Co mingling finances.. loans etc

[Nasturtium 500]

life is hard in america,yes right !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How's it going for you, Abdo?

[Nagishkaw 510]

It sounds like maybe he's are having a hard time here.

[Henia 11]

I am putting R to work right away when she arrives.

All jokes aside, i'm getting very nervous about Hayati's arrival... It is the economy and the fact that the dollar has tanked that really worries me. I'm worried that he won't find work... it's really stressing me out. i'm worried that we won't live as well here as we did in Morocco...

us

Your fear of him not finding a job is very real. I know many people who went throu this ... the spouse not being able to work for year, sometimes 2 years. Even the work, they did find almost worthless. So in this case, clearness is key! Make clear to the SO that before they come ... the realities of life in America. That we do have to work ... and work alot! We do not have time or money to waste! We have budgets and goals that we need to work for. In my estimated, throu my friends it takes couples at least 2 years to financial overcome the process and having that extra person in the family.

In my humble opinion, in this time high ticket items should be avoided if possible at all costs. Saving ... saving ... and more saving for both before the SO arrives. Sometimes, meaning not calling each other daily ... I mean it does take ALOT of money to start this life together.

Also we should consider the small things, that our SO would require ... things we may have never thought to spent money on before. Like, they must contact the family (or send them little money), eating a certain diet (halal foods are not usually cheap sorry to say), clothing them, getting some educational tools like language skills or job training ... all this takes mucho bucks that we sometimes donnot consider while in the lovey dovey moment of "I miss you darling ... when will we be reunited?"

I know currently, I do not live in the US, but still adding 2 extra members to the family surely has not been easy for my husband. He has to cut out many of old pastimes and buckle down quite a bit.

Edited June 11, 2008 by Henia

[AlHayatZween 2]

Yes, it is true....

Thank goodness, i think he is somewhat aware of how our economic situation here... and Alhamdulilah, he is ready to work wherever, doing whatever...

i guess my anxiety stems not so much for how much it is actually costing to get him here, but from how job availability, etc... seems to have gotten so much worse in just a couple of months. i remember, three months ago, i was doing hypothetical job searches for habibi and finding real possibilites and feeling very optimistic. but now, i'm not really finding anything. sometimes i think it must be me, i must be going crazy, but the truth is, there really are less jobs to go around.

[Henia 11]

I personally do not think you are panicking in one slightly bit. The job market has gone to sh*t in every state. I know in my state, it is nearly impossible for person with a professional (in demand) degree to find work. What about those with language issues or little to none training?

Personally, if I were ... other then maing sure your SO knows the economically situation, I would not only encourage him but demand he improve his language skills and depending on what job skills he has ... get whatever extra training he can there in Morocco.

Most immigrate do work in resturants, gas stations, shoppes .... whatever ... the lower paying jobs at first! But even these are far and few!

And just now ... I glanced at your timeline (mabrouk!) he seems to be coming soon! Soooooo maybe my last comment cross that out ... focus on him getting extra job/skil training when he gets to the US!

Also make it clear in his mind and in his family's mind ... that maybe he won't be able to call, visit, send money/gifts! I know several couples are have this struggle with the immigrate SO misses the family and doing anything to 'visit' back home. Sorry but some budgets will not include such visits. Since ticket prices are just going up ... and "Habibi cannot just go home empty handed" Sometimes the gifts end up costing more the the tickets! And ye! still have to have the bills paid even if we go off on holiday!

I think for your sanity and peace of mind ... makes these points soooooooooooooooo clear!

And on slight off note, some SO will come to the US, not being able to find work in their fields. And for those who had careers in their home country ... this is an blow to the ego. And speaking of blow to the ego ... not finding work, esp for men is in most cases a blow to their egos. It can create many mental issues like depression and in some cases violence. Talk this over too!

Edited June 11, 2008 by Henia

[AlHayatZween 2]

And just now ... I glanced at your timeline (mabrouk!) he seems to be coming soon! Soooooo maybe my last comment cross that out ... focus on him getting extra job/skil training when he gets to the US!

hahaha! thanks! yes, inchallah, he'll be coming soon... and first things first is extensive language classes!

as for jobs, it is a tough market for everybody... even Americans with advanced degrees and such are really coming up empty.

we'll see... it should be a very interesting and challenging year to say the least!

