Wondering what other sites he/she is on??

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I wish I had some wise words for on this. My husband initially tried to tell me the same thing. I asked him to explain to me what Islam had to say on it, not his culture. After much research it turns out that I am not suppose to chat with men, with the exception of relatives. BUT he is not suppose to be chatting online with women. So once he read that (from a Islam website that he respects) he realized that he is not allowed either, and stopped. Of course there have been exceptions. I talk to mutual friends that are male and he talks to mutual friends that are female.

So basically what I am saying is that my husband was able to see past the culture and to the religion, and based on this he made the right choice. I don't know if you would have the same luck with your husband because he sounds exceptionally jealous.

Why is he so jealous anyway? Has someone cheated on him before? I have to admit it, but if the answer to that is no then I would seriously wonder what his intentions are online.

Whatever happens I hope you and him can work it out enough to make you both happy.

Well, Since I have been EXTREMELY encumbered, he has not been as "jealous" but the whole stalking me on the web even to the point of looking at my blogs with only female friends has gotten me to the point that I can ONE argue with him TWO ignore him THREE take down the source of the arguements, the webjournals or anything else I do just off. I am just sick of him trying to read my emails and look at what I am doing and looking at my call log and calling back other missed calls on my phone. When he gets a job which will be soon I am sure he will do alot better. Right now he has too much time on his hands.

This whole chatting in the net thing seems to be a very very male dominated thing in his neighborhood. I didnt see hardly any women in the cyber cafes but tons of men all chatting to women 30 years older than them and to women all over europe , canada, usa etc. They open up blogs. My husband has a blog and has had all kinds of blogs and I have yet to see any of them because he wont show me. I gave up looking. He had lots of chat friends and I would be in the middle of talking to him and he would not answer quickly. Finally I stopped chatting online with him, threw my cam out ( 3 months before he came) and said when you want to let all these cyber relationships go, let me know. I think it gets addictive to these guys. They dress up to go to the cafes and play music to these women and send them love poems and all this #######. I met my husband in person over there on a trip so we didnt have an internet courtship.

I just get so aggravated at the standards I AM HELD UP TO. And behavior wise and dress wise to the point I have kind of emotionally shut down. This is not saying he doesnt have amazing qualities. The net has been a big issue. Hes playing all kinds of games on it so he thinks I am too. I never have. I only talk to female friends here in the USA and in real life. I have NO MALE FRIENDS. I used to have tons. I am doing the best I can to live a lifestyle where he trusts me. Unfortunately, I am doing all the bending, islamic barbie outfitting and tolerating and he isnt bending at all. I am the one busting my ### to work, be perfect and follow cultural norms that just are not ME and no one else is helping.

I get pissesd as hell about it. I am unsure of what to do anymore. The only thing I have really given up is my internet life and my male social life. He seems to be cool about everything else although I know he wants me to wear hijab full time here and cover. In 120 degree heat with 100 humidity I would die. I cant do much else than I am doing

[RAKASA 0]

Wahrania.... I hope it all pans out for you.

[Ban Hammer 13,445]

we miss you on vj!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Wahrania.... I hope it all pans out for you.

I am doing ok. There are alot of happy times too. I am just talking to you guys about stuff because I don't have anyone to talk to about any of this. He does so much right. Hes a great cook. He loves my kids. He loves his mom... There are some jealousy issues and internet issues and he kind of was a hell of alot more of a PLAYER than I ever realised. ( women spoiling him... IRONICALLY WOMEN IN HIS CULTURE WILL BUY MEN CLOTHES , DINNER ETC especially former hookers,bar girls and divorcees... they can never marry so they are competing for all available men, period) There is so much about the hidden parts of the culture that I never knew. I never even knew that there were BROTHELS all over the neighborhood I was in, and sex is 10 euros ( about 20 dollars) and there is no shortage of divorcees and women that will actually SUPPORT a man and pay his bills just to have one with them.) America is a hell of a lot more boring than there I will tell you this.When a guy gets catered to constantly in their culture from women in his family, then women at his job and in his neighborhood are falling all over him then they come here and face life as a stranger, of course its disorienting and scary.

Controlling you becomes the next job because they cant control their surroundings..... I am really really regretting not listening to the old timers here. They have a lot of sense

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Wahrania.... I hope it all pans out for you.

