I am not sure that he loves me...

[BarbSami 32]

Go home. . you deserve better.

Bless You Nikol,

Im so sorry this is happening to u and you are not near your family. Sorry I cant give any advice but I can remember you in my prayers. You will remain in my thoughts.

Barb

[I luv my chappara 0]

hi nikol, im sorry to what happened to ur marriage.

he is a jerk... don't let him treat u like that... it is extremely wrong.

2 months is too short.. and then he already showed his true color.. but also have good thing coz u know now as early as that.. and don't have kids yet..

It's really up to u, to stay and continue the AOS or go home..? find where is ur happiness, but for me.. if u will ask me, I will not stay! even i love him, coz i don't wanna be a slave.. I want to be happy and if he can't give it to me, then there's no reason that I will stay with him.

I know it's hard for u coz u love him, but please look for ur own sake and for ur future,,,

I know u are very lonely and sad now, i want to extend my arms to hug you. If you need someone to talk, we are always here in VJ for you and if u want personal mssg, just pm one of us or me,, I am also available always to talk to u.

[Stillness 0]

That's an awful situation to be in... I know all to well what it's like to be in a different country with no friends or family anywhere nearby, unable to work or drive, and having no one to turn to. Lucky for me the person I married loves, respects and supports me, which made the isolation entirely more bearable.

I understand wanting to stay and try to work things out...at the same time, if he has started mistreating you so early in the relationship, this is a very bad sign. You are the only one who can decide what is best for you, but I strongly believe that no one should ever tolerate abuse. If he is unable to talk to you openly and honestly as a partner and husband should, then perhaps he is not mentally or emotionally prepared for marriage.

[nikol 0]

I must say thanks again for all yours prayers and supports.

Sombody ask me here am I from country where womans usually treated like this, no I am not. I am from European country where womans have all rights like here in America. I apologize becouse I use this acount to stay more anonymus. I hope you will understand.

I got some news! Yestarday I told my husband that I need tolk to hem and ask hem to not yellin and to let me finishing everthing I must say.

He says OK and I told hem that I can live with hem anymore like this and that I am ready to go home becouse I deserve more then this. And then he ask me why!!! I couldn't believe that he askin me that. Then I told hem ewerthin. I didn't stop for about 15 minutes and when I finished I was scared what he would do or say. He told me that he didn't got no idea that he was that kind of jerk. That he knows that he was neorvus and in the bad mood but he didn't know that I was so hurt and unhappy. I don't believe hem that but after that he told that he will change and from now he will be much better husband to me. He alco told me that he will die if I leve hem and that he loves me wery much. He says that he was a little afraid to be maried becouse of all a responsibilty but now he is more afraid that I will leve hem. He says a lot more things to me and I was a little releife. I am still not shore that everthing is gona be fine but this two days he is nice to me and I will see how is gona work later.

Important is that I am much better now and I am gratefoul to you guys for that becouse you encorage me to do that. I have much more hope that soon I will find some friends and start a normal life.

Thank you and god bless you all!

P.S. Sory for bad whritning, I am still learning and this is good for me to practise.

[SaadBell 0]

Oh sweetie I am so happy that you both talked, remember there are lows and highs in marriage. Try to find a place where you can meet other people so you won't be so alone. Keep us informed, and you are in my thoughts.

[maya62 7]

I must say thanks again for all yours prayers and supports.

Sombody ask me here am I from country where womans usually treated like this, no I am not. I am from European country where womans have all rights like here in America. I apologize becouse I use this acount to stay more anonymus. I hope you will understand.

I got some news! Yestarday I told my husband that I need tolk to hem and ask hem to not yellin and to let me finishing everthing I must say.

