cheap boyfriend

[Sister Fracas 5]

If he said he would send money to help out for whatever it is you needed, and he hasn't...well, he HAS gone back on a promise. Yes, he will have to support you when you first comes over and cant' work. But what is it that is worrisome, that he'll be stingy with everyday needs, or that you won't be given money for extra things?

As for living at home and not paying rent, I wouldn't judge that. If the parents don't want to accept any rent and he is perhaps saving for the future (to buy a house, have kids), there is nothing wrong with that.

It really just sounds like you need to communicate more, because money problems are very high on the list of things married people argue about. Sort it out NOW, before it becomes more of an issue.

But really, I think the use of the term boyfriend is odd...he IS your fiance, right?

Edited May 30, 2008 by Sister Fracas

[Ilya R. 0]

You need a sugar daddy!

[amiquechu 0]

You think your boyfriend should be sending you money?

Do you not work?

I'm sorry but it sounds like someone is having a little tantrum of some sort, because they're not getting their own way, because their boyfriend isn't paying them? I'm lost for words...............

RIGHT ON!!!!!!!!!!

[amiquechu 0]

she asked for a female response cuz she expected simpathy. If this was asked 100 years ago when women expected their man to support them I would completely understand. But this is so a century ago.

Also, if she was complaining about him having money and not helping with the visa process expenses, I'd also understand. Charles paid for everything related to the visa process cuz I simply couldn't afford. But she gets mad and accuses him of being cheap, like he is obligated to support her financially, I don't agree with that kind of behavior and honestly, and if I were him, I'd find an american gold digger, cuz in the end, they'll turn out to be cheaper.

Nessa, you're awesome!

[R de la R 2]

yeah how come you're on a K1 visa process and he's your boyfriend?

As for the money, how did you use to support yourself? Get a grip. He's not obligated to send you money. As for how you're gonna support yourself once you're in the States, well, you guys will be getting married, living together', so while you don't have a job you'll have food, a place to live, you say his job pay well, I'm sure you'll be fine.

Fiance or boyfriend for me is the same, because we are not legally married.

I work here in my country, and here is a custom that man helps women financially speaking.

I hope so that I will be fine.

[R de la R 2]

The visa process is very expensive. Trips, phone calls, and then the actual costs of the visa and all the things the foreign person needs to take to the embassy. Unless he has a money tree in his back yard, I understand completely.

He never call by phone, so he doesn't spend money on that. Yes, the visa process is expensive and here in the foreign country is a lot of money plus I have a son that is included in the papers, it means almost everything has to be paid twice.

[R de la R 2]

she asked for a female response cuz she expected simpathy. If this was asked 100 years ago when women expected their man to support them I would completely understand. But this is so a century ago.

Also, if she was complaining about him having money and not helping with the visa process expenses, I'd also understand. Charles paid for everything related to the visa process cuz I simply couldn't afford. But she gets mad and accuses him of being cheap, like he is obligated to support her financially, I don't agree with that kind of behavior and honestly, and if I were him, I'd find an american gold digger, cuz in the end, they'll turn out to be cheaper.

He is not obligated to full support but I understand that some help will be fine. I am a single mother and in this country the child support doesn't work like in US. I don't receive any support from my father's son.

[R de la R 2]

why do you expect him to give you money?

Here the price of one gallon of gas is US$9 dollars. Maybe it will help you to understand how expensive are other stuff just for living.

If you haven't been in a poor country, you won't be able to understand this.

Thanks for your comments.

[Peikko 1,575]

You need to talk to your boyfriend/fiance and come to some arrangement about finances both for now and in the future when you and your child will be dependant on him that suits you both. If you have trouble doing that or can't come to an agreement that you are both happy with and consistantly stick to it will be a problem no matter if he is or isn't a 'cheap boyfriend'.

It's back to the age old question of expectations - you can't rely on telepathy to communicate them.

