IS YOUR WIFE THE SAME ONCE IN THE USA???

[Dr. J 0]

OMG what are you talking about. Do you now want to debate abortion?

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

DONT START ON THAT...IT WAS JUST AN EXAMPLE .....PLEASE PLEASE........I CANNOT TAKE ANYMORE BEATDOWNS....FORGET I SAID IT!! FORGIVE MY IMPOTENCE...PLEASE.......DO NOT DISCUSS ABORTION...

ONLY AN EXAMPLE......SORRY SORRY SORRRY!!!!!!!!!

[Chuckles 0]

I think specifically singling out American women in your message was a mistake. There are many of them on this board. You made it sound like all women in America fit into the same bucket, which people who didn't take a moment to relax and think, became offended.

Anyway, I think what you were saying was there seems to be an eroding of some core family values in Western culture, specifacally the US. You want to know if your wife will be effected by this, and perhaps persuaded by far-left fanatical attitudes that do exist in small percentages in this country. I say, no, she will not be effected by extreme posistions or attitudes unless she secretly believes in those things now. But you must certainly be willing to accept she will be influenced by the culture here.

I got to add for myself, I think family values are very important. I am not Republican or conservative, but it is the way I feel. There is much to respect in a woman who is very concerned for her family's well-being and welfare. Or a man for that matter. I think one of the problems in America is people, and specifically women, who look down on a woman who stays home and takes care of the household. It is an important job! They should be respected for this, not put down as some dummy who couldn't do any better and is "barefoot and pregnant" in the kitchen.

[rebeccajo 14]

Rebecca,

I was referring to usarandyo's post. There is no question at all in that post, so perhaps we're talking about different things.

I'm referring to that same post also. It sounds to me like she's going to get put in the corner for time-out if she doesn't behave.

[Freda 0]

And here I thought because I was resourceful and managing to be home to get my son up in the morning, tuck him in at night and have dinner on the table when my fiance gets home and found a job where my son could come to work with me. And all along I was being an unvalued western woman. HMMMMMM go figure.

[onwa 6]

Well, I'm coming from the other point of view in that one of the things I love about my husband is that he is so family oriented. I think that we can all agree that there is a major breakdown in alot of American familes. Yes, I think I could have found an American man with great family values--just like there are women--but there are alot of other societies that are more family based then America. I mean, the women here only get 6 weeks for maternity leave. In Nigeria they get one to two years. Just one example.

[zed2283 1]

I think specifically singling out American women in your message was a mistake. There are many of them on this board. You made it sound like all women in America fit into the same bucket, which people who didn't take a moment to relax and think, became offended.

Anyway, I think what you were saying was there seems to be an eroding of some core family values in Western culture, specifacally the US. You want to know if your wife will be effected by this, and perhaps persuaded by far-left fanatical attitudes that do exist in small percentages in this country. I say, no, she will not be effected by extreme posistions or attitudes unless she secretly believes in those things now. But you must certainly be willing to accept she will be influenced by the culture here.

I got to add for myself, I think family values are very important. I am not Republican or conservative, but it is the way I feel. There is much to respect in a woman who is very concerned for her family's well-being and welfare. Or a man for that matter. I think one of the problems in America is people, and specifically women, who look down on a woman who stays home and takes care of the household. It is an important job! They should be respected for this, not put down as some dummy who couldn't do any better and is "barefoot and pregnant" in the kitchen.

Exactly, Chuckles. Good to see someone else jump in to defend Dr. J. Women are discouraged by today's society from embracing traditional values, just as you described.

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

One of my favorite memories from life in hong kong was all the western (usually american) men who would say how much they "loved" chinese/asian women because of their traditional family values while trying to sleep with every filipina domestic helper who would let them.

Traditional values: 2 way street

Edited May 10, 2006 by robinklake

[pj1959us 0]

Don't worry, Dr. J. I understand your question. What a lot of people call "antiquated," we call "traditional." And as you can see, it's not just American women, it's Western women (US, Canada, UK, etc) that we are trying to get away from.

Any of you who know Latin American women know that they are very independent and are NOT afraid to speak their mind. I'm sure what Dr. J was referring to was the traditional values that the wonderful women of Latin America have. The kind where their husband, family, and home come first. And sadly, whether or not those in this forum will accept it, many Western woman today do not embrace these values.

