Co mingling finances.. loans etc

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Well

My husband is here and I have decided several things.

If he wants a car, he can buy a good used one once we save up money. I am not going to co sign for a car for him or for credit cards etc.

I have decided AGAINST co mingling funds.. Its not that I have tons of money but I feel like there is not this understanding of debt and what it really means in his country. I dont want to rack up plane tickets on my credit cards

and I am still over my head from the last year and a half of traveling back and forth. I can see my husband is in shock because everytime since he has been here when he has mentioned travelling back as a family, I have really lost interest. I dont want to EVER be in the kind of debt that I am in from my 3 trips over the last year and a half. I am still paying off the lawyer bill, cash advances etc and the economy sucks right now. Plus I dont know if you guys have noticed, the dollar sucks right now very much. Going through Europe is financial suicide.

I think honestly, when I was in Algeria in December , because everything is based on the euro, when everything was costing me more than the USA and I was stressed beyond stressed because everything costed so much, I just lost interest.

Maybe when the baby is born and I get out of this debt from the immigration and the lawyer, I will feel alot better. I just had no credit card debt when I started this process. After plane ticket and other plane tickets, plus the immigration fees, I have gotten kind of depressed about the debt I am in.

I literally told my husband that all my credit cards have been turned over to my mother so if he is temped to pressure me into co signing something in the future or buying things on credit,,,, it just wont happen

I dont mind opening up a simple account with him and co mingling money. I will not go jointly in debt with him for ANY REASON because I cant bear any more debt or burden and he needs to earn his way here..

I felt this way BEFORE he came but since he has been here, I just want to get out of debt. And I am just not real interested in going back home with him anytime soon because of the enormous debt I am in. I love him but I want OUT of this debt I am in .. big time and back to my pre immigration life of no credit card debt and pressure

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Well

My husband is here and I have decided several things.

If he wants a car, he can buy a good used one once we save up money. I am not going to co sign for a car for him or for credit cards etc.

I have decided AGAINST co mingling funds.. Its not that I have tons of money but I feel like there is not this understanding of debt and what it really means in his country. I dont want to rack up plane tickets on my credit cards

and I am still over my head from the last year and a half of traveling back and forth. I can see my husband is in shock because everytime since he has been here when he has mentioned travelling back as a family, I have really lost interest. I dont want to EVER be in the kind of debt that I am in from my 3 trips over the last year and a half. I am still paying off the lawyer bill, cash advances etc and the economy sucks right now. Plus I dont know if you guys have noticed, the dollar sucks right now very much. Going through Europe is financial suicide.

I think honestly, when I was in Algeria in December , because everything is based on the euro, when everything was costing me more than the USA and I was stressed beyond stressed because everything costed so much, I just lost interest.

Maybe when the baby is born and I get out of this debt from the immigration and the lawyer, I will feel alot better. I just had no credit card debt when I started this process. After plane ticket and other plane tickets, plus the immigration fees, I have gotten kind of depressed about the debt I am in.

I literally told my husband that all my credit cards have been turned over to my mother so if he is temped to pressure me into co signing something in the future or buying things on credit,,,, it just wont happen

I dont mind opening up a simple account with him and co mingling money. I will not go jointly in debt with him for ANY REASON because I cant bear any more debt or burden and he needs to earn his way here..

I felt this way BEFORE he came but since he has been here, I just want to get out of debt. And I am just not real interested in going back home with him anytime soon because of the enormous debt I am in. I love him but I want OUT of this debt I am in .. big time and back to my pre immigration life of no credit card debt and pressure

PS

I just never thought I would say any of this but the economy is so bad and gas is so high and I am pregnant and stressing over money and the people over there dont seem to realise how much it cost including him to get him here,, the fees and lawyer and immigration and and its all so overwhelming now with a baby coming and all the bills landing in my mailbox. I think now that all the rush is over from him actually getting here I am seeing all the results of the last year and a halfs onslaught of travelling and phone calls and this and that. I am crawling now out of debt. The thought of going back there which last year would have seemed amazing,.. seems painful now. I just want to vacation close to home and if he wants to go home, mashallah. Somehow air conditioning and running water are appealing right now