[*JG* 2]

The visa process is very expensive. Trips, phone calls, and then the actual costs of the visa and all the things the foreign person needs to take to the embassy. Unless he has a money tree in his back yard, I understand completely.

He never call by phone, so he doesn't spend money on that. Yes, the visa process is expensive and here in the foreign country is a lot of money plus I have a son that is included in the papers, it means almost everything has to be paid twice.

He never calls you? Interesting.

[TBoneTX 45,289]

Fiance or boyfriend for me is the same, because we are not legally married.

I work here in my country, and here is a custom that man helps women financially speaking.

I hope so that I will be fine.

I'm not a Spanish-language expert, but I gather that "novio" would mean either boyfriend or fiance, if that is how you refer to him.

I cannot emphasize enough that you talk seriously with him NOW (NOW!!!) about the lifestyle that you envision, the type of support that you expect (or what you consider traditional) now and in the coming months, and about how he plans to handle necessary and discretionary expenses after you are married (and, hopefully, living in a casa of your own, not his parents' casa).

If you cannot come to a thorough understanding about your current and future situations, you might as well end the relationship NOW, because it is headed for disaster. MONEY and financial matters are one of the chief causes of unhappiness and divorce in the U.S. If you are a typical Latina, you will want "no divorce!" more than anything.

If you have not yet THOROUGHLY discussed your cultural background with your novio ("here is a custom that man helps women financially speaking"), then begin to discuss this now, and reach a mutual understanding. It could be that you are being reasonable from your standpoint, and he is being reasonable from his -- but you must each be AWARE OF, and you must UNDERSTAND, where you are each coming from. The deep communication will be good for your relationship, regardless -- or, you may determine that your viewpoints are so different that it is best to end the relationship now, before any more financial and emotional energy is invested.

Just do not "do nothing"! I speak from personal experience. Afortunada buena, and please act now.

[*JG* 2]

why do you expect him to give you money?

Here the price of one gallon of gas is US$9 dollars. Maybe it will help you to understand how expensive are other stuff just for living.

If you haven't been in a poor country, you won't be able to understand this.

Thanks for your comments.

I completely understand this. My husband is from Jamaica. That being said, you still don't really want to hear my opinions on your comments cause they would not be favorable to you. I am going to subscribe to the "if you have nothing nice to say STFU" theory and bow out now.

Good luck to you however this turns out.

[R de la R 2]

The visa process is very expensive. Trips, phone calls, and then the actual costs of the visa and all the things the foreign person needs to take to the embassy. Unless he has a money tree in his back yard, I understand completely.

He never call by phone, so he doesn't spend money on that. Yes, the visa process is expensive and here in the foreign country is a lot of money plus I have a son that is included in the papers, it means almost everything has to be paid twice.

He never calls you? Interesting.

He said that calling cards are expensive. He just use the messenger.

[chri'stina 190]

YMR

You see you have all different comments here and maybe it will help you communicate more with your fiance on this issue and make you think more about certain issues. If he said he was going to help out and hasn't, I can see how it could put a financial strain on you. Whatever the case, you have to talk to your fiance about this. Asking here is not always a good idea. But some people do have good questions for you.

I'll just let you know something that if this thread goes on and on and you wish you never even asked, you are allowed to ask a moderator to close the thread. (the moderators would be LaL, Mags, and William33).

Edited May 30, 2008 by stina&suj

[tom&tata 2]

Your fiance might have higher salary compared to salary in foreign country but it is expensive to live in US. He might be saving for when you migrated especially you mentioned you have a son also - that is 1 person household soon to be 3 person household.

Are you expecting him to help with the visa related fee or day to day living expenses? Visa fee - okay, day to day living - how did you manage before you got engaged? If he can help, good for him. If he cannot/would not help, you can decide whether he is being stingy or simply cannot afford it or simply he does not think he should support because he does not understand the custom in your country.

Good luck & communicate.