IS YOUR WIFE THE SAME ONCE IN THE USA???

[CanGal 1]

Everyone changes. It could be bad changes or good changes. Hopefully they will be good changes. Changes into which you both can grow together in, not apart. I think you just really need to have faith in who your fiance is. America may be a big culture shock for her but if you are a positive supporter in helping her ajust to such changes then you shouldn't have a problem. It may be hard at first, because she is leaving everything she knows behind and she may have to learn new things but all i can say is be a supporter of that. Support her and what she's having to give up and what she may be taking on. Encourage her to be herself and not be scared to question things, or want to go for things. America is about freedom, freedom to change, freedom to choose. It doesn't have to be a negative thing. Just encourage her to be herself and not something that shes not. If she believes staying at home with the children is a must, than talk about it find a way to support that, but if she feels she wants to go out and work, talk about that and try and come to a solution. Whatever it is, just have open communication with one another. Voice eachother's feelings about issues and just be a soft place for her to fall. Good luck to you.

[Chuckles 0]

You know what, a lot of people are being financially pressured by rising healthcare costs that are driven by corporate interests and profit. I think these values suck and do more to erode families than that fabulous bogeyman who doesn't shave her armpits, the co-called feminist. I'm pretty sure most of the benefit are not female either.

I see a lot of erosion of traditional human values in the west (I know a lot more men who won't grow up and shirk family responsibilities than I do women) but I hardly think women bear sole responsbility for this because they choose to go to work.

I never singled out women as being responsible for the problems in western family values. If I did, show me. It is every bit the responsibility of two people to fill all the roles required to have a successful and healthy family. It doesn't matter if it is the male or female that files a role. Just as long as that role is filled. However, men and women are different, and for whatever reason, the roles will fall where they will.

As far as healthcare pressures, that is an individual situation. It happens. Then yes, all bets are off, damn the torpedoes, do what you have to do to get your family healthy again. Common sense would drive that, not traditional value mumbo jumbo.

At some point you have to make a choice. There are events in life we have control over, but make mistakes, such as unexpected pregnacy. We are human, and we all have made mistakes. But you need to pick yourself up, look where you are going, and if there is a child involved, we need to (as a culture) think of the family first. Having a parent who has a priority on the home and homelife, that is so much better for the health of everyone in that family. There are many options. Too many people 'give up' and just blame the local economy or external pressures. There are options that seem severe in the short term, but need to be done for the long term. If you cannot meet a minimum budget for the family, the only option is not to have 2 working parents.

On the other hand, in some cases, it is the solution. Like I said, not every situation is the same... (I think I said it many times)

[iceyspots 0]

..............the traditional values that the wonderful women of Latin America have. The kind where their husband, family, and home come first......... many Western woman today do not embrace these values.

Utter hogwash.

Exactly. the trap that many western women is that they are independent, have their own jobs and income, AND cook for their husbands AND raise children.. It's a mix of traditional and modern... Then there are some women who are totally independent, and some who are totally dependent.. America is so diverse you can't generalize about one group..

This thread is growing fastser than I can read it

[john_and_marlene 162]

I'm not shocked, but certainly dismayed at the number of venemous comments. I'm struck most by the number of posts that showed preconceived notions of things that the OP DID NOT SAY. So many of you should be ashamed of yourselves. What a bunch of self-righteous venemous dribble.

[Razor 0]

Change depends on you as long as you and your future wife can communicate with each other and her strong upbringing I don’t think you will have to worry about anything

[Fandango 1,439]

Well, I'm coming from the other point of view in that one of the things I love about my husband is that he is so family oriented. I think that we can all agree that there is a major breakdown in alot of American familes. Yes, I think I could have found an American man with great family values--just like there are women--but there are alot of other societies that are more family based then America. I mean, the women here only get 6 weeks for maternity leave. In Nigeria they get one to two years. Just one example.

No, I don't think we can agree with that at all

Don't worry, Dr. J. I understand your question. What a lot of people call "antiquated," we call "traditional." And as you can see, it's not just American women, it's Western women (US, Canada, UK, etc) that we are trying to get away from.

Any of you who know Latin American women know that they are very independent and are NOT afraid to speak their mind. I'm sure what Dr. J was referring to was the traditional values that the wonderful women of Latin America have. The kind where their husband, family, and home come first. And sadly, whether or not those in this forum will accept it, many Western woman today do not embrace these values.

AMEN AMEN!!! EXACTLY what I was trying to say......tryin to GET AWAY from that....I want "tradition." GOD dont change. I guess I was under the false inpression that all foreign women were like that....I guess US, CANADA and UK have more of a non-traditional approach to marriage. oh well.........going to get me a spanish woman!!!

Actually, being a WESTERN WOMAN, I think it is wonderful if a woman wants to stay home and raise her children. Operative word: WANTS. On the other hand, there isn't anything wrong with these darned "INDEPENDENT FEMINISTS" that want, or need, to work outside the home once their children are born. This has nothing to do with "antiquated" or "traditional", and it does not mean that a WESTERN WOMAN does not put her husband, family, or home first.

