cheap boyfriend

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

1. At this point, you shouldn't have a boyfriend; you should have a fiance.

What's the difference? A fiance is just a fancy name for a serious boyfriend.

I would disagree with that. A fiance(e) is someone with whom you have a definite commitment to marry, i.e. you're engaged. And what you can expect from each other, including financially, is definitely different.

That's really relatively recent, that's probably why there is no english word for it. In my fiance's language there is girlfriend and wife. That's it. He's been practicing using the word fiancee for the interview to please the CO. It's sad how we make other cultures conform really.

I definitely believe that there is a different expectation for financially assisting an SO from a poorer country and I also find that it varies based on gender. If you even look on this site alone, many of the men sponsoring filipinas send them and/or their families money. It's an expectation. Less so for male SOs. My husband is from a poor country, but he's a very proud man. I don't think he would take money from me unless it was an emergency. However, the costs for the visa process have been my responsibility because of the difference in income. His expenses are, in fact, higher than before our relationship because daily contact and regular communications, cards, gifts across the ocean costs money. If he needed money or asked me for money, I wouldn't hesitate to send him what I could. I think that the best course would be for the original poster to speak directly with her fiance and explain how she's feeling and what she's thinking and ask that they talk about a financial agreement so that they have the same expectations. Once the expectations are the same, then she can clearly evaluate if he isn't doing what he said he would do. It's really important to talk about these important issues sooner in the relationship so that it doesn't cause significant problems down the line. But don't attack....calling him cheap sounds like an attack and attacking blocks communication.

I was specifically responding to what Mawilson said, so was referring to the differences between the two English words. Certainly other cultures have different terminology to reflect different kinds of commitments. My point is what expectations are appropriate for a given level of commitment. In your husband's culture, does not a "wife" have a right to expect more from her man than a "girlfriend" would?

I was pointing out that fiance/fiancee is not an english word. A girlfriend and a wife have different meanings yes, but a girlfriend and a fiance doesn't NEED to be differentiated. A girlfriend you've been dating for 6 months may also have a different meaning than a girlfriend you've been dating for 6 years. Should we incorporate a German word to identify those differences? Well, we've decided it's not so important right now. In 100 years, our descendants may disagree. So what difference should it make what they call each other except to them specifically?

It isn't?? Ok, granted it comes from Middle French, but it has been in use in English for far longer than anyone today has been alive, so I'd think it now counts as an English word. But that still doesn't answer my question.

I did answer your question. Read beyond the first sentence.

You answered this question? "In your husband's culture, does not a "wife" have a right to expect more from her man than a "girlfriend" would?"

Yes.

[felnfrank 1]

[Scott & Lai 12]

1. At this point, you shouldn't have a boyfriend; you should have a fiance.

What's the difference? A fiance is just a fancy name for a serious boyfriend.

I would disagree with that. A fiance(e) is someone with whom you have a definite commitment to marry, i.e. you're engaged. And what you can expect from each other, including financially, is definitely different.

That's really relatively recent, that's probably why there is no english word for it. In my fiance's language there is girlfriend and wife. That's it. He's been practicing using the word fiancee for the interview to please the CO. It's sad how we make other cultures conform really.

I definitely believe that there is a different expectation for financially assisting an SO from a poorer country and I also find that it varies based on gender. If you even look on this site alone, many of the men sponsoring filipinas send them and/or their families money. It's an expectation. Less so for male SOs. My husband is from a poor country, but he's a very proud man. I don't think he would take money from me unless it was an emergency. However, the costs for the visa process have been my responsibility because of the difference in income. His expenses are, in fact, higher than before our relationship because daily contact and regular communications, cards, gifts across the ocean costs money. If he needed money or asked me for money, I wouldn't hesitate to send him what I could. I think that the best course would be for the original poster to speak directly with her fiance and explain how she's feeling and what she's thinking and ask that they talk about a financial agreement so that they have the same expectations. Once the expectations are the same, then she can clearly evaluate if he isn't doing what he said he would do. It's really important to talk about these important issues sooner in the relationship so that it doesn't cause significant problems down the line. But don't attack....calling him cheap sounds like an attack and attacking blocks communication.

I was specifically responding to what Mawilson said, so was referring to the differences between the two English words. Certainly other cultures have different terminology to reflect different kinds of commitments. My point is what expectations are appropriate for a given level of commitment. In your husband's culture, does not a "wife" have a right to expect more from her man than a "girlfriend" would?

I was pointing out that fiance/fiancee is not an english word. A girlfriend and a wife have different meanings yes, but a girlfriend and a fiance doesn't NEED to be differentiated. A girlfriend you've been dating for 6 months may also have a different meaning than a girlfriend you've been dating for 6 years. Should we incorporate a German word to identify those differences? Well, we've decided it's not so important right now. In 100 years, our descendants may disagree. So what difference should it make what they call each other except to them specifically?

It isn't?? Ok, granted it comes from Middle French, but it has been in use in English for far longer than anyone today has been alive, so I'd think it now counts as an English word. But that still doesn't answer my question.

I did answer your question. Read beyond the first sentence.

You answered this question? "In your husband's culture, does not a "wife" have a right to expect more from her man than a "girlfriend" would?"

Yes.

