How to do an Oil Change on your car

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

Oil Change:$20.00

Coffee: $1.00

Total:$21.00

Oil Change instructions for men :

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.

2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

19) Remember drain plug from step 11.

20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21) Drink beer.

22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eye s with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.

25) Begin cussing fit.

26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.

28) Beer.

29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

30) Beer.

31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

32) Beer.

33) Lower car from jack stands..

34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

35 ) Beer.

36) Test drive car.

37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

38) Car gets impounded.

39) Call loving wife, make bail.

40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts:$50.00

DUI:$2500.00

Impound fee:$75.00

Ba i l:$1500.00

Beer:$20..00

Total: $4,145.00

But you know the job was done right!

[natty bumppo 297]

everyone knows beer and oil don't mix ... spoils the beer ...

must be a Canadian thing

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

haha nice.

avoid oil changes at WalMart though. trust me on this.

[Pinocchio Liberal 268]

When you buy your car, get the oil changes for life!

[RICHIE07 0]

my husband always changes the oil of our vehicles every year, by doing it himself, it seems like he can't trust other people to do it hahahha B) .

Edited May 27, 2008 by RICHIE07

[yogib37 3]

haha nice.

avoid oil changes at WalMart though. trust me on this.

I dont really trust the jippy lubes or any of them quick oil changes. I hear a lot of bad storys and then they loose a engine due to lack of oil.

I brought my car to the quick change place once and he did not know where the oil filter was, he loosen up the transmission filter and did not tighten it down, and it was leaking, cost me $50 to have it fix and cleaned up.

Retards

[yogib37 3]

my husband always changes the oil of our vehicles every year, by doing it himself, it seems like he can't trust other people to do it hahahha B) .

well he has a vaild point but it is easier to go to the oil change place, cause you just cant pour the oil down the sewer drain. If he knows where to take the old oil.. shoot he is all right.. but it is a hassle for me

[pedroh 21]

just go to the jiffy lube

[Amby 490]

I'm with Marc, get the oil changes for life when you get your car

[Saddle Bronc 124]

Since there are very few cars manufactured today which have points-condensor ignition system (maintainable at home)***...

I think I'll go to Jiffy Lube (or "Mr. Tyre") for the oil change, thank you.

***Last model available legally in North America, AFAIK, was 1987 Hyundai Pony.

Edited May 27, 2008 by CherryXS

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

my husband always changes the oil of our vehicles every year, by doing it himself, it seems like he can't trust other people to do it hahahha B) .

well he has a vaild point but it is easier to go to the oil change place, cause you just cant pour the oil down the sewer drain. If he knows where to take the old oil.. shoot he is all right.. but it is a hassle for me

I change my own oil and in most states you take back the old oil to a auto parts store.

google is your friend

http://www.recycleoil.org/

[yogib37 3]

my husband always changes the oil of our vehicles every year, by doing it himself, it seems like he can't trust other people to do it hahahha B) .

well he has a vaild point but it is easier to go to the oil change place, cause you just cant pour the oil down the sewer drain. If he knows where to take the old oil.. shoot he is all right.. but it is a hassle for me

I change my own oil and in most states you take back the old oil to a auto parts store.

google is your friend

http://www.recycleoil.org/

Google may be my friend, but doing car maintenance in the apartment parking lot is not my friend

and it is a hassle to do it yourself. At least for me.

if you do it yourself, that is great.. :thumbs:

everyone is differnt

Yogi