One issue that WESTERN WOMEN encounter is the fact that for many it takes TWO INCOMES for their family...perhaps that is due to what is important in their lives, and the trappings, but it is what it is. I know many WESTERN WOMEN that would have loved to stay at home to raise their children, but they couldn't because they needed another income to pay the bills. If that makes them undesirable as marriage material in your eyes, it is best you do go elsewhere. However, perhaps it's admirable that the women step up to the proverbial plate and are strong enough to juggle a home and a career and instead of bashing them, appreciate the fact that they do what they must and not fault their AMERICAN HUSBAND for not making enough money.

If you would stop bundling people, and a culture, together as if we are all a flock of sheep that are not individuals, you could begin to receive some of the answers you seek. If you and your wife-to-be are in total agreement in your relationship, then what is your concern? If she truly feels that way, no number of horrible American women could change her mind.

BRAVO!

[onwa 6]

Well, I'm coming from the other point of view in that one of the things I love about my husband is that he is so family oriented. I think that we can all agree that there is a major breakdown in alot of American familes. Yes, I think I could have found an American man with great family values--just like there are women--but there are alot of other societies that are more family based then America. I mean, the women here only get 6 weeks for maternity leave. In Nigeria they get one to two years. Just one example.

No, I don't think we can agree with that at all

We can agree to disagree!

[Fandango 1,439]

You know what irritates me most about this thread is NOT the OP's original ridiculous post, but it's the repeated generalizing of 'American women' and 'American men'....which is no better than saying 'All blacks this....' or 'all Mexicans that'. I'm using this to show an extreme example that would get ppls backs up, AND RIGHTFULLY SO. We wouldn't tolerate that, yet it's ok for Americans?

Pull me apart all you guys want, but it's racism. And any person IGNORANT enough to generalize a whole VARIED group of people as on homogenized being....funnily enough one like Americans,...which come from ALL OVER THE PLANET...well it just shows your overwhelming ignorance!!!

Edited May 10, 2006 by LisaD

[HARLANC 0]

HOLA, SENIOR

of course they change.

my mexican border wife, who i shared a home with in the usa and mexico has changed totaly since she received her green card and i now call her the "gringa".

she was content with much less and was fiercly proud to be mexican.

she insists on learning english and finding a job.

we have lived togather for a long, long, long time before getting married and she never once wanted to speak english or work.

she loved mexico, but now finds the border cities dirty, smogy and the streets full of trash. she hates driving in mexico and loves driving in the usa.(total reverse of pervious thoughts)

she insists that the Lakers are the best basketball team in the USA and that president fox could kick bush's ### on any day of the week.(he is much bigger)

and of couse--she wants her own credit cards.----(she has always had my american express to use)

she is a great gal and i love her much---

NOW---she states"since we have married, you have turned into mexican man" you want to dance cumbias and watch soccor all the time.

you can not win------so dont worry.

dance a little, drink a little, work a lot, always be honest and respect her family.

this is my thoughts for you.

[*Robert* 2]

You know what irritates me most about this thread is NOT the OP's original ridiculous post, but it's the repeated generalizing of 'American women' and 'American men'....which is no better than saying 'All blacks this....' or 'all Mexicans that'. I'm using this to show an extreme example that would get ppls backs up, AND RIGHTFULLY SO. We wouldn't tolerate that, yet it's ok for Americans?

Pull me apart all you guys want, but it's racism. And any person IGNORANT enough to generalize a whole VARIED group of people as on homogenized being....funnily enough one like Americans,...which come from ALL OVER THE PLANET...well it just shows your overwhelming ignorance!!!

How so very true Lisa!!! Anytime anyone starts a statement with "All..." you just know it's going to cause problems! So much for individuality!

Edited May 10, 2006 by roi_aggie

[Fandango 1,439]

How DARE any of you say that American women/American men don't have family values????

Edited May 10, 2006 by LisaD

[onwa 6]

I don't think anybody says ALL american women and men are .....fill in the blank. That is dumb. Just like using the words always and never is a foolish move. But to say alot or many... well, I don't see anything wrong with that.

[Fandango 1,439]

I don't think anybody says ALL american women and men are .....fill in the blank. That is dumb. Just like using the words always and never is a foolish move. But to say alot or many... well, I don't see anything wrong with that.

Ok, so since you're the expert on the 'breakdown of a lot American families' quantify how many. How much, since you seem to know?

I'm sorry...MAJOR breakdown.

[Dr. J 0]

For the record here, Dr. J and others, I was a stay at home mom for 6 years.

I did all the cookin', cleanin', drivin', scrubbin', managin', nursin', sexin', you name it I did it. That's what I WANTED. I wanted to stay home and take care of my young son.

My ex put me back to work to help pay for a car he bought that he felt I should pay for since I was the one primarily using it.

Don't give me that ####### about Western Women and traditional values. It's a two-fecking-way street.

hmm......so YOUR husband put YOU to work so that YOU could pay for a car that HE bought that HE felt YOU should pay for??? What a real man.......Why he buy the car if he could not afford it.....oh well.....that is you guys business....you are definately getting the two way street in THAT marriage...PAY FOR YOUR OWN ####### AND I'LL PAY FOR MINE........that is ONENESS........

[Fandango 1,439]

PAY FOR YOUR OWN ####### AND I'LL PAY FOR MINE........that is ONENESS........

Oh man, this gets better by the second! hahahaha

Edited May 10, 2006 by LisaD