IS YOUR WIFE THE SAME ONCE IN THE USA???

[sarah and hicham 3]

In some parts of this country, 4 people can live very nicely on $35-40k. In other parts, like Southern California, where the average price of a home on $500k (and that will get you a starter home in Inglewood), not so much.

INGLEWOOOOOOOD

[rebeccajo 14]

OH...sorry...didn't mean to offend you there........ I would jusst ask that you please see where I'm coming from..Thanks for sharing.

Apology accepted. No harm no foul.

[iceyspots 0]

[zed2283 1]

For the record here, Dr. J and others, I was a stay at home mom for 6 years.

I did all the cookin', cleanin', drivin', scrubbin', managin', nursin', sexin', you name it I did it. That's what I WANTED. I wanted to stay home and take care of my young son.

My ex put me back to work to help pay for a car he bought that he felt I should pay for since I was the one primarily using it.

Don't give me that ####### about Western Women and traditional values. It's a two-fecking-way street.

hmm......so YOUR husband put YOU to work so that YOU could pay for a car that HE bought that HE felt YOU should pay for??? What a real man.......Why he buy the car if he could not afford it.....oh well.....that is you guys business....you are definately getting the two way street in THAT marriage...PAY FOR YOUR OWN ####### AND I'LL PAY FOR MINE........that is ONENESS........

Yes that is oneness. And that is ONE reason why he is now my EX husband living alone.

Do you see the point, Dr. J? I was one of the ones - a western woman with traditional values - who did my part and did not get back the respect for it.

As I said before - it's a two-way street.

Your posts hit a nerve with me and I'm so pissed that you don't get the point. Not all of us working women are out there because we are trying to fund a big life style. My EX husband provided me with plenty, even though he expected me to pay for things I never asked him to buy me in the first place. Financially I would have been better off to have stayed put.

But I got tired of going one-way down a two-way street. It's about respect. I hope to heaven that you plan on respecting your partner. You're not respecting some of the life experiences that have happened to some of us on this board.

I completely agree with this. There has to be respect, and the relationship has to be a two-way street.

That said, I think there are many Western women (at least American women) who don't respect their partners (as a result of their HUGE sense of entitlement). This is what leads to so many problems in today's marriages. You guys can flame me all you want, but I know what I've seen.

[KarenCee 3]

My fiance, Areilys, will be coming to the US soon. I have received notice from the USCIS that they have sent the papers to the NVC on April 20, 2006.....hopefully she will get the papers soon. I just wanted to know how many people have women from Colombia or some spanish country...ACTUALLY ANY country and brought them here for marriage and have been married. Have you noticed a change in their attitudes? How do they deal with the FEMINIST culture here? Has anyone wife changed for the worst and become the much hated "INDEPENDENT FEMINIST" woman that alot of American women have become?? I just don't want that negative influence to come into my wife's mind. How have your marriage experiences been with your foreign wives??

OK bucko....number one....I am NOT a feminist....nor do I exude a negative influence on anyone. You are starting to sound like an archaic redneck from the South....

Thanks for all the sarcastic responses. I feel alot better now! I now realise how much of a jerk I am.......NOT.

Actually all the responses are mostly from women.....firgure...

and the rest of the responses from weak men.....

I have no problem with a woman speaking her mind...who wants to marry a BLOW UP DOLL??? I also have no problem with her going to college...MATTER OF FACT...we have discussed this already and she will be enrolling in a University once she gets here...........and ACTUALLY me and my current fiance have discussed this. She understand how a family is ran and is very much in agreement with me. What is up with this barefoot and pregnant deal?? did I say anything about that? and who said I thought all feminists were lesbians??? putting words in my mouth......VERY few people answered the question...just asking about the experiences with your wives.....all I got were FOREIGN FEMINIST responses.......

WEAK????? You have GOT to be kidding...and for the record BUCKO my fiancé is one of the strongest men I know. I have YOU know I know how a family is run...a hell of a lot better than you do apparently. You, sir, are barking up the wrong tree....

I know my Olya will be affeeted to some degree by AMerican culture. There can be no stopping that. However, I also know she is a very smart woman and knows the consequences of her actions.

...............and those would be?

Yes...I'd also like to know what those "consequences" are....or are you one of those "weak men" that have to resort to punishment to keep your wife in line???? Affected by American culture??? Do you realize how utterly IGNORANT that sounds??? Another archaic redneck....sheesh!

The kind where their husband, family, and home come first. And sadly, whether or not those in this forum will accept it, many Western woman today do not embrace these values.

I think you will find MANY Western women manage to embrace these values actually.........

