Huge Row

[MichelleandCraig 1]

PS...I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOo wish that the US wasn't so large sometimes, and that a bunch of us could get together with EACH OTHER and just kind of vent and talk about the good times too.... some of you have been so great and wonderfully supportive, and I would like to be there for you too..it's really hard to do over a computer! Aside from that, I just think it would be loads of fun..oh, why can't we live closer to one another???? M.

[Cassie 8]

PS...I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOo wish that the US wasn't so large sometimes, and that a bunch of us could get together with EACH OTHER and just kind of vent and talk about the good times too.... some of you have been so great and wonderfully supportive, and I would like to be there for you too..it's really hard to do over a computer! Aside from that, I just think it would be loads of fun..oh, why can't we live closer to one another???? M.

Amen sister! I was just thinking that!

*waiting for ILIKEALLCAPS to bring out the lotto numbers*

[moondancer627 0]

This marriage thing is a roller coaster , if you don't get off without a little screaming it wasn't a fun ride. We have our moments too, like now!!! I give him advice about his truck and he rolls his eyes at me.

Anyway, your will come back and things will be okay.

Visa Journey is a fun way to express ideas and feelings to each other as universal friends going through this crazy process.

Moondancer

[*Robert* 2]

Hey Sarah... sorry to hear about the "row", and I hope everything will get better soon! I can totally realate to being stuck in Okiehoma, as I grew up in Ponca City and graduated there in '78. After I graduated, I was gone in two weeks NEVER to return! I saw the thread awhile back about reunions, and think about all the people still stuck there! Anyway, I have to agree with Dean and think you made Gary feel a little guilty. It takes a guy a little time to admit he's wrong, especially if you are both as stuborn as you say. I'm sure everything will be fine! Remember, if it doesn't kill you, it only makes you stronger!!!

I give him advice about his truck and he rolls his eyes at me.

Oh Moondancer... Tell me you DIDN'T give advice to a man about his truck?!!! As a truck man, I know that is a very slippery sloap for sure!!!

After all, there's something women love about a pick-up man!!!

Edited May 11, 2006 by roi_aggie

[Indo_mommy 0]

This marriage thing is a roller coaster , if you don't get off without a little screaming it wasn't a fun ride.

Moondancer

Luv that quote! It's so true. I think you should post that on the Quote topic here.

Sarah, hope you feel better.

[sukie175 0]

well he said sorry but then we went off on another row I tried honestly but I just don't feel like he understands my position here and how lonely, homesick, unchallenged, lacking in confidence,braindead I feel some days. I know he has felt guilty in the past and so I try really hard not to let him see me this wayway, because I do love him so much.

I was chatting to my ex husband online the other night whilst Gary was here, I thought he was cool with it as he knows we are friends and still have a joint business interest. Well I found out tonight he's not cool with it, I said would it be better if I chatted to him behind your back, he said yes! He knows and accepts we have to stay in touch but he has never let on about this before, so how was I supposed to know. He says I am sometimes on here at night when he is here, again he has never told me it bothers him! Right now my pride and stubbornness are stopping me from just doing everything he wants me to do, stupid I know but I think some of the girls especially will understand.

He has now gone to bed, both of us are upset still and I have a headache...I feel so sad I never wanted this marriage to have days like this and I vowed never to go to sleep on a row.

Thank you for all your support, you are all great friends who really understand and yes I really wish we could all meet sometimes to get these things out there

Sarah

[Vagina Journey 0]

Just tell him to go take a bike ride

Just kidding.....It will all work it, Just give it some time

[sukie175 0]

I forgot to say on the band thing - yes I can go but he is all tied up with it and I might as well not be there to be honest.

This may sound crazy but even after being here 7 months, every moment we have together is so precious to me. I think I feel this more than he does, maybe its just the romanticism of a woman and he is more practical like... we have years together. After 5 years apart everyday is so precious and I guess I worry it could be snatched away from us, now we are finally happy and together. Maybe that makes me clingy sometimes but I just can't help it I don't get jealous at all of being with others but after we row, the alone making up time is so critical to me personally and we won't have this tomorrow.