The thought of spending thousands to sit in an airconditioned house and then not getting to do anything fun on a vacation is just not working for me right now. I want to go on a cruise here in the states and drink a margarita with the ocean breese hitting my face.. Exotic is just not working for me... He s free to go.. wallahi after all this debt and the whole dressing me up in 3 layers of wool thing and then I couldnt go anywhere for weeks on end.. Oh I am NOT doing that again.. anytime soon

[Jenn! 918]

I understand your desire to not incur any further debt. That really is smart. On the other hand though, depending on how your husband is, mightn't this cause some problems between the two of you?

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Hey I'm all for keep the money seperate and having seperate bank accounts.

Don't get too wrapped up into the economy failing ect...

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I understand your desire to not incur any further debt. That really is smart. On the other hand though, depending on how your husband is, mightn't this cause some problems between the two of you?

Well his mom sent him money both with him and since he has been here western union so he has been helping with food and stuff and he is also helping with the house alot while we are waiting for his social security card. He cannot get a job or a state id until he has that number and we still dont have it and when we went to the office,it wasnt in the system. The woman told us to apply anyway and then they will verify the legality of his visa with homeland security and eventually send him a social security card . If he was a tourist or a student, he could easily get an id but since he is coming with a cr1 they require a social security number to get his id. He is really not adverse to working at lets say WAL MART or anywhere. But I have really had to work with him on banking etc. I am not really worried about problems because I am extremely supportive of HIM TRAVELLING BACK HOME. Its me who has changed my idea. I dont know if its my asthma, or this debt, or the pregnancy or what happened in December ( making me wear more than full hijab and extremely restrictive clothing.) He hasnt done it here ( I am not real sexy right now with an enormous pregnant stomach and a round face ) so I havent had him be real jealous since he has been here.

We have had one fight since he s been here where he said he wanted to go home and didnt like it here. I cried and cried and then his mom called him and then he calmed down. I am pregnant and kind of very emotional right now and its really hot and miserable and I am overwhelmed with work and driving him around and here and there..

I just wanna go on a cruise. The kind with sitters.. And drink a mai tai. And hear some reggae

[morocco4ever 63]

My husband and I are very much on the same page when it comes to our financial goals. We don't take anything lightly. We invest in our home in the way of improvements, which makes life enjoyable, but also increases the value of our home. We invest in 401K's and have savings. I don't mind co mingling since we agree on the long term goals.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

It's fine to keep some or even most of your assets separate -- especially those acquired before the marriage -- but take a look at the Lifting Conditions forum for a list of some of the evidence you'll need to show in 2 years when you adjust his conditional residency to permanent.

You'll need to provide substantial proof of an ongoing, valid relationship, and a joint bank account is considered one of the persuasive pieces of evidence. This joint account should be established soon (not at the last minute before you file) because you will need to show a history of bank statements. Also, it needs to be an obviously active account -- used to pay your regular joint monthly living expenses. Also strongly suggested are a lease or mortgage in both your names, joint tax returns, health/car/life insurance with both your names, joint credit accounts, etc. Not *all* are required, but the more you have, the better. You want to show that you have mingled your financial responsibilities to the extent that most married couples do.

-MK

[morocco4ever 63]

Yup, you have to prove your marriage once, then again. I can't even imagine having to spend the next 2 years gathering proof that our marriage is real. I am fed up with it.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

Yup, you have to prove your marriage once, then again. I can't even imagine having to spend the next 2 years gathering proof that our marriage is real. I am fed up with it.

Didn't you just file to lift conditions ? For us, it wasn't so bad -- not nearly as nerve-wracking as the initial process. Hope yours is completed very soon !

-MK

[morocco4ever 63]

Yup, you have to prove your marriage once, then again. I can't even imagine having to spend the next 2 years gathering proof that our marriage is real. I am fed up with it.