"Yes" you answered the question, or "yes" is the answer? Sorry if I missed it, but I didn't see where you stated whether a "wife" in Ghana can expect more from her man than a "girlfriend" can (yes, I did read past the first sentence). As I noted before, I realize different cultures will have different terminologies for different commitment levels; I don't want to get hung up on the different words used in different cultures. My point is that whatever terms are used, what you have a right to expect from your SO depends on the level of commitment you have to each other. Generally, there will be different terms to indicate this. A fiance(e), at least as I look at it, is not much different than a wife/husband in this regard, since they are the one you are committed to marrying, the main difference being which side of the wedding you are currently on. A girlfriend can't expect the same from her boyfriend that a wife can expect from her husband. If I were simply dating someone, I would consider it rather presumptuous for them to expect me to give them financial support. Once engaged/married, that changes. I'm guessing that holds at least in some fashion in Ghana, otherwise why call one a girlfriend and another a wife?

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

i concur.

You can either accept him that way or move on. Don't think that you can "fix" him later.

[amiquechu 0]

Where do you get off telling anyone they aren't prepared to adapt and conform just because they use words differently to you? Not everyone always understand the same words to mean the same thing at the best of times and yet you dare to suggest that this person isn't welcome in the US because they don't differentiate between fiance and boyfriend to your satisfaction? Nuts I say, nuts.

That's not what I said. It was inferred that Americans are unkind for making people adapt in general. When someone moves to a different culture, it would be in their best interest to adapt if that person is interested in being a part of the community. If you don't think this is true, you're living in a PC fantasy world. It's not my opinion, it's the way people are.

If you want to make it so easy on immigrants, why not make it a requirement for every high school student to be fluent in 20 languages as a requirement to graduate? Why not force everyone to learn the culture of every other country in the world? It would be nice if everyone knew everything about everywhere in the world...but that's not the case and it never will be. A person who immigrates to a different country and culture can either deal with it or be left in the dust. It doesn't bother me either way if they do or don't. I personally would bust my a$$ to adapt to the culture in Peru if my wife and I were to some day move there.

The inference was made by you. Respond to what I post, not what you think I mean by the words I type. I am not trying to use codes. I actually mean the words I typed.

You inferred that Americans are bad for making people adapt when you said:

That's really relatively recent, that's probably why there is no english word for it. In my fiance's language there is girlfriend and wife. That's it. He's been practicing using the word fiancee for the interview to please the CO. It's sad how we make other cultures conform really.

Whether you meant to or not, you made a generalization about Americans with the sentence above. You can argue that all you want, but it is what it is. Period. End of story.

[Teacher Mark 53]

This isn't him is it?

[R de la R 2]

just my opinion hope none gets upset..........i believe that almost anyone that is engaged or married to someone that is still in a third world country understands that some support is required in most cases.......in my case im lucky because perviz works and earns pretty good for india but in most instances it is not that way........u need to talk to him and tell him how u feel........if u can not talk to him about these things then how will u talk about issues later in the relationship?

I do not know you or him so really it is not fair for me to give my opinion in this issue but ........if it is bothering u then u need to talk to him about it.

I think that is complete BS.

I agree wholeheartedly. Getting engaged to a US citizen isn't like winning the lottery. Poor country or not, they were getting by before. You get engaged to a US citizen and all of a sudden your cost of living doubles? Coincidence? I'm going to go out on a limb and say F-U-C-K NO!!!!!

I am wondering when do I typed this what you wrote here You get engaged to a US citizen and all of a sudden your cost of living doubles? Coincidence?

Let me tell you something I had to cut off my Internet services because I couldn´t afford US$100 per month during 2 months. I talked to him about it and he didn´t say/did anything. Taking in consideration that the Internet is our main way of communication. I was waiting some support from him.

[Ban Hammer 13,340]

I was waiting some support from him.

he has no financial obligation to you until you two are married.

[mawilson 2,133]

i wonder what k visa that would be, the boyfriend or girlfriend visa?

That's what it is today, essentially - a try-n-buy boyfriend/girlfriend visa.

[amiquechu 0]

just my opinion hope none gets upset..........i believe that almost anyone that is engaged or married to someone that is still in a third world country understands that some support is required in most cases.......in my case im lucky because perviz works and earns pretty good for india but in most instances it is not that way........u need to talk to him and tell him how u feel........if u can not talk to him about these things then how will u talk about issues later in the relationship?

I do not know you or him so really it is not fair for me to give my opinion in this issue but ........if it is bothering u then u need to talk to him about it.

I think that is complete BS.

I agree wholeheartedly. Getting engaged to a US citizen isn't like winning the lottery. Poor country or not, they were getting by before. You get engaged to a US citizen and all of a sudden your cost of living doubles? Coincidence? I'm going to go out on a limb and say F-U-C-K NO!!!!!

I am wondering when do I typed this what you wrote here You get engaged to a US citizen and all of a sudden your cost of living doubles? Coincidence?

Let me tell you something I had to cut off my Internet services because I couldn´t afford US$100 per month during 2 months. I talked to him about it and he didn´t say/did anything. Taking in consideration that the Internet is our main way of communication. I was waiting some support from him.

Good luck in your relationship.

[bora bora 1]

Good luck OP.

I saw your pictures and can only say that I'm surprised that he still lives with his parents .

[amiquechu 0]

Good luck OP.

I saw your pictures and can only say that I'm surprised that he still lives with his parents .