One other thing I want to add here which I have said in PM's to those who PM'd me....

This whole damn process is just soo damn hard, put the USCIS part aside from it and as couples we do not have the chance at a normal in person dating or living together period. It's all about marriage within a short time and then all of a sudden we the beneficiarys are in a strange new world, adjusting to living with someone who in some ways on a daily basis, is a stranger. We feel uprooted, alone, confused, nervous of making a mistake, anxious to make it work, clingy and reliant on our USC. But above all we are head over heels in love and that makes you feel incredibly vulnerable.

Sarah

[*Robert* 2]

Sarah,

Just give him more time. I hope tomorrow after he's slept on it he will be better. I think, in actuallity, he does understand your situation... it's just that he feels powerless to do anything to change it. That is very hard for a man, knowing the woman he loves, and has just gone through this whole process for... is unhappy and homesick. Men like to be able to "fix" things. If there isn't a simple "fix", we get frustrated and withdrawn, rather than confront the problem

As to chatting with your ex while he was there!!!! Oh gawd Sarah... don't do that!!! Now you know the truth, and often times, guys with big hearts will tell their SO that it's okay to do certain things, because they don't want to sound over controlling or jealous... but truth of the matter... they don't like it!!!

Hang in there girl!!! *hugs*

Robert

Edited May 11, 2006 by roi_aggie

[Fandango 1,439]

Sarah, ((((((HUGS))))))

I wish I could think of something to say to make it all better! Now GO TO BED with your man!

Thanks for the pm!

[sukie175 0]

Robert - Thank You

On your first comment - he has actually said he feels at a loss to know what to do short of telling me to go home, so I hear you. And I don't want to sound like homesickness is a huge problem for me, it's not, it's the drastic lifestyle change that's the problem.

On the second issue of the ex - well I know now and your opinion just confirmed I must avoid doing this. My female mind told me that as he knows I have to speak to the ex, it was much better to do it in front of him than when he can't hear the conversation. I guess this just tells me how much he truasts me, riightfully.

I really appreciate your wise words from a male friends perspective.

Sarah

Sarah,

Just give him more time. I hope tomorrow after he's slept on it he will be better. I think, in actuallity, he does understand your situation... it's just that he feels powerless to do anything to change it. That is very hard for a man, knowing the woman he loves, and has just gone through this whole process for... is unhappy and homesick. Men like to be able to "fix" things. If there isn't a simple "fix", we get frustrated and withdrawn, rather than confront the problem

As to chatting with your ex while he was there!!!! Oh gawd Sarah... don't do that!!! Now you know the truth, and often times, guys with big hearts will tell their SO that it's okay to do certain things, because they don't want to sound over controlling or jealous... but truth of the matter... they don't like it!!!

Hang in there girl!!! *hugs*

Robert

Oh and the frustrated and withdrawn comment is so true now I look back at him the last few days.

[MichelleandCraig 1]

awwwwwwwww Sarah..I really feel for you girl. As I said in PM, you know I understand!! (and ps..I'm so sorry for the 'chatting' thing I threw in there..you know I hadn't read your post yet and had NO idea!!!!) I have to say, that would make me feel a bit uneasy too, but there's a difference there, as well, if he knows you have to keep in contact concerning something to do with business(or kids for others,etc).

Roi, I only have one thing to add to your otherwise great post....those feelings of guilt and helplessness...do NOT just happen for MEN who are th USCs...trust me...from someone who knows all too well!!! It is a very hopeless feeling to be in a situation where someone you love deeply is suffering,and you don't feel there's a darn thing you can do about it no matter how much you rack your brain over it.

Anyway, I too hope that you will both feel better after a night of sleep Sarah..thinking of you.. (F) Mich

Edited May 11, 2006 by MichelleandCraig

[Tex'n'Brit 0]

Hi Sarah,

I'm very lucky in that I can drive and have use of a vehicle all the time. I think I would go stir crazy if I couldn't get out and about if I wanted to. I know what you mean about the time we want to spend with our hubbies/wives/SOs - Sometimes we're just about counting the seconds 'til our partners get home, and then they're pooped, or whatever. It's not always easy for each other to understand how the other one feels. I do find it a bit hard at times if my darling hubby Kyle comes home after work and a few minutes later plonks himself down at the computer to play games for hours on end, or if he has a long week at work and doesn't feel much like doing anything or going out at the weekends, and so on. But luckily we haven't had any rows about it, yet anyway!!