I have you know my family has always come first!!!! I work...but my job allows me to have the same schedule as my daughter. I was a stay at home mom til my ex husband decided that abusing me was great fun. And I DARE question my right to leave his sorry azz...regardless of culture or values there is NO place for spousal abuse.

Oh dear God save me. What were you born in the 1800's?? Does that mean because I'm a nurse and choose to work in a job that I love I'm a bad wife and mother?

No Freda...it means you are a very caring wife and mom....and one that I admire tremendously!

Don't worry, Dr. J. I understand your question. What a lot of people call "antiquated," we call "traditional." And as you can see, it's not ... Western woman today do not embrace these values.

AMEN AMEN!!! EXACTLY what I was trying to say......tryin to GET AWAY from that....I want "tradition." GOD dont change. I guess I was traditional approach to marriage. oh well.........going to get me a spanish woman!!!

Actually, being a WESTERN WOMAN, I think it is wonderful if a woman wants to stay home and raise her children. Operative word: WANTS. On the other hand, there isn't anything wrong with these darned "INDEPENDENT FEMINISTS" that want, or need, to work outside the home once their children are ...

If you would stop bundling people, and a culture, together as if we are all a flock of sheep that are not individuals, you could begin to receive some of the answers you seek. If you and your wife-to-be are in total agreement in your relationship, then what is your concern? If she truly feels that way, no number of horrible American women could change her mind.

One of the 'problems' with Western culture is that it is now the norm in society to have the 2 incomes and so many people want to keep up with the Jones' and have the 2 nice cars, the big house, etc. etc. then people get suckered into this life (well the greed bug takes over actually) at the expense of the family.

I am not sexist here, it can be the man or the woman, but it is best if one of the two has no job, or, has a less stressful job that is considered second priority to the family.

Now, every situation is different, and smaller families and larger families have different needs. If what you are doing is working, GREAT, I am not here to judge. However, I wish some of the prevailant attitudes from cultures outside US borders would have some influence here in America. We are not ahead of the curve. If you have done extensive travels outside the US/UK/Canada (which so many here have) you would see this.

Some of us do not have the CHOICE to stay at home. The decision for me was pure survival. Single moms have to take care of our children...my values are not placed in material possessions. However, I do enjoy having a modest roof over my head...power to stay warm and have light, and we do like to eat and stay healthy. I'm sorry...does that make me a bad mom? A feminist? Does that make me look horrible in your eyes...if so...then I'm sorry for you. I believe my daughter comes first, but I also have to provide for her. If that makes me a sorry mother, then so be it. I can sleep tonight.

Most people have 2 incomes to pay a mortgage and pay for healthcare NOT to keep up with the Joneses

Sad. Those people should consider not having a large family or do some planning. Living in a place they can afford would be a start. Getting some education and a better job would be another.

I see people in other countries raising families just fine on one income of 400$ a month. Planning, execution, less greed. Marriage and families are hard !!! Do not take it lightly.

My daughter has a heart condition. I have to have insurance and its not cheap. I live where I can afford to and not above my means. I have an education you moron. I may not be able to have another child as much as I'd love to with my future husband. I do NOT try to keep up with everyone else. There is no f*cking way to live on $400 a month in this part of America. What rock did you crawl out from under?????

One of the 'problems' with Western culture is that it is now the norm in society to have the 2 incomes and so many people want to keep up with the Jones' and have the 2 nice cars, the big house, etc. etc. then people get suckered into this life (well the greed bug takes over actually) at the expense of the family.

I am not sexist here, it can be the man or the woman, but it is best if one of the two has no job, or, has a less stressful job that is considered second priority to the family.

Now, every situation is different, and smaller families and larger families have different needs. If what you are doing is working, GREAT, I am not here to judge. However, I wish some of the prevailant attitudes from cultures outside US borders would have some influence here in America. We are not ahead of the curve. If you have done extensive travels outside the US/UK/Canada (which so many here have) you would see this.

exactly......that is the NUMBER ONE REASON everyone use that excuse....." you need 2 incomes." NO you dont. You need 2 incomes if you got a SUPER SIZED HOME, 2 MERCEDES, buy BRAND NAME clothes, and 8 maxed out platinum VISA cards..........you can live comfortable on ONE income...my parents do it.....my mother stays at home and takes care of my little brother....and my step-dad make about $35-40k a year....it CAN BE DONE. My question is...WHEN does the family come first???

Then you come show me how to do this with ONE income!!!! Since you are so wise, why not outline it for all of us here so we can be as wise and perfect as you are. I don't make 20K a year so please tell me how to live even more meager than I do at the moment. Please....I really want to know oh wise one.

For the record here, Dr. J and others, I was a stay at home mom for 6 years.

