I am not sure that he loves me...

[morocco4ever 63]

I always feel like you can't blame someone for not understanding how you are feeling if you dont' tell them. Once, you tell them.....if they ignore those feelings, they are on their own.

I don't quite agree with this. She stated she has tried to tell him before, but he just yells at her and tells her that she should be grateful that he brought her here. He also humilates her in front of his friends. This is so disrespectful, not just a communication problem.

I really hope he is going to change.

I hope so too and I think you are right, this is not just a communication problem. Now I thin that he was afraid of something more then just to be a married. Not shore what is it.

I am ready to give hem more chanses and we will see how ewerthing is gona work in the future days. Ewerytime when he make joke about me in front of his friends they also told hem that he shouldn't do that but he think that was just funy and not humilating. One of hes friends have a wife and she is wery nice to me but also wery busy and I don't know her that much to ask her for help. We talk on the phone sometimes and she told me that I can call her any time I need someone and she will be here for me. I think that is a god start for som friendship. We will see.

Thank you morocco4ever for your understanding!

I am glad to see that you are letting him know how you feel. I am also glad you are going to give him another chance. This way that even if it doesn't work out you know that you did the best you could. Just a thought, the next time he says something disrespectul about you in front of his friends why don't you try kindly saying "that was an unkind thing to say about your wife, I hope you don't really feel that way". I would be curious to see his reaction.

I agree that getting yourself as self sufficient as possible is essential. Go to ESL classes, get a drivers license. You should be in a marriage because you love that person, not because you are afraid to be on your own.

[james w 0]

Really sorry to hear about your troubles. It sounds like your husband is really selfish and controlling. Since you still love him you might want to consider getting into counselling to find out why he is really like that. If he will not do that then I don't know, divorce is never good but sometimes it is the only way to get out of a bad relationship so you can start over. I hope everything works out for you.

Hello,

I came here on a fiance visa and now we are maried for two months.

I am in a wery bad position and I don't know what should I do?

Before I came here I was shore that he loves me and we bouth was wery hapy.

When I arived here in US ewerthing was still perfect until the night before our weding when he sudanly out of nowhere become nervous and start yelin at me. I was in shock becouse there is no reason for that. He told me that I don't understand hem, that I spending to much money and more horible staf. He hurt me becouse it is not truth. I didn't spend enything to much. I only buy a couple personal things and a weding dres for 60$. And even that I paid with my owne money. I newer ask anything from hem. It was a horible night, I was criyin whole night and he ruin my weding day. After that he apologize a lot and told me that it was newer gona happen again. Ewerthing was fine for couple of weeks then started again.

He tellin me the same thing that I am a spender even if I still didn't buy anything for me. He making jokes about me in front of hes friends to humiliated me. He tellin me that he wont something for dinner and when I prepaired that for hem then he want something elce to eat. I am a good cook and I am doin my best all the time, but he is not satisfaed.

We makein love a once in a two weeks and ewen that is not the same anymore. He became a wery selfish lover. We never going out, only for buyin a food but I must be quiet and let hem to do all the staf. He doesn't let my to be a wife, sometimes I feel like a slave.

I tolk to hem a couple of times, but ewery time he just yelin at me and telin me that I must be gratefouel to hem becouse he broth me here in US .

We stil didn't aply for AOS but I will in the next couple of days.

I have nobady to talk about my problems. My family back home thinks that I am hapy and they miss me a lot, and I miss them.

I belive in mariage and I don't wont to and up divorce but I can't stand this anymore and I have no more tears.

My english is not god, I can't drive, I don't have a work permit, I don't have a friends here and I still love my husband.

I am not the same preson like I was before, I feel like garbiege and I can't smile anymore. I have no joy for life and I am scared what is next.

Please help me with some advice.

You are my only hope.

Thank you

[Nanusia & Lukaszek 0]

Nikol,

I'm sorry that you were in such a bad situation, its horrible to be in a new marriage, new country and to be going through all that. I'm happy to hear that your husband is turning around and improving.

You asked about the ESL classes. When my husband got here, he went to a community college, and they offer level 1-4 totally free. Most do, you just have to ask about them. Community colleges have 2 ESL divisions, the paid ones, and the state-funded free ones. This is a great opportunity to meet people, socialize, get out of the house, and of course practice English. I'm not sure where you live, but most bigger cities will have free programs at state or city centers (in Chicago for example they have free ESL at lots of high schools in the PM & weekends), just do some googling.

Quick edit: I forgot to add, that community colleges also have counselors/psychologists. So if you need someone to talk to about your relationship, or if you feel abused, they are there to help also.

Good luck to you!

Edited May 29, 2008 by Nanusia & Lukaszek

[nikol 0]

Nikol,

I'm sorry that you were in such a bad situation, its horrible to be in a new marriage, new country and to be going through all that. I'm happy to hear that your husband is turning around and improving.

You asked about the ESL classes. When my husband got here, he went to a community college, and they offer level 1-4 totally free. Most do, you just have to ask about them. Community colleges have 2 ESL divisions, the paid ones, and the state-funded free ones. This is a great opportunity to meet people, socialize, get out of the house, and of course practice English. I'm not sure where you live, but most bigger cities will have free programs at state or city centers (in Chicago for example they have free ESL at lots of high schools in the PM & weekends), just do some googling.

Quick edit: I forgot to add, that community colleges also have counselors/psychologists. So if you need someone to talk to about your relationship, or if you feel abused, they are there to help also.

Good luck to you!

Thank you wery much for your response. I am in a small town 25 miles from San Francisco. I allready search on the internet for the ESL classes and I find something like adult center and also one college but not in the summer. They got spring classes but it is too late for that, so I believe I will have to wait for the fall. I practise ewery day on the internet and I will contiue with that for now. I think I learnin fast becouse when I was just arievd it was OK for me to speake some english but I couldn't whrite anething... so .

My husband and I doing god for now and I can see he is trayn to doo things right and I still hope for the best!

Thanks again!

[ak3 0]

You deserve better than this....don't let the situation get worse....no one should be treated as less than human