I am doing ok. There are alot of happy times too. I am just talking to you guys about stuff because I don't have anyone to talk to about any of this. He does so much right. Hes a great cook. He loves my kids. He loves his mom... There are some jealousy issues and internet issues and he kind of was a hell of alot more of a PLAYER than I ever realised. ( women spoiling him... IRONICALLY WOMEN IN HIS CULTURE WILL BUY MEN CLOTHES , DINNER ETC especially former hookers,bar girls and divorcees... they can never marry so they are competing for all available men, period) There is so much about the hidden parts of the culture that I never knew. I never even knew that there were BROTHELS all over the neighborhood I was in, and sex is 10 euros ( about 20 dollars) and there is no shortage of divorcees and women that will actually SUPPORT a man and pay his bills just to have one with them.) America is a hell of a lot more boring than there I will tell you this.When a guy gets catered to constantly in their culture from women in his family, then women at his job and in his neighborhood are falling all over him then they come here and face life as a stranger, of course its disorienting and scary.

Controlling you becomes the next job because they cant control their surroundings..... I am really really regretting not listening to the old timers here. They have a lot of sense

AS with any time in our lives that change comes there is an adjustment period. Keep the old timers advice to heart but just know attitude makes all the difference in the world. How you approach the challanges during change can lay the ground work for the working relationship in the future after the period of adjustment to change. Soon you will both find your balance but remember he is just a baby to America it's all new here. You have to show him everything and teach him and have the loving patience with him that you would to a child.

[khengool 0]

Well honey just give it right back to him that you're not going to live like that! Stand up for yourself and say, "This is my house, I am an American, things are different here, I get to do and say what I want pretty much and I'm not going to have my freedoms impeded on, I'm going to share my life with you and that doesn't mean you get control what I do or what I say because I can't live like that."

You most certainly did in the first place. But as we've learned it's not uncommon for mena males and females not to take responsibility for anything they did.

I see, me observing that some people were looking for trouble when there wasn't any was egg slinging.

Why am I not surprised by your comment about MENA people and your attitude?

I'll let you think about that one yourself.

I was born, raised, educated, and continue to live in the U.S. My household was more American and Christian influenced than Iranian and Muslim influenced because my parents moved here as teenagers. If anything, my behavior is more indicative of my American upbringing than my Iranian heritage. Imagine that. I'm just as American as you are, sister, but without the arrogance.

First , you are very arrogant yourself. Second, stop insulting the people of this country and our personalities. I have met tons of Iranians here and they suffer from many of the same things Americans that are native to this country suffer from. Materialism, greed, cultural differences between parents and kids etc.

Sunni Islam and its practicioners practice a very very different islam from Shia ( Iranians) Your religion allows muta, marriage for one hour or one day or one week. The culture can be very different from some of our mena husbands( Iranian culture) I will tell you right now, You being being Iranian doesn't mean a damn thing to me as far as credibility or me listening to you or you telling me "how mena culture is or isnt" You are not even from the same ethnicity or religion or lifestyle as my husband . How you could come on here proclaiming any kind of expertise in MENA or arabs is beyond me because Farsi has no relationship with arabic and sunni islam has ABSOLUTELY no similarity with Shia in lifestyle, marriage or practice. If someone in Iran wants to marry, they can marry for 2 weeks and its completely ok.

Sunnis are alot more restricted in their lifestyle. If I was married to someone who could marry a hooker 3 blocks away, not tell me about it and then divorce her and then get another and then marry again and again all LEGALLY IN shia islam, I sure wouldnt worry about infidelity.

( this is ABSOLUTELY NOT A DIG TO THE SISTERS MARRIED TO IRANIANS HERE>.. Its to make a point to this nitwit. You dont see any of the women married to Iranians trying to tell me about the lifestyle or culture of my husband because they know there are huge differences..... Iranian men can muta and legally and easily. Sunni men are bound by a heck of alot of laws that makes swapping out chicks pretty easy and legally.

I just find you to be on here to show everyone YOUR ARROGANCE,,, not to provide support and care for the rest of us..

And frankly I need it from my friends here..

Dear H.I.T.,

I'm a little bit confused.

When did i ever say anything about the intricacies of our differing sects of religion?

From what I gather, you aren't too bright.

It's this impulsive e-behavior that may have gotten you here in the first place.

Please be mindful of the things you say, and be very sure to keep that quick temper laced with American entitlement that you have in check. Your husband's family and friends won't be very receptive to that. I've seen it before, and it's always the same story. If you act like that, then every time there is a non-married Arab woman around his friends and family will be saying "tsk tsk, what was wrong with Jamilah and the other girls around that Abdel couldn't marry one of them?" There's a woman in our family like that. I usually feel sorry for her... until she opens her big fat mouth and changes my mind EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Overreacting is the #1 cause of trouble in shaky relationships. You've done a fine job of showing that here. I'm sorry that things are difficult for you, but if you relax a bit and think before lashing out, then things on this website, at work, and at home will be much better for you.

regards,

khengool

[khengool 0]

Well honey just give it right back to him that you're not going to live like that! Stand up for yourself and say, "This is my house, I am an American, things are different here, I get to do and say what I want pretty much and I'm not going to have my freedoms impeded on, I'm going to share my life with you and that doesn't mean you get control what I do or what I say because I can't live like that."

