IS YOUR WIFE THE SAME ONCE IN THE USA???

[Fandango 1,439]

Well, I'm coming from the other point of view in that one of the things I love about my husband is that he is so family oriented. I think that we can all agree that there is a major breakdown in alot of American familes. Yes, I think I could have found an American man with great family values--just like there are women--but there are alot of other societies that are more family based then America. I mean, the women here only get 6 weeks for maternity leave. In Nigeria they get one to two years. Just one example.

EXACTLY.......just enough time for the "goods" to heal up and throw yo kid in daycare and get out there and MAKE THAT MONEY!!! now whta does that do to society??? what the heck is 6 weeks maternity going to do??? NOTHING.......you just brought a life into this world...and you get 6 weeks....CMON.......I think the culture here prioritzes MONEY first ...then family last.......and alot of women AND MEN are buying into it...as a result...families are dying.

So why aren't you moving to your fiancee's country since it's so bleeding horrible here?

We plan on it as soon as my husband gets his citizenship! And I never said it was so bleeding horrible over here. There are great families here and I think there needs to be some active campigning to make the workplace more family friendly.

I wasn't directing this towards you actually. But if there needs to be some active campaigning...what exactly are you doing then? Since I presume this is something you feel strongly about....well strong enough to want to bring about change...tell me what you're doing to change it. Or is this just armchair quarterbacking then? Someone ELSE needs to actively campaign, eh?

Furthermore, I asked you to quanitfy 'how many' families are 'a lot' in your original statement that there is a MAJOR breakdown in al ot of American familes. since you seem to be an expert...or are you just watching too much Springer???

Seriously, how did you come to this theory of yours How many is a lot? How did you do your research? Cmon then, back up your statement with some facts and knowledge please? Again, Springer doesn't count, sorry!

[pj1959us 0]

exactly......that is the NUMBER ONE REASON everyone use that excuse....." you need 2 incomes." NO you dont. You need 2 incomes if you got a SUPER SIZED HOME, 2 MERCEDES, buy BRAND NAME clothes, and 8 maxed out platinum VISA cards..........you can live comfortable on ONE income...my parents do it.....my mother stays at home and takes care of my little brother....and my step-dad make about $35-40k a year....it CAN BE DONE. My question is...WHEN does the family come first???

Maybe WHEN all American men make at least 35-40k a year. Or, is it okay with you if the WOMAN makes 35-40k a year, and the MAN stays home with the children? Quit making it sound as if everyone in the US is all about the SUPER SIZED HOME, 2 MERCEDES, buy BRAND NAME clothes, and 8 maxed out platinum VISA cards. Does everyone make 35-40k a year by themselves?

Edited May 10, 2006 by pj1959us

[Dr. J 0]

Yes it is sad when a child gets a critical illness and health insurance won't cover it, forcing them to bankruptcy -- I guess people should plan better for these things.

Ok, now you are getting way out of context. As I stated somewhere, all situations are different, and if it is what you must do, and it is working, GREAT.

I will have to respectfully disagree with you here. My experiences have shown me I can live with less and enjoy life more. I have seen other cultures and countries that have horrible goverments, but great people that know this truth.

So, there is no way I will see your side, and no way you will see mine.

CHUCK...give it up...they are NEVER going to understand........they may need to just visit another country and see 8 people living a home and 2 people working.......but they have food and bills are paid....AND they are content with their lives...they dont watch TV all day seeing NEW CARS...BIGGER HOMES...NEW CLOTHES...and get greedy and materialistic...because family is what matters....but anyone in a society that has NEVER experienced that will not understand...I was like that BEFORE I visited Colombia......WANTED ALL THESE MATERIAL THINGS in life.....but when you on your death bead...you not sitting there thinking about how much more money you could have made....how many MORE hours you could have spent at the job...or that NEW CAR that you wish you had bought....NOPE...you are thinkign about your family...people that you wish you could appolgize too.....etc. So when it all comes down to it..RELATIONSHIPS are the number one important thing in this world....RELATIONSHIPS and how we relate to eachother......not MONEY.

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

In some parts of this country, 4 people can live very nicely on $35-40k. In other parts, like Southern California, where the average price of a home on $500k (and that will get you a starter home in Inglewood), not so much.

[Fandango 1,439]

Yes it is sad when a child gets a critical illness and health insurance won't cover it, forcing them to bankruptcy -- I guess people should plan better for these things.

Ok, now you are getting way out of context. As I stated somewhere, all situations are different, and if it is what you must do, and it is working, GREAT.

I will have to respectfully disagree with you here. My experiences have shown me I can live with less and enjoy life more. I have seen other cultures and countries that have horrible goverments, but great people that know this truth.

So, there is no way I will see your side, and no way you will see mine.