He says OK and I told hem that I can live with hem anymore like this and that I am ready to go home becouse I deserve more then this. And then he ask me why!!! I couldn't believe that he askin me that. Then I told hem ewerthin. I didn't stop for about 15 minutes and when I finished I was scared what he would do or say. He told me that he didn't got no idea that he was that kind of jerk. That he knows that he was neorvus and in the bad mood but he didn't know that I was so hurt and unhappy. I don't believe hem that but after that he told that he will change and from now he will be much better husband to me. He alco told me that he will die if I leve hem and that he loves me wery much. He says that he was a little afraid to be maried becouse of all a responsibilty but now he is more afraid that I will leve hem. He says a lot more things to me and I was a little releife. I am still not shore that everthing is gona be fine but this two days he is nice to me and I will see how is gona work later.

Important is that I am much better now and I am gratefoul to you guys for that becouse you encorage me to do that. I have much more hope that soon I will find some friends and start a normal life.

Thank you and god bless you all!

P.S. Sory for bad whritning, I am still learning and this is good for me to practise.

Nikol,

I am sorry to hear of your difficulties, and I'm glad you and your husband were able to discuss what has been going on. The fact that you asserted yourself and approached him about this is a good sign. The fact that he would listen and accept responsibility for his actions is also a good sign. I would caution you, however, that this may not be the end of it. Telling someone you will die if they leave is a red flag to me; it is emotional blackmail.

I hope you will make efforts to develop a social support network for yourself... friends, interests outside the marriage, a class or perhaps a religious affiliation if that is a part of your life. All marriages have rough patches... some rougher than others... but having a friend to turn to during that time can be SO comforting. And it will help you ease into your new life here in the US.

My husband has had great luck with ESL classes (you can probably get more information from your local public library and/or school system). It is a nice way to meet people who are also adjusting to life in this country, and improve your English at the same time. Your English is very good, by the way.

Best wishes,

Maya

[Ngoc-Anh 1]

Nikol,

I am so sorry to hear about your situation but I think ONLY YOU know what to do next.

Hope the best for your future and do not let him treat you like that. Nobody deserves to be treated like this especially

he has no idea what it means to leave your family back to come to a foreign country to be with him!

Stay strong!

[Leafgal 3]

Nikol I wish you the best, and I hope after your talk that things will get better.

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

This really is sad. Sorry I don't know what advice to give you, but I would assume he loves you because he petitioned you and brought you here. Its just that his type of love is really sick.

When I read these stories I can't help but wonder some things. Do these American men fail with relationships with american women because we have some form of power against abuse in the US, so they think they can go to another country in hopes that these women are taught to deal with this type of abuse? I don't care what country any one is from, this is wrong wrong wrong!

Now who is stereotyping?

American women don't have a monopoly on being treated like #######, many American women treat men like ####### because they are taught they can do whatever they want and get away with it.

Some of us American men go elsewhere to find a wife that will treat them with unconditional love and respect.

I agree this guy should learn how to treat his wife but what most people lack are communication skills in a relationship. This guy is obviously immature and doesn't know how to communicate his feelings to his wife. Hopefully, if he loves his wife enough he will realize what he needs to learn to be a good husband and hopefully she doesn't become to Americanized that she reverses the situation.

Marriage is hard work sometimes and if they both realize how important it is they will do whatever they have to to make eachother happy.

[morocco4ever 63]

This really is sad. Sorry I don't know what advice to give you, but I would assume he loves you because he petitioned you and brought you here. Its just that his type of love is really sick.

When I read these stories I can't help but wonder some things. Do these American men fail with relationships with american women because we have some form of power against abuse in the US, so they think they can go to another country in hopes that these women are taught to deal with this type of abuse? I don't care what country any one is from, this is wrong wrong wrong!

Now who is stereotyping?

American women don't have a monopoly on being treated like #######, many American women treat men like ####### because they are taught they can do whatever they want and get away with it.

Some of us American men go elsewhere to find a wife that will treat them with unconditional love and respect.

I agree this guy should learn how to treat his wife but what most people lack are communication skills in a relationship. This guy is obviously immature and doesn't know how to communicate his feelings to his wife. Hopefully, if he loves his wife enough he will realize what he needs to learn to be a good husband and hopefully she doesn't become to Americanized that she reverses the situation.

