Dealing with home sickness...

[MandE 0]

Ok, so I moved to Kentucky about 6 months ago, and I'm feeling the home sickness. I've been reading through the forums here from other people who were also feeling home sick, and I think it's only added to my melancholy-ness.

I would love to hear from other Canadians who have moved to the States. Please share your stories on how you adjusted to your new home, or how you deal with the home sickness. Please, no venting here. I'm looking for inspiring stories on how my fellow Canadians overcome that horrible feeling.

[trailmix 77]

Ok, so I moved to Kentucky about 6 months ago, and I'm feeling the home sickness. I've been reading through the forums here from other people who were also feeling home sick, and I think it's only added to my melancholy-ness.

I would love to hear from other Canadians who have moved to the States. Please share your stories on how you adjusted to your new home, or how you deal with the home sickness. Please, no venting here. I'm looking for inspiring stories on how my fellow Canadians overcome that horrible feeling.

Sorry to hear you are feeling sad MandE. I don't really feel all that homesick really - however, I think one thing that is really helpful is that we have vonage, so I can call my Sister or my Mom or Son anytime I feel like it. With vonage we also got the 'virtual' number

($ 4.99 a month) so in addition to our regular number we have a 'local' Calgary number, so they can call me anytime they feel like it too.

Another thing I feel is helpful is to have familiar things around. Most of our stuff is still in a relocube, but we brought our bedding and comforter and a quilt - so if you have things like that from 'home', drag them out and use them

[Sprailenes 47]

lots of sex.

Just kidding.

I started doing more Canadian things while down here. I played more hockey, watched more hockey, and made home made gravy for my fries. I'd go see Canadian bands and stuff like that. It really does give you a little bit of home while you are away.

[Krikit 1,164]

I found I settled down a lot after receiving my greencard. It was a terrible feeling knowing I was in limbo.... I did not feel truly accepted and at home in the US until I had that greencard.

The other thing that made me feel like I was at home was being able to familiarize myself with the area I live in. I hated that I could not just walk or drive to the nearest store to pick up the grocery items that I was familiar with. It took many many months to find stores and comparable products. And until I did that I was not happy.

As well, it was very important that I be able to travel back and forth to Canada so that I could be with my family and friends during important calendar dates and/or occasions. It was those trips that made me realize that my home is here in the US. I honestly do love it here.

Please feel free to PM me or post here any time you need to talk. Talking and venting is important to adjusting. Big hugs for you, MandE.

[gemilina 0]

Sorry to hear that you are homesick. It's totally normal. I remember feeling the same way for the first year after moving to the US. The first few months were the hardest. I'd compare Canada to the US on practically everything. I'd say....'back home it's like this...blah blah blah' lol

After a while you start to do less and less of that, especially as you familiarize yourself with your surroundings. I think a year is about what it truly takes to feel comfy. Even my hubby who moved to Canada for five years before we moved to the US took a year to feel like he belonged in Canada.

What I find now is that the first summer here was hard because as I wanted to do gardening, I didn't know where to go. So to make myself feel better I would force myself to drive around and learn where things were. This year I now feel like an old hat at things as I'm going back to such and such garden place for instance, who sell those stunning floral baskets that have all the neighbours bugging me where I bought them. We now have our favourite restaurants and enjoy finding new ones. Create your own memories. That's what really helps. Also, not sure if you can do this, but once we moved my hubby let me decorate like crazy so our house felt like home. That was huge. You have to feel like you belong and that you are surrounded by things you like and did. Also see if you can make a few friends and go out every now and again. I met a gal at my husband's Christmas party and we now go out to see a movie and have a bite to eat every 5 weeks or so. I did that back home with a girlfriend of mine and missed doing that here in Wisconsin, so I found a new friend.

I also got the major newspaper delivered to the house everyday (I'm a stay-at-home mom so I try to stay connected). This helps me to learn about what's going on in my community and surrounding areas. It's nice to also hear about upcoming events or festivals, etc that we as a family could attend. Oh, and if you have kids...not sure if you do, but perhaps a zoo pass to take the kids to would be nice. We've already been 3 times so far and are going again this Friday. It's pretty cheap and nice to do. Kids love it of course. You could also visit your local museam, art gallery, you name it. We do stuff like that by ourselves or with the kids all the time. That way we are constantly doing things so I get out of the house and start learning about where I'm living and what it has to offer.