CHUCK...give it up...they are NEVER going to understand........they may need to just visit another country and see 8 people living a home and 2 people working.......but they have food and bills are paid....AND they are content with their lives...they dont watch TV all day seeing NEW CARS...BIGGER HOMES...NEW CLOTHES...and get greedy and materialistic...because family is what matters....but anyone in a society that has NEVER experienced that will not understand...I was like that BEFORE I visited Colombia......WANTED ALL THESE MATERIAL THINGS in life.....but when you on your death bead...you not sitting there thinking about how much more money you could have made....how many MORE hours you could have spent at the job...or that NEW CAR that you wish you had bought....NOPE...you are thinkign about your family...people that you wish you could appolgize too.....etc. So when it all comes down to it..RELATIONSHIPS are the number one important thing in this world....RELATIONSHIPS and how we relate to eachother......not MONEY.

Oh my God....get a grip for the love of God!

[onwa 6]

I wasn't directing this towards you actually. But if there needs to be some active campaigning...what exactly are you doing then? Since I presume this is something you feel strongly about....well strong enough to want to bring about change...tell me what you're doing to change it. Or is this just armchair quarterbacking then? Someone ELSE needs to actively campaign, eh?

Furthermore, I asked you to quanitfy 'how many' families are 'a lot' in your original statement that there is a MAJOR breakdown in al ot of American familes. since you seem to be an expert...or are you just watching too much Springer???

Seriously, how did you come to this theory of yours How many is a lot? How did you do your research? Cmon then, back up your statement with some facts and knowledge please? Again, Springer doesn't count, sorry!

Making a difference for me happens on a local level. If I start a business, and have employees, I can have a family firendly company for a few. My quantifying Alot and many come from personal observation. I visit the prisons, work with organizations for finding homes for foster children, have rode 'The bus' here in Hawaii for 7 years---and worked in after school prgrams where half the kids were dropped off at 5 in the morning and picked up at 6:30 pm. I nver said that all familes had a breakdown--but I definitely think there is a trend in that direction. I'm not writing a thesis paper here. I'm stating my opinion. Like I said earlier, we can agree to disagree.

[Dr. J 0]

You know what irritates me most about this thread is NOT the OP's original ridiculous post, but it's the repeated generalizing of 'American women' and 'American men'....which is no better than saying 'All blacks this....' or 'all Mexicans that'. I'm using this to show an extreme example that would get ppls backs up, AND RIGHTFULLY SO. We wouldn't tolerate that, yet it's ok for Americans?

Pull me apart all you guys want, but it's racism. And any person IGNORANT enough to generalize a whole VARIED group of people as on homogenized being....funnily enough one like Americans,...which come from ALL OVER THE PLANET...well it just shows your overwhelming ignorance!!!

How so very true Lisa!!! Anytime anyone starts a statement with "All..." you just know it's going to cause problems! So much for individuality!

ALRIGHT BLIND PEOPLE...getting upset here.......where in my OP..did I SAY " ALL AMERICAN WOMEN?" just point that out......people just speed read and dont let that marinate in the brain before their lips get to flapping and their fingers get to typin.......

[pj1959us 0]

ALRIGHT BLIND PEOPLE...getting upset here.......where in my OP..did I SAY " ALL AMERICAN WOMEN?" just point that out......people just speed read and dont let that marinate in the brain before their lips get to flapping and their fingers get to typin.......

If not ALL, apparently enough to make this statement: Some of us went to other countries to find wives........now ask yourself why bring a woman from another country into the United States if there are SOOO MANY GOOD WOMEN HERE??????

[Dr. J 0]

Well, I'm coming from the other point of view in that one of the things I love about my husband is that he is so family oriented. I think that we can all agree that there is a major breakdown in alot of American familes. Yes, I think I could have found an American man with great family values--just like there are women--but there are alot of other societies that are more family based then America. I mean, the women here only get 6 weeks for maternity leave. In Nigeria they get one to two years. Just one example.

EXACTLY.......just enough time for the "goods" to heal up and throw yo kid in daycare and get out there and MAKE THAT MONEY!!! now whta does that do to society??? what the heck is 6 weeks maternity going to do??? NOTHING.......you just brought a life into this world...and you get 6 weeks....CMON.......I think the culture here prioritzes MONEY first ...then family last.......and alot of women AND MEN are buying into it...as a result...families are dying.

So why aren't you moving to your fiancee's country since it's so bleeding horrible here?

IGNORING...LISAD....

[rebeccajo 14]

For the record here, Dr. J and others, I was a stay at home mom for 6 years.

I did all the cookin', cleanin', drivin', scrubbin', managin', nursin', sexin', you name it I did it. That's what I WANTED. I wanted to stay home and take care of my young son.

My ex put me back to work to help pay for a car he bought that he felt I should pay for since I was the one primarily using it.

Don't give me that ####### about Western Women and traditional values. It's a two-fecking-way street.

hmm......so YOUR husband put YOU to work so that YOU could pay for a car that HE bought that HE felt YOU should pay for??? What a real man.......Why he buy the car if he could not afford it.....oh well.....that is you guys business....you are definately getting the two way street in THAT marriage...PAY FOR YOUR OWN ####### AND I'LL PAY FOR MINE........that is ONENESS........

Yes that is oneness. And that is ONE reason why he is now my EX husband living alone.

Do you see the point, Dr. J? I was one of the ones - a western woman with traditional values - who did my part and did not get back the respect for it.