I did all the cookin', cleanin', drivin', scrubbin', managin', nursin', sexin', you name it I did it. That's what I WANTED. I wanted to stay home and take care of my young son.

My ex put me back to work to help pay for a car he bought that he felt I should pay for since I was the one primarily using it.

Don't give me that ####### about Western Women and traditional values. It's a two-fecking-way street.

I hear ya becca....I did that too. Stayed at home and did it all. My f*ckin ex didnt appreciate it a bit and I was as traditional as they came. So explain to me , oh wise one, why he felt the need to abuse me if I was doing everything you consider traditional and non feminist?

hmm......so YOUR husband put YOU to work so that YOU could pay for a car that HE bought that HE felt YOU should pay for??? What a real man.......Why he buy the car if he could not afford it.....oh well.....that is you guys business....you are definately getting the two way street in THAT marriage...PAY FOR YOUR OWN ####### AND I'LL PAY FOR MINE........that is ONENESS........

Yes that is oneness. And that is ONE reason why he is now my EX husband living alone.

Do you see the point, Dr. J? I was one of the ones - a western woman with traditional values - who did my part and did not get back the respect for it.

As I said before - it's a two-way street.

Your posts hit a nerve with me and I'm so pissed that you don't get the point. Not all of us working women are out there because we are trying to fund a big life style. My EX husband provided me with plenty, even though he expected me to pay for things I never asked him to buy me in the first place. Financially I would have been better off to have stayed put.

But I got tired of going one-way down a two-way street. It's about respect. I hope to heaven that you plan on respecting your partner. You're not respecting some of the life experiences that have happened to some of us on this board.

You go girl! It IS a two way street, and thank god my future husband knows this and deeply respects me and how I've made a decent living for me and my daughter.

not everyone makes $35k/year

well...then you shouldn't be having baby after baby after baby then.....

We dont have any children...and may not be able to...so don't generalize everyone this way.

God, you have just made my evening. You are so archaic....and I truly hope your future wife DOES acquire some American ways of thinking and feeling. You need to wake up and smell the coffee dude...and I'll tell you this...don't mess with TOWANDA....you can't win.

[Dr. J 0]

You need to wake up and smell the coffee dude...and I'll tell you this...don't mess with TOWANDA....you can't win.

Im smellin the coffee...and it stinks....so Im getting me a spanish woman......

[LebaneseMama 1]

"I'm getting me a spanish woman" I wonder how she would feel if she knew you said that. Noone ever went and got me ...

[chocolaterie 0]

really, it all depends on the woman. some woman come from oppressive countries, and the freedoms here make them realize that they aren't 2nd class citizens - but that doesn't mean they become the bra burning type. Maybe she might want to work, maybe go to school, have her own friends? nothing wrong with an egalitarian relationship. Right now I don't work, and my husband pays for practically everything if I weren't on a partial scholarship.

When I finish my schooling, probably another 4-5 years, he's going to be the stay out home dad. because that's what he wants.

I think my best piece of advice is make sure she stays mentally/spiritually healthy. You mean a lot to her, but a person needs to be well rounded. Help her make friends, and give her a sense of "self". Whether that be joining a club, or maybe she already has family here? Either way good luck.

[Fuzzness 2]

You need to wake up and smell the coffee dude...and I'll tell you this...don't mess with TOWANDA....you can't win.

Im smellin the coffee...and it stinks....so Im getting me a spanish woman......

wow... does your colombian lady know this?

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

I'm guessing this is a demonstation of "respect" , of which American women are so lacking

[Fandango 1,439]

Well, I'm coming from the other point of view in that one of the things I love about my husband is that he is so family oriented. I think that we can all agree that there is a major breakdown in alot of American familes. Yes, I think I could have found an American man with great family values--just like there are women--but there are alot of other societies that are more family based then America. I mean, the women here only get 6 weeks for maternity leave. In Nigeria they get one to two years. Just one example.

EXACTLY.......just enough time for the "goods" to heal up and throw yo kid in daycare and get out there and MAKE THAT MONEY!!! now whta does that do to society??? what the heck is 6 weeks maternity going to do??? NOTHING.......you just brought a life into this world...and you get 6 weeks....CMON.......I think the culture here prioritzes MONEY first ...then family last.......and alot of women AND MEN are buying into it...as a result...families are dying.

So why aren't you moving to your fiancee's country since it's so bleeding horrible here?

We plan on it as soon as my husband gets his citizenship! And I never said it was so bleeding horrible over here. There are great families here and I think there needs to be some active campigning to make the workplace more family friendly.

