IS YOUR WIFE THE SAME ONCE IN THE USA???

[hockeygal 0]

What a lot of people call "antiquated," we call "traditional." And as you can see, it's not just American women, it's Western women (US, Canada, UK, etc) that we are trying to get away from.

whew!

I'm sure what Dr. J was referring to was the traditional values that the wonderful women of Latin America have. The kind where their husband, family, and home come first. And sadly, whether or not those in this forum will accept it, many Western woman today do not embrace these values.

Nor do many American/Canadian men. I’ve dated lots of both, and not ONE of them wanted a stay at home wife. Personally, if I had kids, I think I'd want at least one parent to stay home with them while young if that were possible. But as I said, I have never dated a man who didn't view a stay at home mom as a "parasite". So, to quote someone else.. it is a two-way street.

[Dr. J 0]

I think specifically singling out American women in your message was a mistake. There are many of them on this board. You made it sound like all women in America fit into the same bucket, which people who didn't take a moment to relax and think, became offended.

Anyway, I think what you were saying was there seems to be an eroding of some core family values in Western culture, specifacally the US. You want to know if your wife will be effected by this, and perhaps persuaded by far-left fanatical attitudes that do exist in small percentages in this country. I say, no, she will not be effected by extreme posistions or attitudes unless she secretly believes in those things now. But you must certainly be willing to accept she will be influenced by the culture here.

I got to add for myself, I think family values are very important. I am not Republican or conservative, but it is the way I feel. There is much to respect in a woman who is very concerned for her family's well-being and welfare. Or a man for that matter. I think one of the problems in America is people, and specifically women, who look down on a woman who stays home and takes care of the household. It is an important job! They should be respected for this, not put down as some dummy who couldn't do any better and is "barefoot and pregnant" in the kitchen.

NOW why can the intelligent people understand what I was trying to say? That is it...why people put housewives down??? Women think that is degrading??? Look at how the families are struggling? No more mothers....no more fathers......slowly but surely there will be nothing left......just everyone shcking up together.....making babies...and leaving.

And here I thought because I was resourceful and managing to be home to get my son up in the morning, tuck him in at night and have dinner on the table when my fiance gets home and found a job where my son could come to work with me. And all along I was being an unvalued western woman. HMMMMMM go figure.

Cmon FREDA...I did not even mean that. I did not say women who work are WESTERN...or FEMINISTS...cmon.......why people making this harder than it seems....thought we were just understanding eachother.......????

[Fuzzness 2]

Ok the first part of the episode was good, then it got boring for a while, now it's starting to get good again.

who hired the new writers?

[Fandango 1,439]

I think specifically singling out American women in your message was a mistake. There are many of them on this board. You made it sound like all women in America fit into the same bucket, which people who didn't take a moment to relax and think, became offended.

Anyway, I think what you were saying was there seems to be an eroding of some core family values in Western culture, specifacally the US. You want to know if your wife will be effected by this, and perhaps persuaded by far-left fanatical attitudes that do exist in small percentages in this country. I say, no, she will not be effected by extreme posistions or attitudes unless she secretly believes in those things now. But you must certainly be willing to accept she will be influenced by the culture here.

I got to add for myself, I think family values are very important. I am not Republican or conservative, but it is the way I feel. There is much to respect in a woman who is very concerned for her family's well-being and welfare. Or a man for that matter. I think one of the problems in America is people, and specifically women, who look down on a woman who stays home and takes care of the household. It is an important job! They should be respected for this, not put down as some dummy who couldn't do any better and is "barefoot and pregnant" in the kitchen.

NOW why can the intelligent people understand what I was trying to say? That is it...why people put housewives down??? Women think that is degrading??? Look at how the families are struggling? No more mothers....no more fathers......slowly but surely there will be nothing left......just everyone shcking up together.....making babies...and leaving.

How bout cos you can't string together a logical and cohesive, let alone a coherent sentence?

kthxbye

[Dr. J 0]

Well, I'm coming from the other point of view in that one of the things I love about my husband is that he is so family oriented. I think that we can all agree that there is a major breakdown in alot of American familes. Yes, I think I could have found an American man with great family values--just like there are women--but there are alot of other societies that are more family based then America. I mean, the women here only get 6 weeks for maternity leave. In Nigeria they get one to two years. Just one example.

EXACTLY.......just enough time for the "goods" to heal up and throw yo kid in daycare and get out there and MAKE THAT MONEY!!! now whta does that do to society??? what the heck is 6 weeks maternity going to do??? NOTHING.......you just brought a life into this world...and you get 6 weeks....CMON.......I think the culture here prioritzes MONEY first ...then family last.......and alot of women AND MEN are buying into it...as a result...families are dying.

[Fandango 1,439]

Well, I'm coming from the other point of view in that one of the things I love about my husband is that he is so family oriented. I think that we can all agree that there is a major breakdown in alot of American familes. Yes, I think I could have found an American man with great family values--just like there are women--but there are alot of other societies that are more family based then America. I mean, the women here only get 6 weeks for maternity leave. In Nigeria they get one to two years. Just one example.

EXACTLY.......just enough time for the "goods" to heal up and throw yo kid in daycare and get out there and MAKE THAT MONEY!!! now whta does that do to society??? what the heck is 6 weeks maternity going to do??? NOTHING.......you just brought a life into this world...and you get 6 weeks....CMON.......I think the culture here prioritzes MONEY first ...then family last.......and alot of women AND MEN are buying into it...as a result...families are dying.

So why aren't you moving to your fiancee's country since it's so bleeding horrible here?

[vishrit 0]

THIS IS THE BEST POST EVER!!!!