You most certainly did in the first place. But as we've learned it's not uncommon for mena males and females not to take responsibility for anything they did.

I see, me observing that some people were looking for trouble when there wasn't any was egg slinging.

Why am I not surprised by your comment about MENA people and your attitude?

I'll let you think about that one yourself.

I was born, raised, educated, and continue to live in the U.S. My household was more American and Christian influenced than Iranian and Muslim influenced because my parents moved here as teenagers. If anything, my behavior is more indicative of my American upbringing than my Iranian heritage. Imagine that. I'm just as American as you are, sister, but without the arrogance.

First , you are very arrogant yourself.

That's your opinion and you're entitled to it. It may or may not be correct, although many that aren't very bright often mistake a higher level of intelligence for being arrogant.

Second, stop insulting the people of this country and our personalities.

I was making another observation that seems to be right on.

I have met tons of Iranians here and they suffer from many of the same things Americans that are native to this country suffer from. Materialism, greed, cultural differences between parents and kids etc.

Is this meant to imply that I'm not an American native?

Sunni Islam and its practicioners practice a very very different islam from Shia ( Iranians) Your religion allows muta, marriage for one hour or one day or one week. The culture can be very different from some of our mena husbands( Iranian culture) I will tell you right now, You being being Iranian doesn't mean a damn thing to me as far as credibility or me listening to you or you telling me "how mena culture is or isnt" You are not even from the same ethnicity or religion or lifestyle as my husband . How you could come on here proclaiming any kind of expertise in MENA or arabs is beyond me because Farsi has no relationship with arabic and sunni islam has ABSOLUTELY no similarity with Shia in lifestyle, marriage or practice. If someone in Iran wants to marry, they can marry for 2 weeks and its completely ok.

Did i claim I knew anything about Arabic language? Did I claim I know anything about sunni islam? did i proclaim any kind of expertise in MENA or arabs?

Sunnis are alot more restricted in their lifestyle. If I was married to someone who could marry a hooker 3 blocks away, not tell me about it and then divorce her and then get another and then marry again and again all LEGALLY IN shia islam, I sure wouldnt worry about infidelity.

Is this relevant to anything I've typed at all?

( this is ABSOLUTELY NOT A DIG TO THE SISTERS MARRIED TO IRANIANS HERE>.. Its to make a point to this nitwit. You dont see any of the women married to Iranians trying to tell me about the lifestyle or culture of my husband because they know there are huge differences..... Iranian men can muta and legally and easily. Sunni men are bound by a heck of alot of laws that makes swapping out chicks pretty easy and legally.

Are you sure that's what you meant?

I just find you to be on here to show everyone YOUR ARROGANCE,,, not to provide support and care for the rest of us..

And frankly I need it from my friends here..

that's for sure!!!

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

She's preggers and ur giving her this kind of advice!

Where is the tearing my hair out smilie? Nagi u LIED! He is not a nice person he is a jerk no a

hater

or something else not nice!

Edited June 25, 2008 by Olivia*

[Ban Hammer 13,445]

where is that lock button?

[khengool 0]

She's preggers and ur giving her this kind of advice!

Where is the tearing my hair out smilie? Nagi u LIED! He is not a nice person he is a jerk no a

hater

or something else not nice!

She should calm down a little because it's not good for relationships. Is that bad advice?

Really?

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

She's preggers and ur giving her this kind of advice!

Where is the tearing my hair out smilie? Nagi u LIED! He is not a nice person he is a jerk no a

hater

or something else not nice!

She should calm down a little because it's not good for relationships. Is that bad advice?

Really?

The second way of saying it is much nicer than the first way.

[RAKASA 0]

TIME FOR A DONUT BREAK!!!

oops... I was munching on one of them there...

Edited June 25, 2008 by ME~n~HIM

[♥JP♥ 5]

You know...I don't see how some of you ladies find it ok to call Khengool a nimwit and other put downs but when he fires back, all of a sudden its a violation of TOS. If you can dish it out, then you need to be prepared to take it.

Edited June 25, 2008 by ♥JP♥

[caybee 21]

TIME FOR A DONUT BREAK!!!

oops... I was munching on one of them there...

Stop it, ME~n~HIM! I'm gonna undo all the good stuff I did on my lunch break!

...*munch*...

[khengool 0]

You know...I don't see how some of you ladies find it ok to call Khengool a nimwit and other put downs but when he fires back, all of a sudden its a violation of TOS. If you can dish it out, then you need to be prepared to take it.

Thanks JP.

There's a whole lotta typin' and very little reading and comprehending in many of the posts in this thread!