Didn't you just file to lift conditions ? For us, it wasn't so bad -- not nearly as nerve-wracking as the initial process. Hope yours is completed very soon !

-MK

Ours is a little different. He got the visa after our 2 year anniversary. They screwed up and gave him the CR1 instead of IR1. We were told they could change that at the port of entry, but they refused, told him to go back to Morocco to fix it. I have a finger just for that guy.

Anyway its just a formality at this point. We just filed the I-190 and they will fix it. I admit I procrastinated because I am sick and tired of immigration, but I am hoping there won't be any issues. I can't imagine there would be, its cut and dried.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

Ours is a little different. He got the visa after our 2 year anniversary. They screwed up and gave him the CR1 instead of IR1. We were told they could change that at the port of entry, but they refused, told him to go back to Morocco to fix it. I have a finger just for that guy.

Anyway its just a formality at this point. We just filed the I-190 and they will fix it. I admit I procrastinated because I am sick and tired of immigration, but I am hoping there won't be any issues. I can't imagine there would be, its cut and dried.

Yes -- I remember all that mess. I didn't know if you were having to file the I-751 or not -- that's much better that you can just do the I-190 instead (although in fairness, you shouldn't have to do that for another 8 years.) Hope it goes quickly and glitch-free this time !

-MK

[doodlebugg 10]

wahrania I cannot even IMAGINE the stress you are under and although it seems like you're swimming upstream right now how's this idea:

get one of your family members to take your son and daughter for at least one night, maybe two

go to the beach or lake or whatever peaceful place there is near to you and plan on spending the day there with hubby and RELAX

You need a break and you need it now. You have been running around caring for everyone but it's time to put a stop to it all for just one day so you can refuel. If momma/wife does not take care of HERSELF first, then no one is going to get taken care of.

As for finances I wouldn't mind handing it ALL over to my husband. He has proven to be the financially prudent one of the two of us, that is for SURE!!! Last night we were at two softball games back to back so I gave the kids $20 and they each spent $10 on whatever like hot dogs, french fries, etc. He whispered to me, "my God, I could get two chickens, a ton of vegetables, rice and a LOT of tea for that money!!!" LOL. I have sooo taken money for granted that seeing things through his eyes has been quite the eye opener for me. He HATES spending money because since he's not working yet it's my money so he feels guitly about any little thing, including food. He has kept EVERY SINGLE receipt of what has been purchased right down to coffee at Starbuckus (our lil joke name for it) and has it tallied up because he's adament that he will pay me back every single dime.

So.................once my name gets changed (finally hopefully in a couple of weeks don't even ask it's been a nightmare and a half!!!) I will put both of our names on our account and when he gets a job inshallah his paycheck will be direct deposited into it.

I won't put his name on my charge cards though since I want to tear them up once they're paid off. Maybe we'll open up a new one at that point in time and make it a joint one together for EMERGENCIES ONLY.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

wahrania I cannot even IMAGINE the stress you are under and although it seems like you're swimming upstream right now how's this idea:

get one of your family members to take your son and daughter for at least one night, maybe two

go to the beach or lake or whatever peaceful place there is near to you and plan on spending the day there with hubby and RELAX

You need a break and you need it now. You have been running around caring for everyone but it's time to put a stop to it all for just one day so you can refuel. If momma/wife does not take care of HERSELF first, then no one is going to get taken care of.

As for finances I wouldn't mind handing it ALL over to my husband. He has proven to be the financially prudent one of the two of us, that is for SURE!!! Last night we were at two softball games back to back so I gave the kids $20 and they each spent $10 on whatever like hot dogs, french fries, etc. He whispered to me, "my God, I could get two chickens, a ton of vegetables, rice and a LOT of tea for that money!!!" LOL. I have sooo taken money for granted that seeing things through his eyes has been quite the eye opener for me. He HATES spending money because since he's not working yet it's my money so he feels guitly about any little thing, including food. He has kept EVERY SINGLE receipt of what has been purchased right down to coffee at Starbuckus (our lil joke name for it) and has it tallied up because he's adament that he will pay me back every single dime.