Marriage is hard work sometimes and if they both realize how important it is they will do whatever they have to to make eachother happy.

Excuse me? Did any place in my post suggest that ALL American men do this? The question was plain and simple. Do these men (abusive types, in case you have trouble following a thought) fail with.....

Are you going to continue this blatant disrespect of American women in all strings?

This is way more than a lack of communication skills. This is a person that is VERBALLY ABUSIVE. And what are you suggesting, that this women is only complaining because she is becoming Americanized? Get a grip, this is ABUSE! She has a right to complain whether she is American or any other culture.

GAWD!

[*JG* 2]

Communication is key in any relationship. I always feel like you can't blame someone for not understanding how you are feeling if you dont' tell them. Once, you tell them.....if they ignore those feelings, they are on their own.

Keep open those lines of communication. Sounds like hubby is trying. I wish you the best.

[morocco4ever 63]

I always feel like you can't blame someone for not understanding how you are feeling if you dont' tell them. Once, you tell them.....if they ignore those feelings, they are on their own.

I don't quite agree with this. She stated she has tried to tell him before, but he just yells at her and tells her that she should be grateful that he brought her here. He also humilates her in front of his friends. This is so disrespectful, not just a communication problem.

I really hope he is going to change.

[nikol 0]

I am sorry to hear of your difficulties, and I'm glad you and your husband were able to discuss what has been going on. The fact that you asserted yourself and approached him about this is a good sign. The fact that he would listen and accept responsibility for his actions is also a good sign. I would caution you, however, that this may not be the end of it. Telling someone you will die if they leave is a red flag to me; it is emotional blackmail.

I hope you will make efforts to develop a social support network for yourself... friends, interests outside the marriage, a class or perhaps a religious affiliation if that is a part of your life. All marriages have rough patches... some rougher than others... but having a friend to turn to during that time can be SO comforting. And it will help you ease into your new life here in the US.

My husband has had great luck with ESL classes (you can probably get more information from your local public library and/or school system). It is a nice way to meet people who are also adjusting to life in this country, and improve your English at the same time. Your English is very good, by the way.

Best wishes,

Maya

Yes, I didn't like it too when he told me that he wiil die and I told hem that, but he says it was more like an a expression.

Can you plese tell me how can I gat som ESL classes online. I can go to schoool becouse I can't drive or at liest untill I find a way to go. Maybe my husband agreed to drive me to school.

Thank you for your wishes Maya!

Nikol

[nikol 0]

Communication is key in any relationship. I always feel like you can't blame someone for not understanding how you are feeling if you dont' tell them. Once, you tell them.....if they ignore those feelings, they are on their own.

Keep open those lines of communication. Sounds like hubby is trying. I wish you the best.

I must say that he is trying, last night he was makin dinner for me and he told me that he can be a god husband and he just need some time.

Than you Jomo's girl and buy the whay your wedding picture is beautifol!

[nikol 0]

I always feel like you can't blame someone for not understanding how you are feeling if you dont' tell them. Once, you tell them.....if they ignore those feelings, they are on their own.

I don't quite agree with this. She stated she has tried to tell him before, but he just yells at her and tells her that she should be grateful that he brought her here. He also humilates her in front of his friends. This is so disrespectful, not just a communication problem.

I really hope he is going to change.

I hope so too and I think you are right, this is not just a communication problem. Now I thin that he was afraid of something more then just to be a married. Not shore what is it.

I am ready to give hem more chanses and we will see how ewerthing is gona work in the future days. Ewerytime when he make joke about me in front of his friends they also told hem that he shouldn't do that but he think that was just funy and not humilating. One of hes friends have a wife and she is wery nice to me but also wery busy and I don't know her that much to ask her for help. We talk on the phone sometimes and she told me that I can call her any time I need someone and she will be here for me. I think that is a god start for som friendship. We will see.

Thank you morocco4ever for your understanding!