[Henia 11]

we'll see... it should be a very interesting and challenging year to say the least!

Yes, keep the faith! I know we ran into this obstacle, the job issue. But I guess a twist of fate, landed us still here in Algeria ... husband getting better job here (but unforunately travels alot now to Dubai) then I am sure he could have ever there. Even, I make pretty good money considering the hours I work.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Not only do you have to HAVE a joint account, you have to use it. My ex's cousin, he applied for citizenship and they checked the 'activity' on the account. He was denied! He used his own account for most things, and she used her own and they saw it wasn't used much and it cost him citizenship.

I went HUGE into debt with my ex. I co-signed for 2, not just one but 2 vehicles. (thank god he got the 3rd one on his own) No car was ever good enough. (this coming from a man that had never owned a car before) Our house was not good enough, had to move into a 3 bedroom monster that cost more than we could afford. The $300 charge card was not good enough, had to work up to the $10,000 American Express. (most here know the end of that story...)

I think some come more prepared than others for handling money. This is an enormous strain on any marriage, this economy, and it is compounded when our men cannot work and when they do work, what do to with the money. Some want to send large amounts back home to pay for debts or to help with the family there. Some want to spend it all here and some want to hoard it all. This dialogue will be helpful to many. Thanks wahrania for starting this thread.

Jackie

Well we have kind of a different problem. My husband has problems with food and digestion. Plus he will only eat halal. I found a halal butcher so he can buy his steak and cook it in the house. I have had kind of a hard time driving him all over the place because he is NOT driving and really doesnt speak English and the bus has not become an option. He has been here like 3 weeks so far and every week is becoming in some respects less of a challenge and somewhat more of a challenge. I have got to get back to my normal life and timetable.

When I was with my pali ex, he used to hoard most of his money and send it back to his family in Palestine. This husband doesn't have to support really anyone back home ( his mom sent him some money to get on his feet here.. she is in Europe. ) So I am just not sure what everything will entail and what will happen. What IS happening though is my pregnancy is progressing and starting in 2 weeks I have to go every 2 weeks to the Dr. and I am starting to get super tired. I will not have any kind of maternity leave whatsoever because I have to technically work up until I deliver and even after I deliver I will have to be jumping back into working. I have made it pretty clear to my husband about our living situation, our money, how I spend,etc. He has never had this impression that I am rich or anything.

The pregnancy is kicking my ### everyone. I am sorry I am kvetching. I am just worried about managing everything when the baby gets here

[Nutty 2]

I agree. Simple joint account would be best.

I also have a Q: I asked you guys something similar to this before but now it really WILL BE 2 years of marriage this July.

Should I tell my husband to ask the embassy for a IR-1 when he is called next time?

If they insist on CR-1, what can I do here to adjust him, is it expensive?

I would definately tell the Consulate that by July you will be qualified for an IR-1. As for how expensive it is to adjust status with a CR-1....I don't know

[♥JP♥ 5]

Well for us.. we have shared everything since day one. We have co-mingled everything. Currently everything we have is in both of our names. We both work and he is making a very good salary has been for the last 7-8 months or so. He doesn't send money back home, not that I would have an issue with it because honestly I know he would help out my family anytime they needed it as well.

I was royally screwed by my too, financially. But I just can't allow myself to make that my husbands problem. He has actually helped me quite a bit financially and as it is now, I think I spend alot more money than he does. When he came here we both has financial obligations. I had about 10K in credit card debt and he paid for the wedding which cost over 25K. Well after the wedding, we both focused on paying off my credit cards.

We still haven't paid off any of his financial obligations because he is more focused on saving money for the baby and for my maternity leave.

Oh and I just wanted to make a comment about what LuLu said about the cost of tomatoes in Jordan. Right now, you can't even get 1 tomato a dollar because prices are so high. Not only that, but if you compare how much we spend on food here in the states per month, that doesn't nearly equal the percentage that they do. In Jordan, you would have to spend about 50-60% of your salary on food to feed your family. That percentage is much less in the US. As expensive as food costs nowadays, we are still fortunate because it is much more expensive in other countries.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

Well for us.. we have shared everything since day one. We have co-mingled everything. Currently everything we have is in both of our names. We both work and he is making a very good salary has been for the last 7-8 months or so. He doesn't send money back home, not that I would have an issue with it because honestly I know he would help out my family anytime they needed it as well.