[Dr. J 0]

Dr. J - I think we all understand what you're asking. But we can't answer that for you. Your fiancee is an individual and how she will change and grow as a person will happen no matter where she lives. If she's true to herself - her core values (no matter what they are) won't change.

And please know we aren't all snapping at you because we're all modern american, british, european women - we're people and did it occur to you that what you said may have hurt some feelings? No matter the differences in all of our cultural and personal beliefs we're all here going through a heart-wrenching process and we're the only ones who can understand it for each other. So, we'd like to be here to help you but you've got to understand that we all need as much encouragement and understanding as you do.

Joey

Well...I certainly did not mean to hurt anyones feelings. sorry if I did....

[pj1959us 0]

I don't think anybody says ALL american women and men are .....fill in the blank. That is dumb. Just like using the words always and never is a foolish move. But to say alot or many... well, I don't see anything wrong with that.

Yes, that is about as dumb as when the OP said: Some of us went to other countries to find wives........now ask yourself why bring a woman from another country into the United States if there are SOOO MANY GOOD WOMEN HERE??????

And then this gem by the OP: NOW why can the intelligent people understand what I was trying to say? That is it...why people put housewives down??? Women think that is degrading??? Look at how the families are struggling? No more mothers....no more fathers......slowly but surely there will be nothing left......just everyone shcking up together.....making babies...and leaving.

Nowhere throughout our responses were any of us putting down "housewives" or felt it degrading. Perhaps umbrage is being expressed in response to Dr. J's "impotence".

I wonder what the statistics are on how many American men have left their wives for younger "models", or just because they had a "mid-life" crisis. Don't be pointing a finger at American women, because there are 3 more pointing back at you.

OP: EXACTLY.......just enough time for the "goods" to heal up and throw yo kid in daycare and get out there and MAKE THAT MONEY!!! now whta does that do to society??? what the heck is 6 weeks maternity going to do??? NOTHING.......you just brought a life into this world...and you get 6 weeks....CMON.......I think the culture here prioritzes MONEY first ...then family last.......and alot of women AND MEN are buying into it...as a result...families are dying.

And you really think that American women are happy about that...that they asked for 6 weeks off so we can "throw" them into daycare? Expressing a blanket statement that "the culture here prioritizes money first" is a pile of bull-hooey. Men have ruled this country and gotten it in the state it's in....see, it's all YOUR fault!

[onwa 6]

Well, I'm coming from the other point of view in that one of the things I love about my husband is that he is so family oriented. I think that we can all agree that there is a major breakdown in alot of American familes. Yes, I think I could have found an American man with great family values--just like there are women--but there are alot of other societies that are more family based then America. I mean, the women here only get 6 weeks for maternity leave. In Nigeria they get one to two years. Just one example.

EXACTLY.......just enough time for the "goods" to heal up and throw yo kid in daycare and get out there and MAKE THAT MONEY!!! now whta does that do to society??? what the heck is 6 weeks maternity going to do??? NOTHING.......you just brought a life into this world...and you get 6 weeks....CMON.......I think the culture here prioritzes MONEY first ...then family last.......and alot of women AND MEN are buying into it...as a result...families are dying.

So why aren't you moving to your fiancee's country since it's so bleeding horrible here?

We plan on it as soon as my husband gets his citizenship! And I never said it was so bleeding horrible over here. There are great families here and I think there needs to be some active campigning to make the workplace more family friendly.

[Dr. J 0]

One of the 'problems' with Western culture is that it is now the norm in society to have the 2 incomes and so many people want to keep up with the Jones' and have the 2 nice cars, the big house, etc. etc. then people get suckered into this life (well the greed bug takes over actually) at the expense of the family.

I am not sexist here, it can be the man or the woman, but it is best if one of the two has no job, or, has a less stressful job that is considered second priority to the family.

Now, every situation is different, and smaller families and larger families have different needs. If what you are doing is working, GREAT, I am not here to judge. However, I wish some of the prevailant attitudes from cultures outside US borders would have some influence here in America. We are not ahead of the curve. If you have done extensive travels outside the US/UK/Canada (which so many here have) you would see this.

exactly......that is the NUMBER ONE REASON everyone use that excuse....." you need 2 incomes." NO you dont. You need 2 incomes if you got a SUPER SIZED HOME, 2 MERCEDES, buy BRAND NAME clothes, and 8 maxed out platinum VISA cards..........you can live comfortable on ONE income...my parents do it.....my mother stays at home and takes care of my little brother....and my step-dad make about $35-40k a year....it CAN BE DONE. My question is...WHEN does the family come first???

[Freda 0]

Hey now Dr. J I was just pointing out it has as much to do with you and they way you treat her. Not just what she is exposed to.

[Fuzzness 2]

not everyone makes $35k/year

[Dr. J 0]

Shouldn't this whole topic be more about each persons own moral character and values? I don't think being Asian, American, Canadian or any other nationality is really the issue. I was raised in a home where my father ( I apologize Dad) was a chauvinist pig. Who thought the only purpose for a woman was to wait on a man hand an foot. I swore I'd never be like my mom. That being said I am still the chief cook, maid and nanny in our home. I think the issue is how the other spouse reacts or doesn't react. If he's ungrateful or chooses not to acknowlegde what the other contributes and just comes to expect it then maybe there in lies the problem. Maybe you Dr. J are the one who will be in charge or your destiny. If your future wife chooses to be a homemaker then if you choose to expect it and not show how truly grateful you are for her decision then if she changes from your lack of respect is it really her fault?

I would never be ungrateful for things like that.......NEVER.

[onwa 6]

I don't think the breakdown has to with both parents working. I plan on working and having kids. I'd still want the 2 years for bonding time but I plan on being able to work from home. My husband does not want a stay at home wife--