So.................once my name gets changed (finally hopefully in a couple of weeks don't even ask it's been a nightmare and a half!!!) I will put both of our names on our account and when he gets a job inshallah his paycheck will be direct deposited into it.

I won't put his name on my charge cards though since I want to tear them up once they're paid off. Maybe we'll open up a new one at that point in time and make it a joint one together for EMERGENCIES ONLY.

Well my situation is that my husband lived in such horrible poverty that he just blows through money when he has it in his hands. He told me last night that my refridgerator looks like the one they have in movies ( I have a stainless steel kitchen aid with the bottom freezer and water in the door.) Ok I have appliance issues. LOL

Anyway... He is very very clean but he laughs at me with my coupons and my free sandwich offers. And how I like to make my own cakes. He says I am an economist, but honestly its not on purpose. I have been a single mom for a long time and did what I had to do to make money stretch and survive. I do have someone cut my grass but I really ebay it and thrift store it alot. He got upset I bought some onsies from the thrift store for the baby and I think he threw them out because I cannot find them ANYWHERE and they were so cute. I like to buy things and shop but I am so used to having to survive tough times that I want to be out of debt

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

wahrania I cannot even IMAGINE the stress you are under and although it seems like you're swimming upstream right now how's this idea:

get one of your family members to take your son and daughter for at least one night, maybe two

go to the beach or lake or whatever peaceful place there is near to you and plan on spending the day there with hubby and RELAX

You need a break and you need it now. You have been running around caring for everyone but it's time to put a stop to it all for just one day so you can refuel. If momma/wife does not take care of HERSELF first, then no one is going to get taken care of.

As for finances I wouldn't mind handing it ALL over to my husband. He has proven to be the financially prudent one of the two of us, that is for SURE!!! Last night we were at two softball games back to back so I gave the kids $20 and they each spent $10 on whatever like hot dogs, french fries, etc. He whispered to me, "my God, I could get two chickens, a ton of vegetables, rice and a LOT of tea for that money!!!" LOL. I have sooo taken money for granted that seeing things through his eyes has been quite the eye opener for me. He HATES spending money because since he's not working yet it's my money so he feels guitly about any little thing, including food. He has kept EVERY SINGLE receipt of what has been purchased right down to coffee at Starbuckus (our lil joke name for it) and has it tallied up because he's adament that he will pay me back every single dime.

So.................once my name gets changed (finally hopefully in a couple of weeks don't even ask it's been a nightmare and a half!!!) I will put both of our names on our account and when he gets a job inshallah his paycheck will be direct deposited into it.

I won't put his name on my charge cards though since I want to tear them up once they're paid off. Maybe we'll open up a new one at that point in time and make it a joint one together for EMERGENCIES ONLY.

Well my situation is that my husband lived in such horrible poverty that he just blows through money when he has it in his hands. He told me last night that my refridgerator looks like the one they have in movies ( I have a stainless steel kitchen aid with the bottom freezer and water in the door.) Ok I have appliance issues. LOL

Anyway... He is very very clean but he laughs at me with my coupons and my free sandwich offers. And how I like to make my own cakes. He says I am an economist, but honestly its not on purpose. I have been a single mom for a long time and did what I had to do to make money stretch and survive. I do have someone cut my grass but I really ebay it and thrift store it alot. He got upset I bought some onsies from the thrift store for the baby and I think he threw them out because I cannot find them ANYWHERE and they were so cute. I like to buy things and shop but I am so used to having to survive tough times that I want to be out of debt

By the way, I am really sorry I never appreciated or listened to everyone who's husband was already here. Getting the visa is ONLY THE BEGINNING LOL

[RAKASA 0]

By the way, I am really sorry I never appreciated or listened to everyone who's husband was already here. Getting the visa is ONLY THE BEGINNING LOL

LOL... we told you so!