As for meeting up with fellow VJ'ers ... Well, we have a mutual friend - Geordieluvr - in Garland, TX, and there's also cerese (sp?) who's north of Fort Worth, so perhaps a gang of us (there maybe some others around DFW and southern Okla) might be able to have a get together sometime in the near future. The Windstar on the OK border might be roughly halfway between? ...

Anyway, I'm off to bed now, but know that there are people here that are rooting for you both. I know it's tough, but well done for keeping the communication going with Gary ... it sounds as though, as painful as it obviously is right now, you'll end up understanding each other even better in the end.

All the best,

Sheila

Edited May 11, 2006 by Tex'n'Brit

[Jaylen Brit 0]

Dayum Robert..when did you get so smart?

Sarah *hugs* Did you actually ask hubby why he was getting so cross with you about it? Is it cos he can't DO anything about the situation and he feels stressing over it is a waste of time and not helping?

A lot of men are very practical - prefer to DO rather than talk and can't see why women chase issues round n round.

Sometimes I do that - and while sometimes I get an answer a lot of times its counterproductive and I end up having myself a one-person pity party. You know the kind where everything just looks pointless, you're sick, you can't GO anywhere, you're bored, feel ignored or need attention..in fact you're not exactly sure WHAT it is you need, only that you're not getting it. And that's annoying too cos you feel so dependent - which in itself is disempowering.

I often find that doing SOMETHING is better than nothing (I try and take a leaf of a male book, practical versus emotional) - and its positive so it lifts me - and once i feel 'lifted' I also feel less 'needy'. Does that make sense to you?

I dont really yet have a lot of hands-on experience about the living in the USA thing, perhaps your hubby could help with some PRACTICAL suggestions for the both of you? And take baby-steps - move forward a little bit at a time - if you're not well then there will be limits as to what you can push yourself towards.

I hope you start to feel better about your situation and that your health improves, soon

[munchkins 0]

Sarah

I am so sorry to hear that things are not as they should be, I could write so much here because my daughter has been there and done it, and believe me when I say it has not been easy for either her or my son-in-law. He was in the US Navy when they met (holiday romance in Majorca when the 8th fleet put in ) Yet 19 years later, they are still together with two lovely kids (who we will be with soon )

and a good life.

So much good advice has been given you, which does not surprise me on here and all I want to say is, and to all of you who are going through this process, it takes a lot of guts and determination, to do what you are all doing, a insurmountable amount of patience, a shed full of love, which I am sure you have in abundance but most of all you have to TALK and I do not mean the "I love you and I miss you and I moved here for your or whatever.

You have to set the stage and then you have to open your innermost soul and say everything you are feeling, your fears, your frustrations and why you are hurting, and then you have to LISTEN to your partner , read between the lines so to speak. As Robert said, your hubby is probably hurting just as much but typically with so many men, they do not show it like we women and many of them cannot cope with the feeling that they are letting you down and so retreat into this shell of denial and anger. Talk don't shout

I send my heartfelt good wishes to you Sarah that you will work through this period, it will no doubt be hard but it can be done.

One of the things my daughter did to relieve the boredom in the early days - delivering leaflets - "under the table " of course pay was garbage but it got her out of the house and she soon had a good feel for her neighbourhood. Even when she had her first baby, she still did it, used to push my eldest grandson round for hours soon got her figure back

if you want to pm me please do, my daughter's life over there was not easy for a long time but they came through and I am so proud of my "American family" Maybe some of what they had to contend with and the way they worked through it may help you, so please feel free.

That also goes for anyone else who feels that my daughters experience's over there may help them, pm me

I'll be the VJ "Granny" my shoulders are just right for crying on

Good luck with it all Sarah, I look forward to reading that everything is working out

Edited May 11, 2006 by munchkins