I wasn't directing this towards you actually. But if there needs to be some active campaigning...what exactly are you doing then? Since I presume this is something you feel strongly about....well strong enough to want to bring about change...tell me what you're doing to change it. Or is this just armchair quarterbacking then? Someone ELSE needs to actively campaign, eh?

Furthermore, I asked you to quanitfy 'how many' families are 'a lot' in your original statement that there is a MAJOR breakdown in al ot of American familes. since you seem to be an expert...or are you just watching too much Springer???

Seriously, how did you come to this theory of yours How many is a lot? How did you do your research? Cmon then, back up your statement with some facts and knowledge please? Again, Springer doesn't count, sorry!

Well, I would say that over 50% is a lot. And over 50% of marriages in this country fail. I would call divorce a "major breakdown" in the family unit (I'm surprised you even posed a question with such an obvious answer). And while it does take two to tango, if you do a little research you'll find that 70-80% of divorces are initiated by women. I think you'll also find that those numbers are much, much lower in countries that may be viewed as more traditional. And women in those countries work, just like they do in the U.S. In fact, many times the woman is supporting the family (something most Western women would never tolerate), so it's not like the women there can't be independent if they wanted to.

Most guys who promote "traditional" values are also in favor of women getting an education (like Dr. J said) and working if that's what they want to do. But there is still a fundamental difference in the values that women from traditional countries have when compared to Western women. You don't see it because you don't understand it. But it's obvious to those of us who were brought up in "traditional" families. Of course this doesn't apply to you in particular, or your mother/sister/daughter/best friend, so don't get excited. But the trends are there.

To the guy who made a comment about the stereotypical American man who "can't handle American women," the fact is that many American men simply don't WANT to handle American women. That's why, as my man Dr. J pointed out, there is a growing trend of American men seeking relationships with women from other, more traditional, countries. You can turn it into some sort of psychological babble, but it really boils down to what you value in your relationship.

a family is a lot more than just defined by 'man woman kid' and how DARE you question the morality of the family unit of divorced people.

I'm going to get past the initial outrage at your post & probe this further. Firstly, I can't rattle off the top of my head how many divorces are initiated by men/women...but to place blame *even in a passive aggresive manner* to women for initiating vx% is absolutely short sighted and ignorant. So big whoop, in other countries women don't leave as much. Well, in other countries women are seen and treated as second class citizens, female genital mutilation runs rampant, and women don't have as many rights as their male counterparts. So what's that gotta do with the price of coffee?

I can't tell you why marriages fail, but I certainly wouldn't say that a woman divorcing an abusive husband shows more of a breakdown than a woman staying in an abusive marriage somewhere else because it's not the norm to leave. Which one is more of a 'breakdown'? Personal responsibility is a b!tch, eh?

There's also a difference between 'tradtional' and 'subservient' and I think you're confusing the two,

Edited May 11, 2006 by LisaD

[tmma 467]

Well, I'm coming from the other point of view in that one of the things I love about my husband is that he is so family oriented. I think that we can all agree that there is a major breakdown in alot of American familes. Yes, I think I could have found an American man with great family values--just like there are women--but there are alot of other societies that are more family based then America. I mean, the women here only get 6 weeks for maternity leave. In Nigeria they get one to two years. Just one example.

EXACTLY.......just enough time for the "goods" to heal up and throw yo kid in daycare and get out there and MAKE THAT MONEY!!! now whta does that do to society??? what the heck is 6 weeks maternity going to do??? NOTHING.......you just brought a life into this world...and you get 6 weeks....CMON.......I think the culture here prioritzes MONEY first ...then family last.......and alot of women AND MEN are buying into it...as a result...families are dying.

Uhm....what are "the goods"?

I am wondering if your fiancees 4 months at college learning English is good enough by now to understand some of the disparaging terms you are spouting. But what do I know? I am just one of those American women with the "hateful" tendencies you seem afraid of your fiancee developing- like a mind of my own and an unwillingness to put up with ####### ( because believe it or not, in a country you seem to think so morally corroupt )like America, I am afforded that right; as she will be too-and that's not radical feminism speaking-THAT is basic human morality!

You were going on and on about how great it is .....and how everyone is happy and content ...blah blah blah where she is from...So why are you dragging someone you love from that veritable moral Shang-Rila to America, where we have a "breakdown " of family units, working mothers, equal oppertunity, scary human rights and ( gasp) single parents?

Hmmmm...

You are not really significant enough to offend me.

[iceyspots 0]

[Dixie_Peach 1]

Ok the first part of the episode was good, then it got boring for a while, now it's starting to get good again.

who hired the new writers?

@joel

[tmma 467]

Where do you find those pictures?

edit-never mind...I see:)

Edited May 11, 2006 by tmma