Co mingling finances.. loans etc

[sarahaziz 0]

I don't understand how spouses entering usa find it so easy to bring up sending money back home that quick? I made it clear to my spouse we're not doing that if we don't have our own house to live in. That's nuts!!! am i the only one!

[Henia 11]

I don't understand how spouses entering usa find it so easy to bring up sending money back home that quick? I made it clear to my spouse we're not doing that if we don't have our own house to live in. That's nuts!!! am i the only one!

Well, in my humble opinion ... main reason would be that the US citizen (and sometimes their family)spoil them to the point where everything is handed to them on a gold plate: PCs, new cars, new wardrobe, and even 'play' money. And I doubt that most people, the US citizens I mean can really afford to do this. The SO then get used to this system ... hords all their money whether what they have given or earn into their own little saving account. And if you are not paying for anything ... it can add up quickly! Suddenly, they have the money to send back home, spoil themselves even further and even when the time comes ... go back home looking like little kings and queens!

Plus, some SO will come up with the excuse 'But it is my duty' ... and never quit! So even if the US citizen does not agree, may be worn down by this after a certain point and give in. Also I have heard the 'Well, what is 50$ or 100$ for us ... for them is a month's salary' True ... but 50 here, 50 there finally can add up to 1000s!

Edited June 12, 2008 by Henia

[mybackpages 0]

We have everything comingled.

Once you're married don't your credit scores affect each other's automatically anyway? And debt incurred by one spouse during the marriage can be collected from either spouse, right? Basically, what I mean is what is the advantage of having everything separate anyway?

Credit scores do not mix once you are married. A credit score is based soley on your social security number, so the only time credit is mixed is when both social security numbers are on the same account.

Let's say you and your husband open one joint credit card account but all other credit cards are separate. Then one of your accounts (separate from your husband) shows slow payments and negatively impacting your credit score. This will only show on your credit history not his.

The whole thing about debt and marriage is under a competely different set of laws. I also think even if you are married, if your name is not on the account, you can not be help responsible for the unpaid debt. If the spouse dies, then I think his estate must pay before heirs can inherit.

One advantage of maintaining separate credit is that in the case of death or divorce, you have your own credit history and are not left starting over.

[Carolyn 1]

One suggestion for everyone dealing with financial stress:

I went to see a financial planner last summer. She helped me prioritize what my financial goals were, including paying off debt. She had some great suggestions about refinancing things, where to put any extra money each month, etc.

For example, I was able to reduce the interest on my credit cards from 17-19% down to 9.9% just by moving them to a credit union. The money saved has dramatically helped reduce how much I owe. We also moved our checking accounts to the credit union and got our car loan through them (great rate).

I liked the financial planner because she was non-judgmental and empowered us to make some changes. Usually your first meeting with a planner is free!

[Jenn! 918]

You're right about the actual credit scores. It will only affect yours if the account is a joint one. Or if you make a joint application and it is refused due to the spouse's credit score being too low, then your credit score can be negatively impacted.

My grandmother used to work in collections and she was telling me about how she would have to call and try to collect from people who were divorced but whose spouse had racked up debt during the marriage. They had assumed they were not liable since their name was not on the account nor did they cosign. Maybe she was only referring to the community property states.

Apparently those are:

* Arizona

* California

* Idaho

* Louisiana

* Nevada

* New Mexico

* Texas

* Washington

* Wisconsin

[doodlebugg 10]

He already started working for my dads company and we don't have the stress of paying bills on our own yet (only mobile phones, gas, health insurance, going out to restaurants, etc...) which I'm thankful for so I think it's a good time for saving money up slowly.

Wow that was fast! How did he get his EAD and SS so quick??

[AlHayatZween 2]

You're right about the actual credit scores. It will only affect yours if the account is a joint one. Or if you make a joint application and it is refused due to the spouse's credit score being too low, then your credit score can be negatively impacted.

Oh my goodness! i just saw that you changed the little caption under your picture and it says "Goat ####### Member"!!!

[Jenn! 918]

[AlHayatZween 2]

this must be a new MENA sub-clique... more exclusive than the Pineapple Club...

[Ban Hammer 13,554]

You're right about the actual credit scores. It will only affect yours if the account is a joint one. Or if you make a joint application and it is refused due to the spouse's credit score being too low, then your credit score can be negatively impacted.

My grandmother used to work in collections and she was telling me about how she would have to call and try to collect from people who were divorced but whose spouse had racked up debt during the marriage. They had assumed they were not liable since their name was not on the account nor did they cosign. Maybe she was only referring to the community property states.

Apparently those are:

* Arizona

* California

* Idaho

* Louisiana

* Nevada

* New Mexico

* Texas

* Washington

* Wisconsin

texas is one and that does happen. my dad would go through the roof every time he'd find an account my stepmother had opened with her as the primary and him as the secondary.

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

I would think telling your husband you don't trust him enough to share your money is a little controlling isn't it? If a husband told his wife she can't be on any of his accounts and he doesn't trust her with money everyone would be screaming how bad he is.

Finances are one of the leading causes of divorce, I think the better choice would be to teach him about being financially responsible and going to a financial planner would be a great idea. Keeping everything seperate to me is just telling him that you don't trust him and your money is yours, not his.

Something to consider might be for him to be a stay at home dad if he can't make as much as you can or enough to justify him working and the cost of day care, his gas, a second car, insurance, etc. If he were to do this you need to think about if the situation were reversed how would you want to be treated as a stay at home mom?

Edited June 12, 2008 by Gaby&Talbert

[Martiniolive 0]

It would be controlling if you say that he/she can not open an account or can not do something. It is not controlling if you chose to keep your own credit seperate IMO. Trust in my opinion is earned over time. It is NICE to say "I trust you" but bad when you have to say "I trusted you"!!!!!!!!

[sarahaziz 0]

He already started working for my dads company and we don't have the stress of paying bills on our own yet (only mobile phones, gas, health insurance, going out to restaurants, etc...) which I'm thankful for so I think it's a good time for saving money up slowly.

Wow that was fast! How did he get his EAD and SS so quick??

Think about it....DAD's company..I don't want to get into detail since it's a public thread

[sarahaziz 0]

I'm impressed with the patience and understanding most people have with SO's that want money so quickly to send back home that however would make me feel used if anything else. It's why I brought it up before marriage. People back home even have that problem with each others families. My spouse said his family is doing more than good with money from france comming in or he wouldn't come here/gotten married if they weren't alright. ..so pretty much no sending money unless it's needed is what we compromised. He knows whats up MONEY is probably the only issue I have to think about b/t our families. Real touchy subject.

[♥JP♥ 5]

I'm impressed with the patience and understanding most people have with SO's that want money so quickly to send back home that however would make me feel used if anything else. It's why I brought it up before marriage. People back home even have that problem with each others families. My spouse said his family is doing more than good with money from france comming in or he wouldn't come here/gotten married if they weren't alright. ..so pretty much no sending money unless it's needed is what we compromised. He knows whats up MONEY is probably the only issue I have to think about b/t our families. Real touchy subject.

Although my husband hasn't sent any money home yet, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. I think it all depends on how they go about it. If a person were to send money home without contributing anything to household that may be a red flag. But if that person contributes and only were to send money when they had it, I don't see the problem.

Even if you bring it up before marriage, I doubt that any person could stand by and watch their family suffer.