I was royally screwed by my too, financially. But I just can't allow myself to make that my husbands problem. He has actually helped me quite a bit financially and as it is now, I think I spend alot more money than he does. When he came here we both has financial obligations. I had about 10K in credit card debt and he paid for the wedding which cost over 25K. Well after the wedding, we both focused on paying off my credit cards.

We still haven't paid off any of his financial obligations because he is more focused on saving money for the baby and for my maternity leave.

Oh and I just wanted to make a comment about what LuLu said about the cost of tomatoes in Jordan. Right now, you can't even get 1 tomato a dollar because prices are so high. Not only that, but if you compare how much we spend on food here in the states per month, that doesn't nearly equal the percentage that they do. In Jordan, you would have to spend about 50-60% of your salary on food to feed your family. That percentage is much less in the US. As expensive as food costs nowadays, we are still fortunate because it is much more expensive in other countries.

VERY true about the percentage of income that is required just for food. We in the U.S. have been accustomed to spending maybe 10-15 % of our income on groceries -- and that's eating very well -- due to a lot of reasons, one of them the huge government subsidies paid to farmers and the dairy industry. U.S. food prices have just this year started to edge up in relation to income. But in much of the Middle East, trying to put food on the table -- and I mean basic staples, not expensive prepared/convenience food -- takes the lion's share of most people's money.

JP your presence is requested in Sultan's Kitchen -- your pickle knowledge is sorely needed !

[Nasturtium 500]

OK, token on topic answer before I can get to the real thing i wanted to talk about:)

Ammar and i have just about everything comingled at this point. He's on all my CCs and on all my bank accounts. I am on his one bank account, but he uses his second job income to put in there-- it's currently for school, but if he doesn't make it in he is thinking to send the money home. The point is, he is not using his primary income for that but rather got a second job. He is working with me to pay down my student loans (60k or so) and has already paid about 15-18k since he's been here with me (well, us together saving).

OK! Now onto the food thing. Jordanian prices have gone through the roof more or less, as far as I can tell from friends who live there and Ammar (and Alrai). Yeah some foods used to be pretty cheap overall... but the people made so little to begin with it was a much greater portion of their income. Ammar and I were discussing it and he said he saw Jordan going the way of Lebanon-- where ordinary things were very, very expensive but things like cars were cheaper--- although people couldn't afford to pay the gas for them. Did you see they raised the prices on all teh utilities by more than double/triple and gas to international market rate? That is insane. Most people aren't making like more than like $300/month or something ridiculously low. I have no idea how they will buy their heating gas. Then you have that ominous renting bill coming through the government to be put in place for 2010.

[Jenn! 918]

We have everything comingled.

Once you're married don't your credit scores affect each other's automatically anyway? And debt incurred by one spouse during the marriage can be collected from either spouse, right? Basically, what I mean is what is the advantage of having everything separate anyway?

Edited June 12, 2008 by Jenn!

[Nasturtium 500]

We have everything comingled.

Once you're married don't your credit scores affect each other's automatically anyway? And debt incurred by one spouse during the marriage can be collected from either spouse, right? Basically, what I mean is what is the advantage of having everything separate anyway?

Really, I think it depends on the laws of your state. AR is a community property state-- so say Ammar buys a house, it's automatically half mine, regardless of the fact i never had any involvement-- so in a divorce I would collect half the house. Some states are not community property states and keep financial issues seperate. But your credit scores are seperate no matter what. When we bought this house, my Xh used his name for the loan because his credit was better than mine. my credit was always really awesome, so i was the one who had opened up the credit cards, etc in my name. So basically i took the hit for that and his score rose above mine in the meantime. Now it's opposite. I have really good credit and Ammar just doesn't really HAVE credit.

[kerewin21 2]

Money is always a tough issue, but Wahrania, it seems like you're so stressed about it at this point that you're beyond having a rational conversation about it with your husband. Take a few days to think about it, maybe write down some of the things that are bothering you, and go over it together when you're less stressed and you're able to put things more in perspective. I know, you're thinking, what perspective??? I owe all this money and have a baby on the way. But money isn't everything; you have each other, which is so important, and you have a little blessing you're both going to meet in a few weeks. Together you'll figure out how to pay off what you owe and start saving for your future security. You don't have to pay everything off right away; start with the high interest stuff and move on from there.

Good luck,

Sharon