AMEN AMEN!!! EXACTLY what I was trying to say......tryin to GET AWAY from that....I want "tradition." GOD dont change. I guess I was under the false inpression that all foreign women were like that....I guess US, CANADA and UK have more of a non-traditional approach to marriage. oh well.........going to get me a spanish woman!!!

Actually, being a WESTERN WOMAN, I think it is wonderful if a woman wants to stay home and raise her children. Operative word: WANTS. On the other hand, there isn't anything wrong with these darned "INDEPENDENT FEMINISTS" that want, or need, to work outside the home once their children are born. This has nothing to do with "antiquated" or "traditional", and it does not mean that a WESTERN WOMAN does not put her husband, family, or home first.

One issue that WESTERN WOMEN encounter is the fact that for many it takes TWO INCOMES for their family...perhaps that is due to what is important in their lives, and the trappings, but it is what it is. I know many WESTERN WOMEN that would have loved to stay at home to raise their children, but they couldn't because they needed another income to pay the bills. If that makes them undesirable as marriage material in your eyes, it is best you do go elsewhere. However, perhaps it's admirable that the women step up to the proverbial plate and are strong enough to juggle a home and a career and instead of bashing them, appreciate the fact that they do what they must and not fault their AMERICAN HUSBAND for not making enough money.

If you would stop bundling people, and a culture, together as if we are all a flock of sheep that are not individuals, you could begin to receive some of the answers you seek. If you and your wife-to-be are in total agreement in your relationship, then what is your concern? If she truly feels that way, no number of horrible American women could change her mind.

Edited May 10, 2006 by pj1959us

[TracyTN 237]

It has to be done:

29 User(s) are reading this topic (3 Guests and 2 Anonymous Users)

24 Members: onwa, rebeccajo, Kanyiri, welshcookie, Jaylen Brit, laneysera, JC75, Linababe, luv2teach77, ivona, Chuckles, Cassie, cmltdg, Fixer, joone745, LisaD, Joey559, alexil74, eau_xplain, Freda, ratpynn, KAA, gordiejo, Leafgal

[KAA 0]

Dr. J My fiancee is westernized since the age of 4 but those traditional values that I think you are referring to don't go away that easy. She's Thai by birth but raised in England since she was 4, even with the Western influence, it didn't change her traditional values that she holds close to heart. I try to help with housechores (she tells me to relax), she is always motoring around doing things because thats the values in her family. I remember going to Thailand and her Aunt was fussing at her in Thai because she didn't scoop out my rice quick enough (they told her she was lazy lol). So Yeah I think that she will hold those traditional values no matter were shes at.

Kay

[Jaylen Brit 0]

Tracy you took the smilie right outta my mouth!

Edited May 10, 2006 by Jaylen Brit

[rebeccajo 14]

It has to be done:

29 User(s) are reading this topic (3 Guests and 2 Anonymous Users)

24 Members: onwa, rebeccajo, Kanyiri, welshcookie, Jaylen Brit, laneysera, JC75, Linababe, luv2teach77, ivona, Chuckles, Cassie, cmltdg, Fixer, joone745, LisaD, Joey559, alexil74, eau_xplain, Freda, ratpynn, KAA, gordiejo, Leafgal

Ok, you got us!

[eau_xplain 2]

I think it is an injustice to categorize "western women" as lacking "traditional values". Just because a woman is able to think for and express herself does not mean she no longer values family.

When your fiancee comes over and is exposed to the "evils" of the western world, her deeply ingrained values will either keep her grounded or lead her astray, depending on what those values are.

[Welshcookie 17]

29 User(s) are reading this topic (3 Guests and 2 Anonymous Users)

24 Members: onwa, rebeccajo, Kanyiri, welshcookie, Jaylen Brit, laneysera, JC75, Linababe, luv2teach77, ivona, Chuckles, Cassie, cmltdg, Fixer, joone745, LisaD, Joey559, alexil74, eau_xplain, Freda, ratpynn, KAA, gordiejo, Leafgal

......and TracyTN

[Joey559 1]

Dr. J - I think we all understand what you're asking. But we can't answer that for you. Your fiancee is an individual and how she will change and grow as a person will happen no matter where she lives. If she's true to herself - her core values (no matter what they are) won't change.

And please know we aren't all snapping at you because we're all modern american, british, european women - we're people and did it occur to you that what you said may have hurt some feelings? No matter the differences in all of our cultural and personal beliefs we're all here going through a heart-wrenching process and we're the only ones who can understand it for each other. So, we'd like to be here to help you but you've got to understand that we all need as much encouragement and understanding as you do.

Joey