As I said before - it's a two-way street.

Your posts hit a nerve with me and I'm so pissed that you don't get the point. Not all of us working women are out there because we are trying to fund a big life style. My EX husband provided me with plenty, even though he expected me to pay for things I never asked him to buy me in the first place. Financially I would have been better off to have stayed put.

But I got tired of going one-way down a two-way street. It's about respect. I hope to heaven that you plan on respecting your partner. You're not respecting some of the life experiences that have happened to some of us on this board.

Edited May 10, 2006 by rebeccajo

[Dr. J 0]

not everyone makes $35k/year

well...then you shouldn't be having baby after baby after baby then.....

[iceyspots 0]

Vive les femmmessssssss

[Fuzzness 2]

not everyone makes $35k/year

well...then you shouldn't be having baby after baby after baby then.....

I don't have any kids

[zed2283 1]

Well, I'm coming from the other point of view in that one of the things I love about my husband is that he is so family oriented. I think that we can all agree that there is a major breakdown in alot of American familes. Yes, I think I could have found an American man with great family values--just like there are women--but there are alot of other societies that are more family based then America. I mean, the women here only get 6 weeks for maternity leave. In Nigeria they get one to two years. Just one example.

EXACTLY.......just enough time for the "goods" to heal up and throw yo kid in daycare and get out there and MAKE THAT MONEY!!! now whta does that do to society??? what the heck is 6 weeks maternity going to do??? NOTHING.......you just brought a life into this world...and you get 6 weeks....CMON.......I think the culture here prioritzes MONEY first ...then family last.......and alot of women AND MEN are buying into it...as a result...families are dying.

So why aren't you moving to your fiancee's country since it's so bleeding horrible here?

We plan on it as soon as my husband gets his citizenship! And I never said it was so bleeding horrible over here. There are great families here and I think there needs to be some active campigning to make the workplace more family friendly.

I wasn't directing this towards you actually. But if there needs to be some active campaigning...what exactly are you doing then? Since I presume this is something you feel strongly about....well strong enough to want to bring about change...tell me what you're doing to change it. Or is this just armchair quarterbacking then? Someone ELSE needs to actively campaign, eh?

Furthermore, I asked you to quanitfy 'how many' families are 'a lot' in your original statement that there is a MAJOR breakdown in al ot of American familes. since you seem to be an expert...or are you just watching too much Springer???

Seriously, how did you come to this theory of yours How many is a lot? How did you do your research? Cmon then, back up your statement with some facts and knowledge please? Again, Springer doesn't count, sorry!

Well, I would say that over 50% is a lot. And over 50% of marriages in this country fail. I would call divorce a "major breakdown" in the family unit (I'm surprised you even posed a question with such an obvious answer). And while it does take two to tango, if you do a little research you'll find that 70-80% of divorces are initiated by women. I think you'll also find that those numbers are much, much lower in countries that may be viewed as more traditional. And women in those countries work, just like they do in the U.S. In fact, many times the woman is supporting the family (something most Western women would never tolerate), so it's not like the women there can't be independent if they wanted to.

Most guys who promote "traditional" values are also in favor of women getting an education (like Dr. J said) and working if that's what they want to do. But there is still a fundamental difference in the values that women from traditional countries have when compared to Western women. You don't see it because you don't understand it. But it's obvious to those of us who were brought up in "traditional" families. Of course this doesn't apply to you in particular, or your mother/sister/daughter/best friend, so don't get excited. But the trends are there.

To the guy who made a comment about the stereotypical American man who "can't handle American women," the fact is that many American men simply don't WANT to handle American women. That's why, as my man Dr. J pointed out, there is a growing trend of American men seeking relationships with women from other, more traditional, countries. You can turn it into some sort of psychological babble, but it really boils down to what you value in your relationship.

[Dr. J 0]

Yes that is oneness. And that is ONE reason why he is now my EX husband living alone.

Do you see the point, Dr. J? I was one of the ones - a western woman with traditional values - who did my part and did not get back the respect for it.

As I said before - it's a two-way street.

Your posts hit a nerve with me and I'm so pissed that you don't get the point. Not all of us working women are out there because we are trying to fund a big life style. My EX husband provided me with plenty, even though he expected me to pay for things I never asked him to buy me in the first place. Financially I would have been better off to have stayed put.

But I got tired of going one-way down a two-way street. It's about respect. I hope to heaven that you plan on respecting your partner. You're not respecting some of the life experiences that have happened to some of us on this board.

OH...sorry...didn't mean to offend you there. BUT that is the kind of man that makes EVERY other man look bad. THAT is the kind of man that make women feel like they have to have their own thing and make their own money...because they have been hurt and feel that they cannot be trusted...I was married before too...my wife got prgenant with another man that just got out of jail....cmon. She did not HAVE to work...but she did...and had a little part time job..I did not mind..we had no kids or nothing. I would jusst ask that you please see where I'm coming from..I wish I could have found a woman like you LONG time ago...I'd still be married now and would do anything for that kind of woman. But then again I would not have met AReilys....I guess things happen for a reason to make you stronger. Thanks for sharing.