I hope that gives you a few ideas. Just know that you will start to feel better after about a year, but in the meantime, try a few of these suggestions and also call home as much as you can. I speak/spoke with my mom alot and that helped a ton.

[Carlawarla 1]

I think so many of us have been in the same situation. Some things work for some, some things work for others. For me, what was first and foremost important, was not to deny the feelings. I cried when I was homesick, and shared that with Gene. I recognized that it was a normal process for me to go through this, and Gene did too, which really, really helped. I too did a lot of comparing, usually in the privacy of our own home though so as not to offend too many people. I spent, and still spend, time on here...VJ...where I can read and empathize with others, remember how blessed I am, and laugh.

I got involved in my community by volunteering within a month after our wedding. I took a class at the community college, and took up swimming. I'd been to St. Louis at least five times before I moved here, so I was familiar a little bit on what was available here, and the neighbourhood.

You'll find out how to deal with these feelings of homesickness and maybe something that someone has suggested here will help. I hope so! Just remember that feeling homesick is normal, and please remember that it's okay to cry!! I'm glad you posted this, and hope that things get better for you soon.

Big Hugs!

Edited May 29, 2008 by Carlawarla

[KiminON 0]

everyone goes through it - i am now.

i may be a bit backwards though as this being my 2nd year here is the toughest. i think in the first year there was so much adjustment, paperwork with the AOS then finding a job that it took my mind off of things. this year i'm missing it more. some of it is missing my training partners as i prepare for another Ironman (there are 10 triathletes in my town, me being the only female so I have no one to train with at all). I have Canadian satelitte TV now, so seeing the Timmy's and Swiss Chalet adverts even makes me sad - i'm starting to wonder if that is part of the problem! add to it all the cost of going home for a vist being sky high at the moment so the prospect of one being dim and i'm rather blue about it all.

talking and typing about it helps, loads of emails, phone calls and facebook chats home help some of course. other times a good cry does the trick.

of course, hubby coming home from work always makes me realize it's all good.

thanks for letting me vent! i hope you feel better soon. {hugs}

k

[anxiouslywaiting 0]

I haven't moved yet but I one piece of advice that I received from a woman who has moved all over the country due to her husbands employement I think is really going to help me. She told me that it will take 6 months to get familiar with the area and then another 6 months to feel like home. I think this is going to help me as it puts everything to perspective know that it will take time to adjust. I have also had indepth conversations with my fiance about how I am going to feel when I move there and he understands that some days I will be happy and some days I am going to break down and cry! I think it is absolutely normal to feel homesick and all the advice that has been given so far is amazing! Just keep busy and explore your area.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

I haven't gone through this either and it's something I'm not really looking forward too. I know I'll be okay though.

I just think it's great with have places like VJ we can vent and talk about our feelings.

Hugs to all of you!!!!

[L_n_O 3]

The only way you can deal with home sickness is going home (IMO)

this past trip really helped me with the guilt of leaving my parents behind and starting to see the US as my new home now..

[KarenCee 3]

Joel hasn't been home in two years....we're going home this summer. I'm wondering if it will hit him once we get back, y'know? He's not seemed homesick, or if he has been he's hidden it very well. What's so weird is I miss NS soooo much myself and I'm not the Cdn. It feels more like home to me I guess because I have no family here, other than Joel and our daughter. I'm a strange one, that's for sure. Anywho...I hope the homesickness eases and maybe you can find something to get involved with to help take your mind off things. HUGS!

[Cassie 8]

Don't feel bad about missing home, it's perfectly normal. You have uprooted yourself from completely familiar and moved to completely unfamiliar!

I think we Canadians think that "oh, we know so much about the US because we are neighbors and we get their TV stations and we go there on vacations and its kinda the same as us" and figure it won't be all that different......when in actuality, for the first year (or two or three) all we think about is what is not the same! And it's a pretty big list!

