates, credit scores, making timely payments, ATM fees - etc. You will both be better for it.

[♥JP♥ 5]

Co-mingling funds, bank accounts, credit cards, etc, etc...it HAS to be done. I actually am very passionate about this issue - as this is what USCIS wants to see. If you want to pass not only the AOS stage and removing of conditions stages, you will have to bring your lives together. They want to see how well you all have done at combining your lives. How well you have undertaken that vow of marriage - for better or worse, for richer or poorer.

On the Removing Conditions thread, you will see people with children who are getting RFEs, because their evidence was not convincing enough. Many people believed that if they had children through the course of their marriage that they would not get an RFE, but oh no! they've been receiving them with children's birth certificates attached in the package. Lately, it seems like children as proof of a relationship just isn't good enough evidence anymore. One couple was denied because they didn't respond fast enough to the RFE - they have a son together but not too much info as to their financial situation. I was in shock. I wouldn't be surprised if CIS begins to demand DNA testing on children to submit them as proof.

I can't emphasize this to you all enough...many of you might have been married for a year or so, and waiting for your K-3s to come through, you might even have children now with your husband, but of this I know, your desire to keep finances separate will do harm to your success with CIS. For all of the applications you will be filing with CIS you have got to comingle everything - and you will have to continue to show this right down to the bitter end when you go to apply for citizenship.

You can take what I've said and toss it out the window, but in the four years of our lives with CIS, starting with the embassy until last Friday when my DH became a citizen, we have never received one RFE. We don't have any children to try to prove a relationship exists in that manner, but I believe it had to do with the fact that we've always submitted tons of financial info showing our names on EVERYTHING right down to the tax bill on our home, and we always submitted joint tax returns. I suggest that if you are concerned about how he will adapt to finances here in America, do yourselves a favor and thoroughly instruct him in interest rates, credit scores, making timely payments, ATM fees - etc. You will both be better for it.