What has helped me has been to keep in touch with my family and local news online on a daily basis, take trips home once or twice a year, and to be open and honest with my hubby about how I am feeling -- he's great about thinking of ideas to help me if I am going through a rough patch. If anything it helps him to be prepared about how he will feel if/when we move back to Canada.

[SpiritAlight 1]

Ah yes, the waves of homesickness come and go..and sometimes it is tsunami sized and other times it is but a ripple.

There is no miracle "cure", except I did like the idea of "lots of sex"...hahaha.

Hey, why not?!

I have travelled a lot over the past decade, and lived in every place I have been.

I'm home where I "hang my hat".

My heart aches for people I have met, befriended, loved, and family, of course.

And then knowing that I can visit, they can visit is good, although it can feel like it is just a band-aid sometimes.

Ha!

Things I do that help in the wild moments:

Skype...hey I even got a cheap webcam and it is far more fun...you can even conference call and it is FREE!

When I want to see where I lived in Vancouver I go to katkam.ca, check out the weather there, etc.

I even use google maps and google earth to take virtual walks in places I've walked.

There are many webcams all over the world to tap into.

I get on-line and listen to radio stations from places I want to connect with.

I find my own type of community to get involved with things I like. I have gotten swept up in the sailing frenzy that is Chicago now. Wow. Fun and challenging. Am I sore...and loving it.

Next up is to use meetup.com and find groups I like...attend meetings/outings/etc....maybe even create something unique myself!

Craigslist is also a wealth of info...thingies going on, events, etc.

I go and walk around places that I find soothing (nature) or interesting (downtown and eclectic communities) and I always take pictures.

Do stuff that make you laugh and enjoy yourself and time goes by super well.

If you find yourself waiting around for someone or for something you are basically going to be in a yucky place.

Exercise, stretching, breathing, walking, cycling...all of it or one of it, help tremendously.

Get into your body when your mind gets chattering.

It truly works.

I fight falling into depression (it's been a life long thing)...how could a highly sensitive person not?!

(There's a quote...hmmm...I will have to dig around for it.)

My heart aches for people that I am not physically close to that I want to be, and then I close my eyes and connect energetically....especially when I need them most.

They do the same.

I love how that works.

Edited May 29, 2008 by SpiritAlight

[MandE 0]

wow, I'm astounded at the number of replies!! I forgot how much fun posting in the Canadian forum can be

Thanks everyone for sharing your tips and thoughts and experiences.

Like most people, I made the assumption upon moving here that things were going to be "just like Canada". And in some respects they are, but in so many deeper aspects, they aren't. I also think my biggest downfall is that I go around my new city, trying to find things/places/events that are the same as what I had in Canada, and when I can't find those things, it really makes me miss home. I've recently been on the search for good hiking trails (in Waterloo, Ontario, I was surrounded by peaceful and secluded hiking trails that I could walk my dogs). I can't find that here. In fact, most hiking trails in Kentucky are labeled as "preseverations" and dogs aren't even permitted!!!

I'm a big outdoor person, and to find that same access to nature here has been tough, and has left me missing home in a big way.

I miss a lot of the food, too, but my husband and I get creative and we try to make a lot at home, like our own poutine.

Of course, I miss the obvious, like healthcare and our liberal culture. People here like to think they are liberal, but they really aren't. And the segregation between cultures makes me sad. I miss the multi-culturalism of Canada.

But being with my husband is certainly heavenly. I only have to remember what life was like a few months ago, stressing about getting a K-1 visa approved, and I feel blessed that we are finally together.

I used to take comfort in knowing that a visit back to Canada (and my mom's), was only a 9 hr drive away. But with the rising costs of gas, that road trip is no longer economical, therefore the trips will be fewer and farther between.

If there are any Canadians in Kentucky (or Cincinnati), give me shout. I would love to hook up

[Meridien 0]

I've been here about 3 weeks so far, and I'm totally starting to feel homesick. So, I appreciate the inspirational words of advice as well. It's not so much the place I miss, as it is the people. I had so many lifelong friends back in Calgary that I feel can never be replaced. But I just remind myself during my sadder moments that those people will always be friends, even if I'm far away. And I know that there are great people everywhere, it will just take time to meet them.

I'm counting on it taking about a year to really feel at home here. For the long-time Canadians in the US, does that sound about right to you?